Lyra's POV
I didn't remember leaving Kael's office. Everything after seeing Kael and Tara together was a scattered, puzzled blur I just couldn't fit together, no matter how hard I tried.
The only thing I remembered was sitting in the backseat of a taxi, my fingers clenched tightly around the pregnancy test stick while the city rushed past the window in streaks of gray and gold.
The driver kept glancing at me through the rearview mirror, brows furrowed, eyes hooded in concern.
Maybe it was because tears kept sliding silently down my cheeks, no matter how hard I tried to push them back. Or maybe it was because I hadn't spoken a single word since I got in. I didn't even remember telling him the address of the Palace.
Though judging with the fact that he wasn't inquiring about that, I might have mumbled it to him.
I rested my head against the cool glass of the window, forcing myself to keep my eyes open. Every time I blinked, the same image replayed in my mind in a loop until I forced my eyes open again. Kael's hands on Tara's waist while she sat on his office desk, kissing him hard on the lips.
I squeezed my eyes shut to will away everything, but it didn't help. It only made the memory clearer.
I should have known. Nothing was going to change. I was never going to replace Tara in his life, nor would I become anything more than the girl he'd raised. I was always going to be fighting for a love that refuses to even look at me.
The taxi finally rolled through the palace gates, and the driver slowed. He turned toward me carefully. "Miss… we're here," he said. His voice sounded distant, like it was coming from miles away.
I blinked slowly and wiped my eyes clean with my sleeves before reaching for my purse. My hands trembled as I paid him.
The afternoon air was cold against my skin, yet unable to melt the heat burning in my chest.
I stood before the gates, the palace tall, massive, and silent before me. It had been home for fifteen years now, after my father died and left me in Kael's care. But, suddenly, it didn't feel like home anymore. It felt… empty, like a cell.
Kael had been great as an uncle, tugging me about with him, showering me with so much love and affection until it blossomed into a one-sided love on my part. Then he'd pulled away when I got to call him my mate, and by the time I could call him my husband, he was the shadow of the man I once knew.
I had always wished he would look at me differently, but turns out he never will.
It took every effort, but I forced my feet to walk quietly into the palace, ignoring the curious looks from the guards and servants.
I didn't want anyone to see my face. Didn't want anyone asking questions. Didn't want anyone to know how badly I was hurting.
By the time I reached my room, my legs were like jelly. I shut the door behind me, and I collapsed onto the bed.
I clutched the pregnancy test stick in my hand. I had hoped and waited years for this, yet it didn't feel like the answers to my problems at the moment. It felt like another burden.
Now, I didn't just have to deal with not being loved. I had to deal with the possibility that my child might not be loved, too.
I had no idea when I slept, but when I woke up, the room was dark.
For a brief moment, I hoped everything had been a nightmare. That I hadn't actually seen what Kael and Tara looked like together, but I saw the pregnancy test lying on the pillow beside me, and everything crashed down on me once again.
I had expected the door to have been barreled down by Kael now just to get to me. Even if not in the position of a husband, but in the position of a guardian. He always hated to see me hurt or in pain. No matter how distant he was, I could always count on some comfort. But now, it was just the door staring back at me, undisturbed.
Didn't Kael know I had run out of his office crying? Didn't he know I was hurt by what happened? Yet… He hadn't come home.
I reached for my phone on the bed, but all I touched was the wall of cushions. I threw up the pillows, shifting uneasily, to check myself on the bed. And still I couldn't find my phone. I was about to jump out of bed in search of it when realization slammed into me like a wall.
I bit down on my lip in reproach. I must have forgotten it in the taxi. Damn it. How could I have done that?
With no other way to contact him and too weak to go out, I dragged the pillows closer to my chest and lay down, and I waited. He would come back, and he would explain everything to me. Things might not be as great as I wanted, but at least I wouldn't be such a mess like this.
Slowly, I submitted myself to sleep once again. It was my only succor. The next morning came, every sound from the hallway making my heart jump. Every time footsteps approached, I sat up, expecting the door to open. But it never did. Until late in the evening, when a knock sounded harshly on the door.
I jerked up fast from the bed, shoving the pillows aside. I was about to jump down to open the door when the knock came again. I recognized it this time, and I fell back to the comfort of the pillows.
"What do you want, Alice?" I yelled, though I sounded hollow and low.
There was a pause, then she spoke. "I came to check up on you, Luna Queen. You haven't eaten since yesterday."
"I am not hungry,"
"But—"
"I am not hungry," I repeated, making my voice louder, so she knew I meant business.
There was a long pause, then I heard her sigh, "Alpha King Kael asked me to tell you to eat, he also said I should tell you—"
I started at that. "Is he back?"
Silence. "No—"
I fell into bed again. "Then tell him I want to hear whatever he has to say to me, himself. I want no messenger."
"But, Luna Queen—"
"Please go," I snapped now.
I heard a squeal as she tried to argue. I calmed when what came next was her receding footsteps from the door.
After she left, I adjusted myself on the bed to stare at the door, and I kept waiting. Waiting for him to explain why Tara was back and what he was doing kissing her. But night came again, and I drifted to sleep again. When I woke up, it was to the morning sun spilling into the room through the open windows and not Kael. He still hadn't returned.
I tried to keep up hope, waiting for him, but when evening began to crawl into place, and the room darkened around me, I began to wonder if he was ever going to come. What if he wasn't coming because he didn't care? What if Tara were still with him? In his arms, both of them kissing passionately and having…
My insides twisted so tight at the thought, I nearly gasped in pain. I squeezed my eyes shut as terrible images flooded my mind.
Tears slid down my temples onto the pillow. What if he was doing things he refused to do with me with Tara? There was no reason for him not to come back to me, unless she was stopping him.
I pressed my hands over my ears like it would stop the thoughts. But it didn't. The truth had already begun to settle in my heart. That I never really mattered to him. That he had never truly loved me. At least, not the way I loved him.
To him, I was still just the little girl he had raised. His best friend's daughter. Someone he had married out of duty. Tara was the woman he loved.
So why should I foolishly continue to wait and pine for him when I had already spent more than years dreaming, believing that if I loved him enough… he would eventually love me back, and yet he never did. Why?
My hand slowly drifted down to my stomach again. "I'm sorry," I whispered to the child growing inside me. "I am sorry for having to make you live my mess. I am sorry." I apologized. But I wouldn't raise my child in a house where his father loved another woman, in a house where his mother has to beg for love.
Tears rolled silently down my cheeks, and I wiped them off with my sleeves. I was done crying. Now, what I needed was action.
If one thing was clear to me now, it was the realization that Kael was never coming.
The truth was bitter, but I had no choice but to accept it.
Slowly, I stood up from the bed. My legs were weak, my insides hollow, but my resolve kept me on my feet. I was leaving. I walked into my closet, and the first thing I saw was the small framed wedding picture of Kael and me that I had always kept close.
He stared proudly into the camera, his hand looped around my shoulder, and I glued myself to him, believing that was the happiest day of my life. Turns out it wasn't. Now, looking at it again, I realized that his smile was off, his eyes hooded with boredom. I pushed it aside before it corrupted what was left of the happy memories with him that I still wanted to hold onto. I pulled out a small suitcase.
The zipper was loud in the quiet room. I didn't pack much. Just a few clothes, enough that Alice or the guards wouldn't suspect what I was about to do. And then some money, enough to keep me on my feet until I found my way. And finally, the pregnancy test.
Once everything was ready, I paused in the middle of the room and looked around, committing every detail to heart because I was going to miss everything as I would miss him. Then I sighed hard, emptying my lungs in the room one last time, and I pulled the door and walked out.
The guards bowed their heads to me as I strolled down the corridor to the garage. The safest and only way to leave the palace was through the Palace gates. After that, I could ditch the car and disappear, and pray he never finds me.