[Mission Accomplished: Your Angron managed to handle Hulk with nothing but his mouth.]
[Technical Reward Obtained: Aeldari God-Forging Arts.]
[You have obtained one opportunity to "Twist" Gork and Mork.]
[Hint: Orks are an extremely warlike race; your modifications will inevitably be twisted by them into a more warlike "Truth."]
On the board—the Orks, who had been itching for a fight, stood down at their Boss's command.
After nearly a hundred rounds of combat, neither side had yielded. The energy in Angron's power axe had depleted, forcing him to clash raw metal against flesh until the blade chipped and dulled. Hulk, on the other hand, hadn't triggered his "Rage" attribute due to the nature of the fight, leaving him covered in shallow wounds.
There was no helping it; fighting the current Angron was simply... frustratingly calming.
Hulk was technically a human, but in his mind, he was a Greenskin.
[Hulk: You say there are many stronger than you, and that you've been killed many times?]
[So, you aren't the strongest human among these humans!]
[Fine. I've lost interest in you. If you can lead me to stronger enemies to fight, then we can form an alliance!]
[Angron: Oh, that's no problem at all!]
[When I was a Daemon Primarch, I used to get farmed like a common mob every eight weeks!]
[Compared to some of my brothers, I really don't measure up—especially Sanguinius. His sons are incredibly tough!]
The World Eaters looked at Angron with a mix of shock and sighs. Their "Primarch Mother" was praising others and deflating their own prestige. While they hated admitting they could lose to the scions of Sanguinius—deep down, they knew they hadn't exactly been winning lately. A flicker of jealousy passed through the ranks, though everyone kept their mouths shut.
[Hulk: Interesting!]
[Your sons are such good fighters, yet there are those stronger than you!]
[Sigh, it's lamentable. My Greenskin Boyz are too pathetic. No strength, no brains!]
[In the end, I have to carry the whole team. They're useless!]
[Aside from that Old Bone (Ghazghkull Thraka) whose head works okay, the rest are just trash wasting their teeth—I've half a mind to pull them all out!]
"Oh!" Angron sensed an opportunity, but with his current brain, he wasn't quite sure how to close the deal.
Seeing Angron freeze, Caleb immediately prompted him from the sidelines.
[Caleb: Quick, ally with him! Bluff him! As long as there's a fight involved, Orks are easy to talk to!]
[Tell him you can control a human world as a recruitment ground and let them fight the Orks!]
[As a Primarch, your cells can rapidly produce new recruits and mass-produce gene-seed. This gives those mortals a chance to fight back—turn them into Super Soldiers and let them liberate themselves through battle with the Orks!]
Angron was stunned. He hadn't expected the voice in his head to suggest such a thing. Currently, Angron had no way to "save" most Imperial worlds. He wasn't a builder or a governor; giving the miserable masses a chance to fight back was the best he could offer.
Angron spoke up, his voice powerful yet urgent.
"Since you're thinking of an alliance, why don't we pick a good spot to serve as a training world?"
"You have your people drop a massive amount of spores to grow and breed veteran Boyz. I'll have my people pick the best of the humans on that world to become Astartes!"
"That way, you recruit your Greenskin Boyz, and I recruit my Liberator Warriors!"
"Your Boyz will get to scrap with 'Tin Cans' instead of these weaklings you have now!"
Hearing this, some disgruntled Orks wanted to WAAAAAGH right then and there. However, the first few "Boyz" who spoke up were promptly smashed back into the dirt by Hulk.
Hulk despised subordinates who disobeyed orders; if you broke his rules, you got two fists to the face.
At that moment, Ghazghkull (self-proclaimed as cunning and brutal) stepped forward, scratching his back. He thought the idea sounded decent!
"Boss, I fink this works!"
"The new Ladz are too weedy lately. Some are even shorter than Humies!"
"I fink they need to scrap wiv Tin Cans to get better. Fighting those stinky Humies wiv flashlights all day won't make 'em strong!"
"Since Boss wants to be the Strongest Human and the Prophet of Gork and Mork, ya gotta lead a bunch of humans to a Great WAAAAAAGH!"
"I reckon it's doable. Just dunno if the smelly Boyz downstairs know the rules!"
For a moment, all the Greenskins, including Hulk, fell into deep thought. The miraculous Angron had actually used his newfound empathy to bluff the entire opposing side into a state of confusion.
"Huh?" Caleb looked at Angron, feeling like he didn't even need to provide "cheats" anymore. Without the Butcher's Nails, Angron was actually... quite reasonable.
However, Caleb noticed the restlessness among the rank-and-file Orks. They weren't happy with this weird alliance. They came for a massive war and only got one short skirmish. Even if they were promised "Tin Cans" later, Orks wanted to scrap now.
"Fine, fine, fine!" Caleb nodded, then stealthily pulled out a printed copy of the Analects of Confucius from a corner of his interface.
Now, not only did he have to "convince people with virtue," he had to teach the Orks the meaning of "Benevolence and Righteousness." Or at least some basic manners.
[Does the player wish to use the modification opportunity?]
[Injecting this information into the Warp essence of Gork and Mork will permanently alter certain Warp attributes!]
[Note: This change will NOT stop the Orks from being warlike. Even if you explain great philosophies to them, they will twist them into various reasons to fight.]
"Perfect!"
Caleb knew that the "original" state of Orks involved "Brain Boyz" and that they were essentially fungal organisms. Their combat was a form of reproduction. He couldn't make them "peaceful," but he could make them principled.
[Modification Successful: You have stuffed a copy of the Analects into that 'book'!]
[The stronger an Ork's WAAAAAGH energy, the more they will treat that text as Truth!]
[But they will interpret the information in their own way.]
"Whatever!" Caleb didn't care. A small change was better than nothing. He looked forward to seeing Orks holding massive copies of the Analects, shouting, "Is it not a pleasure to have friends coming from afar?" before punching someone's teeth out, claiming it was "Ork Etiquette."
Anyone fighting these Orks in the future would likely end up mentally broken. They'd be listening to high-minded philosophy that had been twisted into something utterly nonsensical.
"SHUT IT!"
With Hulk's angry roar, WAAAAAGH energy gathered around him again! The massive energy formed a thin, shimmering phantom behind him. It was a gargantuan Ork holding something that looked like a giant bamboo scroll, slamming it down toward Hulk!
Thud! Thud! Thud!
The giant scroll hit Hulk, and Hulk struck back with his fist!
"To propagate the Way, to impart knowledge, and to resolve doubts!"
"Seems knocking the head more gets ya the Truth! I feel one step closer to Gork and Mork!"
"Mmm—I, Hulk, am not some unmannerly git!"
"Since we've met and fought!"
"Then sign this alliance for me!"
"Huh?" Angron was speechless. Do Orks even have a "sanctity of contract"?
However, when Hulk used his power claw to scratch crooked High Gothic letters onto the wall, they realized the situation had changed. This guy had actually learned something!
[Angron: Holy crap, I'm doomed! Why am I illiterate?! Why did I forget this?!]
[That looks like High Gothic from Terra, but I don't recognize half the words! What do I do?!]
At this moment, several Tech-Marines from the rear—those who still possessed some culture—stepped forward. Fortunately, they had never been fitted with the Butcher's Nails; otherwise, they would have been brain-dead long ago.
"Lord Primarch, allow us to explain it for you!"
"It's okay if you can't read it now. With your talent, you'll learn in a few days!"
"Aaaaagh!"
Angron rolled around on the floor in embarrassment. He'd been caught being illiterate by his own children! But then again, he'd forgotten so much since the Nails were pulled out. For knowledge and culture, you usually had to ask Tzeentch. Angron, having worked for Khorne, had almost entirely emptied his "intellectual reservoir"—that was the price of Chaos.
"Alright! Sign the document with your fist!"
"Only those who can punch an imprint into plasteel can sign! Otherwise, you ain't a 'Gentleman,' and you ain't worthy!"
Hulk even stuck up his middle finger, mocking the mortal "Humies." Clearly, the competitive Hulk looked down on ordinary humans now. He felt only the "Tin Cans" were worthy training partners!
[Caleb: Uh oh. I threw in a copy of the Analects, and these guys got even more abstract!]
Caleb then noticed two very interesting "big guys" sitting in the previously empty player seats for the Ork side. Two strange giants were looking down at the Greenskins, grinning with interest.
"Damn, the Ork Gods have woken up!"
[Angron: Father!]
[Caleb: What's up me boy?]
This was the first time Caleb had heard Angron call anyone "Father." Though the voice lacked reverence, some conflicts needed time to heal.
[Angron: I really don't like war. I mean it.]
[But I know fighting is unavoidable now. Only by fighting can we survive.]
[But I still don't want my sons to be enslaved by rage. Even if your method helps me recruit more men, I still feel... uneasy.]
"Fine."
Caleb couldn't be bothered to flame the Emperor for being an incompetent father anymore. Of all his children, Horus was the only one he truly cared about, yet his most trusted son betrayed him, while another who longed for his care was sold out to Tzeentch and Khorne. The Emperor really sucked at parenting.
"Sigh."
Caleb looked at Angron through the screen. Angron was currently like a college student just entering society—totally lost. He was moving forward based on Primarch instinct, but unlike other Primarchs who had grand ambitions, Angron had been enslaved so early that his "will" hadn't fully formed.
[Caleb: I know what you're thinking. You want to give those starving and cold people a chance to fight back!]
[Then do it. Let that be your recruitment standard—select those willing to fight back as your sons.]
[Who knows? Maybe your Legion will grow larger than any of your brothers'.]
"Yeah!"
Back in his room, Angron almost cried. His long hair fell loose, making him look like an ordinary red-haired youth. There was no aura of tyranny; he just looked like a simple, headstrong young person. Every word and action carried a hint of pity and worry.
[Caleb: Perhaps that is your path. Go do it.]
[When you've proven your 'Way' to me, perhaps you can come to Terra. I will acknowledge you.]
With that, Caleb cut the signal. Leaving Angron with a bit of hope was enough.
"What's this?"
On the massive Greenskin space hulk, Angron felt a faint, shimmering light drawing him in. In a labyrinth of junk and scrap, he found a giant stone slab being used as a mattress by an Ork.
The slab was huge, engraved with marks from some ancient war. It contained a wealth of information that required psychic energy to read.
"War in Heaven? What is this?"
"Is it something from the Dark Age of Technology? These Orks seem to have captured a Mechanicus ship; maybe it's theirs?"
The simple-minded Angron didn't think much of it, but if the Emperor were there, he'd be panicking. Angron's luck was currently off the charts—not only had he talked the Orks into an alliance, but he'd also stumbled upon an Immortal Slab from the War in Heaven.
[Next Battle: Baal—]
[Recommendation: Prepare your Blood Angels pieces!]
[A massive influx of heretics and xenos is about to invade Baal. This battle will transcend traditional Apocalypse-level conflicts.]
"Finally, it's coming!"
Caleb stood up from the sofa, looking at the countdown. He had just enough time to prepare and buy more models. Since the next explosion was on Baal, this battle would likely involve the resurrection of Sanguinius!
"Sanguinius-chan!"
"Alright, alright! Time to call Linde for a custom 'Big Sister' model!"
"Since she's the beloved Great Angel, she has to be a motherly, top-tier 'Onee-san'!"
Caleb picked up the phone and dialed Linde's number. Within minutes, the next Primarch piece was commissioned.