The sun went down a long time ago. My room was dark, except for the blue glow of my computer screen. I sat there, watching the clock. It was almost 7:00 PM. My heart started to beat faster because I knew what was coming.
Then, my phone buzzed. Ding.
I didn't even have to look at the screen. I knew it was her. We live in different countries, separated by oceans and borders, but when I see her name, the distance disappears. She sent me an invitation to play.
I put on my headset and joined the call. The moment I heard her voice, I felt like I was finally home.
"Hey, AnAn! Are you ready?" she asked. Her voice was so warm and sweet. It felt like a soft blanket wrapped around me.
"Always," I replied. I tried to sound calm, but I was smiling so much that my face felt warm. I wished she could see my smile, but at the same time, I was glad she couldn't. I didn't want her to know how much I loved her yet.
The World Outside Disappears
We started to play. One match, then another, then another. We laughed when we made silly mistakes. We cheered when we won a difficult round. But for me, the game was just a reason to be near her.
I have never seen her face in person. I don't know what she looks like or how she smells. But I know her soul. I know her favorite songs. I know how she sounds when she is tired. I have fallen completely in love with a girl I can only hear through my headset.
I wanted to tell her. A thousand times, the words were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say, "I love you, and I miss you every second we aren't talking." But I was a coward. I was so afraid that if I said the truth, she would leave. I was afraid I would lose the only thing that makes me happy. So, I stayed silent. I just listened to her call my name: AnAn.
2:00 AM: The Voice at the Door
The night felt like it would never end. Outside my window, the world was silent and asleep. It felt like we were the only two people left in the universe. We were just sitting in the game lobby, talking and enjoying the quiet moment together.
Suddenly, a voice broke the silence. It wasn't her voice. it was a voice from my side of the room, near my door.
"AnAn!"
I jumped in my chair. I had totally forgotten that I wasn't alone in the house.
"Huh?" I answered, looking over my shoulder at the door.
"It is time to sleep now," the voice in my house said. It was a firm voice, reminding me that the real world was still there.
I looked at the clock in the corner of my screen. My eyes went wide. It was 2:00 AM. We had been playing for seven hours, but it felt like only a few minutes.
She Cares for Me
I turned back to my microphone. I didn't want to go. My chest felt tight. I wanted to stay with her until the sun came up.
"I know... but can I play just one more game?" I whispered to the person in my room. I was begging. I just wanted a few more minutes to hear her voice.
But then, she spoke to me through the headset. She had heard the person in my room.
"Hah, it is 2:00 AM now, AnAn," she said. She laughed a little bit, but her voice was very kind. She wasn't angry; she was worried about me. "You have class tomorrow morning. You need to sleep."
She was the one telling me to go. Even though she loved playing with me, she cared about my health more. She wanted me to rest. Knowing that she was looking out for me made my heart ache with love.
The Hardest Part: Saying Goodbye
"Hmm... okay, okay," I sighed. I spoke very slowly because I didn't want to say the next words. "I'm going to sleep now."
Neither of us clicked the "end" button right away. There was a long, beautiful silence between us. I could hear her breathing softly on the other end. I wanted to tell her, "I don't want to leave you. I want to stay here in this dream forever." But the words stayed locked inside me.
"Goodnight, AnAn," she whispered. She said my name so softly, like a secret.
"Goodnight," I replied.
Then, with a small click, the call ended. Her name turned grey. The green light was gone.
My room felt ten times colder. I took off my headset and sat in the dark. I felt so alone. I am just a girl in love with another girl who is thousands of miles away. I am AnAn, and I am still hiding my heart.
I lay in bed and stared at the dark ceiling. I closed my eyes and tried to hear her voice one more time. I made a promise to myself: one day, I will be brave. One day, I will tell her everything. But until then, I will wait for 7:00 PM to come again.