Chapter 364: Mainstream-Universe Deadpool — "I Am Marvel's Own Messiah!"
The mood in the theater turned distinctly strange. Those not in the Group Chat — Old Tony, Fat Thor, and the rest — sat there completely lost, while Thor and Tony, who were in the chat, wore matching looks of confusion.
Ethan stared at his screen, now flooded wall-to-wall with Deadpool's chat messages.
(Thor) "Not the God of Thunder": Why was Thor crying? How am I supposed to know why future-me was crying?!
(Pietro) "Delivery Driver Extraordinaire": Didn't expect that other world's Deadpool to be a used-car salesman. Also apparently that whole world's about to end??
(Tony) "Broke, Except for the Money": Wait, Happy turned down Deadpool's Avengers audition? Come on, obviously that's not MY Happy, our Avengers roster is clearly different!
(Magneto) "Make Mutants Great Again": Can't believe mutants are basically extinct in that world — even Jackman's version died. And apparently Deadpool dug up his grave afterward. Damn it, Ethan, get back here ASAP, I'm gathering a team — take us over there to save that world's mutants before the whole place goes under. Let's get them relocated here before it's too late.
(Tobey-Peter) "Trying to Be Better": So where exactly is this Time Variance Authority place? Does something like that actually exist? And where's the Void located? What's an "Anchor Being" supposed to mean?
"Little Punk": There's literally nothing to eat here and no booze either. Me and Jackman ran into two other versions of ourselves from different universes — total freaks, the two of them, going at each other like it's a bloodbath! And get this, the OTHER Deadpool is somehow even more shameless than me! Can't have that. Get us out of here, there's a whole army of Deadpools and mutants here! Shit, they just caught us!
The Group Chat buzzed with excitement over Deadpool's bizarre adventure, everyone's curiosity thoroughly hooked, diving deep into speculation about what exactly was going on.
Ethan pieced most of it together already: their own Hell's Kitchen Deadpool had teamed up with Wolverine and, for reasons still unclear, ended up in some mutant-populated universe — one where the local mutants had apparently already been wiped out almost entirely.
Wolverine, apparently, had asked their Deadpool to swing by and visit the grave of that universe's own version of himself. Except when they'd gotten there, they'd found a red-hooded stranger cursing up a storm while actively digging up the grave.
Wolverine had absolutely lost it — someone daring to desecrate his own grave, even from a different universe — and had gone straight for a fight.
Except moments later, a swarm of orange light-portals had opened up, sending a horde of TVA agents after that other Deadpool. Wolverine and their own Deadpool had ended up helping the stranger fight off the TVA agents entirely.
What really stung for Hell's Kitchen's Deadpool: this other Deadpool turned out to be even more shameless than he was — the guy had literally been dancing while killing people.
The moment Ethan understood what was going on, he pulled Strange and the rest together and prepared to head straight back to Hell's Kitchen.
"Sorry, everyone — looks like the rest of the movie's going to have to wait. Something's come up on our end," Ethan told Old Tony's group.
Naturally, they weren't about to press him to stay — Ethan and his crew had already solved their whole crisis for them; if something urgent had come up back home, of course they wouldn't hold him back.
"If there's anything our universe can do to help, just say the word," Old Tony said, deadly earnest.
Young Tony shot Old Tony a strange look. "Did your Happy turn down some foul-mouthed weirdo in a red bodysuit trying to join the Avengers?"
The question left Old Tony completely baffled — he had no idea what Happy might've been up to, let alone who this "red bodysuit weirdo" was supposed to be. Spider-Man?
"Never mind. Take good care of Morgan," Young Tony said, and said nothing else after that.
Before long, the group was back home in Hell's Kitchen.
Ethan didn't rush to go find Deadpool right away — whatever happened, neither he nor Wolverine could actually die. Worst case, they'd suffer through some torment for a while.
They'd only just gotten back, after all. Everyone deserved a proper rest first.
There was something else nagging at Ethan, too: the God of Stories Loki had already "beaten" the TVA storyline, as far as Ethan understood it — so why did the TVA still exist? And apparently a more powerful, more capable version of it, at that.
The idea that they could accelerate the collapse of entire timelines was something Ethan had genuinely never heard of before.
Maybe this was all the God of Stories Loki's own doing, some scenario he'd deliberately engineered — Loki couldn't move around physically anymore, sure, but scripting scenarios for other people was still very much his hobby.
Or maybe it was simpler than that — sure, Loki had ascended to God of Stories, but the TVA itself hadn't necessarily vanished. Mobius and Hunter B-15 had both still been alive at the end, after all, so it made sense the organization would carry on in some form.
Getting Deadpool back would actually be simple enough — Ethan could just use On Your Right to pull him home directly. The problem was this world's own Wolverine — since his Friendship Level hadn't maxed out yet, he might not be eligible to come along at all.
Which meant Ethan still needed to make the trip himself in person. Truthfully, he was genuinely curious to see this whole "Deadpool army" for himself, and he was now certain that the "other Deadpool" their own guy had run into had to be none other than the mainstream-universe Deadpool from the actual films — the one famous for breaking the fourth wall.
Before heading over, though, Ethan needed to think through his approach carefully. He'd only ever seen two of the mainstream Deadpool's films — and the whole grave-digging plot wasn't something he remembered from either of them.
Which meant, for the first time in a long while, he didn't have the advantage of already knowing how this story played out. Extra caution was warranted this time around.
Universe 10005
(If you're reading this from the previous chapter, you clearly don't know — this is my brand-new gig, Deadpool 3, though I haven't even seen the script myself. Never thought I'd end up appearing in fan fiction, and unpaid at that. I usually only work for Some Disney, Some Fox — major productions — and here I am, slumming it in a cameo appearance!)
A thoroughly unattractive man in a skin-tight red suit addressed the camera directly.
(Hey, HEY. Who're you calling unattractive? Watch your mouth, author, or I walk. Also — how am I speaking Chinese right now? I love my country! Love you all!)
"That's right — I'm your favorite merc with a mouth, Deadpool! And right now, me and two Wolverines and one seriously unfortunate-looking version of myself are all tied up in the back of a car!" The mainstream-universe Deadpool addressed the void directly.
"I am Marvel's own messiah!"