"To my future soul, I hope time is kind to you. I hope you find happiness. I hope you find peace. But above all, I hope you find yourself." - Arius, Scholar of Everlas
~~~~~
Sirius wakes in a cold sweat, his eyes red as if he were crying. Frantically, his eyelids snap open, greeting an empty void of nil.
He grips his throat as if to tear it open. Nothing is entering his lungs. A choking sensation strangles the inside of his neck. If his fingernails were longer, he surely would pierce through.
His heaves are rapid and weak, only interrupted by the boy's incessant apologies.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
His body throws itself from side to side.
-Make it end. Make it end. Make it end. Make it end...
...
But nothing was wrong.
...
He could breathe.
...
Realizing this, he releases his reddened throat. His breaths begin to slow, and the apologies cease. With heavy inhales, he gets on his knees. His legs aren't broken. He looks at his torso: no indentation. Tubes do not run through his nostrils; there are no casts covering his limbs. In fact, he's fully clothed. The same clothing as that night...
The initial panic subsides, and a vague calmness overtakes him.
Amber eyes take in the landscape, or rather, the lack thereof. It is merely a boundless ocean idling in its nowt.
Everything and nothing is coated with the purest shade of black he's ever seen. Not a single glimpse of light enters his hollow corneas. The fingertips he clawed his throat with have no visible form.
It's empty.
No sights. No smells. Only the sound of his strained breathing.
He slaps himself on the wrist. Nothing. No feeling at all, despite almost choking himself to death moments ago, there is no feeling.
-Did I imagine it...?
...
Where am I? Is this hell? Did I actually die?
Is this a dream...?
No...
It seems real. So real... yet feels so fabricated.
Though faintly, his body becomes visible. Are my eyes adjusting? He scans the area and spots a soft yellow glow emanating in the far span.
A minute figure catches his view, it sits inside the small, illuminated area.
-What is that?
He staggers to his feet; his breath finally entering a steady pace. His legs are weak; he hasn't walked in weeks.
Fear pulses through his entire body. An emotion he's felt more in the past couple of minutes than in his entire life.
-Do I... go towards that?
With no other choice, he presses on. While the ground is solid, his footsteps ripple as if on water. The distance between the figure and him doesn't seem to be shrinking.
-Is this limbo? Purgatory?
Eventually, after countless fearful steps, the figure comes closer into view. Is someone there? Is that the devil?
His frantic assumptions prove false. It's a seat, reminiscent of a throne. The horizon continues to stretch on... truly a void. Something rests in the chair. A person.
Sirius stops on the edge of the haunting light.
As if responding to his halt, a radiant glow expands and fills the vacuum. Absorbing him and his immediate surroundings is an enchanting brightness. And at its center comes a calming voice.
"Welcome, Sirius."
It's a girl, and a pretty one at that, seated on the throne. Shining, dirty blonde hair drapes over her shoulders. She wears a simplistic yet intricately woven white dress, laced with varying shades of blue. She smiles cordially.
If angels exist... this must be one of them.
With all he could muster, his voice frail and gravelly, he asks the only question he can think of.
"...Am... I dead?"
Her features soften.
"Yes, you are dead." She speaks warmly, as if her voice is a hug. Her demeanor is overwhelmingly polite.
Sirius drops to his knees. A quiet laugh escapes his throat, and he chokes on it; it's basically a whimper.
"...Ah..."
"But this doesn't need to be the end of your life."
"...What...?"
"Before I continue... did you... enjoy your life?"
Sirius stares into her kind eyes, his mouth hanging slightly open. Whoever she is, emits a feeling of nostalgia. Her eyes reflect both himself and his past. His whole life seems to flash before him, memories and moments that molded him into who he is...
He feels strangely calm... as if he weren't just murdered. A wave of tranquility is washing over him.
-What is this...? Is it this woman's doing?
He sniffles before composing himself.
"I... did when I was younger."
"But not since then?"
"There were moments I had fun, but... I... wasn't happy."
"Did you want to die?"
Her words are so blunt they almost hurt. The question itself sounds unnatural out of her mellow character.
"No, not exactly, but... There wasn't any point in me living." His eyes avert their gaze to the ground. He looks defeated. He feels defeated. A fleeting scene of him on that roof flurries through his mind. The girl seems saddened... as if she saw the memory. "I thought about killing myself sometimes, but there were two things that always stopped me..."
"And what were those?"
Genuine curiosity and concern. Her sweetness fumbles his train of thought.
Sirius sniffles once more, "Well, for one, I was too scared to die. I didn't know what came after it... Maybe it was nothing forever." His lips begin to quiver, and his hands tremble at his sides. "That scared me." He looks around once more. "Is this what death is? Do I just get to talk to you forever?"
"I'll get to that... What was the other reason?"
His gaze returns to the floor.
"My mom. I... I didn't want my mom to be sad. She was the only person who made me feel... wanted, I guess. She raised me, and I didn't want her efforts to be wasted."
"..."
A sudden realization hits him.
"But I still died... And now...I won't get to see her again, will I?" His mother's final words to him echo in his ears. I love you, honey. "I should've thanked her. I should've told her she was my reason for living, I-"
The girl's hand reaches down to pat his head.
"It's okay, she knew you loved her, too. She's known for a long time."
Her voice attempts to fight off his regrets. Gently, she caresses his knotted hair. A touch so soothing it could make you cry. But yet there he sulks, despite being flooded with guilt and sadness, sheds no tears.
"I should've been a better son. I should've done more with my life. Why... why couldn't I just get myself together?" His hollow throat croaks. Never since he was a child has he let himself be so emotional. He's so unused to it that it almost feels forced.
"Shh, it's okay. Everything is alright. You did enough."
Her palm slides down onto his cheek. He's shaking. Her hand is warm and soft against his dry skin. Sirius shuts his eyelids and consumes a deep breath.
"So... now what?"
The girl smiles like she's been itching for this moment. Excitement steers her movements. She gently takes her hands off his head and adjusts her posture.
"I grant you permission to live again."
"...Huh?"
Sirius peers up at her proud face, her eyes shut and smug. Before he can even get a word out: "I will send you to the world I inhabit. Where you can get a second chance at life."
"...Second chance?"
"Yes, a chance to experience life and its joys. A chance to love, to laugh, and to enjoy life in its entirety. A chance to start over..."
"Really?" It sounds far too good to be true. "W-why? I don't deserve that. I-"
"Shh," her expression mellows as she places a finger to his lips. "When you awake, there will be a lot of things happening. It's natural to be alarmed. It's okay to be scared. But just know, this is your second chance... Don't let your old life get in your way. Enjoy this life and grow into the person you want to be... I'll be watching."
-This can't be real, right? A second chance? Who is this girl?
"Wait-"
She only smiles.
Her dark lashes conceal the majority of her azure irises, which gleam like jewels, reflecting all he is. As he admires hers, his entrancement is cut short by a wave of weariness.
His eyes begin to weigh. The bright void dims darker. Its radiant glow thins and dissipates into dim embers. Drowsiness consumes him, and his body threatens to shut down.
-Wait... Who... Why...?
The sparkling woman simmers out of sight, as his vision becomes as black as the abyss.
The boy falls asleep.