Chapter 27 Is There Something You Desire?
Sigma opened his lips, but no sound could squeeze past his throat.
For some reason, Sigma sensed a strange feeling of indebtedness. Shirou Emiya's assumption was incorrect.
Francesca—that woman, the "Great Mastermind"—truly only cared about things being "interesting." She didn't care at all whether Sigma actually attacked Shirou Emiya or not.
There are three major masterminds in the Snowfield Holy Grail War: Faldeus, Francesca, and the Kuruoka family. They represent the Government, the Monster, and the Magus, respectively. The Snowfield Police Department joined the fray as a temporary fourth mastermind. These masterminds placed their own candidates to fight the war of "True" classes; among them, Bazdilot, the most uncontrollable, separately obtained a substance known as Black Mud.
Among these, Francesca is the one who plays the Holy Grail War with the most whimsy. After securing the True Caster slot, she hired Sigma to summon the True Lancer based on nothing but incomprehensible personal preference.
Prior to this, Sigma had no connection to the Holy Grail War whatsoever.
All of this is to say—Sigma didn't pick up the gun because he was coerced by anyone. He committed this malicious act simply to fulfill a contract.
That was the truth. But the moment he saw the red-haired youth's well-meaning smile, Sigma found the words stuck in his throat.
'He was being aimed at with a gun just a moment ago; why is his smile so dazzling?'
Sigma was utterly perplexed. Finally, growing somewhat desperate, he admitted in a flat tone:
"I'm sorry, it's not like that. I wasn't coerced... I took the job simply because I had no reason to refuse. Because I have no purpose to set the gun down, I picked it up at another's word to earn a reward and stay alive. It's a very simple reason."
The red-haired youth's eyes widened slightly.
Perhaps it was that initial kindness that caused Sigma to say more than he had intended. Sensing the change in the other's gaze, Sigma only hoped he wouldn't be subjected to that strange, pure goodwill again.
"...What you just said sounds as if you have nothing but dissatisfaction with your life."
"?"
But hearing Shirou Emiya's next mutter, which seemed to leak directly from his heart, Sigma fell into contemplation again.
'Do I really possess an emotion like dissatisfaction?'
Joy does not exist in Sigma's life. Neither does resentment. He only knows which things are worth rejoicing over for others, and which things others would find resentful. Sigma simply lives day by day, satisfied with food and sleep; he has never had a wish he wanted the Holy Grail to grant.
Therefore, hearing an evaluation so diametrically opposed to his own self-image, Sigma couldn't fathom what the man meant.
"Did what I just said really sound like dissatisfaction?"
"...?"
Under a mysterious pressure, even Shirou Emiya's lips twitched, his expression becoming ambiguous. But he soon looked up. His brown-orange eyes turned serious, and his lightning-shaped brows furrowed slightly in gravity.
"Because, if it were me, I wouldn't feel regret about my life. If one wants to change the past, to change who they were in the past, that is dissatisfaction. I've met a hero like that."
Sigma couldn't understand the weight behind those words. But Sigma did perceive that this sentence contained an extremely dense "presence."
"I knew from the start that a future where everyone smiles is impossible to realize. I know how difficult it is to save even those who should be abandoned. But this life is enough. I don't need anything more; I have already received enough."
Shirou Emiya's gaze was locked on Sigma. Sigma had the illusion of being sucked into his pupils.
"Sigma, you must have something you want, right?"
This man was indeed the polar opposite of himself.
They were supposed to be of the same generation, and Sigma was the one who had been rolling through battlefields from the start. Yet, like a law of pressure differential, the youth with more vibrant colors overwhelmed the colorless youth with mere words.
Shirou Emiya was an unquestionable "strong person" even by the standards of modern society. As the source of that "strength," the conviction he upheld was far too heavy.
"Something I want, huh..."
Sigma looked into the distance, at a loss.
Realizing his blunder, Shirou Emiya placed a finger to his forehead:
"Now it's my turn to apologize; that phrasing might have been misleading. There's nothing wrong with wanting something. What a certain guy said in the past was also right. It's just... I think, precisely because of that, one should see their most essential wish clearly. That way, you won't regret it a long time from now."
As if feeling he was being a bit talkative, Shirou Emiya fell silent.
But Sigma didn't actually find him talkative.
On the contrary, Sigma simply found the experience novel. Perhaps Sigma liked comedy. Sigma's favorite actor was Charlie Chaplin. To him, Chaplin was an existence who "couldn't make himself laugh, but could make others laugh." He held respect for that.
So, if the man before him could turn even a gunshot aimed at him into a farcical comedy...
If he, too, was the kind of person who "couldn't make himself laugh, but could make others laugh"...
What kind of emotion was Sigma harboring toward him?
"Shirou Emiya, what is your wish?"
At the end of his thoughts, Sigma struck back with a question. Shirou Emiya's eyes widened. Then, he composed his expression with dignity.
"I suppose you'd call it a foolish wish. I just hope I won't be laughed at—I want this world that I know to be a place where no one has to cry."
Behind him, the young girl quietly closed her eyes, listening to this distant nursery rhyme.
"I want everyone to be happy. Even if that's impossible, I want the people around me to be able to smile. It's just a hypocritical ideal like that. In short, I want to be an Ally of Justice."
But Shirou Emiya cannot become an Ally of Justice, he said.
"That is merely a stairway to heaven that cannot be reached. There will always be people who can't be saved. There will be times when I have to choose between the justice for one and the justice for a hundred. Nevertheless, this ideal can never be wrong. The feeling of wanting to save someone can never be wrong. —The compass that wants to save 101 people can never be an error."
Harboring a righteous wish, using his utmost ability to twist misfortune, hoping for someone's happiness. The reason Shirou Emiya would eternally run forward across a hill of swords was satisfied by this alone.
'...If I had been by this person's side from the beginning, I surely would have achieved something by now.'
Sigma thought this more deeply than ever before.
Read ahead (60 chapters) by supporting me on buymeacoffee com/varietl or ko-fi edwriting