King's Landing, the iron throne Room.
"Classmate rhllor!" Joffrey called out in his heart.
"I'm here." rhllor made a grand entrance upon hearing his name; this guy was quite the character.
"Can you... lend me your power first? But don't take my heart for now. How about I give it to you after I die of old age?"
Joffrey tried to strike a bargain with rhllor, at least to get past the hurdle of Stannis first.
"Do I look like a fool? I've already told you, after you give me your heart, you won't die. Instead, you will possess a Divine Heart, allowing you to command all the fires in the world."
rhllor looked helpless; he hadn't expected Joffrey's anti-fraud awareness to be so strong.
"Really? I don't believe you."
Joffrey refused sternly at first, then began to inquire insincerely, "rhllor, tell me, if I die, won't you be finished too?"
"I have long since died. My current self is merely a soul existing because of an obsession."
"What obsession?"
"You don't need to know yet."
"You really are a man of riddles."
Joffrey was truly out of options; rhllor was immune to both carrots and sticks. He wanted Joffrey's heart, and no amount of negotiation would work.
And his cheat code actually required waiting for Daenerys Targaryen's three dragons to hatch before it could awaken. What kind of bullshit cheat was this?
Who knows where those three dragons are? By the time they hatch, the grass on his grave will be three feet high.
Damn it all, to think he had even pleaded for mercy for Daenerys Targaryen in front of his father, Robert.
As it turns out, Daenerys Targaryen isn't pulling her weight. Why is your husband Khal Drogo's life so stubborn?
I beg you, please just die already! If you don't die, I'm going to die.
And this external hack, what idiot programmed it? Why did it have to be stipulated that magic must restart before the ability awakens?
Oh, wait, it was a program I wrote myself in my past life. Never mind then.
"Wait a minute, rhllor. Didn't you spout some nonsense about how fate cannot be changed? Then why the hell isn't Khal Drogo dead yet? Hasn't fate already been changed?"
Currently, Joffrey Baratheon was filled with negative energy, as if he might blacken and explode at any moment.
His whole being was like a Peashooter cannon, lashing out at whoever he saw.
"Didn't you ask me last time where your shadow went?"
"I did, what about it?"
"Go ask your shadow."
"..."
...
King's Landing, Council Chamber.
Joffrey sat helplessly in a chair in the council chamber with his eyes closed to rest, constantly thinking about how to save his life.
He had confirmed with that fellow rhllor this morning that he couldn't use his cheat.
And based on his understanding of his second uncle, Stannis Baratheon, even if he knelt and called him 'Father', Stannis would still cut off his head without hesitation.
Since it was unavoidable, he could only rely on himself.
"Podrick! Go and call Tyrion over!"
"Yes, Your Majesty."
Podrick Payne was Tyrion's guard, arranged for him by Kevan Lannister.
Two days ago, Joffrey had demanded half of Tyrion Lannister's property, and Tyrion had indeed agreed that day.
But he came directly to find him the next day, telling him with tears and snot how difficult his life was and how much grievance he suffered in King's Landing.
He even went on at length about how, as an uncle, he had raised Joffrey by hand since he was a baby.
Joffrey was annoyed to death by him and could see that his good uncle, Tyrion Lannister, wanted to ensure his life wasn't controlled by others. He was afraid that if they ever had a falling out, Joffrey would easily kill him.
Since Joffrey didn't intend to kill his uncle Tyrion anyway, he simply organized Tyrion's men into a separate guard unit, with Bronn as the captain, Podrick as the messenger, and the rest as members.
One must know that King's Landing had never allowed anyone other than the City Watch under the King to have armed forces. Joffrey was implementing extraordinary regulations during an extraordinary time.
Podrick Payne was Tyrion Lannister's squire. He was a very quiet boy, so Joffrey had a good impression of him.
Podrick Payne was thin with sparse hair. He was a timid person, and perhaps for this reason, he spoke with a bit of a stutter and was nervous all the time.
He had brown hair and blue eyes, and he liked to purse his lips and stare down at people's feet. He seemed to have social anxiety and appeared very afraid of meeting strangers.
Moreover, when he encountered girls, he would blush uncontrollably, being very shy.
...
"Does my good nephew have something for me? It couldn't be to ask this old uncle to teach you how to coax that little Stark girl, could it?"
Tyrion walked in leisurely with his hands behind his back, looking like a big boss.
He was still humming the House Lannister song, "The Rains of Castamere." Joffrey felt this song was like Tyrion's entrance BGM.
Tyrion's steps were very light, as if something good was about to happen.
"Have you been investigating lately to see who has been passing information to your elder sister, my mother Cersei?"
"Oh, so Your Majesty knew all along."
Tyrion was somewhat surprised. He felt that all his actions since coming to King's Landing were clearly known by this kid Joffrey Baratheon.
In order to find out who had snitched to his dear sister Cersei, Tyrion had specifically played a trick.
He first met with Pycelle, Petyr Baelish, and Varys separately, giving each of them a different version of his strategy.
To prevent Varys from eavesdropping, Tyrion Lannister had specifically written them down on paper.
It wasn't until this morning that his elder sister Cersei Lannister came to find him in a rage, yelling at him for why he wanted to sell her daughter Myrcella to Dorne like a prostitute.
Tyrion Lannister thus knew that the snitch was that old geezer Pycelle, because he had only told that particular strategy to Pycelle.
So Tyrion acted swiftly, taking the Mountain Clansmen to Pycelle's quarters to arrest him. He hadn't expected to find the place empty, but eventually, with Varys's help, he found Pycelle in a brothel.
Good grief, Tyrion exclaimed!
He hadn't expected that Grand Maester Pycelle, who appeared so dignified and respectable on the surface every day, was actually secretly holding 'foreign language tutoring classes' after hours!
Tyrion Lannister felt that Grand Maester Pycelle had achieved the life goal and ideal way to die that he had mentioned to the Mountain Clansmen in the Mountains of the Moon. Even Shaga of the Stone Crow Tribe was stifling a laugh, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.
While Tyrion was thinking, King Joffrey, sitting at the head of the council chamber, spoke up:
"Don't be too hard on that old man Pycelle. Although he has been constantly reporting to my mother, he is indeed loyal to House Lannister. I still have some use for him."
"Fine, though I didn't really make it hard for him. I just had Bronn trim his beard a bit," Tyrion chuckled.
"Alright then, Pycelle will be left in your custody for now. Just don't kill him; you can handle the rest as you see fit."
Then, Joffrey brought up the main business.
"You should have received the news. My second uncle Stannis Baratheon is leading his troops to The Stormlands to besiege Storm's End."
"I know, of course. Isn't this exactly what we want? Stannis Baratheon besieging Storm's End will pin Renly Baratheon down. Maybe they'll both end up battered, and we can just win by doing nothing."
Tyrion seemed very happy. The two brothers, Stannis and Renly, would surely fight for several months, which would be enough time for House Lannister to catch its breath and return to King's Landing for support.
However, Joffrey was not as optimistic as Tyrion. He knew that in about another week, Renly would be stabbed to death by Melisandre using a Shadow Assassin.
Stannis would take over more than half of his younger brother Renly's forces without losing a single soldier, and then use the Shadow Assassin to take Storm's End as well.
In just over half a month, Stannis would be leading a massive army to King's Landing.
"What's the situation in the North and the Riverlands now?" Joffrey asked, changing the subject.
"The situation? That little wolf pup has already run off to the Westerlands to throw his weight around, and our Lord Tywin Lannister is also rushing back."
Tyrion's tone was a mix of helplessness and relief. The fire in their own backyard wouldn't threaten his own life for the time being. The most important thing now was to deal with the approaching armies of Stannis and Renly.
Just as he finished speaking, Tyrion paused for a moment. He suddenly widened his eyes and looked at Joffrey, saying:
"You're not still thinking about that little wolf pup from Winterfell, Robb Stark, are you?"
Seeing Joffrey remain silent, Tyrion was even more shocked.
He jumped directly onto the council table in front of Joffrey, staring closely at Joffrey Baratheon's incredibly conflicted face.
"You really are still thinking about him! My King, what time do you think it is? Why are you still so indecisive? I saw you didn't even blink when dealing with me, but as soon as it comes to our enemies, you start wavering. Do you want to marry Sansa, or his brother?"
"Sigh, let's talk about this later."
Joffrey was very frustrated. He had originally wanted to live in harmony with the people of the North.
According to Joffrey's initial strategy, as long as they maintained good relations with the North and combined with the forces of the West, they could completely ensure the safety of the Riverlands and The Reach.
That way, he could free up time to reorganize Dorne. As a result, during the peace talks, their father Eddard Stark was poisoned to death. Now, not only has the strategy gone down the drain, but they can't even be friends anymore.
"Fine, fine. I'm understanding you less and less anyway."
"Don't talk about me. The priority now is how to deal with the imminent arrival of Stannis Baratheon. I remember you recently went to a blacksmith shop to commission a river-blocking iron chain?"
Joffrey sat in his chair, speaking unhurriedly.
"You even know about that?!"
Tyrion Lannister was even more shocked. He felt as if everything had been properly arranged by his good nephew Joffrey, and he himself seemed to have no place to use his talents.
This scene was like Jay Chou thinking of Charlotte in 'Goodbye Mr. Loser', saying: I feel like I've always lived in his shadow...
"Don't be so surprised. I know every move you make in King's Landing. The iron chain you're forging will be of great use later. I'll give you all the blacksmiths in the city; it must be forged within half a month, or it will be too late."
Joffrey estimated Stannis's arrival time; half a month should be enough to forge this iron chain.
"As you command, my good nephew King. However, to ensure my motivation, could you return my properties to me? Just like you returned Littlefinger's properties."
Tyrion was making comparisons now. Seeing his rival Littlefinger making a fortune, Tyrion's eyes were red with envy.
Tyrion added, "Dear nephew, you have no idea. Watching Petyr Baelish make money is more painful than losing money myself!"
"Don't worry, it's just a few shops. Once we get past this hurdle, I'll give you a whole city. At that time, you can take your pick of those empty cities with no one in them."
"It's a deal!"