Act 3, Scene 4:
I wake up to the feeling of something smacking my cheek lightly. Sitting up in my chair and blinking, I take in the brief sight of a black cat with red eyes, as it bats my cheek one more time with its paw. I don't really know why, but I feel like I can detect something like disappointment in its eyes. "Wha-" but as I blink and try to get my bearings, it jumps off my lap, and darts through the penthouse suite's open door.
-No, wait, I fell asleep!? And that door wasn't supposed to be-!
For a moment, I glance out into the hall and see the black blur of the cat leap - and then, something with a white upper half scurries into motion, snatching it up and vanishing around the corner. Was that- no, there's no time!
I burst into the bedroom with my heart in my throat- but Miyako is comfortably asleep, unharmed. Well, I say asleep, but my sudden entrance has caused her to stir, and a moment later, she sits up with a jolt. "Su-kun!? Did something happen-?"
"A-ah… no, I just fell asleep while I was supposed to be keeping watch," I admit. "Recorder, did anything important-?"
"No," The Caster says with a sigh. "I perhaps caused you some trouble - but I judged the chances of an attack at this time were low. As far as the situation elsewhere goes, it looks like Romani's group stopped before approaching the tower's immediate vicinity. If I had to guess, they are probably trying to decide on a safe way to approach."
"…Right, the approach is a problem. I'm still not entirely clear on how Emilia-tan's group managed the last stretch of the tower approach - Nee-sama, Anastasia, and I wound up getting in by that underground passage, after all," I mumble. "Micchan deflected a shot earlier, but at this range…"
"I was matching that Tengu's timing," the girl admits. "The interval between that light at the tower and the shot arriving is going to be different this close. I can still try, but…"
"No, that's likely to get your head blown off," I shoot her down. "I'm really glad that Romani's made it without incident thus far… We should probably join up with him before we make any further plans."
"Um… by the way, on that front, just who are these people we're linking up with?" Miyako asks. "Just… so I can know what to expect." She's tensing up a bit, and I detect a lot of hesitation in her voice.
"Romani's a good-for-nothing guy who hides out eating cake in other people's rooms while he's supposed to be on duty, and… I don't really know Van Gogh that well, to be honest, but I gather she's got social anxiety that puts yours to shame," I explain. "I don't feel like they're super likely to overwhelm you."
"Mm. Got it. I'll try my best," She says, and takes a deep breath before slapping her cheeks. Reaching into her duffel bag, she extracts an oversized jacket that completely swallows her upper body, and a baseball cap that covers her head - all in all, leaving her with an androgynous look that more befits a gun otaku than a martial artist. "-Alright, let's go, Su-kun!"
"...Why the jacket? It's hot out," I say after a moment.
"Hm? These are my everyday clothes," She replies. "I'm used to it."
You wear this frumpy disguise every day!? "But why, though?"
"Hm? Because it's cool to toss off both at once, and then bam! There's a beautiful martial artist there!" She says, her eyes sparkling. No, I thought you had set aside your chuuni past, though?
…But I don't have the heart to say anything bad when she's got that innocent smile on her face.
"...Alright, let's go," I say. Normally I'd like to do my warm-ups and eat breakfast first, but- "We'll eat once we've met up with Romani."
***
Or at least, that was the plan, but-
Blocking the exit to the hotel, is a familiar tall man with red hair, wearing an apron and a chef's hat.
"Sorry, Natsuki. I can't let you leave this building," A wild Emiya-Senpai appears!
"Ugh, I did mention you, after all…" I groan. "So, what's your excuse to fight us? Sudden compulsion for violence? You were secretly a maniac serial killer all along?"
"I feel like it would be wrong," He says, clenching a fist.
…I stand there for a few seconds before realizing he has no plans to elaborate. "What do you mean? Because it's dangerous, or-"
"There's that too, but - more than anything!" He locks eyes with me, and I imagine some kind of fire blazing in his golden eyes. "I feel deep in my soul, that it's wrong for you to leave this building, unless you can beat me in a cooking contest!"
Wat.
(By the way, Miyako started hiding behind me the moment it became obvious that an actual fight wasn't breaking out. Who was it that was going to try harder to socialize again?)
"...I've finished my analysis. Whatever is going on with this man, the 'rumor' creating him is stretched incredibly thin," Recorder notes. "If I had to guess, there wasn't enough 'material' in what you provided to create a version of this Emiya person who could oppose you for any other reason than a flimsy one like this. It reeks of desperation - our enemy is trying to stop you from reaching Romani Archman before he enters the tower, no matter what."
"Cas-...Romani's here?" Emiya-Senpai asks, his soup ladle lowering a little.
"You know him, Senpai?" I'm a little surprised, but I've heard this guy does travel a bit.
"Yeah. Our first meeting aside, we worked together for a while in Africa and the Middle East," He explains. "He was one of the few mages in Doctors Without Borders, so he wound up as my main point of contact with them." Woah! Romani actually did useful things in the past?
"So!" If that's true, then "-so if he's your friend, you probably don't want him getting hurt, right?"
"...I don't really consider him a friend," The man replies. "More like an annoying guy who keeps popping up. And even if he might be in danger… that doesn't change the reality, that what's right is right, and what's wrong is wrong. I won't let you leave this hotel."
"Your standards of right and wrong are completely incomprehensible!" I retort, but he gives no sign of understanding.
"As I said, he's been purposely tampered with, Flugel. It's likely that this rumor is physiologically incapable of comprehending arguments against this cooking contest," Recorder says.
That's so stupid! I can't believe an idiotic gambit like this is seriously stalling us! But we don't have time to cook food, especially not against a master chef like Emiya-senpai. "-Micchan, I think we're gonna have to kill-" I start to say - and then I see his hand raised, with a glowing red light- wait, are those command spells!?
"To my side, Mysterious Impartial Judge X!" He shouts, and the room fills with bright light.
"I don't really understand what's going on, but," Says an all-too familiar voice. Familiar, because I've heard it countless times in the simulator, shouting a Noble Phantasm while we were training Mash's shield. "-I'm ready to eat!" shouts what is clearly King Arthur in a sports sweater and a baseball cap.
"...What the hell is this gag situation?" I mumble, then, seeing Miyako about to cast aside her coat and cap and start fighting, "-ah, we'll die if we fight this girl, so cooking it is."
"Wait, what's with that girl's outfit?" Arthur asks. "The sweater and hat disguise is part of the Mysterious Heroine branding, you can't just copy my fit!"
No, wait, is this actually Arthur? Am I sure it isn't just Nobunaga in disguise?
"I'll call my space lawyers on you!" Ow, my brain.
I look around expectantly, for some reason expecting a bad cat to appear… but nobody comes, and unfortunately, I'm forced to accept that this is reality.
***
Author's note:
This chapter gave me a lot of trouble, mainly because I was trying to not write the second half the way I did. But in the end I failed my Will save. Sorry, everyone.