Saiki was a brave man. As a child, he had watched countless horror and zombie movies. When he had nightmares, they usually involved the undead.
Faced with a zombie, Saiki might be scared, but he was always a fighter.
Most people would wake up screaming; Saiki would always choose to fight for his life.
He was the kind of nine-year-old who walked alone past graveyards at night. By his teens, he was out in those same fields at midnight catching frogs. He didn't scare easily.
Aside from a few dreams about his friends getting hurt, Saiki rarely had nightmares.
But this one was truly getting the better of him. No matter how he struggled, he remained pinned between two massive, white buns that made it impossible to breathe.
As if that weren't enough, the dream shifted. He saw Shizune, Kurenai, and Rin all fighting over him, demanding he choose one. When he didn't answer, they each grabbed his "handle" and threatened to twist it off if he didn't pick them.
Smothered by giant buns and threatened with castration by a group of girls, Saiki finally snapped awake in a cold sweat.
As his consciousness returned, he realized exactly what was happening.
He had gone to sleep with Tsunade's arms around his neck. Knowing her restless sleeping habits, finding himself pinned beneath her wasn't a surprise. Having his face washed by those two massive mounds of flesh explained why he couldn't breathe.
But what the hell was going on with his "little brother" being squeezed from both sides? Why was Tsunade grinding against him?
If he couldn't feel the fabric of their clothes, Saiki would have sworn she had taken advantage of him while he was out.
Despite being clothed, his "weapon" was currently clamped between Tsunade's fleshy, muscular thighs. Lying on top of him, Tsunade seemed to be in the middle of a very pleasant dream; her body was undulating up and down, her plump mound repeatedly "kissing" Saiki's rock-hard erection through their pants. Saiki's heart began to hammer against his ribs like a trapped bird.
With her grinding against him with just the right amount of pressure, Saiki wanted nothing more than to flip her over and hammer into her right then and there. It took every ounce of his willpower to stay still.
Ever since he arrived in this world, likely due to his Pre-natal Qi, he had suffered from intense "morning wood" every single day, but he had always managed to keep his desires in check.
Now, with Tsunade using his body to alleviate her own subconscious emptiness, Saiki felt a primal urge to explode.
With her snowy peaks crushing his face, Saiki forced himself to regulate his breathing, terrified that a single impulsive move would ruin everything. They weren't there yet.
He activated his Flower-Flower Fruit ability. Although his physical eyes were buried in her chest, an eye sprouted on the ceiling, giving him a bird's-eye view of the bed.
He had no idea what she was dreaming about, but her entire weight was pressed into him. Her thighs were locked around his "tent," and with every undulation of her hips, his erection was driven deep into the "fortress" of her crotch. Every time the pressure peaked, Tsunade would let out a soft, satisfied moan.
The eye on the ceiling zoomed in. The fabric covering Tsunade's "fortress" was visibly darker than the rest of her clothes—it was soaked through with her own arousal.
Seriously, if she weren't clearly still asleep, her reactions to Saiki's presence would have convinced him she was awake and using him for a quick release.
Saiki deduced she must be having an incredibly erotic dream.
She was a ninja, but she was also a woman in her thirties who was still a virgin. She was at the age where her biological drives were at their absolute peak.
Sharing a bed with a male whose scent was filling her lungs... it was only natural for her subconscious to run wild.
Saiki was actually wrong. She wasn't having a sex dream; she was still racing that horse.
But the "saddle" was poking her in the ass, and the rhythmic motion of the gallop was providing a sensation that was both agonizing and exquisite.
As the horse reached top speed, that pleasure-pain turned into an urgent need to urinate.
The arrival of that urge made her push the horse even faster, ditching Saiki and Shizune. She finally found a secluded spot to "release the flood."
Tsunade had drunk a massive amount of sake; it was only natural for her body to need to expel the liquid. Since she was a fully developed adult, she didn't actually wet the bed in her sleep.
But in the physical world, her dream translated into action. Her arms tightened around Saiki's head, her thighs clamped onto his erection like a vice, and her grinding speed accelerated violently. She slammed her soft, wet fortress against his "tent" over and over.
Finally, Tsunade's entire body went rigid before going completely limp. The dream was over. Still slightly hungover, she began to wake up.
Feeling something hard pressed against her bottom, Tsunade instinctively reached back with the hand that wasn't pinned under Saiki's head.
The moment she grabbed his "handle," Saiki's heart nearly stopped. His face was flushed from the lack of air, but his pulse was racing.
Saiki had only been wearing underwear and loose pants when he lay down. The moment Tsunade's hand closed around him, she froze. It was scalding hot, rock-hard, and she could feel a distinct, heavy pulse throbbing against her palm. She had never touched anything like this in her life.
Her mind was still a foggy mess, but as she opened her eyes and realized she was pinning a red-faced Saiki beneath her, she pushed herself up to look down. She realized exactly what she was holding.
Her brain rebooted. Then, she scrambled off Saiki in a blur of motion, desperately checking her own body.
As a medical ninja, she sensed the "dampness" in her lower body immediately. A dark, horrific thought entered her mind. Her face went cold as she looked back at Saiki.
She had brought him to the village and treated him like a brother. Even when he joked about being her "child groom," she had let it slide as harmless banter.
But if he had actually dared to touch her while she was drunk, she would never forgive him.
Fortunately, after a quick check, she confirmed she was still a virgin. Saiki hadn't taken her during the night. The relief was instant, but her rage remained.
Being smothered by her breasts had been a luxury, but nearly dying of suffocation wasn't. Saiki gasped for air, his lungs burning as he finally "returned to life."
Before he could even steady his pulse, he felt Tsunade's murderous glare. He looked back at her.
"What did you do?" Tsunade hissed, her voice low and dangerous. She clenched her fist so hard her knuckles cracked. If Jiraiya had been in the room, he'd already be a smear on the wall.
"What did I do?" Saiki asked, sounding genuinely confused.
Seeing his "innocent" act, Tsunade nearly snapped. She stayed her hand only by a hair's breadth. She decided that once she got the truth, she was kicking him out for good.
She pointed a trembling finger at Saiki's lap, where his "tent" was still standing tall despite the tension. "What is that?! And you're telling me you didn't do anything?!"
Her voice was clear now, but it was rising in volume with her fury.
Saiki looked down at his erection and then back at her with a flat, bored expression. "That is a normal morning reaction for a man, Sister Tsunade. Don't be so quick to get angry. Don't ask me what I did; you should think long and hard about what you did. If you want a reminder, I can use a Genjutsu to show you the whole performance."
You're the one who used me as a dildo, I'm not taking the blame for this.
Looking at his calm face and remembering how he had acted over the last three years, she knew he wasn't lying. He wasn't that kind of person.
She rubbed her throbbing head. She had blacked out for parts of the night, but as she focused, the memories began to trickle back.
She remembered him washing her face. Washing her feet. She remembered saying "Don't go." She remembered her dream... and she remembered the sensation of being on top of him just seconds ago. Her face shifted from deathly pale to a violent, burning red. Smoke practically erupted from her ears.
"GET OUT!"
Faced with her own shame, Tsunade did the only thing she could: she shouted and pointed at the door.
"Fine." Saiki gave a curt nod, climbed off the bed, and walked out without another word.
As he closed the door behind him, Shizune emerged from her room, rubbing her eyes. Seeing Saiki standing in front of Tsunade's door, she chirped a greeting. "Good morning, Saiki! What are you doing there?"
Saiki replied with total composure, "Good morning. Lady Tsunade was wasted last night, so I was just helping her tidy up her room."
"Oh, really?" Shizune didn't suspect a thing. She nodded obediently and asked with concern, "Is she okay?"
Saiki shook his head. "She's fine. Come on, let's go make her some hangover soup."
"Mm!"
Thump, thump, thump.
As they headed downstairs, Tsunade—now alone in her room—frantically pulled down her pants. She stared at her beautiful, perfectly hairless mound. It was drenched in her own moisture, the "creek" within the valley still muddy from her dream.
She touched herself, confirming again that Saiki hadn't entered her. But then the weight of her own actions hit her. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
First, Saiki had torn her clothes off. Now, she had practically dry-humped him in her sleep. Tsunade had no idea how she was supposed to look him in the eye ever again.