Abyss
It was dusk when I finally came from the waters to find a text that said I could return to the mansion. "Dang it," I muttered, realizing I had left Onyx waiting despite our agreement.
I had only intended to sleep a half hour or a bit longer, not most of the day. I was so exhausted from everything that the time slipped by without my knowing. I chewed on my own lip until it stung as I hesitated, "what do I text him back with?"
I worried over things like this. I pretended to be all tough, but even the worry for someone's approval or their dissatisfaction still plagued me every day.
Especially if it was him.
"Sorry, I had something come up. Is it still free?" I asked in my text, hoping he would just brush it off.
It did not take long for a ding to show up on my screen. I scowled not because of the text but because my phone was running out of battery, and even in the dimming light it was hard to make out what was on the screen. I had to squint and peer closer to deduce his somewhat broken but still eloquent-looking Thai.
I mean, who am I to talk? Languages were really easy for me to pick up, even the written ones, but it was not as if I was perfect at them either. I briefly wondered if it was similar for his species.
His text read, "Yes, you can still come. Aunt should be out a long time due to the festivities. Pixie is still here if you want to catch her before she goes off to play."
I gave it a thumbs up and strode off to find a taxi or something to hail and get to that mansion.
I sighed and steadied myself as I tried to straighten my shoulders and look confident when I stepped out of the car and faced the building before me. I knew I needed to appear as if I belonged, but I felt anything but.
I was not sure what conversation we would have. Doubts filled me as I looked at my shaking hands and the stone pillars that held more might than my own body did. Could I really do this? Our relationship had been one of comfortable avoidance until now. Slow, painstaking, and full of distrust and secrets on my part.
Changing from anything but that was hard.
It was easier when I could fool myself into thinking I was edgy and deadly. What a hilarious irony. I am the most combat trained of us all with such an intense, dangerous look, and yet I am the only one who has not killed anyone. Compared to the soft face of Sarit, the sweet elegance of Onyx, even my past tribal members, I was all but a poser.
Still, one of the things Sarit said rang in my ears. "To be a brave person is not to be one lacking in any fear, it is to fight on anyway. The fear teaches us we have something we are scared of losing, and most anything that is worth fighting for means you first have to step through that fear."
That was when I first started learning how to defend myself physically, instead of just relying on others and the spite that filled my veins.
They say hatred can sometimes take you further than a docile personality. I knew that was how Sarit coped all those years.
I also knew that beginning to loosen my hold on that hatred was a very uncomfortable feeling that could leave one lost. The goals we once fought for had become blurry.
As if anticipating my knock, he had already opened the door. I did not realize at first and just remained spaced out. When I blinked into focus he was just staring at me patiently.
"Whoa, when did you get here?" I said, taken aback.
"A minute or two ago. I was just wondering what was going through your mind," he responded, quietly checking my face. I could tell he wanted to figure it out just by staring at me, but I merely shrugged and followed him inside.
Immediately Pixie ran up to me when we entered a nice room with couches and golden etchings on the wall. "Hi Phi Abyss!!" she said in her sweet voice as she wrapped her arms around me in a hug.
I could not deny she was one of the cutest, sweetest children I had ever seen, even including those in the ocean. She certainly had this air of whimsy that would make one smile.
"Hello, dear, how have you been?" I asked, lightly embracing her back. For some reason she had seemed especially attached to me lately.
My mood lightened seeing her so excited. "Phi Abyss, I am doing okay! Do you want to come play with me for Songkran?"
Suddenly my mind was brought back to Onyx mentioning festivities earlier. "Festivities?" I turned, inquiring to the little one's sweet father.
He just nodded and briefly explained. The both of us communicated with our expressions that sadly it would be best if we did not go, but I could tell Pixie really wanted to. I felt I did not have the right to intervene given I was not yet a person who could be considered family or her father, but I also did not want to leave all the responsibility to him so I said, "Well, I really wish I could. How about I go play with you if it's okay with your dad, tomorrow? Sadly today I cannot."
The little girl pouted again. I felt sad realizing how lonely she must be and I swore to myself to spend a lot more time playing with her. After all, the girl lost her aunt-in-law, who she clearly cherished, and was struggling to adapt to this society. Was there more to this though?
I was on the outside of this the whole time, a stranger. I unfortunately realized how much I did not actually know about this family.
It dawned on me, a nagging feeling in the back of my head that I had neglected to notice something, that there were more secrets in this family than I had ever imagined.
It was as if a shadow of death loomed over us.