**After dawn broke and we confirmed the outside was clear, we finally left our hiding place and fled the city.**
Some distance beyond the city limits we found a house, more accurately a small cabin standing alone in the middle of a green clearing. We hurried toward it and pounded on the door, hoping someone was inside. No answer came. My brother broke the door in and we entered. The place looked relatively new, yet empty of any human presence even after we searched every room. There was plenty of water and food. It was a suitable place to live.
This is a summary of the most important thing we found in these five years. It really is a good place. We rarely encounter any creatures nearby, and its location is strategic, close enough to the city that we can still forage for supplies. We even found two chickens while scavenging. I have no idea how they survived, but we brought them back. Each lays one egg a day. Not enough to live on, but useful nonetheless.
● It's raining now.
● My brother is asleep on the couch.
● I checked on the chickens. They're sleeping too.
● I checked the garden.
Everything is fine for now.
I looked at my brother. Still deep in sleep, relaxed, his face free of the usual tension. For five years we both suffered from insomnia. Sleep was never restful. When we managed it at all we usually woke terrified from nightmares. I still struggle with that. But he seems to be recovering at last. He's been through so much. He deserves better.
I never thought I would return to writing in this journal again, but I had nothing else to do. No harm in writing a little.
The last few years were hard. Most of them were nothing but continuous grief and trauma. I don't know if it came more from the massacre I witnessed or from my father abandoning me. And all of it happened while I was still a child. That was what turned my life upside down. Grief owned me every day for years. I felt worthless, nothing but a problem in the lives of the people I loved. Everything I did only made their lives harder.
The moment we entered this house I locked myself alone in one of the rooms for days, then weeks. I cried bitterly every time the memory of that day returned, refusing to stop thinking about it. I ate almost nothing. My brother brought me food and tried to comfort me even though his own condition was no better. He shared the same pain, yet he remained steady, strong. He never left me. Even at his lowest he kept risking his life, going into the city to bring food for both of us. Even when I refused to eat what he brought, he still left it outside my door, untouched. When I finally emerged I found dozens of meals stacked there, waiting in the hope that I would eat them.
Then one day, alone as usual, I was staring at the broken ceiling of my room, thinking about everything my brother was doing for me and everything I was doing for him. In that moment I understood: I had been nothing but a burden. All that time he had been risking his life for me while I stayed glued to the bed, crying like a child.
That was when I realized my father's words had been true. I was only an obstacle for my brother, increasing his suffering, increasing his exhaustion, giving nothing in return. I was a burden.
Shame and intense self-hatred rose in me. I got up from the mattress and left the room for the first time in weeks. I found my brother sitting at the table, eating. Exhaustion dominated his face, yet he smiled the moment he saw me, as if trying to hide his condition. He invited me to eat with him. That only deepened my guilt for leaving him in such a state. I went to him and hugged him hard, apologizing for abandoning him. He hugged me back just as tightly, as if the embrace carried every pain we had endured. He only patted my back gently and said nothing.
I sat with him at the table. I had no appetite, but I forced myself to eat.
From that day on I went with him on every trip into the city. We faced many difficult, terrifying, and deadly situations, yet we always came out alive. Sometimes I even went alone without telling him, trying to repay the debt of his protection during my worst periods. He hated that. Every time I did it, it ended in an argument. He was afraid for me, but my guilt drove me to ignore what he said. Eventually he convinced me to stop.
After that we began trying to restore some stability. We started planting seeds and plants we found in the city, hoping to create a reliable food source and reduce the need to leave the house. The experiment was not entirely successful at first. The soil here wasn't fertile enough, and the weather was unstable, but that was no reason to quit.
Sometimes we found human or animal corpses the zombies hadn't consumed yet. We took them, ate the meat, and ground the bones for fertilizer. I thought using human corpses, especially, was wrong, morally unacceptable. My brother, unlike me, didn't care about the ethics of it. In this new world, he said, morality only gets you killed. We couldn't discard a source of food simply because it was a corpse or once human like us. I resisted the idea for a while, but eventually accepted it after hunger pressed us hard one day.
Days passed. The crops began to grow better. We were overjoyed. Radishes were the most successful of our vegetables, abundant and fast-growing.
I think our lives are finally starting to stabilize.
It's a beautiful day outside. Rain pours from the sky, and that unique scent of rain slips into my nose, planting a feeling of pure happiness. I didn't expect to wake like this after such restful sleep. No insomnia, no strange events, just rest followed by a sense of euphoria upon waking.
My brother is in the kitchen preparing eggs and potatoes for us. Peace and calm are clear on his face.
Hah. I didn't expect that falling asleep while writing would give me this kind of rest.
He looked at me and said, "You look happy today. What's going on?"
"Nothing," I answered. "Just good sleep."
He laughed a little, then sat down and started eating. We both looked out the window, watching the rain in quiet. We weren't worried about anything. We weren't afraid of anything. Just a moment full of peace and calm.
We finished breakfast. I washed the dishes while he stayed seated, still watching the rain.
I went outside for a better look at the rain and to check on the garden and the chickens.
Wait. There's something coming from far away. That doesn't look good at all.
I called to my brother and told him to grab a weapon in case of danger.
What am I seeing? It's a normal human, but in such terrible condition that I'm amazed he's still alive. His clothes are soaked in blood, his right eye is missing, and deep gouges cover his body as if something tried to eat pieces of him.
At first we thought he was just another zombie, so we approached to finish him quickly. But the moment he saw us he started speaking, begging for help.
We drew closer cautiously. His voice was weak and broken. When he saw our weapons he said in a trembling voice, "Please, don't kill me. I'm not one of them…"
Then he staggered. He would have fallen if I hadn't caught him. His eyes stayed closed for a moment while he breathed in frantic, shallow gasps.
He opened his eyes. Our gazes met, and terror and shock flooded his face. He tried to scream but didn't have the strength. "M-m-monster…"
Suddenly the man began convulsing wildly. I threw him to the ground in alarm. A nearly giant worm burst from his head and shot toward me. At the last second I managed to raise my weapon and strike it down, killing it instantly.
I thought it was over. It wasn't. A strange sound came from the man's corpse. Another worm erupted from his chest and launched itself at my brother. It punched through his foot. He screamed in pain. I spun and killed it before things could get worse.
I dragged my brother inside and treated his foot as quickly as I could. Damn it, this is bad. The worm tore away a chunk of flesh, but luckily the wound isn't bleeding much. I bandaged it and laid him on the bed to rest.
What the hell. More worms started crawling out of the corpse. Five more that I could see. They must have been nesting inside him. They began eating the man's body and the two worms we had killed. The sight was disgusting.
I burned the corpse and the remaining worms. The rain wasn't much of an obstacle.
My brother is lying on the couch. He says the pain is starting to fade. He just needs rest.
Damn this feeling again. I went out to do a good deed, tried to help a man, and he called me a monster, just like the rest. I almost forgot how vile people can be. Why should I exhaust myself thinking about them? I just need to forget it. Overthinking won't help.
Hmm. What is this feeling? There's a pain in my head
Damn it. What happened to me? How long was I unconscious? Darkness has already fallen.
Wait, where is my brother? I've called him several times and he doesn't answer. Could something have happened to him?
There's a scratching sound coming from the bedroom. Someone or something is in there. I have to check. He might be in danger.
I'm standing in front of the door now. The scratching is getting louder. I'll open it, and the moment I see any monster I'll attack.
Oh. It's just my brother. He's more or less fine. I asked why he was making those noises. He said he was only looking for disinfectant for his wound.
That reassured me. I had been worried something had happened. Everything seems okay.
He left the room and went to sleep. I think I'll sleep too, but not yet. I'm a little hungry.
I'm back after a light meal. I don't feel sleepy, but I'll write until I doze off the way I did yesterday.
The mattress is comfortable. Moonlight slips through the gaps in the closed window. The sound of rain striking the roof in a steady rhythm adds a pleasant atmosphere.
I'm still puzzled by why I blacked out like that. Could the man's corpse have released some kind of sedative gas? That's the only explanation that makes any sense.
Hahaha. My brother's sleeping face is a little funny.
Damn, I woke him. He told me to go to sleep. Fine. I'll stop writing for now.
Ugh. That sound again. It's the middle of the night. My brother isn't in bed, so it must be him.
I can't sleep with all this noise. I'll go check on him.
It was my brother again. I found him eating my strawberry jam again. His habit really is annoying. Something a little funny happened. When I walked in on him my heart almost stopped. For a second I thought he was eating raw meat. Then I realized it was just strawberry jam. Everything that happened today has me hallucinating hard, and it didn't help that my brother's eating habits are disgusting. He eats the jam with his hands, no spoon, just dips his whole hand in. He's strange. I've told him again and again to stop, but he keeps ignoring me. Damn his stubbornness. The disgusting chewing sounds are still going, but I'll try to sleep.
Another beautiful day. The sky is raining again. Looks like we'll have good weather these next few days. The smell of coffee fills the air. My brother must have woken before me, as usual.
Great. He made coffee, just as I expected.
I teased him: "Don't tell me you finished the last jar of jam last night?"
"Heh. Sorry. I was hungry."
I laughed and shook my head, then started drinking the hot coffee. It was delicious. Warmth spread through me on this cold morning. These simple morning moments with my brother are the best part of the day. They make me feel at ease, as if all my problems have evaporated in an instant.
He noticed my strange look and asked why I was staring at him like that.
"It's just, I'm grateful you're in my life. I don't know what I would have done without you."
After a moment he answered, "Thanks for the kind words, brother. I don't know either."
"No, thank you. Because of you my life has become more normal than it ever was before."
We finished our coffee and went out to work on the garden as usual. The day passed ordinarily.
Finally we finished the hard work. We expanded the garden a bit, so it took longer than usual.
Damn. My head again. What's wrong with it these days? It's been hurting badly lately.
I'll try to ignore the pain for now. Maybe it'll go away.
These hallucinations are no longer a joke. Something is definitely wrong with me.
I'll be sitting quietly and suddenly start hearing rustling sounds behind me. When I turn around, there's no one there.
Even my brother has started looking at me strangely and has asked several times why I keep doing that. When I asked if he heard the same things, he always said no. Which means I'm the only one hearing them.
It isn't limited to strange sounds. Sometimes I see odd shadows moving at the edge of my vision. When I go to check, there's nothing, no one, not even footprints.
It scares me a little and leaves me unsettled, but there's nothing I can do except rest until these delusions disappear on their own.
We had lunch. Now I'm just sitting and reading some books we found in the city. Right now I'm reading a novel called Symphony of the Last Dawn. I like the story. The events are good and gripping. It kills the boredom I feel.
I was so absorbed in reading that I didn't hear the commotion outside. The chickens started screeching loudly. They must be fighting or something's wrong. I'll go check.
What? There's a tall tree near the house. I never noticed it before. How did it grow here?
The tree is strangely thin, brown, with small leaves. Could it be just another hallucination? It's completely illogical for a tree to grow from nothing to this size so quickly. But it isn't an illusion. I can touch it. This doesn't bode well. I'll burn it before anything bad happens.
I finished burning it. A lot of smoke is rising. The sight is actually beautiful. I wish my brother could see it. Wait, where is he?
He's asleep on the couch as usual. Bad luck for him. He missed this. I'll go back to reading until I get bored.
There's a strange sound outside again. What's with today? My brother woke up because of the noise too. We'll go check.
Oh no no no no, not now. Why now? Our lives had only just started to stabilize. There's a crowd of zombies heading straight for us. What brought them here? No time to think. We have to run.
We managed to escape, but my brother was bitten by one of them. It got very close to the house, but we killed it. Now we're just walking, having put enough distance between ourselves and the cabin.
Luckily we managed to bring one chicken and some food with us. At least we didn't lose everything, I think.
The road is completely empty, nothing but the occasional small tree and some birds feeding on an animal carcass.
I asked my brother where we should go. He stayed silent. I don't blame him. We've lost everything we built again.
He looks completely exhausted. Maybe we should rest a little.
We sat in the shade of a rock. We gave the chickens some water while we rested.
I looked at my brother. He seemed utterly broken, face pale, not a single word the entire way. I don't know what to do or what to say.
Oh, he spoke. "What are we going to do now? We've lost everything. Everything we built just disappeared."
I already knew that, but I tried to comfort him. "We're still together. That's the most important thing."
That eased him a little. "You're right. I can't believe I forgot that. I'm sorry."
But he was still sad.
I told him not to worry. We would find a new place, just like before.
He didn't answer. He only looked at me with a small smile.
A few minutes passed in the same state until he broke the silence. "I've wanted to ask you this for a long time, but I always forget. Why do you write down everything that happens to us in that journal? The events, the conversations, like right now. You're writing what I'm saying almost at the same time."
Honestly, I never really thought about why I write everything. After thinking for a moment: when I first got the journal I only intended to record daily moments so I wouldn't forget them later, so I wouldn't forget the moments I lived with my family. But now, in addition to that, I put all those anxious feelings and thoughts onto paper instead of letting them keep spinning endlessly in my head. It's my way of venting, pure and simple. Every word, every letter I write helps ease the negative feelings at least a little. That's why I try to write as much as I can, by writing everything.
He only looked at the sky and said, "I envy you for that."
We've rested enough. We need to find a place to stay before night falls.
Darkness is beginning to settle, and we still haven't found anywhere to shelter. We ran into a few zombies along the way but managed to avoid them. I just hope this day ends well.
Finally I spotted something in the distance, a massive wall. It has to be a safe place.
Wait a second. I can't believe it! There are people there. Hahaha. I can't believe my eyes. We're saved.
My brother looks a little excited too, though he's clearly tired. We need to hurry.
Damn damn damn damn. They wouldn't let us in. And it was because of my appearance again. We asked for help. They told us to identify ourselves. I said we were just survivors looking for shelter. They stayed silent for a moment, then suddenly started shooting arrows at us. While we were running I heard one of them say, "That man is walking with a monster. He must be another monster trying to trick us."
How I hate myself. I ruined our last chance at survival again because of this disgusting form I was born with. I can't forgive myself. All I do is bring trouble to my brother. Father was right. I only bring problems.
We managed to escape them. Now we're just out in the open, in a dead land empty of life, hoping nothing attacks us before morning.
I looked at my brother and asked what we should do now.
He answered that one of us would sleep while the other kept watch.
He was exhausted, so I took the first watch.
The place is pitch black. I can barely see anything except a faint light coming from that human fortress. That dim glow seemed to mock me, reminding me how unwanted I am, neither among the monsters nor among the humans.
I want to cry, but I don't want to disturb my brother or cause more problems.
I wish all of this were just a long nightmare. That I would wake up tomorrow and return to life as it used to be.
I hear a strange rustling behind me again. I look back. Nothing there.
These hallucinations will kill me one day. I've started noticing more shadows moving at the edges of my vision. I feel sharp breaths right in front of me, but nothing is there. My father's voice echoes annoyingly in my ears. Even my brother starts looking strange to me from time to time. I need sleep desperately. I'll wake him and go to sleep. I can't take any more of this.
Morning came. We packed our things and started moving, hoping to find a new house.
Several hours of relentless walking later, we finally reached a city.
The city was destroyed, as expected. The strange thing was the thick fog that blanketed everything.
The first thing we encountered upon entering was a crowd of zombies walking through the fog. We quickly fled and hid inside one of the buildings.
The place seems relatively safe. We might be in a store, but it's empty and full of corpses here and there.
My brother told me to search the bodies for anything useful. The smell is choking. I can barely breathe near them.
Things I found:
● A broken lighter and some paper money
● A soaked notebook, pages stiff and some torn, but still a few readable words
● A rusty knife
● A small camera, covered in blood and dust. I don't know if it still works.
Nothing truly useful so far. We left quietly after making sure no one was nearby. My brother told me to be careful. Anything could come out of this fog. Of course I know
Wait. Where is my brother? He was right in front of me a second ago. I tried calling him but he doesn't answer. I know it'll attract them, but I don't care right now. Where is he?
Damn it. I can hear zombies in every direction. I should have kept my eyes on him. No time. The sounds are getting closer. I have to find a safe place as fast as possible.
I survived by a miracle. One of them attacked me and gashed my arm, but I managed to kill it. Luckily I escaped into a pharmacy. I blocked the door with everything I could find, but it won't hold long. There's a crowd outside. If they get in, I'm finished.
I found some bandages. Good. I can stop the bleeding before it gets worse. There are a lot of medicines. I'll take everything I can. We might need them.
Great! There's medication for hallucinations. This will be useful. I'll grab as much as I can quickly.
No time to celebrate. The door is about to break. I have to get out of here and find my brother.
Phew. I escaped by a miracle. There was a back door, luckily, which let me get away.
Wait. That's my brother's voice. He's close!
I can't believe he's okay. I had almost lost hope of finding him. I asked why he disappeared. He told me I was the one who disappeared, not him. It doesn't matter now. The fog must have separated us. The important thing is we're together again.
He led me to a house that looked to be in decent condition. We'll spend the night here.
The inside is good. Dusty and full of spiderwebs, but better than nothing.
Excellent. There's some food.
We ate until we were full. Finally some rest. The house is quiet even though it's in the middle of a city full of zombies. Their sounds are barely audible outside, which means they're far from this place.
Damn. My head again. The hallucinations are back. This is the perfect time to try the medicine I found at the pharmacy.
It says take one pill with a little water. All right. I did that. Now I just have to wait a while.
My head is starting to calm a little. The voices I was hearing are beginning to fade. A strange feeling, as if I'm seeing things more clearly. Even the tightness in my chest is starting to disappear. Hahaha. I have to tell my brother the good news.
(What follows is not from the journal, but the actual events that occurred at that moment.)
Filmir turned toward his brother with a wide smile, ready to share the good news. But the smile vanished the instant he saw him.
His brother was leaning against the wall, bound with ropes. His skin was pale, half his face decomposed, mouth sealed with duct tape. He thrashed randomly, trying to free himself. He looked like a living corpse.
Horror flooded Filmir's face. He rushed over and began untying the ropes, his voice tight with fear and worry. "Brother! What happened to you? Who did this? When did they get to you?"
The moment the last rope fell, his brother lunged, slamming Filmir to the floor and biting at him, trying to devour him. Filmir stared in shock and terror, trying to defend himself while doing everything possible not to hurt his brother. His voice broke with grief. "Brother? Brother, answer me. Please say something."
It was useless. His brother kept attacking, tearing deep wounds into both of Filmir's arms until they bled heavily.
Filmir kicked him away hard, then gripped a knife with trembling hands. Tears filled his eyes as he looked at his brother.
"Stay back. Please. I don't want to hurt you."
The words meant nothing now. His brother had been gone for a long time. The thing charged again, caring nothing for blood ties. In the decisive moment Filmir drove the knife into its skull with all his strength.
He stood there staring at the body that had once been his brother, trying to comprehend what had just happened. The knife slipped from his fingers. The corpse collapsed.
Why? How?
Filmir sank to his knees beside the body. Tears flooded his eyes. He didn't care about his own wounds. He didn't care that the noise would draw every zombie in the area. He no longer had any will to live.
He pulled the lifeless body into his arms and hugged it, weeping with everything he had, remembering every moment they had shared, the happy ones and the painful ones, every hardship they had endured together, and now it was all gone.
After a long time he took out his journal, opened it under the growing sound of approaching zombies, and began to write.
(Back to the journal)
I can't believe I forced myself to accept all of this.
I don't know. I just don't know. I can't trust what I see anymore. All this time my brother was already a zombie. I went mad and refused to accept it. I refused to accept that the only person left to me had been gone for a long time. I don't even know when it happened. I no longer know if anything that happened to me was real. I deluded myself into thinking everything was fine. I deluded myself into believing he was still with me. And I only realized it now. My hands are bleeding heavily and the zombies have already surrounded the place, but I don't care. How I wish I had never taken those pills.
(What follows is not from the journal.)
Filmir closed the journal quietly and slipped it back inside his clothes. He looked at his brother's body one last time, then stood and began walking outside, ignoring the zombies screaming all around him. He stepped into the alley, stumbling between rubble and scattered corpses, indifferent to everything. He could hear them closing in, but he didn't quicken his pace. He didn't even try to avoid them.
He looked down at his hands, soaked in his brother's blood, the blood of the person dearest to his heart.
He kept walking through the fog, directionless, purposeless. Just walking, waiting for the end.
As he moved through the mist, shadows began to appear among the ruins, familiar silhouettes emerging from the smoke like ghosts of distant memories.
A figure resembling his father passed him, walking in the opposite direction, eyes fixed ahead, never looking at Filmir. Filmir showed no reaction and kept walking.
Then his mother passed by, moving slowly, eyes full of tears, but she did not turn toward him either. She stared forward, ignoring him completely.
After that came the silhouettes of people he had known at various points in his life, the children he had played with as a boy, the soldiers who had helped them, the survivors he had traveled with. All of them passed with blurred faces while Filmir continued forward without glancing at any of them.
Suddenly the phantoms began to fade. The fog thinned gradually. For a few brief seconds the silhouette of his dead brother appeared ahead of him, standing motionless, looking at him with a gentle smile.
Filmir stopped in front of it and met its eyes. Longing and grief filled his chest. Before continuing on, he whispered in a low voice thick with emotion:
"Thank you for your kindness to me. You were with me through every hard time, every happy moment and every sad one. You never cared about my appearance or how little use I was to you. You always looked at me as a brother, not as a monster. I wish you were here so I could say this to you. But every second with you was a gift beyond price."
Sunlight struck Filmir's face, burning his skin. He ignored the pain, covered himself as best he could, and continued toward the dead land from which they had originally come, leaving the city behind. His hands bled freely without stopping. His death was only a matter of time.
He walked for several more minutes until he felt as if he had collided with something underfoot. He looked down and found a small boy lying on the ground. The child was wearing clothes far too large for him. Filmir had no idea why. He looked at the boy with eyes full of pain and sorrow for everything that had happened. He sat down and studied the child's face carefully to see if he was still alive.
The boy was still breathing, but the marks of hunger and thirst were clear on his face.
Filmir felt a flicker of regret and sadness, though he didn't know what he was supposed to do. He took the water bottle from his pocket, opened it slowly, and began giving the child water with trembling hands.
Then he collapsed onto the ground from exhaustion. He knew this would be the end, but he wanted to do at least one good thing before he died, even if it was the last. With difficulty he rose, pulled out his journal one final time, opened it to the last page, and began to write.
I won't live much longer. The blood is pouring and refuses to stop. I can barely write these words, but I will not die before doing at least one useful thing. I will dedicate the last moments of my life to saving this child. As for me, I have no hope of living, and no desire for it either.
Child, if you are reading this, I want to thank you for being here in the final moment of my life.
Because of you I was given the chance to do something of value in this life, even if it is the last thing I do. There is food and water in my bag. I think you can make use of them. And don't go into that city. It's dangerous. Circle around it. You'll find a place full of rubble. Start walking in the opposite direction from the city. After several hours you'll see a fortress with some people in it. I think they will help you.
My name is Filmir Reid. I am twenty years old. I lived in the city of Arcadia. I was born with a condition that makes sunlight unbearable, and the blood I lose can only be replaced by blood from an external source. This condition made me resemble the monsters. It made my life difficult, and even in my final moments my story ends here. But not for you. I will die here, but I want you to keep living, to find the hope I never found. Live your life. Make friends. Play with them. Don't be a burden to them. There isn't enough space left to write more, so my last words to you are simply this: live for my sake.
Filmir closed the journal quietly and slipped it inside his clothes for the last time. In his final moments he stood in front of the boy to shield him from the sunlight. He smiled faintly despite the pain devouring his body and whispered in a soft voice:
"At least this time, I managed to do something good."
With his last breath he sank to his knees, then collapsed completely, leaving behind his final will.
(Return to Jesse and the others)
Jesse closed the journal slowly. Compassion and gratitude marked his face. Mira and Joseph had fallen asleep long ago.
He looked at the journal as a tear slipped from his eye, moved by the horrors Filmir had endured, and by the fact that, even in his final moments, he had still saved someone. A deep respect for the man settled in Jesse's chest. He closed his eyes for a moment, wiped the tear from his cheek, and took a long breath.
He had never known him, never met him in person, yet he wished he could have.
Jesse returned the journal to his shirt, then looked at the sleeping Mira and Joseph. He felt tired as well, but his heart was heavy with emotion. He rose and stepped outside the cabin. The sun was beginning to set. He watched the people of the settlement walking the paths, happy, unworried about the dangers beyond the walls. A small smile touched his lips as he murmured:
"I wish if we could get to know each other more"