Chapter 10: Talking About Life
By the midpoint of the PE period, at least half the students had found a corner to play games or chat. Only a small fraction was actually exercising.
The April weather was beginning to feel pleasantly warm.
Among them, the golden boy Hayato Hayama led a group in a game of soccer. Saika Totsuka was also quite popular, playing tennis with a few classmates.
Those flushed cheeks, fair skin, and that smile while running made Akishin doubt Shizuka's roster entries more than once.
And then, there was the one lone wolf...
Akishin walked to the edge of the flower bed, watching Hachiman as he sat with his head down, apparently counting ants. "Hikigaya-kun, why aren't you joining the others?"
Usually, Hachiman spent his PE periods like this. If there was a group activity, he'd simply tell the teacher that no one wanted to pair with him because the class had an odd number of students, allowing him to sequester himself! For example, when playing tennis, he'd find a corner, face the wall, and play solo.
Startled by the sudden voice, Hachiman jerked his head around. Seeing it was Akishin, he nearly toppled over in surprise. Akishin reached out and caught him, steadying his balance.
"Ugh! Thank you, Chishima-sensei."
"I'm the one who startled you; I should be the one apologizing," Akishin said, sitting down on the edge of the planter next to him.
Hachiman glanced at Akishin, wanting to move away from this terrifying teacher, but since that would be too blatant, he stayed put. "Chishima-sensei, where did you teach before this?"
"How did you know I've taught before?"
Hachiman rolled his eyes. "You look to be around twenty-five or twenty-six. There's no way you're a fresh graduate straight out of the academy."
"Fair point." Akishin chuckled. "Though, I'm actually only twenty-four. I guess I just look a bit older."
It was true. Anyone who had spent over a year as a hitman would find their appearance changing. Especially with that lifestyle; sometimes, to take out a target, he'd have to crouch on a rooftop for three or four days straight.
Hachiman rolled his eyes again. Was the age really the main point here?
"So, Hikigaya-kun, why aren't you looking for friends to play with?" Akishin asked with a smile. This student was the most interesting one in class! He'd noticed that Hachiman had a habit of observing others whenever he was alone.
"I don't have friends," Hachiman muttered flatly.
"Hahahaha!" Akishin burst into laughter. Hachiman shot him a resentful glare. He suspected the new teacher was just here to mess with him. (Author: He absolutely is!)
The laughter died down. Akishin looked out at the students on the field. "Hikigaya-kun, did you know? I was actually supposed to start teaching here last week."
"Then why...?" Hachiman half-opened his dead-fish eyes. He couldn't wrap his head around this Chishima-sensei. Since entering high school and embracing solitude, there hadn't been a person he couldn't figure out—or at least see through.
The rest was just stuff he chose not to see.
Though he'd hate to admit it, Hachiman had his own brand of pride.
But...
This Chishima-sensei was a complete enigma.
"Because I had to be hospitalized for a week before I could make it to school." Akishin looked up at the clear blue sky, smiling.
Hachiman's eyes widened. Those words struck a chord. He himself had been hospitalized for a month due to an accident on the first day of school, and after returning, he hadn't been able to fit in at all.
While he had his own reasons, if it hadn't been for that accident, he might have had a few friends. He wouldn't have ended up this pathetic. He'd spent all of his freshman year alone; half the class probably didn't even know his name.
Even if he'd made peace with it, the memory still stung. As for those normies...
"Did something happen?" Hachiman asked.
"Haha, yeah. Something happened. I almost died." Akishin's smile didn't waver. "Remember that massive rainstorm last week?"
"Of course I remember." That was the night Komachi had cried because their parents weren't home, running into Hachiman's room so they could sleep in the same bed.
"It was that day." Akishin reached a palm toward the sky, as if trying to grasp something. "I was mugged in the middle of that downpour, slashed three times by a thug. There wasn't a soul around. In a storm like that... I honestly thought it was over for me."
"And then?" Hachiman asked, his voice tensing. He imagined the scene—blinding rain, bleeding out, unable to stand, no one to hear your cries. Just the feeling of your life force slowly withering away. The sheer despair of it.
Just imagining it gave him chills. What was going through Akishin's head as the one actually experiencing it?
"And then I was saved by someone! Hahahaha!" Akishin threw his arms out and laughed maniacally.
Hachiman's expression froze. It took him a few seconds to process the reaction, and then he turned his head away in annoyance. Definitely. Chishima-sensei is purely here to play with my head.
Dammit!
Akishin looked at him. "You don't think I'm lying, do you? It really happened."
When Hachiman turned back, Akishin lifted his shirt slightly, revealing the clean white bandages beneath. But in the center of the white, there was a dark stain that ruined the aesthetic—likely wet from medicine or other fluids.
Hachiman looked at him, his voice dropping an octave. "If you're hurt, why aren't you still resting?"
"I'm mostly fine. My physical condition is top-notch."
Hachiman went quiet. He stared at Akishin, who was pulling his shirt back down, and recalled the line that had sounded like a joke: "I almost died." He re-confirmed it: Chishima-sensei was truly terrifying.
Akishin continued, "Actually, Hikigaya-kun, I'm not telling you this for any specific reason. I'm just feeling a bit emotional and wanted to talk about life. Back then, I really thought I was a goner. It's only after facing death that you start thinking about things. I still have so many regrets... In the face of life itself, most things in this world just aren't that important. You don't need to take them so seriously."
"Is Sensei suggesting I should actively look for friends?" Hachiman asked dryly. No point. Hiratsuka-sensei has lectured me a thousand times. It's not that I won't, it's that I can't.
"No." Hachiman didn't expect Akishin to shake his head. "I just wanted to offer a perspective that might not be entirely 'correct'—in the face of life, most things become fragile; wealth, power, even the anxieties you have now. If you use that as your core lens to view the world, most things lose their sting. All you can do is, within this limited life, live according to your own thoughts to make it memorable. My words mean different things to different people. Of course, just listen, Hikigaya-kun. Don't take it too seriously. I am a teacher, after all. Hahaha..."
Akishin laughed again. Luckily, no one was nearby, or they'd be getting some very strange looks.
Hachiman watched him. His confusion regarding Akishin only grew. He heard the words, and they felt earth-shaking, yet only to a point. His mindset wouldn't change just because of one sentence.
He had spent far too long as an observer for that.
"Look at these students." Akishin pointed toward the field. "They're always talking about praising youth. High schoolers are the very representation of youth."
Hachiman watched him, waiting for the punchline.
"No, that's actually wrong." Akishin shook his head. "The ones who truly praise youth aren't the students who happen to possess it. On the contrary, it's the adults in society who have lost it. The TV, anime, games, novels you consume... they're all made by adults trying to sell you the idea that youth is beautiful. It is beautiful, sure, for most people. They only realize it after it's gone, but youth isn't actually as wonderful as they claim. It's exaggerated. They only miss it because life after graduation is so much worse. Japan's suicide rate is number one in the world because social pressure is a nightmare. Hikigaya-kun, out of your classmates, how many will actually make it to university? For those who don't, their futures are basically set; inherit the family business or learn a trade. They can see their lives laid out until the day they die. They know this, so in high school, they desperately try to resolve any regrets. Like, finding a girlfriend..."
Hachiman listened in silence. He had to admit, Akishin was speaking directly into the void in his heart. It was exactly what he thought: Youth is a lie (mononoke).
Only, Akishin said it more clearly, more nakedly, and more cruelly.
"So, Hikigaya-kun." Akishin looked at him seriously. "The most important thing for you right now is to study so you can get into the University of Tokyo and have a broad future. High school is only three years. Barring accidents, the average life expectancy in Japan means you'll live to your seventies or beyond. Compared to that long span, this time right now is the pivot for your entire future life. Don't get obsessed with other people's lives."
"Anyway, Hikigaya-kun, am I talking too much?" The topic shifted, and Akishin smiled again. "Don't take it too seriously. I just found you unique and couldn't help but get philosophical."
"No." Hachiman offered a small smile of his own. He gave a sincere bow and said, "Chishima-sensei's words gave me a lot to think about. I'll keep them in mind and study hard."
See!
Chishima-sensei, you're a fake teacher!
Where in Japan would a teacher talk to a student like this? Especially that bit at the start; if that got out, it'd be a total breach of conduct, you know.
Akishin reached out and patted Hachiman's shoulder with a squinty-eyed smile. But internally, he wondered: Will these words make Hikigaya-kun even less likely to socialize?
Akishin extended an invitation: "Hikigaya-kun, tomorrow is the grand opening of my izakaya. I'd like to invite you to come. Not to work, mind you. Sensei will treat you to some delicious food."
"Chishima-sensei is even opening an izakaya!" Hachiman's head snapped up.
"Just a hobby! Keep it a secret. Hiratsuka-sensei is coming too. If you're down, I'll tell her to pick you up. I think I'll be heading out early tomorrow anyway."
"Hiratsuka-sensei is going too?"
"Of course, we're friends."
Hachiman looked at Akishin, thought for a moment, and nodded. "Okay, I'll come. I'll be in your care, Chishima-sensei."
Didn't expect Hiratsuka-sensei to actually have friends.
"My pleasure. The more, the merrier."
...
After finishing the class, Akishin brought his materials back to the office with a wide grin.
Shizuka Hiratsuka was still grading. She glanced at him and laughed. "You look happy. I guess the first day went smoothly."
Akishin laughed. "I found a very interesting student!"
Shizuka arched an eyebrow. "Who?"
"Hachiman Hikigaya."
Shizuka slapped a hand to her forehead, massaging it with a pained expression. "He's a problem student."
"Problem student? Aren't his grades great?"
"It's not his grades, it's his personality. He hasn't fit in since freshman year. I'm always worried he'll get bullied, but I haven't found a good way to fix him yet."
"I think you're overthinking it, Hiratsuka-sensei. That kid isn't going to get bullied."
Shizuka stopped her pen and stared at Akishin. "What did you talk to him about?"
"Nothing much. Just a little talk about life."
"A talk about life?"
"Exactly! By the way, Hiratsuka-sensei, I invited Hachiman Hikigaya. Could you pick him up on your way over tomorrow?"
"To your izakaya?"
"Of course!"
...
(Note: Newcomer author begging for support/votes! Whispering: Is this getting a bit boring/long-winded?)
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