Still looking down at the stage, I froze even more when he suddenly turned his gaze in my direction. I didn't know if he really saw me or if it was just a coincidence, but in that moment, it felt like I was the only person in front of him.
I felt like a statue—unable to move, unable to breathe properly. The moment our eyes met, my chest ached, a mix of nerves and memories I had tried so hard to bury. I didn't wait for the moment to stretch any longer. I quickly stood up and walked out of the social hall.
In the hallway, I leaned against the wall, clutching my tightening chest. I quickly grabbed my inhaler and used it, forcing myself to calm down. My heart was racing, but gradually, I could breathe again.
"Why is he even studying here?" I muttered in irritation. "He got here before you, Jai! Think for it!"
"Oishhh!!" I groaned, running my hands through my hair in frustration.
"Jai!"
A voice called from behind me. I turned to see Krit and Van approaching, both out of breath.
"Why are you guys out of breath?" I asked.
"Are you serious?" Van replied. "Why did you suddenly leave the social hall?"
"Uh… I needed to… um… I couldn't breathe," I said, trying to stay calm.
"Another attack?" Krit asked seriously.
I nodded.
"I'm fine. Don't worry."
Krit let out a long sigh.
"Jai, you have to tell me when you're having an attack. Don't leave just like that."
"I am really okay," I smiled, trying to ease his worry.
Van stayed quiet, looking at us like he wanted to ask something.
"What, you've got something on your mind?" Krit teased him.
"Huh? N-no," Van answered quickly. "Let's go, we'll be late for class."
As we walked, I couldn't help glancing back at the social hall. I didn't know if he really saw me or if he would have said something if I hadn't bolted. On my very first day at university, it seemed like it wasn't just studying I would face—but feelings I thought I had already buried.
Once Van and I entered the classroom, we immediately sat in the vacant seats in the middle. Just as we were settling, someone tapped my shoulder, and I turned to see a smiling guy greeting me.
"Hi!"
I smiled and waved back. "Hello!"
"First-year too?" he asked
"Uh… yes. You too?" I asked back.
He nodded. "Yes!"
"I'm Kim, by the way."
"I'm Jai, and this is Van," I introduced, pointing to my companion.
"Nice to meet both of you!" he said cheerfully.
Just that simple conversation eased the weight off my chest. I thought I would be alone in this new beginning, but it seemed like there were people willing to make sure I wasn't.
Hours passed, and the class finally ended. We were all clearly tired and hungry.
"Ayghee!" Van exclaimed, stretching. "I'm starving. Let's eat!"
"Sure. Kim, join us," I invited.
"Sure!" he replied.
In the canteen, I couldn't help glancing around for Krit. Kim noticed it.
"Who are you looking for?"
"Ah, Krit. We were supposed to eat together, but he's still not here."
"Ahhh. Your friend?"
Before I could answer, Van jumped in.
"Kim, come with me to get food. I'm starving!"
"Sure! Jai, what do you want? I'll get some for you," Kim offered.
"Anything's fine. Thanks!" I smiled.
While waiting at the table, I couldn't stop thinking about why Krit hadn't arrived yet. When Zo and Van returned with food—and still no Krit—I sent him a message.
"Where are you?"
"On my way. Just finished class."
After reading his reply, I started eating. I noticed some vegetables on my plate and quietly set them aside. I am not totally a fan of vegetables. Kim noticed.
"You don't like veggies?"
I nodded.
"I'll take them then!" Van said immediately, grabbing the vegetables off my plate.
"Jai did not even say yes yet, and you're already taking it! Greedy that much Van?" Kim teased.
"It's better than letting them go to waste," Van defended himself.
"I don't know about you—just a glutton, really!"
"You're just jealous. Here, I'll give you some so you won't be jealous anymore," he joked.
I just laughed at their banter.
Minutes later, Krit arrived with his own food and drinks. He sat beside us, and I introduced him immediately. With that simple greeting, it felt like our small group was slowly forming—filled with laughter, teasing, and new beginnings.
"Aysstt, I'm totally full!" Van exclaimed, holding his stomach as we walked down the hallway.
I couldn't help but smile at him, but before I could say anything, three students approached us—two girls and a guy. They looked like seniors.
"Excuse us! Can we talk to you guys for a moment?" one of the girls asked politely.
"For what?" Kim asked, curious.
"Uh… it's for our club. We're looking for someone to model."
The four of us exchanged confused glances.
"Me!" Van suddenly shouted, raising his right hand. "I can do it! I mean, I'm handsome enough, right?!"
The seniors glanced at each other, smiling awkwardly. "Uh…"
"You are handsome," one of them said, "But we've already picked someone."
"Ha?" Van's face fell.
"That's him," one of the girls added, slowly pointing in Krit's direction.
We all turned to look at Krit. I could see the surprise on his face.
"Huh??" he reacted loudly.
The seniors nodded.
"You! You fit our concept perfectly."
"Me? No way. I don't know anything about modeling P!" he replied, shaking his head and glancing around as if searching for an escape.
"Please…" one of the girls almost begged. "We really can't find anyone like you. Handsome, tall, attention-grabbing. Please!"
Krit became even more embarrassed, shaking his head repeatedly.
"Sorry… I really…"
"If he doesn't want to, then I'll do it!" Van cut in again, stepping forward toward the seniors.
One of them blocked him lightly.
"You're good there," they joked.
"Auw!" Van complained as he stepped back.
I couldn't help but laugh at the situation, but I could feel the tension around Krit. He wasn't used to this kind of attention—even though it was obvious that he stood out.
I stayed quiet, just watching him.
Krit looked at me, clearly waiting for my reaction. We locked eyes for a moment before I gently nodded. In my mind, I thought maybe this was a chance for him to try something new—not just schoolwork.
"I'll think about it first," he said to the seniors.
They smiled, seemingly pleased with his answer.
"Okay, no problem," one of them said cheerfully. "Can we know your names?"
"Uh… Krit, from the Department of Surgery. And these are my friends Jai, Van, and Kim, first-years from Internal Medicine."
"Ahhh, okay. By the way, I'm Green, these are Pim and Korn, your seniors from the Department of Psychiatry. Then, I guest see you at the rehearsal if you agree. Thank you!" They waved goodbye before leaving.
Once the seniors left, Krit sighed deeply. I know he was hesitating to do the modeling, so I approached him immediately to comfort him.
"Oiii! Why me?" he nearly whined.
"That's what I'm saying," Van said. "I could have done it. They're too choosy."
"Seriously?" Kim interjected. "Even me wouldn't agree if it's you!"
Van frowned.
"Aww, you've been like this since then... if I show you my moves? Bet you'd fall.!"
"Nyee, nyee! Bleh!" Kim stuck out his tongue and ran away suddenly.
"Hey, Kim!" Van shouted, chasing after him.
I just shook my head, watching the two of them running down the hallway. Beside me, Krit remained silent, still processing what had just happened.
"Do you think… I should try?" he asked quietly.
I smiled.
"Why not? It's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. And it really suits on you."
He looked at me, searching for reassurance, and when I nodded, a small smile appeared on his face. He never really believes me right away when I compliment him—he always thinks I'm teasing him.
"Is that a compliment?" he asked.
"I guess so." I answered.
"I'm not convinced, is it really?" he asked again.
"You ask too many questions, I already change my mind."
"Oiii, Jai!!!" he exclaimed, hugging my arm tightly. "I'm nervous!"
"Don't be. This is your chance to show everyone how talented—and handsome—you are. You've got this!"
He grinned, seemingly relieved by my words.
On our very first day, so much was happening—new people, new opportunities, chances that could change the course of our lives.
The next day, we went straight to the rehearsal room the seniors mentioned. Upon arrival, we noticed almost all the people there were seniors, and it seemed we were the only first-years. It was a little awkward at first, so we kept glancing around, trying to figure out where to sit.
"Aww, Krit, Jai, Kim!" P'Green greeted cheerfully when he saw us. "Have you been here long?"
"Uh, we just arrived, P'Green," Krit replied.
"Okay," he smiled. "So… have you decide to join?"
"Yes, P'Green. I'll do it!" Krit nodded.
"Uieee Krit, thank you! Okay, guys he agreed. Let's start the rehearsal!" P'Green shouted to the whole room.
They immediately prepared Krit and taking care of him while Kim and I sat on the side to watch. A few minutes later, P'Pim approached us. Van wasn't there because he needs to go somewhere.
"Uhm, Jai, can I ask a favor?" he asked politely.
"Sure, what is it, P'?" I replied.
"Can you borrow a guitar from the Music Club? We're gonna use it as a props for Krit."
"Ah, okay! We'll borrow it," I answered with a smile.
Without hesitation, Kim and I set off to find the Music Club, our steps quick with anticipation. We wandered through the hallways, turning corners and peeking into different rooms, unsure if we were going the right way. Several false leads later, we shared a relieved glance, realizing we hadn't given up yet. Finally, we spotted the door with a small sign that read "Music Club," and a wave of excitement ran through us.
"This must be it, Jai!"
"Yeah, I think so" I replied.
I stepped closer to the door, my heart pounding in a way I couldn't quite explain. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to raise my hand and knock. Almost instantly, the door swung open, revealing a tall guy in uniform, the top button of his shirt casually undone. His hair was perfectly neat, and a soft, gentle smile curved across his face, putting me at once on edge and at ease.
"Can I help you?" he asked.
Kim and I just froze, completely mesmerized. We couldn't tear our eyes away, caught in his charm. For a few long seconds, neither of us said a word.
"Nong?" He added, and bring us back to our senses.
"Uhh…" I glanced at Kim briefly before looking back at him. "We'd like to borrow a guitar P. It's for the Photography Club, if that's okay?"
"Ahh, mm… come in!" he said.
We nodded shyly and stepped inside, our footsteps suddenly feeling louder in the quiet room. A student cradling a guitar turned toward us, and my eyes immediately widened. My heart skipped a beat.
It was P'Thorn.
For a moment, time seemed to slow. His expression mirrored mine perfectly—shocked, frozen, almost like he couldn't believe his own eyes. I could see the slight hitch in his breath, the way his fingers tightened around the guitar, and it made me wonder if he felt the same whirlwind of surprise and something more that I did.
"What kind of guitar do you need?" the guy who opened the door asked.
I couldn't answer at once. I couldn't take my eyes off P'Thorn, who stood there silently holding a guitar.
"Jai…" Kim whispered beside me.
I still didn't move.
"Hey, Jai!" he nudged my shoulder lightly.
"Huh?" I turned, finally coming back to reality.
"He's asking what kind of guitar we need."
"Ah! Uh—any kind will do," I replied awkwardly.
"Hmmm…" the senior pondered.
"Take this one from me," Thorn suddenly said, and we both looked at him.
"Really? We still have practice later," another member commented.
"Uh, I'll use the other guitar. Just take this one," he replied calmly.
"Oh, okay!"
He unhooked the guitar from his shoulder and stepped toward us, each movement deliberate and calm. My heart began to race, thumping harder with every step he took. No matter where I went, no matter how far, it seemed the world always had a way of pulling us back together.
"Mmm…" he handed the guitar to me.
I didn't take it right away, my eyes locked on his, trying to read every flicker of expression. My heart raced faster with each second, caught between curiosity and anticipation. For a moment, it felt like the world had narrowed down to just the two of us.
"Take it," he said, smiling slightly.
I reached for the guitar, but before I could take it, his hand stayed firmly on it, stopping me. Our eyes met, and for a heartbeat, the world seemed to pause around us. Then he smiled—a slow, teasing curve that made my chest tighten and my thoughts scatter.
He leaned in slightly and said softly,
"Nice meeting you again, Jai."
My heart skipped a beat. This wasn't like the attack yesterday—it wasn't sharp or painful, and my breathing felt steady. It was something else entirely, a strange fluttering I couldn't put into words.
I quickly grabbed the guitar, my cheeks warming, forcing myself to look away.
"Thank you," I said quickly, turning to leave.
"Thanks a lot, P'," Kim bowed before following me out.
Outside, Kim glanced at me, concern written all over his face.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked.
"Nothing," I replied quickly, picking up my pace as if the ground beneath me could carry me away from the feeling I couldn't name.
But deep down, I knew something had shifted inside me, and I wasn't sure I was ready to confront it.
After leaving the Music Club, I let out a long, shaky sigh. Confusion churned in my chest—why hadn't he seemed surprised to see me? It was as if nothing had happened between us, as if our last encounter meant nothing. Was it only me who felt awkward, caught in the echo of feelings I couldn't yet name?
"Haysss…" I muttered, shaking my head as we walked.
"What's wrong? Why do you look so annoyed?" Kim asked again curiously.
I stopped and looked at him.
"Jai?!" he added, more worried.
I couldn't bring myself to speak. I didn't want them to know—about me and P'Thorn. I didn't want to explain, didn't want to dig up a past I had worked so hard to bury.
"What is it, Jai?"
"Nothing," I replied curtly and walked back to the rehearsal room.
Kim looked puzzled but followed quietly. I still couldn't bring myself to tell them the truth—who knew if this had been our last encounter? I didn't want to make it more dramatic than it already was. I didn't want to add meaning to something that might mean nothing to him.
Back in the rehearsal room, we handed the guitar to P'Pim, my hands lingering just a moment longer than necessary.
"Thank you Kim, Jai!" he said happily.
"You're welcome,P!" I replied.
Kim and I sat down again to watch Krit rehearse, but no matter how much I tried to focus, my thoughts kept drifting back to P'Thorn's smile and his words. His tone was so normal. As if nothing had happened. And maybe… for him, it really didn't.
After rehearsal, we headed back to our classroom. I stayed quiet, my mind tangled with thoughts I couldn't shake. I didn't know whether to avoid it—or to brace myself for whatever might happen.
"Meung!!" Van's shout cut through the hallway as we stepped inside, making me jump.
Kim and I turned toward him, our expressions a mix of surprise and amusement.
"There's a social night later. Are you guys going?" he asked, practically vibrating with excitement.
"Ihh… what should we even do there?" Kim frowned, eyebrows drawn together.
"Probably joining party! What the hell are you, Kim?" Van replied, feigning annoyance, but his grin gave him away.
"Only first-years?" Krit asked cautiously, shifting from foot to foot.
"Uh… I heard yes, but some seniors will also perform too." Van added, eyes sparkling with mischief.
My chest tightened. If seniors were performing, the Music Club would probably be there. And if the Music Club was there… it meant I'd see P'Thorn again. The thought made my pulse spike in a way I couldn't control.
"What about you, Jai? Are you going?" Kim asked, tilting her head toward me.
I glanced at both of them, hesitant. Fingers twitching at the straps of my bag.
"Maybe not," I muttered, trying to sound casual.
"Aww!" Van frowned, mock exasperated. "Jai! This is just once-in-a-lifetime. We're first-years—we have to enjoy it! Right, Kim?"
Kim nodded, eyes softening.
"Yes, Jai. It's a freshman thing, so we should come."
"Uhhh… I'll message Krit first—"
Before I could finish, Van interrupted, leaning in like he knew exactly how to corner me.
"I already messaged Krit. He's coming too!"
I froze, my stomach twisting.
"Come on! You have to come!" Van pressed, a teasing gleam in his eyes.
"Alright! Fine, fine," I sighed, defeated, though my heart was racing.
I had no choice but to agree. Surely, with so many students, he wouldn't notice me… right?
But even as I tried to calm myself, a flutter in my chest betrayed the truth. I wasn't afraid to see him. What scared me was what would happen once our eyes met again.
———
I was lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling as my phone vibrated relentlessly with messages from Van and Zo. I really didn't want to go. I didn't know if it was because I might not like what would happen… or because I simply didn't want to see him.
"Ahhhhh!" I shouted, burying my face in my pillow and wrapping myself tightly in the blanket. "So annoying… so annoying!"
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
Tok. Tok. Tok.
"Jai?" a familiar voice called from outside. Krit.
I let out a long sigh before sitting up and opening the door. His face appeared serious, framed by that easy, intense focus he always carried.
"You really don't want to go?" he asked.
"I don't know," I snapped, irritated at my own hesitation.
"Why not? Come on, have fun."
"Tss," I muttered.
"Fine. If you won't go, then I won't go either."
"Huh?" My voice rose in surprise.
A wave of guilt hit me instantly. I didn't want him to stay behind just because of me.
"Krit, it's really fine. You guys go ahead."
"Nope. I won't change my mind unless you'll come."
"Ayss!" I groaned, pressing my palm to my forehead. "Fine, fine. I'll go. Wait… I just need to change."
He grinned like a kid at Christmas, clearly thrilled I was finally giving in. Honestly, I couldn't stand the thought of letting him have fun without me.
Together, we headed to the university, walking straight into the social hall. Even from outside, the noise hit us—a wave of music, laughter, and chatter. Inside, the room was packed. With so many students, there was no way he would notice me. Surely.
"Ehhhh! I thought you weren't coming?!" Van greeted us, holding a juice in each hand.
"Really? You forced us," I muttered.
"Come on! Let's go watch the band!" he shouted, practically dragging us into the crowd.
We squeezed through until we found a spot. The hall was huge, but the crowd was even bigger. I kept looking around nervously, worried he might be there without me noticing. Moments later, the program began.
"Everyone, let's welcome the Music Club from the Department of Surgery!" the host's voice boomed.
The hall erupted into cheers.
"First up, the richest and most talented drummer—none other than P'Way!"
He walked onto the stage. Wait… that was the same guy who had opened the door for us at the Music Club.
"Next, the handsome football team captain and ace electric guitarist—P'Art!"
A tall, serious-looking guy followed, radiating charisma. He looks like such a player, but you can tell from the way he looks that a lot of people are after him—guys and girls.
"Up next, the irresistibly charming bass guitarist and our very hot DJ of the night—P'Yujin!"
Even from his expression, you could tell he was the classic type. This one, though—he gave off such a classy vibe. Almost over-the-top rich, and out of the three, he was the most attractive to me.
"He's totally so handsome!" Kim blurted out, a wide grin on his face.
"Uhh! No kidding," Van said, leaning back. "That's why everyone's into him."
"What a waste," Kim muttered, shaking his head, almost like he was mourning some impossible prize.
I froze for a second. I thought I was the only one swooning over P'Yohan… but apparently, even my friends couldn't resist. My chest tightened slightly, a mix of embarrassment and something else I couldn't name.
"And last but definitely not least, the most handsome, talented, intelligent, and—above all—the guitarist and vocalist of the band—P'Thorn!"
The crowd roared even louder as he stepped onto the stage. He was wearing a black long-sleeve shirt, his hair perfectly styled, and a calm, confident smile gracing his face as he held his guitar.
I couldn't speak. I was frozen, mesmerized by the way he looked.
He began to sing. Clear, smooth, gentle… familiar. It was as if no time had passed. He sang
"Because I never needed anything before you came along…I was happy being alone before, but now I can't live without you…It's because I only want you…"
Back then, he only sang for me. Now, he sang for everyone. And then… our eyes met. I froze again like a statue. I couldn't hold his gaze. Even for a second, it felt unbearably heavy.
"I… I need to go to the comfort room." I whispered, barely audible, my throat tight.
I didn't wait for anyone to answer. I spun on my heel and stormed out of the social hall, my chest tight, desperate to escape the echo of his voice—the memories, the pull, the feelings I had spent so long trying to avoid.