Chapter 85 – The Matchmaking Tournament
What kind of achievement is this now?
Naruto sank into thought.
Plants vs. Zombies?
The system loved stirring trouble, but the names it gave achievements usually matched reality—
—quite literally.
The first things that popped into Naruto's mind were White Zetsu and Edo Tensei.
White Zetsu was basically a walking plant.
Edo Tensei was a zombie by another name.
Still, it felt a bit too far-fetched.
At this point in time only Orochimaru should know how to perform Edo Tensei.
He'd already left the Akatsuki Organization and was currently in Konoha; the odds of him clashing with White Zetsu were slim.
Even if something did happen, it had nothing to do with him.
Was a Shadow Clone stirring up trouble?
Naruto could only blame the rogue clone wandering somewhere out there.
That is, until he reached the Treehouse and saw the scars and blood covering the ground.
"Naruto, it was terrifying."
With a mid-air somersault, Six-Ears leapt from the canopy. "You won't believe what I saw."
It rattled on excitedly about last night's events.
Fighting Danzo until midnight had it absolutely thrilled.
Naruto instinctively glanced at his calm vegetable and fruit plots.
Right now they looked nothing like the battleground Six-Ears described.
He'd never have imagined "Plants vs. Zombies" would turn out like this.
The plants part he got, but why was Danzo the zombie?
A centipede that won't stop crawling even after death?
Naruto shook his head.
No point dwelling on it.
So the golden spade's mutations weren't limited to the Sage Chakra-boosting flat peaches.
That worked out fine.
At least when he left home nobody could sneak in and steal the fruit.
If even Danzo had been driven off,
these plants packed some punch.
Although, for whatever reason, Danzo hadn't pulled out his ace—
that bunch of Sharingan.
Probably hadn't thought it worth it.
Naruto wasn't worried about him coming back.
"By the way, did Danzo recognize you?"
"Nope."
Six-Ears shook its head. "If he had, retreating wouldn't have been so easy."
"True."
Naruto recalled that inside Mirror Flower, Water Moon Six-Ears had been decked out in full special effects, nothing like its usual self—
like dropping from 4K to 360P resolution,
layered with every beauty filter imaginable; no normal person could tell.
The top donor who learned the truth had fled overnight, train on shoulder.
Once Naruto had the full story, he headed to the river for his pre-card-draw ritual—
washing his face.
Might not help, but sometimes you gamble on metaphysics.
[Drawing card… Congratulations, host: item cardacquired.]
[item card: Iced Cola.]
[Description: Permanent item. Trade Chakra for cola; always ice-cold, great taste, suitable for all ages.]
The nectar of couch potatoes!
Tears of joy dribbled from the corner of Naruto's mouth.
Without hesitation he traded for a bottle and chugged.
Ahhh!
He couldn't help exhaling.
The icy fizz spread to every limb.
Best of all, the flavor was out of this world—
practically made you want to rip your shirt off.
Though he'd pulled something basically useless, Naruto didn't feel cheated.
Maybe open a shop?
Back then Coca-Cola turned three bucks into two-and-a-half trillion; Uzumaki Naruto making a few billion should be doable.
He could lend it all to Konan,
and when his senior Nagato attacked Konoha he'd swoop in to collect the debt.
Naruto shelved the idea.
No rush.
He went back to playing with his Rasengan.
Danzo never showed up again.
Pity—Naruto had wanted to mock him: "You got beaten up by a monkey."
Well, technically he'd already unlocked that achievement;
after all, Hiruzen Sarutobi was called the Monkey.
A moment later Hinata arrived right on time.
She shared her bento with Naruto, then picked up her longbow.
Pew pew pew.
Six-Ears began leaping and dodging.
It really was giving its all for this household.
A month passed amid Six-Ears' laughter.
Watching Hinata leave, it was so touched it cried happy tears.
"Morning, Sakura, Karin,"
Naruto greeted the two outside the Treehouse.
Hinata wasn't with him because Hiashi and Hanabiwanted to watch the matches.
Hiashi was already used to it;
even if Hinata said she was moving in with Narutohe'd accept it.
But Hanabi wouldn't.
She was furious at the fox who'd stolen her beloved big sister.
She vanished every daylight hour—
hmph, homewrecker fox.
Under her little sister's glare, Hinata rarely came over.
"Where's Sasuke?"
Naruto wondered.
Normally Sasuke would definitely show up;
he had precious few friends.
Besides, Kakashi shouldn't have anything left to teach him.
He'd already mastered every Chidori variant.
He's still training,"
Sakura said, worried. "He's one step away from finishing a jutsu and wants it done before the match—he might not make it."
What she didn't say was
Sasuke believed he had no hope of beating Narutowithout completing that technique.
She couldn't help doubting.
After spending every day together this month, she knew Sasuke's strength inside out—
in her eyes he even surpassed Kakashi-sensei.
But was Naruto really that strong?
She didn't really know.
Hearing that, Naruto wondered if something had gone wrong with his Kirin.
"Let's head to the arena."
Orochimaru would find a way to buy Sasuke time;
and even if not, once Naruto finished his fight with Gaara the plan would move forward.
Without Konohamaru's antics, Naruto didn't have to make a butt-first swan-dive entrance like in the original.
The sun blazed overhead.
Countless spectators were already seated.
Naruto swept his gaze and quickly spotted his buddies—
Kiba, Ino, Rock Lee.
Thanks to Naruto's meddling, Lee wasn't crippled and struck a goofy pose to cheer him on.
Of course there were also his future father-in-law and little sister-in-law.
Hanabi puffed her cheeks like a hamster when she saw Hinata meekly standing beside Naruto.
"Morning, everyone."
Shiranui Genma greeted them, senbon between his teeth.
When the allotted time came he frowned—
one person short.
But he said nothing;
miss the deadline and you forfeit.
Up in the stands Hiruzen Sarutobi rose to deliver his opening remarks.
Naruto glanced at the Kazekage beside him.
A veil hid everything but the eyes.
Orochimaru.
He looked forward to the moment Hiruzen saw his disciple's true face—bound to be spectacular.
"All right, listen up. Rules are simple,"
Genma said, the senbon bobbing. "When one side surrenders or dies, the match ends. If I judge the outcome clear, you stop immediately."
Naruto's thoughts drifted to his past life.
Shiranui—good name.
He'd had two wives named Shiranui.
"First match: Nara Shikamaru and Temari, remain. Everyone else, to the lounge or stands."
Genma stepped back, leaving the stage to the two rookies.
Naruto shouted at the clearly-about-to-forfeit Shikamaru, "You can do it! Don't forget what you said last night—crush her!"
Shikamaru: "???"
The Matchmaking Tournament officially began.
A fuming Temari charged Shikamaru.