Man oh man, I'd love to be a turtle.
I think about it almost every night and certainly in every waking moment.
To be a turtle would be like a dream coming true.
Sadly, life didn't go as you wished.
I was a human in a world full of capitalism, Drugs, traffic violations, and a lack of choice to be a turtle.
So I lived day by day, thinking and living as such.
Now I was 74. On the way, I had kids and even had a fairly nice wife. She always loved my passion for turtles.
But in the end, she was only my wife. Not a turtle.
Lying on my deathbed, I thought of all the good times I had. Becoming a vet, adopting Puby, and even the times I was called crazy for experimenting with human-turtle crossbreeding.
'How time flies by...' Feeling the last measly breaths of air drained from my weak lungs, I looked deep into my wife and children's eyes.
"Take care of puby." I forced out almost in a whisper.
If I passed, they had to take care of Puby, my turtle.
Then I felt it: a warm embrace coddled me, gently closing my eyes and pulling me into a deep, calm darkness.
'Haaaah, finally. I wonder what happens now.' I thought absently.
'Maybe I'd go to heaven, or I'll be reborn. I just hope there are turtles wherever I go.' I sat in the calm peace of death, thinking about it for a moment.
...
'How long am I supposed to stay like this? How can I even think?' I had quickly gotten bored with thinking about what heaven was like.
Shouldn't I be seeing some sort of holy light by now?
Using my will I attempted opening what felt like my eyes. It was a success, but the joy I felt was instantly replaced by the shock and confusion of realizing I could still see.
In front of me wasn't the previous view of my wife nor my children. Instead, what lay in front of me was an extremely large line.
The line was comically long, bouncing over peaks and stretching for miles. At the end of the line was an old school cinema-esque ticket booth, with what looked like a stickman inside of it.
Taking my eyes away from the odd sight, I looked around me. There were seemingly a million things ahead of me, and I was at the absolute back of the line.
In front of me was some sort of jellyfish creature with at least ten jelly-like limbs hanging from each side of its body.
Loosely held in one of its purplish hands was a golden ticket.
The ticket looked quite appealing; it was an almost unreal shade of gold, and it pulled me in the more I looked at it.
HONK HONK
A loud honking sound erupted directly into my head.
Hello, Afterpartees, welcome to death.
We apologize for the intrusion, but we must remind you to hold onto your ticket; this is your very own personal admission from life. It is very important that each attendee has a ticket. If an Afterpartee is found without a ticket, they shall be promptly removed!
A static voice spoke in a slightly joyful tone, it was weird having a voice in my head but it didn't feem uncomfortable.
Looking down, I noticed my hand held in a fist. I slowly ungripped and noticed a golden ticket, slightly crumpled, unfold.
It was… breathtaking.
The ticket didn't just reflect light, it seemed to generate its own. It was like looking at pure molten sunlight poured directly into paper-thin metal.
Intricate patterns etched across its surface shifted and swirled whenever I tilted it even slightly.
Whilst the edges shimmered with a faint rainbow iridescence, as if the border itself was breathing.
In the very center, embossed in raised, glowing script that felt almost alive, was my name:
Joffrey Tetrimin
The letters pulsed gently, in perfect sync with my soul or something like that, I wasn't sure, but the ticket felt like it was resonating with my very being.
Holding it made the skin on my fingers tingle with a pleasant static, and the longer I stared, the more I felt an inexplicable pull, as though the ticket itself was whispering something to me.
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
And somehow, I already knew it was the most precious thing I had here.
I didn't fully get what that voice meant, but just by looking at it, anyone could tell this thing was pretty important.
Gripping my ticket tighter, I looked up and saw the massive line at the ticket booth.
'I guess I just wait now.' Even though it felt like I was a mile away, I could clearly see the 2d stickman stamping tickets at light speed.
At the rate he was going it wouldn't take too long until I was at the front.
But this place, is it really death? I honestly expected a little more. I wonder if turtle crossbreeding is possible here?
I did expect something a little different to this..carnival. But I wasn't one to turn down the afterlife so quickly.
I stood in line for what felt like a few minutes at best, but time felt weirder here, so I really couldn't tell. But eventually I reached the ticket booth.
In his usual spot, the stickman simply spoke two words.
"TICKET PLEASE." While it held its stick hand out. Ungripping my hand and slowly uncrumpling the golden ticket I put it into the 2D beings hand.
The stickman used both limbs to stretch the ticket around and looked deeply at it. After a few moments, it handed the ticket back to me and gestured for me to walk into the tent.
I listened to the silent instructions and moved forward, pushing the curtain-like entrance aside.
It was quite dark inside, but thankfully, a small glow had allowed me to see.
In front of me was a single stool and an old-school arcade game box. It was entirely black in colour, besides the glowing words above the screen in bright gold:
God
Sitting down on the stool, I looked into the box and waited for a moment. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be doing or saying something.
Seeing no reaction I looked down to where the controls should've been, and surely enough a big green button and a big red button where present.
I pressed the green button, there wasn't any great reason or anything I simply liked the color green.
Fwoosh
The screen turned on with an oddly placed fwoosh sound.
It really was odd, considering it was in my head.
The screen turned on with a brilliant golden light, now fully illuminating the tent. On the screen, two texts were visible.
Begin.
And
Exit.
For a moment, I looked silently at the screen.
"Who in their right mind would ever press the exit button?" This was obviously some sort of godly ploy, so why give somebody the chance to exit?
What does exiting even mean?
Cutting off the thought, I pressed my hand onto the green button and waited eagerly for what would happen.
The once-golden screen bled away into a deeper, calmer gray, whilst a jagged, sun-like mask faded in, its eyes blazing with the same radiant golden light as my ticket. When it finally spoke, the voice wasn't in my head this time; it rolled out of the arcade machine, warm, kind and ancient.
"Joffrey Tetrimin. I remember crafting you… Though I don't recall anything about this turtle business. Hold still."
A gray hand reached straight through the screen. I flinched, but didn't pull away. The hand pinched the air near my temple and pulled back as if extracting an invisible thread.
A sudden hollow feeling bloomed behind my eyes as I'd just forgotten the most important thing in the world.
"Er… God? What did you just do?"
"Removed a mental curse," it said calmly.
"Now, about your wish…"
"Mental curse?.. I see... so what is all this?" I spoke while running a hand through my hair.
I had no clue what this God meant by a mental curse, but I had bigger fish to fry right now.
"This is death. At the fair cost of life, each living being has been given a golden ticket. This ticket shall grant you one wish. Feel free to take as much time as you need. I assure you, Death is a great place." The god spoke calmly through its sun-faced mask.
The other words hadn't fully registered in my head. Had he said a wish? I felt like there was something scratching from deep within me.
Urging me to speak and demand something from this God. But I could not find what it
was.
Did I forget something?
Hearing no response, God spoke again.
"Would you like to make a wish now?" The God spoke in an inquiring tone.
"...No.. not yet. I still feel like I'm missing something." Speaking to the screen was slightly awkward, but thankfully, the god gave a silent nod in agreement.
...
...
...
"Sooo.. what did you mean by mental curse?" Cutting through awkward silence, I asked the god another question.
The mask stared blankly at me.
"That is not a free question."
I blinked.
"What?"
"If you want the truth," it continued, "you'll have to use your ticket."
The words didn't register at first.
"You're saying I have to spend my wish… just to know about some sort of magical curse placed on me?"
"Yes."
I stared incongruously at the still-eyed masked man.
"That's insane."
"No," it said. "That is the rule."
My grip tightened.
"So that's it? Only you know everything, and only you get to decide what I know?" I felt a little anger at this 2-bit God. What kind of capitalist heaven was this?
"I don't decide," it replied. "I enforce. As I said, these are the rules, Joffrey."
I hesitated.
"…Then tell me something you can say."
The mild displeasure I was feeling was hard to hide, but the god didn't seem to notice or care, answering my question casually.
"There are others who have used their tickets to return."
My eyes narrowed slightly.
"Return… to life?"
"Yes."
"These people are often unbound to the same constraints as before."
.... What?
"What does that have to do with me?" I asked.
"I'm.. not quite sure." The god urged out slowly.
"Then why are you even telling me?"
The god said nothing for a moment.
"You ask a lot of questions."
I almost laughed.
What kind of God was this?
"If you seek something, Joffrey, all you need is a ticket." The god paused. "Well… sometimes more than one."
'Right.' Everything circled back to that.
"…So if I want answers," I muttered, "I have to pay for them."
"Yes." The god answered happily, as if I finally understood something.
I looked down at the golden ticket in my hand.
Still glowing.
For a moment, I actually considered using it.
Find out what I was missing, maybe even use it to know everything, ever.
…
No. Not yet.
I clenched my hand shut.
"I'll think about it."
"Take your time," it said. "Time has no value here."
The screen flickered slightly.
Then went dark.
"And make sure not to lose that ticket..." The god spoke one last time directly into my mind.
With the screen off, I was now surrounded by a layer of darkness within the tent.
Standing up, I stared at the game box for a few minutes in silence.
Tapping it twice on the head, I turned around and left for the exit with a lot of thoughts on my mind.
'Was that really God? Is this even the afterlife? Maybe this is a sort of dream? But if it what that thing said is true.'
"What the hell do I wish for?" I thought aloud.
Pushing aside the same curtain entrance I had used to enter, I expected to see a long line stretching for miles, but instead I saw a bustling city filled with different colours and unique buildings.
The buildings I could immediately see were made of a bubbly pink material, while parts of the road looked like cheese.
The sky was still blue, but the usual dull or clouded sky was now a deep hue that beckoned you to look.
All types of people walked around. Some were slightly grotesque, with jaws hanging open or plushie-like beings standing up to 6 meters tall. Others looked like humans but were the size of a fist, almost like gnomes.
Everything seemed out of place and sort of mismatched. Yet it carried a distinct feeling of peace.
Looking behind me, the large tent from earlier was completely gone, now replaced by a loud bustling street.
"Welcome Afterpartee! First time dying?"
Before I could take another step, I felt a large hand place itself around my shoulder.
Instinctively pulling the hand away, I felt the silky texture before turning around to look at who it was.
A tall black Panther, with an overtly large smile. He wore an apron with a bowl of ice cream and a folded hat with the same symbols.
Yet I couldn't even find a smidge of shock in myself at what I was seeing. Only a stacking feeling of confusion.
The panther's grin didn't falter at all after receiving no response, only jesting louder.
"Come try some ice cream at Peanut's Big 'N Smalls. First scoop's free for first-timers."
I paused.
There were questions, too many. But none of them felt stable enough to ask. Everything here bent logic without breaking it. Even my own thoughts felt… rearranged.
"What is this place?" I asked, this was a lot different from the long line or the tent.
The panther tilted his head, sucking his teeth, as if measuring something.
"Death. But a lot of us call it Transit," he said.
"Name doesn't matter, what matters is that you're here now. And what you do with your ticket."
My grip tightened instinctively.
Ticket.
Right.
Still there.
Still crumpled in my hand.
"Yeah.. I'm not really sure what I'll wish for yet... I already met… something," I said slowly. "Called itself God."
"Ah." The panther nodded immediately, unsurprised. "The booth. Yeah, that checks out."
"That checks out?" I frowned.
"Yeah it checks out, everybody meets God when they first get here, or second I guess." he chuckled. "Everyone sees em' differently. Some hear a voice. Some see their loved ones. Others get a mirror. What about you?"
"I got an… arcade box."
"Ooh. A screen. How retro." The tall animal jeered, stabbing an elbow into my shoulder.
Flinching from the pain, I responded with a little hesitation.
"..I get one wish, right?" I said. "That's real?"
"Real as it gets here." He leaned in slightly.
"Spend it, and even your wildest fantasies can come true. Don't, and you get to stay."
"Stay and do what?"
The panther gestured outward.
The city pulsed quietly around us, all kinds of unique beings talking, laughing and moving with purpose despite the absurdity of it all.
"Exist," he said simply. "Plenty of people never leave."
"Why?"
This time, the panther didn't answer immediately.
His smile stayed, but it thinned.
"Because life ain't that great."
Silence settled between us.
I looked down at the ticket again.
Even crumpled, its glow was still brilliant.
It pulled at my eyes the longer I stared.
There was something about it, something.. mystical.
'Pah, even saying that word makes me cringe.' But looking at the ticket, there was definitely something magical about it.
Breaking the silence, the panther spoke up with a vibration in his voice.
"Plus it ain't so bad here, it's like life, but better."
Nodding, I asked the large panther another question.
"I see… Do people ever regret their wishes?" I asked.
"Oh yeah, all the time," he said immediately.
I looked back up at him.
"And staying?"
A pause.
"…Also that."
Of course.
Of course, it wasn't simple. No place is perfect.
I exhaled slowly, running a hand through my hair.
"I still feel like I'm missing something important though," I muttered.
The panther studied me for a moment, really studied me this time.
Then he straightened.
"Yeah," he said lightly. "That happens."
Not helpful.
I turned away from him, eyes drifting back towards the city.
As far as I could see, there was movement in every direction I looked; humans, aliens, even a walking cow, weren't impossible to find.
This was death.
Life, after life.
"…Fine," I said. "I'll try your ice cream."
The panther's grin snapped back to full strength instantly.
"Good choice."
He turned, already walking, not even checking if I'd follow.
I did. Not because I trusted him.
But because standing still here felt worse.
And as I walked, one question refused to leave my mind
What should I wish for?