I had left the ball immediately, leaving him behind on the dance floor with the girl.
The ride back to the estate was noisy, though no one spoke. My thoughts were loud enough on their own—restless and uncertain.
The selection of the consorts would take place tomorrow evening.
Even if I did not wish to participate, preparations still had to be made in case one was chosen.
I arrived at the estate sooner than I expected. My footsteps echoed as I made my way to my chambers. It was extremely quiet, as always. It gave me peace.
No one asked where I had been, nor did anyone question my early return. They knew better than to.
I lay down in my chamber, staring up at the high ceiling.
I was exhausted. My head throbbed.
Perhaps if I indulged myself in food, I might feel a little better.
I called for a maid to bring something to eat.
A human girl rushed in moments later, her head bowed. She was a new face.
"Where is Alice?" I asked, massaging the bridge of my nose.
"Sh–she is unwell, my lady," she answered, her voice trembling as she held the tray of food tightly.
"I see," I said, gesturing for her to bring it in.
She quickly placed the food on the table and hurried to leave.
"Wait," I commanded. She froze in place.
"Didn't Alice tell you?" I asked coldly.
The girl stiffened, confused at what she may have done wrong.
"Come eat with me."
Her face turned pale.
She opened her mouth, closed it again, clearly searching for a polite refusal. But in the end, she quietly walked over and sat across from me.
"Eat," I said.
Her hands trembled as she reached for the cup of tea, her head down, avoiding my gaze.
Eating alone was unpleasant, and at times I even forgot how to eat properly. Having a human share the table with me was… practice of a sort.
Just as she took a small sip of the tea, a knock sounded on the door.
The girl immediately jumped from her chair and rushed to open it, as if her prayers had been answered.
"Tell the lady that the lord wishes to dine with her this evening in his quarters," the messenger said.
The girl nodded, about to relay the message.
"Tell him that I am unwell," I said calmly, cutting her off before she could speak, taking another sip of my tea.
The messenger fell silent for a moment, as if contemplating.
"Understood. Have a pleasant rest, my lady."
And with that, he left.
The night continued quietly. Dinner with the frightened maid was oddly calming—though for her, it seemed more terrifying than comforting. The moment I dismissed her, she practically ran from the room.
She had barely eaten.
I was alone again, lying in the silence of my chamber. The night's events played repeatedly in my head, many thoughts wandering. Would I be able to handle it all again.
As I lay there thinking of tomorrow's work, I felt the air shift. The sound of the door creaked as it was pushed open.
Elliot had entered.
I pretended to be fast asleep, closing my eyes shut.
He walked toward the bed and sat at its edge. I could feel his gaze resting heavily on me.
He leaned down, his face inches from mine.
"I smell wine," he murmured. "Have you perhaps gone out drinking again without me, Caroline?"
My eyes remained shut.
I could not tell if he already knew something.
All I could feel was the weight of his gaze pressing down on me in the darkness, my heart throbbing excessively.
I did not dare to move in that moment. I could feel every breath he took, warm against my skin.
Our breathing in sync.
After a while of staying in that position, I felt the pressure lighten. I guessed he leaned back. Did my expression give it away?
What had brought him here? Why was he not saying anything?
Maybe, on second thought, I should not have rejected him so coldly out of anger.
He still was in the room, maybe still staring at me. I pretended to turn, enclosing myself with the duvet, avoiding his stare.
It was childish of me to do so, but I had no intention of conversing with him. Because I knew if I did, it would be of no use. What would I even ask? Why are you bringing another consort?
He might not even answer me. Worse, I did not have the authority to question him. All I could do was watch—watch as history repeated itself. My hands were bound and unable to do anything.
As if he read my thoughts, or was giving up, I felt him stand up and heard him walk away, his footsteps fading as the distance grew, leaving me alone. I felt my heart sink, as if disappointed. I didn't know what exactly—I wanted him to say.
I waited a bit, and finally uncovered myself and lay there, trying to hold the falling bridges within me that would not hold.
I clenched the duvet quietly, as if trying to hold the sob in, but hot tears began to fall anyway.
Why was I crying? I had no idea why. But deep inside, there was this lingering pain that remained forever stuck in my throat, refusing to let go of me. Why was it always like this? Would this curse never leave me?
I turned to my side, tightly clenching my knees close to my chest, lying there in the spacious, cold room, my eyes shut, waiting for sleep to take over and take my sorrow with it.