Two weeks passed faster than I expected.
Or maybe it just felt faster because I wasn't really part of anything happening around me.
College had settled into a routine for everyone else.
For me, it still felt like I was adjusting every single day.
Chloe, my new roommate, was almost never in the room.
She was always going out—clubs, group meetings, food runs, "random hangouts" she picked up from people she met within five minutes of talking.
Sometimes she would rush in, drop her things, change clothes, and leave again within ten minutes.
"Sorry, Mia, I'll be back late!" she'd call out like it was normal.
And it was normal—for her.
For me… not really.
We barely talked.
Not because she was rude.
She just moved too fast for me to keep up.
And I didn't know how to insert myself into her world without feeling like I was interrupting something.
So I didn't.
Most days, I went to class, sat quietly, wrote notes, then came straight back to the dorm.
No detours.
No hanging around.
No "hey, want to join us?"
Because no one ever asked.
And I never asked either.
It wasn't that people were unkind.
It was just… I didn't know how to start.
Every time I saw groups laughing outside the cafeteria or people walking together after lectures, I told myself I would try tomorrow.
But tomorrow always turned into the same thing.
Go to class.
Go back to room.
Repeat.
Even Ryan had stopped being a daily distraction.
He still sent the occasional reel.
But I rarely opened them now.
Not because I didn't care anymore…
But because I was tired of feeling confused every time I did.
So I left them there.
Unopened.
Like something I wasn't ready to deal with.
One afternoon, I got back to the dorm earlier than usual.
The room was empty, like always.
Chloe had already left, probably for another group thing she didn't fully explain.
I dropped my bag on my bed and sat down slowly.
The silence felt heavier than it used to.
Not peaceful anymore.
Just… empty.
I pulled out my phone.
Lily had texted earlier.
How's college?? Any friends yet??
I stared at the message for a long time.
My fingers hovered over the keyboard.
Then I typed:
It's fine. Just busy.
I almost sent it.
Then I deleted it.
Because "fine" wasn't really true.
And "busy" definitely wasn't.
The truth was harder to explain.
I had people around me every day…
But still felt like I was on the outside of everything.
I locked my phone and leaned back on the bed.
The ceiling felt too familiar now.
Same view. Same routine. Same silence.
I closed my eyes for a moment.
Maybe I should try harder.
Maybe I should talk more.
But the thought alone made my chest tighten.
Because every time I tried to imagine walking up to someone and joining a conversation, my mind went blank.
What would I even say?
"Hi, can I sit here?"
"What are you talking about?"
And then what?
I sighed and turned on my side.
The room door opened later with a loud burst of energy.
Chloe.
She walked in laughing with someone behind her, then paused when she saw me.
"Oh—hey Mia!" she said quickly. "We're just grabbing snacks, do you want anything?"
I sat up slightly.
"No, I'm okay."
"Alright!" she said, already turning back toward the door.
Then she was gone again.
Just like that.
I lay back down.
The room felt empty again almost instantly.
It wasn't her fault.
She was just… living her college life.
The way everyone else seemed to be doing.
I stared at my phone again.
Ryan's chat was still there.
Still unread reels waiting.
For a moment, I almost opened it.
But I didn't.
Instead, I put the phone aside and turned onto my back.
Two weeks in.
And I still didn't feel like I belonged anywhere yet.