The logic I had in my mind at that time was to explore my kinks of being dominated by a man — through Tamsin. She was a girl, obviously, so I wanted to see up close how a girl felt during sex. It made sense in that moment, but now, looking back, it seems incredibly dumb. Although I did learn and experience a lot of things.
"Lucian…" Tamsin called out my name while I kissed her neck. "You shouldn't do this. You are the future head of the family."
Tamsin said, her eyes closing. Her words told me to stop, yet the way she opened herself for me — giving me more access to her neck, gripping my shirt tightly — betrayed her. Her words came out with small, breathless pauses.
"Tell me, if I made love with you… will you be happy? If yes, that's the only thing that matters."
I pulled back slightly to give her space to answer. I was simply holding her in my arms. Tamsin didn't say anything, didn't respond in any way for a few seconds. Then she gave a small nod, looking me straight in the eyes.
I pushed her onto the bed and got on top of her. She didn't say a word at first, but the way she was undressing me told me exactly how much she wanted this. We didn't do much foreplay — we simply slipped into the main act because I was so impatient. The good part was that Tamsin didn't mind at all.
"I'm going inside, alright?" I said, placing my cock at her entrance. She gripped the bedsheets tightly, bracing herself for the new sensations.
"Do it."
With that, I pushed my cock inside her pussy. Her walls slowly adjusted to my length as drops of red fell onto the white sheets.
"Ahhhh~"
A sweet little moan escaped her mouth. It was my first time hearing a moan that sweet, and I had caused it. I don't know what came over me, but I left no gap between our bodies, devouring her lips in a heated kiss.
"Ahah… ahaha… ah… ah… ah…"
It was my first time. As a boy, it was a little painful at first, but the pleasure that followed was incredible. I kept thrusting into Tamsin as she moaned between our make-out sessions. I wasn't letting her breathe properly.
I moved my hips faster and faster with every passing minute. I thrust deeper, wanting to bury myself as far inside her as I could. I guess that primal instinct lived in every male — after all, they had to release their sperm inside. And I was so close. I was about to cum inside her when Tamsin called out.
"Ahaaaaa… Lucian... Ahaa, I'm really happy. I feel closer than ever," Tamsin said, her voice breaking with moans.
"Ahahahha, but please… it's best if you don't finish inside me."
Tamsin threw her head back from the pleasure, gripping the sheets desperately. I pounded her harder than ever. Her walls gripped my hard cock, her juices leaking around me. My cock twitched inside her pussy, and she felt it.
"Ahhhhhahhahah~"
Tamsin didn't repeat her words. She simply looked at me, her eyes saying she thought I was going to cum inside her despite her warning.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" She came first, her body shuddering beneath me.
"TAMSIN!" I called her name as I came. At the very last second, I pulled my cock out and thick ropes of cum released onto her stomach. A big, overwhelming amount.
"Lucian, you are really quite cute. Ahhhh… You came so much."
Tamsin said, breathing heavily and restless. Then she reached for my cock. Her touch was comforting and pleasurable. She stroked my cock up and down with slow, deliberate movements.
"Look, you're still cumming a little." She giggled. "Was I that good? You enjoyed it, huh? That makes me happy."
Obviously I was still ejaculating. Tamsin was tight as hell. Even I didn't know how I had managed to control myself long enough to make her cum first.
"It's weird," Tamsin started. "You did all this just to make me happy? I don't really understand but—"
She cut off the sentence and cleaned the mess I had made. Then she turned around, showing me her ass, wiggling it gently from left to right. That made me hard again, almost instantly.
"I can take more, please. I'll be happy to make your balls empty."
Even though her pussy was tight and I knew she could drain my balls completely, I gave in. We made love a few more times. She sucked every last drop of juice out of me.
Tamsin was an innocent person who didn't have many kinks, but her skills in bed were crazy — a monster, actually. I didn't know how it worked. Maybe some people were simply gifted. Whoever was going to marry her was going to die a warrior's death.
Tamsin was a very understanding person. She knew that I didn't love her, that I was only doing this to make her happy. And she was happy about it—happy enough to give her first time to me. She didn't feel sad about it, not even a little.
"I know we can't be together. You are a royal, and I'm just a servant girl. I'm simply happy that we were able to move beyond being only friends."
I can never forget those words. Even now, they linger in my mind. I felt so guilty, yet strangely blessed at the same time. I truly believed I could fix everything by starting a relationship with Tamsin. I was dumb—I know that now. It was hopeless from the very beginning. All it did was make things worse. The only good thing was that she never held on to false hopes. She was mature enough not to let herself fall into that trap.
But then things started to get worse.
Like Uncle Rowan said, "If you don't, I will."
He never believed I had the courage to make a move on her. Even after that, he kept his eye on her. He kept trying to catch her alone, again and again, but I always stayed close, always protecting her.
That bastard even tried to convince me that it was perfectly fine to toss girls aside once you were done with them. The sheer audacity of those words still makes my blood boil. I refused to listen. And that was the moment I truly began to see the real face of my family.
In truth, this was never a family. They were only pretending to be one.
And I eventually realized that I wasn't an exception to their cruelty. I needed to become a better person. And I did my best.
But I couldn't protect Tamsin forever. I was about to leave for the Royal Academy, and a few months before that, Tamsin's mother passed away. Her father was another issue entirely. During the short time we were in a relationship, she told me about Edmund.
The man who followed her around and kept telling her that he loved her. The moment I learned about him, I told her to run away. If he truly loved her, then she would be fine—at least safer than she was here. But that is just a tale now.
A tale from my previous life, when I was a man.
Now I am a woman, reborn into the same world and the same family, sent back in time. Becoming a woman was my greatest desire, and I am living this life with no regrets. I killed Uncle Rowan, solving the problem completely. I will ask Mother Elowen to take care of Tamsin. Her father will not be able to cause that much trouble.
Morwenna is weaker than before. We lost one family member—of course her business would be affected. At first, I considered killing Morwenna and Tamsin's father as well, but killing Uncle Rowan was already a terrible mistake. It did not leave me unharmed. The damage settled deep inside my mind. I suffered from countless nightmares afterward.
Explaining to Tamsin what happened that day was a challenge, because she had been with me in the storeroom when Uncle Rowan arrived. I told her the story I had prepared in the middle of my panic, only with a few small changes. I said that he tried to sexually assault me, that I resisted, and that one thing led to another. The candle holders broke, the fire spread, and I ran away after locking the room. He withered away inside.
Thankfully, she believed me. She knew the kind of person he was—exactly the sort of man capable of doing something like that. She felt guilty for leaving that day and sympathized with me. I told her not to worry.
It has been two months since the death of Uncle Rowan, and everything has been going smoothly.
Now I can leave for the Royal Academy without any worries. I am leaving in a month. Aurelian will be there as a substitute teacher. Cassia and the others will be there too. I'm not sure about the rest of the people, though. I remember some of my classmates, but none of them were particularly special. Who cares? Aurelian and Cassia will be there—that is enough. Still, seeing those people again is so exciting.
"Lucia, you are not going to the Royal Academy."
Morwenna said it without a single hint of concern. We were sitting at the dinner table. Everyone was present. She continued eating her blueberry pie as if nothing had happened.
I went completely blank at her words.
"And why? Why do you think I shouldn't?"
I asked coldly. My tone was heavy—so heavy that it made Mother and Father uneasy. My eyes had stopped blinking the moment she spoke. For a second, I forgot that she was the villain in my story.
"First, you are a girl. An annoying one at that. If I let you attend the Royal Academy openly, you will drag our family name through the mud with your bratty little mouth."
I ground my teeth hard. Maybe I really would have to kill this bitch after all. Mother Elowen placed her hand on my shoulder, holding me back. Trust me, if my parents had not been there, I would have thrown a chair at her.
"And the second reason," Morwenna continued. "You are going to get married soon. I have already found a suitable lad for you myself, and he doesn't want you to go either."