NQABA CELE
I wake up next to my wife. I know I am in the spare room, the question is, why is she here? She is not supposed to be here. I was really hoping not see her today. She must have come in after I passed out. I ended up having a little too much to drink last night and that helped me sleep peacefully, no nightmares, just pure sleep. It looks like the Gods are not on my side this morning. I get out of bed head to the bathroom. I pee and get in the shower. When I walk out of the bathroom ready to get dressed, she was up sitting on the edge of the bed wearing what I used to find sexy on her body. Wearing what used to drive me crazy. My hands would have been all over her body with my "D" standing firm ready for action. Gone are those days. Right now the only going through my mind is "what is she up to now, what does she want, when ever she tries this, she wants me to do something especially if it involves her son. I stopped telling her to stop with this, it doesn't work on me anymore but she keeps doing it so I just let her be and here we are again. She want s me reject her so that she have retaliate.
I head straight to the closet, since I keep some of my clothes in this room for days like this. I choose a relaxed outfit for the day and I feel her hands wrap around me from behind. She softly kisses my back caressing my chest with her small soft hands. Hands that I never thought would inflict so much pain in me. I look down at myself and it doesn't even twitch. I gently release her arms around me and put on my underwear. I grab everything I want to wear and just place it on the bed. She comes closer looking into my eyes.
"I miss you. It's been months since you've touched me." Wow. She never seizes to amaze me. She can take it the way she usually does, by force, that is the only I'm sleeping with her. She can drug me like she has always been doing since I began being unable to get it up for her or she can go to her boyfriend that she thinks I don't know about.
"I can't Milani, I'm gonna be late for Lwandle." I know she is going to back off fast and she does but if looks could kill, I would be dead. I can't do this with her right now. She stands there looking at me as I get dressed. When I am about to put my t-shirt on I notice that she is staring at my abdomen, she is looking at the scar. I see a fleeting moment of guilt in her eyes but that is quickly replaced with the usual arrogance that has found a permanent home in her eyes ever since she got that promotion or was it always there and I just never saw it. I pull down my t-shirt, she looks up at me and walks out. I don't know what's going on with her but I can be sure that she is up to something. She is too calm or maybe I'm reading too much into it. Actually no, I'm not. I know this woman. I have lived with her for a very long time. She is definitely up to something. I won't worry about that right now.
I pick up my wallet, my phone, walk to the lounge where I grab my car keys and head towards the door. I'll have breakfast at my parent's house and she knows that.
"I'll let you know later if I am going to sleep over there." I tell her and she simply nods like it doesn't bother her when it does. She doesn't like it when I sleepover at my parent's house. She'll just have suck it up like she has done. As I drive out the yard and wait just to be sure the gate is closed. It doesn't take that long for me to get there and my son is all dressed and ready, my mom already dishing up breakfast. We all sit at dining table enjoying the breakfast with Lwandle updating me about his week. I am glad that Milani suggested that Lwandle comes and stays with my parents. My son is happier than he was when staying with us. Every time I come over, his face always lights up at my sight. I love this little man and because of him I am going to sort out my life.
"Daddy what are we doing today?" Lwandle asks
"Well, how about you decide today. We'll do whatever you want. We are just winging it today. Nothing planned, we just do anything that feels fun."
"That's great. I already know where we are going to start." He says sounding very excited.
"I think you've just dug a grave for yourself. You going to come back broke today." My dad says with a bit of laugh.
"No he won't grandpa. I am very affordable. Today he is going to spend less than he usually does when we go out. Don't worry dad, I got you." He says sounding very sure and confident of himself.
"It looks like I have a very smart son." I say watching him get up, taking his plate to the kitchen and runs to his room.
"you do have a very smart son. I think he has a good mind for business. You need to pay attention to that. And I am not going to tell you but there is something that he is going to ask you. Just keep an open mind son." My dad says but there is hint of concern in his voice.
"Nqaba, he is also worried about you. He asked me the other day if you'll ever come and stay with us. What is happening Nqaba, why are you letting this woman treat you like this. It can't be love my child." That's my mom sounding worried as usual.
"On my side it is love. I stayed because I loved her, but now I think I am at a point where I have had enough. I can never lay hand on a woman, that's not how you raised me."
"We also didn't raise you to be a pushover son." Dad
"I know dad. I know. I needed to make sure that when I walk away, I walk away and never look back. I don't want to find myself in situation where I find myself going back to her because I am not completely over her. Now, now I am sure that I am over her. I'll be talking to my lawyer on Monday and this is not going to be hard since we are married out of community of property. I'm getting out dad. Last night I sent message to the tenants in the house and gave them a three months notice to find another place."
"I can see you have everything under control." My mom says with a smile. I can see that they are relieved that I am finally doing something about this.
"It's not that I have it under control mom but I am on the right track. Please keep it to yourselves. Don't tell anyone not even Lwandle." They nod in understanding and just then Lwandle pops up ready to go. We get going saying bye to his grandparents. My phone beeps just as I am about to start the car.
"I've sent a little something, please give it to Lwandle to buy whatever he wants." Milani
Just then a bank notification come through. She always does this and never wants to spend time with her own child.
I am a man who knows what he wants out if life and I work hard for it. I am where I am in life because of my hard work, and I know what it means to rise above challenges.
As I drive towards the arcade, my thoughts drift back to the challenges I've faced and the lessons learned. Lwandle's laughter echoes in my mind as I remember the last time we played together. He has this infectious joy that seems to make every moment brighter. "Maybe today we should try that racing game," I think to myself, recalling how competitive he gets.
When I finally pull up, I see him bouncing with impatience outside the entrance, a big smile plastered on his face. "Dad, look what I found! Can we try that one?" he points excitedly at a shiny new game.
"Of course, buddy. Let's conquer this place together," I reply, feeling a warmth in my heart. As we navigate through the flashing lights and upbeat music, I can't help but feel my worries slip away.
Yet, in the back of my mind, Milani's message still lingers. It's frustrating how she keeps her distance but thinks she can just buy Lwandle's affection with money. "I'll talk to her about it when the time is right," I tell myself. It's not that I want to fully cut her off; I just need to establish some boundaries for my son's sake.
As we dive into the arcade games, I can't help but wonder about my own future. The thought of diving back into another relationship feels daunting but that is the last thing on my mind. I'll focus on my personal growth and rediscovery. I want to be a role model for Lwandle, to show him what a healthy relationship looks like, even if it starts with healing myself first.
"Can we get pizza after this?" Lwandle suddenly interrupts my thoughts. "Absolutely! Let's make it a fun day," I respond, excited by his enthusiasm. We finish up our games, but I feel that even in the noise and excitement, there's a whisper of new beginnings calling me. Little by little, I am carving out a new life—not only for myself but for Lwandle too.
"Hey guys" Mabutho greets, interrupting my thoughts. Lwandle runs to him, giving him a hug. Now this is going to fun. These two together are crazy.
"How about drinks later, after we drop Lwandle off?" I ask after Lwandle runs off to buy tickets for the games.
"That would be great but I was thinking a braai. I don't feel like being in public places. How about we buy meet and drinks and just chill at your parents house. I'll see sleep over as well" He says sounding enthusiastic.
"That sounds good. I'll text dad and let him know." I say. This is going to be an awesome weekend, a much needed one after the week I've had.
I text my dad quickly, letting him know the plan for the braai so he can prepare. "Can't wait to have some good food with you guys," I add, feeling the excitement build for the weekend ahead. As I look around the buzzing arcade, I spot Lwandle, gleefully clutching a fistful of tickets, his eyes wide with anticipation.
"Dad, look! I'm going to win the biggest prize!" he shouts, his enthusiasm is contagious. Watching him reminds me of the resilience I've had to cultivate over the past few months. Every moment we share is a victory against the shadows of my current situation.
As we jump from one game to another, I'm reminded of all the times I've let fear dictate my choices in the past. I had been hesitant to leave Milani even when I knew it was the right decision because I was afraid she would hurt Lwandle just to make sure that I don't leave, but seeing Lwandle so happy reassures me that I am on the correct path. I will not late fear control me, I know that he is safe with my parents.
After a commanding win in a racing game, I can't resist pulling Lwandle in for a quick high-five. "Champion of the arcade!" I proclaim, and he beams with pride. "He even beat me." Mabutho adds pretending to be hurt by the loss, that just makes Lwandle more excited.
When we finally step out, the afternoon air feels refreshing, a stark contrast to the highs and lows of my emotional week. Thoughts of the braai swirl in my mind. It will be a relief to unwind with Mabutho and reminisce about old times.
Just as I'm about to load Lwandle into the car, my phone buzzes again—Milani. A part of me wants to ignore it, but another says I shouldn't take the easy route. I open the message, "Can we talk? I want to discuss Lwandle's birthday," it reads. "Not now," I whisper under my breath. I need clarity first before stepping back into that whirlpool of emotions. I know not responding now to this messages is going to get me in some hot water.
"Pizza time?" I ask Lwandle, shifting my focus. "Yes! I want all the toppings!" he laughs, his excitement drawing me to the innocent joy of being a dad. With each slice, I feel more grounded, and the conversations about Milani can wait for another day. I know that Mabutho has noticed a slight shift but I know he won't ask, not now any way. I want to relish moments like these, cherish the laughter and bond we share, which is what truly matters in this chapter of our lives.
As we finish our meal, I take a moment to reflect on how far I've come. There's a subtle sense of empowerment in embracing my choices and forging a path for Lwandle and myself. "Let's make a deal," I say, grinning at him. "For every ticket you win, I'll add a slice to your tally." Lwandle's eyes light up, and just like that, we're back in adventure mode, ready to chase laughter and create memories that will last.
After all, I deserve happiness and so does he—this is just the beginning.