Gulp.
Swallowing a mouthful of water, I put the plastic bottle back into my book bag.
It was a Friday morning and my neck was sore from sleeping badly the previous night.
Although, that wasn't what I was focused on.
'I miss Soriel…'
It had been a while since Soriel had last sat with us or even had a full conversation with me.
The others didn't know what happened because I didn't tell them.
It wasn't my place to talk about it. Tristan probably came up with something already though.
"Nishimoya," I called out.
Nishimoya was zoned out, staring at nothing.
"Nishimoya," I called again.
No response.
Tristan turned to her and flicked her arm.
"Huh?"
Snapping out of it, Nishimoya looked at Tristan, then at me once she saw he was pointing in my direction.
"You alright?" I asked, slightly concerned.
Nishimoya nodded.
"Yes, I'm fine. Just thinking about why Soriel hasn't been around much lately," she answered.
The three of us had always been fine on our own.
Whether people were added to the group or not, us three had spent so much time together it didn't matter.
Even so, Soriel's absence was saddening.
"She'll be fine. Fixating on it won't help anyone," Tristan said.
I nodded in agreement.
"On a different note, isn't it crazy how fast the school year went by? It's already the last third of the school year?" I mentioned.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"It has gone by pretty quick."
From there, we continued talking until it was time for our first period.
**
'Hmm…'
Staring at the math problem on my paper, I reached quite the conundrum.
You see, I thought my answer was right, but according to my check on the calculator, it wasn't.
Raising my hand, I waited for Mrs. Rivers to come over.
"Yes, Elliot? What do you need?"
I explained my issue and Mrs. Rivers listened.
Then she showed a part that I missed.
'Huh? I forgot about that….'
Mrs. Rivers' perspective was helpful and I thanked her for her help.
'I guess even with my studying I still didn't see the whole picture.'
It was frustrating, but life went on.
I could always improve, always get better.
Taking a deep breath, I read the next question and began answering.
But as I did, I found my mind drifting.
To a person I missed greatly.
To Soriel.
And in that moment, guilt struck my heart.
'I haven't helped her at all…'
I knew nothing about grief, especially regarding a loss so great.
For the past couple of days, my brain had been frantically searching for any way to support her. Yet, I hadn't found any.
So, I did nothing.
Honestly, I didn't want to get involved. I don't want to ruin or hurt her even more.
But if I didn't get involved, how could I help?
What could I do?
**
'I wonder what these guys' lives are like?…'
Passing by so many students, I couldn't help but reflect on how few people I actually knew.
I was walking to my 6th period class, and was already pretty drained.
The past few periods were pretty alright overall. I did my work and talked during lunch, but nothing substantial had shifted.
It was honestly sort of boring.
However, my boredom quickly disappeared when I noticed a person I had just passed by.
'Soriel…?'
She looked a lot more tired than before.
Originally, when she first came back to school after a short break, she looked extremely tired.
Then, she began to look a little more refreshed.
But now, she seems to have reverted back to his previous state.
Except now, she seemed less sorrowful and more frustrated.
And even more…frantic?
It made me wonder…
'What exactly happened to Soriel?'
**
The school bell rang, signaling the end of the school day.
Picking up my school bag and exiting the social studies classroom, I was about to head home.
'Don't.'
Somewhere inside of me, a voice rang out.
One that told me I shouldn't go home.
Instead, I was supposed to go to the… music room?
'But Soriel hasn't been to the music room in a while. I checked last time.'
Even so, my gut still told me to go.
And I did.
I walked over to the music room. Maybe I even jogged a bit.
I just knew I needed to get there as soon as possible.
It didn't take long before I did.
Opening the door, I braced myself for an inevitable disappointment.
Instead, I was met with an odd sight.
It was Soriel sitting on the piano stool as the sun gleamed into the room.
Only her hands weren't on the keys, they were limp to her sides.
Noticing my entrance, Soriel turned her head to me lazily.
"Elliot?"
In response to my name, I swallowed my saliva and responded.
"Hey."
Walking into the room, I stood in front of the piano.
"Are you okay?"
She smiled.
It was a terribly sad smile.
"Yes, I'm fin.."
"Please don't lie to me."
Soriel stared at me, her smile fading.
We stayed in silence for a few moments, staring at each other.
Then, tears began to stream down Soriel's cheeks.
She tried wiping them at first, but there were too many.
I rushed over to her side, hands awkwardly half raised.
She sniffled and paused her crying for a few seconds.
"Grandpa left me…and he's never coming back. Why? Why would he leave me alone?"
She got up from her stool, knocking it down as she did.
And then she…
'Huh?'
Before I knew it, Soriel had me in a quiet embrace, sobbing the whole time.
"I miss grandpa…I want him back…"
She muttered over and over for a little while and then began to say something new.
"It's all my fault. If I just paid more attention to his health, if I just helped him a bit more, if I just…"
I felt her hold on me tighten.
"Why couldn't I have saved him?!" She whimpered.
A lump appeared in my throat.
Seeing her like this, feeling weak and helpless, was like a blade to my heart.
I wanted to do something. I wanted to take away her pain.
Yet, I knew I couldn't.
It was Soriel's grief, not mine.
The loneliness she felt was hers and hers alone.
'But…'
But there was something I could say.
No matter how small.
I wanted to help.
I wanted to try.
Pushing her away from me slightly and centering her in front of me, I held on to Soriel's shoulders.
"Look at me."
Her crying face slowly turned to mine and I took a deep breath.
"You can't save everyone. Especially not your grandfather. It wasn't your fault and you couldn't have done anything about it."
My words felt so weak and pointless, yet I continued.
"You are an amazing girl. But you can't do it all. You can't help everyone. You cannot save everyone…"
Before, I ignored the root of the problem.
I thought that helping her would be enough.
But no, as long as she tried to save everything and everyone, Soriel would always get hurt.
I had to confront that.
She had to confront that.
"Instead of focusing on the people you can't save, focus on who you can. What if's won't help, you and I both know that. I know you're amazing so don't throw that away."
My words were sharp, cruel even, but I knew she could handle them.
"Together, we can do a lot, but not the impossible. Let's do what we can, okay?"
Soriel looked at me, not uttering a word.
She just dug her head into my chest and continued weeping.
And I let her weep.
Together, we stayed in that room.
Whether my words changed anything or not, was something I'd see in the future.
But at that moment, Soriel needed me.
And I would not abandon her.