The room went silent, almost as if time had stopped.
I couldn't even hear my own heart beating, which made me wonder if it had stopped.
I'm tired.
For some reason, deep in my soul, I had never expected Soriel to actually answer me.
A part of me thought she'd just insist she was fine until the very end.
However, that mask, that hood, of happiness, had faded.
Instead, it was replaced by something else.
'Why does she look so…'
As the afternoon glow shined through the windows of the room, Soriel's figure was illuminated.
And she wore an expression of pure, utter exhaustion.
"What…do you mean?" I asked Soriel hesitantly.
Soriel, who was looking at me, turned her face away from me.
For a moment, it gave me the vibe she was getting shy.
"Um…what I mean is that I'm tired of always helping and not being able to express my emotions. I don't mean to sound arrogant but it's tiring…" She began to say.
As she spoke, I listened intently with a serious expression.
"Whenever anyone asks me to do something I feel like I need to help out…no matter what. Whether it's the teachers asking for help or my piano program, I have to help them. And I also have the community service that I do too…" Soriel said, gently caressing the keys of the piano.
Soriel was about to go silent but she added one more thing.
"Um, please don't misunderstand! I genuinely do want to help. I love helping. I just…get tired…" she added.
Staring at Soriel, a small but sharp sense of guilt penetrated my heart.
'Crap, I should've recognized this sooner. Of course she'd be tired, who wouldn't be?'
My stomach sank.
It was frustrating that I was always so ignorant.
This wasn't the first time this sort of thing happened. I wasn't able to figure out what was going on with Nishimoya either.
And even though she wasn't my friend at the time, I took too long to figure out what was happening with Aurora.
It was an issue I hadn't made any progress on fixing.
'Why am I so stupid?!'
I asked myself that question so many times before, that it was almost second nature for that thought to appear.
This time though, I was asking out of guilt not anger.
The guilt of being so useless, yet having the arrogance to call Soriel my friend.
"That's not the worst part though…" Soriel blurted out.
Snapping back into reality, I processed those words.
'It's not…?'
With sudden interest, I focused back on Soriel.
"The worst part is…"
For the first time since I met her, Soriel gritted her teeth.
"The worst part is that I can't tell anyone how I feel!" She erupted.
'Huh?'
"My mom abandoning me…my dad not being there…being overwhelmed with helping people…I can't tell anyone about how I feel about any of it! If I did, it'd defeat the point of trying to help them. Because if I did, I'd just be making their load heavier, not lighter. If I did, I'd just be burdening them with my selfishness…" Soriel explained dishearteningly.
Soriel lowered her head into her hands for a moment before slowly raising it.
"Oh wait… that's what I'm doing right now," she muttered.
Turning to look at me, Soriel showed a sad smile.
"I'm sorry. It's okay now. I'll be fine, really," she said in an attempt to reassure me.
I quickly spoke.
"No, no, you aren't burdening me at all," I said.
Looking at Soriel, I was filled with not only remorse but also confusion.
'How can she think she could be a burden while being so amazing?'
My confusion was so vast it was almost painful.
Such a kindness couldn't have been simply raised, it must've been innate.
'For her to go through so much, while being so kind…while I've never suffered a day in my life…'
That unfairness struck my soul and pierced my heart.
That's why I wanted to help.
I need to.
"Soriel," I called out.
"Yes?" Soriel replied softly.
"It's okay. You can tell me everything," I declared.
Soriel's eyes slightly widened, as if she was surprised.
"You can tell me all of it. When you're upset. When you're afraid. When you're angry. No matter what, you can tell me. If you are getting tired of others asking you for help, call for me and I'll help. I can't promise I'll always be in the best mood, or at my most energetic, but I'll try," I stated confidently.
There wasn't much I could do to help Soriel.
In fact, I felt pretty helpless.
Yet, I was going to try.
Looking directly at me, Soriel's eyes seemed to glisten.
Her beautiful amethyst eyes had finally regained their luster.
"Are you sure?" She asked, her voice shaking.
Honestly, I figured this commitment would be a pain later down the line. And a part of me wanted to say no.
Yet, I was going to try.
"Yeah."
A bright smile broke out onto Soriel's face.
"Thank you!" She exclaimed.
Soriel's burdens were unfair, so I'd help carry them.
Without having any actual problems of my own, it would've been easy to lighten that load.
That way, Soriel would be okay.
And I would still be fine.
This burden was my obligation.
It would be the gift I'd give to Soriel, and the punishment I'd give to myself.
A gift for her being so amazing.
A punishment for me being so pitiful.