Early the next morning, after thinking all night, Rick gathered the group and said they needed to talk about what came next.
Everyone was there. The real core circle. Beth, Jimmy, Sophia, and Carl had all come, along with Boone, Tyreese, and Sasha, who had gradually become main members of the team.
Rick looked around at the family who had made it this far with him, his expression complicated.
"Everyone's here. You probably already know what I want to say. The Governor who attacked us is gone, and the people from Woodbury are still here at the prison, waiting for arrangements.
"As for Rock Fortress... Maggie, Glenn, and the others have already told you about Calista's situation.
"So today, I'm not talking about specific plans. I want to hear... what all of you think. About where we go from here. About where you want to go."
The room was silent for a few seconds.
Rick added, "Not the prison. I mean the future of each of you."
Maggie was the first to sit up straight. She looked directly at Rick and said, "I want to go to Rock Fortress."
At that, Glenn's shoulders sagged a little.
Beth glanced at her sister and said softly, "Me too. I want to see the place where Calista and Leah are..."
Jimmy thought for a moment.
He was Beth's boyfriend. After the virus outbreak, he had lost his family and his farm. He had moved into his girlfriend's home with the farmhands Otis and Patricia. Beth was the only emotional anchor he had left.
"I'll go with Beth."
Carol did not dare look at Rick. She lowered her head and wrapped her arms around Sophia.
"I... I want to go somewhere safer."
Her fingers combed gently through her daughter's hair as she continued, "Rick, I'm not doing this for myself. I'm doing it for Sophia. She deserves to grow up somewhere she can sleep without fear and study properly."
When Rick heard that, he looked at his own son again, and something soft inside him was gently pierced.
Yes. As a father, he also wanted Carl to grow up somewhere safe.
Hershel silently watched his two daughters. Patricia placed her hand over Otis's, and the two of them made it clear they would follow Hershel.
T-Dog and Jacqui said nothing.
Andrea and Dale exchanged a look.
Dale scratched his head. "At my age, I can go anywhere. But... I'll admit, I want to see that library."
He smiled wryly. "Maybe when people get old, they just want to leave a little more behind in their heads. I want to see how far civilization can recover after the end of the world. There's hope there, Rick."
Andrea smiled at him and patted his shoulder without speaking, but her meaning was obvious.
The newer arrivals began to speak too.
Sasha, Tyreese, and Boone did not know Calista. They only trusted Rick and were willing to follow his decision.
But Sasha added, "Honestly, though, Rock Fortress sounds good. And they're strong. Life under strong people is usually easier."
That voiced what many people were thinking.
Glenn finally looked up. His eyes were bloodshot, clearly from another sleepless night.
"I... I want to stay with Rick. We fought our way out of Atlanta together. I can't..."
"No one is saying you can't!" Maggie cut him off, her voice trembling slightly. "Glenn, this isn't about picking sides. It's... it's about choosing how to live."
"Can't we live here?" Glenn's voice rose too. "Haven't we survived? We patched the walls, grew vegetables, raised chickens."
"And then Woodbury almost wiped out the whole prison!" Maggie shot to her feet. "What about next time? Where will the next Governor come from?"
Glenn opened his mouth, but no sound came out.
Hershel let out a long sigh. "Children... don't argue."
"I'm not arguing." Maggie sat back down, her shoulders slumping. "I'm just tired. Dad, I'm tired of being scared every day, afraid something will happen to all of you!"
The last sentence came out almost as a shout. After saying it, she froze first, then covered her face as her shoulders began to shake.
Beth hugged her sister. Jimmy stood there helplessly, not knowing what to do.
Rick watched all of it, feeling the wound in his shoulder throb.
Why was this so exhausting?
"I..."
He slowly stood, only to realize he did not know what to say.
Tell them, "I can protect you"?
But if Calista had not helped this time, what would the prison have become after the Governor's attack?
Tell them, "We can build the prison as strong as Rock Fortress"?
But looking into Sophia's and Carl's eyes, he could not bring himself to say it.
"I always thought," Rick finally found his voice, "that I was leading everyone forward. Leaving the quarry, leaving Atlanta, finding the farm.
"Now we're at the prison... and every time I think we've found a decent home, it gets smashed to pieces, and we have to start all over again."
He stopped, licked his dry lips, and his voice grew lower and lower.
"But now I... maybe I haven't been leading everyone forward at all.
"Maybe... maybe we've just been going in circles. Falling into the same pit, climbing out, then falling in again."
Rick raised his hand, wanting to press it against his chest, but the movement pulled at his wound and sent a sharp pain through him.
"Calista's path may be the right one. Not because she's smarter than me, or stronger than me, though she probably is stronger. It's because she sees farther than we do. We're still trying to stay alive. She's already rebuilding civilization."
Those words cut through the room like a knife, slicing open the last layer of pretense.
T-Dog had not spoken until now. At that moment, he looked up, something different in his eyes.
"Rick, you..."
"I'm tired," Rick finished for him.
The three words fell lightly, but they were heavy.
"I'm not saying I'm walking away. I'm saying... maybe I was never the person who should have carried this burden in the first place."
"You saved all of us, Rick," Boone said in a low voice. "Without you, I would've died on the road a long time ago."
"I saved your lives, and then what?" Rick asked back. "So everyone can live never knowing if tomorrow will come? Is that what we mean by surviving?"
No one answered.
"Let's stop here," Rick said.
A sudden wave of weakness washed over him, as if those few sentences had drained the last of his strength.
"All of you think it over. I... I need to think too."
People slowly began to stand. No one spoke. Everyone was still processing what had just been said.
When Maggie passed Rick, she stopped for a moment. Her eyes were still red, but her gaze was firm.
"Rick, it's not that I'm not grateful. I just... I just want a little more."
Rick nodded. He wanted to say, "I understand," but the words died before they left his mouth.
Glenn was the last to leave. He hesitated at the door, then looked back at Rick.
After everyone was gone, Rick remained standing where he was.
Hershel had not left either. He slowly walked over.
"You've been holding those words in for a long time, haven't you?"
"Since I saw Calista and the others come back from Sentinel Station," Rick admitted honestly.
He had never said this to anyone before.
"I've always felt... like I owed all of you. Owed everyone a way to survive. Owed Carl a father who could be there for him. Owed the baby in Lori's belly a decent world."
"You don't owe anyone anything!" Hershel said, his voice firm. "You just... you take yourself too seriously, and not seriously enough, all at the same time."
It sounded contradictory, but Rick understood.
He saw himself too much as a savior, and not enough as an ordinary man who could get tired, feel afraid, and make mistakes.
"Will they blame me?" Rick asked, torn.
"Blame you for keeping them alive until now? Blame you for nearly dying to protect them?" Hershel shook his head. "Rick, what you said just now... that was the best gift you could give them.
"You let them know that the person leading them gets tired too. That he doubts himself too. You let them know they can choose another path, and you won't see it as betrayal."
The old man patted Rick's shoulder, carefully avoiding the wound.
"Go rest. You've carried this burden long enough. Let someone else try carrying it for a while. There's no shame in that."
Hershel slowly walked out of the conference room, his footsteps fading into the distance.
Rick stood alone in the empty room. The lights were still on. The warmth left behind by all those people was still there. But something had changed.
He had just loosened his grip on the responsibility he had been clutching all this time. He thought he would feel relieved.
He did not.
All he felt was a hollow, unsettled panic.
Rick slowly left the conference room and returned to the infirmary to get some proper rest.
Carl was already there, lying on his stomach on the bed, lost in thought. When he saw his father come in, he asked curiously, "Dad, if you're not the leader anymore... will you feel empty?"
"Maybe," Rick said honestly. "But maybe having nothing to hold on to is a good thing. It means I'll have more time to spend with you."
...
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