Lu Xiangyang was still lost in the sadness of not being able to revert to being straight, completely oblivious to some subtle changes in Shen Kuangye's body.
Shen Kuangye turned his head slightly, his ears burning red.
He instinctively leaned back a little.
What was happening to him?
Shen Kuangye had very little experience with these feelings and didn't know how to handle them. Right now, he just felt uneasy—why was he having this reaction toward Lu Xiangyang?
When Lu Xiangyang snapped back to reality, he realized that he was straddling Shen Kuangye's lap. Shen Kuangye propped himself up with one hand but kept his gaze elsewhere.
When their eyes met, both of them instinctively looked away, blushing, too shy to look directly at each other.
"...The hug… is it done?"
Shen Kuangye's voice was a little hoarse, his body stiff, afraid that if Lu Xiangyang moved forward even a bit more, he would notice the reaction Shen Kuangye was too embarrassed to admit.
His mind flashed back to Lu Xiangyang's pale face and watery eyes when they had made eye contact just now.
So obedient, so easy to tease.
There were only two layers of clothing between them, and Lu Xiangyang's legs felt unusually soft.
Shen Kuangye felt as if there was a fire burning inside him.
"Y-yes… the hug is done."
Lu Xiangyang realized that the position might not be appropriate.
He intended to retreat quickly, but almost misstepped when getting off the bed. If Shen Kuangye hadn't reacted quickly to catch him, he might have bumped into the windowsill.
Their hands ended up tightly clasped together.
Shen Kuangye's first reaction: —so soft.
Lu Xiangyang's hands were a little smaller than his own, and holding them felt very comfortable.
Shen Kuangye had no idea what was happening to him today. Why did he keep thinking these strange thoughts?
Lu Xiangyang's reaction seemed even stronger. He quickly pulled his hand back, his whole face flushed red.
"I… I think I forgot my charger. I'll go get it first."
Shen Kuangye nodded.
He clearly wasn't in his normal state, or else he would have immediately noticed that the power bank and charger were neatly placed on the nightstand.
He took his pajamas and went into the bathroom, trying to regain composure.
Lu Xiangyang went to the balcony downstairs to get some cold air on his face, and only after a while did the heat on his face finally subside.
He peeked back to make sure no one was in the living room, and then he couldn't help stomping his foot in frustration.
What had he just done?
He had really lost his mind, acted on instinct, like he was possessed by a ghost, how could he have ended up sitting on Shen Kuangye like that? Truly crazy.
But…
He couldn't stop thinking about Shen Kuangye's calm, handsome face when they had made eye contact just now. Didn't his ears turn red too?
And… it looked pretty good.
No.
Lu Xiangyang, what are you thinking?
How could a straight guy act like this? Was this normal?
But he didn't seem straight anymore.
It was all lies!
Lu Xiangyang decided to vent his frustration elsewhere.
He went to the kitchen, opened the drawer in the far corner, took out the herbal medicine he had hidden, and tossed it angrily into the trash.
The bitter taste still lingered on his tongue.
Everything was fake; only the bitterness of the medicine was real.
Bitter, and he had finished drinking it—but it didn't work.
After finally calming down and returning to the room, Lu Xiangyang found Shen Kuangye had already showered.
His hair was still wet, wearing a white T-shirt and black shorts, standing at the window deep in thought.
"Kuangye, why aren't you drying your hair? You'll catch a cold."
Lu Xiangyang tried to start a conversation and handed him the hairdryer from the bathroom.
Shen Kuangye seemed to snap out of his daze at that moment. When he took it, Lu Xiangyang noticed his fingertips were very cold, like he had bathed in ice water.
"Now," he said softly.
Shen Kuangye only relaxed when Lu Xiangyang walked into the bathroom with the clothes.
He couldn't help but lift the clothes and smell—there should be no lingering scent now, right?
After recalling what happened in the bathroom, Shen Kuangye felt he might be a pervert.
He didn't want to admit it, he had done something in the bathroom he couldn't control, and at the last moment, his mind had pictured Lu Xiangyang's face.
"…."
Shen Kuangye's ears reddened again.
Only after the water dripping from his hair had cooled him down did he start blow-drying.
That night, Shen Kuangye hesitated several times, not bringing Lu Xiangyang close to him while sleeping. He was afraid he might react the same way again, and Lu Xiangyang would think he was a pervert.
But his mind gradually grew drowsy, and he eventually fell asleep.
---
"Is he sick?" Xing Xing asked.
Lu Xiangyang nodded, his expression full of worry. "Yeah, he's burning up. I just measured him—almost 39 degrees Celsius."
Xing Xing frowned, retrieved the first aid kit, and handed two packets of medicine to Lu Xiangyang.
"Have him take this first. If his fever doesn't go down in half an hour, take him to the hospital."
"Okay, Xing Xing, I'll go up now."
Lu Xiangyang carried the hot water and medicine upstairs. Shen Kuangye was lying on the bed, slightly opening his eyes to look at the ceiling, his pale face tinged red.
He moved his gaze slightly to watch Lu Xiangyang pour the medicine by the nightstand.
After finishing, Lu Xiangyang helped him sit up and placed the cup in front of him.
"Kuangye, this is fever medicine. Drink it, and you'll feel better."
Shen Kuangye glanced at him and took a small sip, immediately frowning and refusing to drink more.
"What's wrong?" Lu Xiangyang asked.
Shen Kuangye replied succinctly: "Bitter."
He hated bitter things.
Lu Xiangyang froze for a moment, unsure how to react.
This might be the first time he had discovered Shen Kuangye's vulnerability. Not a weakness exactly, but a rare moment showing that the invincible-seeming older brother could also dislike something.
Thinking further, Shen Kuangye was actually about the same age as him, yet silently carried so many burdens.
Lu Xiangyang took out some candy from his pocket and gently coaxed him, "Drink it, and after you finish, you'll get candy. Once you eat the candy, it won't be bitter anymore."
It sounded childish, and Lu Xiangyang worried Shen Kuangye would think he was acting like an elementary school kid.
But Shen Kuangye didn't. He silently lifted his fever-reddened eyes to look at Lu Xiangyang, frowned, and obediently drank the medicine.
Lu Xiangyang kept his promise and gave him a candy.
So sweet.
Shen Kuangye held it in his mouth, resting his head against Lu Xiangyang. After a while, he spoke:
"One time I had a fever. I couldn't move, and no one cared. I stayed in the room for three days until the cleaning lady found me and sent me to the hospital."
This was the first time Shen Kuangye had shared something about himself with Lu Xiangyang.
Lu Xiangyang had been curious. He knew almost everything about Shen Kuangye, but Shen Kuangye knew nothing about him.
Shen Kuangye didn't like making friends and never called home. Besides being with Lu Xiangyang, he spent almost all his time in training, always within Lu Xiangyang's sight.
He only knew that Shen Kuangye was reliable, nothing more.
Now it seemed Shen Kuangye's family situation had been terrible.
Lu Xiangyang frowned, his eyes full of unhidden sympathy. "Kuangye, don't be sad. I'll take care of you from now on."
"I'm not sad."
Shen Kuangye's voice was soft. "Maybe I just didn't do enough."
Things that are worthless are never cherished.
So he had the habit of giving everything he could to anyone.
"How could it be not enough? You're great."
Lu Xiangyang said firmly.
Shen Kuangye glanced at him, his tone hesitant: "…Really?"
"But why then, in the hotel that time, no one saved me?"
He could hear, could see, but no one noticed.
He still remembered quietly waiting for his body to cool, helplessly awaiting death.
Shen Kuangye thought he had forgotten that moment long ago, but now he realized he had remembered it all along, vividly.
After his mother passed, he carried the burden and won championships, repeatedly falling ill but silently going to the hospital alone. If he fainted, he accepted it; if he could get up, he continued training. If he couldn't, then so be it.
When the doctor told him, "You can't do any strenuous activity with this hand, or it will leave a permanent injury," he just gave a helpless smile: "Thank you for the reminder."
Even knowing it would ruin him, what did it matter? He couldn't stop.
Falling into the abyss over and over, he climbed up with his broken fingers, only to fall again into the next abyss, until finally he had no strength left and could only lie down quietly.
Shen Kuangye's voice trembled in a way even he hadn't noticed before.
Hearing him, Lu Xiangyang felt deeply distressed, his nose prickling. He whispered: "Don't be afraid."
"If others won't save you, I will."
His words were already ambiguous. Others might notice, but Shen Kuangye, inexperienced with feelings, didn't register it.
After a long silence, Shen Kuangye finally said: "Not sweet anymore."
Lu Xiangyang handed him another candy. Shen Kuangye obediently ate it, but Lu Xiangyang panicked.
He didn't understand why something as simple as two candies could make Shen Kuangye cry.
Unbeknownst to him, for Shen Kuangye, it was as if those candies were a hand reaching out to him in the past, telling him not to be afraid.
Shen Kuangye's expression remained neutral, but tears slowly slipped from the corners of his eyes.
He felt someone wipe the tears from his face. Lu Xiangyang hurriedly said: "Don't cry."
Maybe it was the fever. His usual pretenses had no place to hide. Shen Kuangye, with red eyes, stubbornly said: "I'm not crying."
He had once cried secretly from stress, and his former teammates saw it. They only stood by and mocked him.
So he unconsciously thought crying was weak and would make people dislike him.
Lu Xiangyang didn't know how to describe his feelings. What had Shen Kuangye gone through to become this way?
Shen Kuangye was usually mature and calm; everything seemed easy for him, making people forget he was only 18.
His mind was confused and chaotic. He looked at Lu Xiangyang, noticing that compared to before, the flesh on his cheeks had become more noticeable.
Shen Kuangye looked at him for a long time, saying: "You're different from before."
"Pretty good."
Lu Xiangyang blinked, confused: "Different from before? What before?"
Had Shen Kuangye known him long ago?
Shen Kuangye shook his head, unwilling to continue.
Maybe because of the fever, his thoughts jumped quickly and chaotically.
"Why did you call me troublesome?" he suddenly asked, then added: "Poster."
Lu Xiangyang realized it was about the time he liked Shen Kuangye and, worried that Shen Kuangye would dislike him, tried to create distance.
He hadn't expected Shen Kuangye to notice.
"Because I…"
Lu Xiangyang bit his lip, deciding to speak the words.
Even if Shen Kuangye hated him, he didn't care.
Going back and forth would only deepen the gap; better to say it.
If Shen Kuangye hated him, it would be his own fault.
Lu Xiangyang, you fight so hard in matches, why are you so scared in this?
Liking someone is liking someone—nobody can change that.
Why not try? Maybe… maybe Shen Kuangye liked him too?
He took a deep breath, but the words wouldn't come out.
He was still afraid Shen Kuangye would hate him.
"Forget it," Shen Kuangye said first. "You should have your own life too."
At first, he had only wanted to guide Lu Xiangyang and shield him from hardships. But now he realized he had become a little greedy.
He wasn't satisfied with just that anymore. He wanted to know everything about Lu Xiangyang—his entire being.
How had it come to this?
Lu Xiangyang was also struggling internally. He still wanted to seize this chance.
After hesitating, he finally said with difficulty: "Brother, I'll be honest with you. I distanced myself recently because… because I suddenly realized I might like guys, and I was afraid you'd hate me."
Once he said this, the weight he had carried for so long lifted.
Now it was up to Shen Kuangye's reaction.
Unexpectedly, Shen Kuangye smiled.
"Just because of that?"
Lu Xiangyang nodded solemnly.
Shen Kuangye's words left him unsure... did he hate him or not?
When he faced the answer, Lu Xiangyang realized he was still afraid... afraid of hearing the answer he dreaded.
The next second, he felt his face being gently pinched.
Shen Kuangye, pale-faced, smiled faintly:
"Are you silly or what?"