Bella Pov
"You think love is enough," Damian said.
I looked at him from across the table. We were eating dinner and I thought we were going to celebrate my new Vogue contract but instead he wanted to talk about this again.
"Love is enough," I said.
"No it's not," he said and he put down his fork. "We have been married for two years Bella. Two whole years and you still don't want kids."
"I never said I don't want them," I told him. "I just said I'm not ready yet."
"When will you be ready?" he asked. "When you're thirty? Forty? Never?"
I felt my chest get tight. I hated when he talked to me like this. Like I was doing something wrong just because I wanted to wait.
"Why is this so important to you?" I asked.
"Because I built a company from nothing," he said and he stood up and walked to the window. "I worked my whole life to create something and I need someone to give it to when I die. I need a son or a daughter who can take over. That's what legacy means Bella."
"So this is about your company," I said.
"This is about our future," he said and he turned around. "Don't you want a family? Don't you want kids running around this apartment?"
I looked around our penthouse. It was big and beautiful and expensive and honestly I liked it just the way it was. But I couldn't tell him that because he would get mad.
"Maybe we can talk about this later," I said.
"We have been talking about it later for months," Damian said and he came back to the table. "I need an answer Bella. Do you want kids or not?"
I felt trapped. If I said no he would be angry. If I said yes I would be lying. So I said something in between.
"I want whatever makes you happy," I said.
His whole face changed. He smiled and grabbed my hands.
"Really?" he asked. "You mean it?"
"Yes," I said even though my stomach felt weird.
"Thank you baby," he said and he kissed me. "Thank you so much. We are going to have the most beautiful kids."
I smiled but it felt fake.
The next few weeks were strange. Damian downloaded apps on his phone to track when I was ovulating. He bought vitamins for me to take. He planned everything like it was a work project.
"Tonight is the best night," he would say and then we would have sex but it didn't feel romantic anymore. It felt like a job.
One month passed and I got my period. Damian looked disappointed but said it was okay.
Two months passed. Same thing.
Three months, four months, five months.
"This isn't working," I said one morning.
"We just need to keep trying," Damian said but he looked worried.
"Maybe we should see a doctor," I told him.
He didn't say anything for a while. Then he nodded.
"Okay. Make an appointment," he said.
I called the fertility clinic and got us an appointment for two weeks later. Those two weeks felt really long. Damian kept working late and I kept going to photoshoots, we barely talked to each other.
Finally the day came. We went to the clinic together and held hands in the waiting room. A nurse called us back and took my blood and asked us a bunch of questions. Then we waited some more.
Dr Martinez came in with a folder. She sat down and looked at us.
"I got your test results back," she said.
"And?" Damian asked.
"Conceiving naturally won't be easy for you," she said.
The room got really quiet. I felt Damian's hand squeeze mine really hard.
"What does that mean?" I asked and my voice came out small.
"It means you have some issues that make it hard to get pregnant on your own," Dr Martinez said. "But there are options. We can do IVF or other treatments."
"How much do those cost?" Damian asked.
"We can discuss that at your next appointment," she said. "But I want you to know that many couples in your situation do eventually have children. It just takes some medical help."
We left the clinic without talking. Damian drove us home and his jaw was tight the whole time. When we got inside he went straight to his office and closed the door.
I stood in the hallway and felt like crying but I didn't. Instead I went to our bedroom and laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
This was my fault. My body was broken and now Damian would never get what he wanted. His company would have no one to take over. His parents would never have grandkids. And it was all because of me.
I heard Damian on the phone in his office. He was talking loud and he sounded angry but I couldn't hear what he was saying.
After a while he came out and got in bed next to me. He didn't say anything. He just laid there looking at the ceiling too.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"It's not your fault," he said but his voice sounded flat.
"Yes it is," I said. "If I was normal we wouldn't have this problem."
"Bella stop," he said and he turned to look at me. "We will figure this out okay? We will find a way."
"Okay," I said but I didn't believe him.
He pulled me close and I put my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. It was going really fast like he was scared or stressed or both.
"I love you," he said.
"I love you too," I said.
But I wondered if love really was enough like I told him at dinner all those weeks ago. Because right now it felt like love wasn't fixing anything at all.
Something felt wrong but I didn't know how to fix it. I just knew that the life I thought we had was starting to crack and I didn't know how to stop it.