Suddely I remembered the most painful memory of mine..which I thought I have moved on from but it still brought tears into my eyes just remembering that day.
Seeing my friend posting a birthday wish for her grandmother , I wish I could do the same, because she was the only one who ever heard me ,taught me,praised me ,loved me genuinely without anything in return.
I always ask god to send me someone similar to my grandma in my life.
Because I want to be back to my past self,the version of me when my grandma was still alive but the truth is she took the best part of me with her.
And I never felt complete again.
Sometimes I stare at my cellphone wondering whom to call to update about my day because that was never the question before.
She is the one who taught me that before becoming anything you should become the best version of human yourselves, other achievement are complimentary in your life .
I always wondered why she always asked god to take her away even when her whole family was catering her...but I realised it later that she wanted to not bother them anymore.
I also wonder how she used to be so selfless even though she was always on bed for the whole 10 years of her life.
But then I am angry on myslef for being selfish for her to stay with me for few more yeras even though knowing how much pain she was suffering.
I just wanted her to stay with me a little more,make more memories with her for me to remember her, teach me more of her thoughts and values.
People always ask me why have you changed so much , the answer is ..nothing is filling the empty space within me .
But today when I am writing this ...I have this immense desire of claiming myself again, to be my peak version again the one who was competitive in her life..who use to hate loosing.
I want to be a winner.