I wonder why I reached out to you that day.
Was it because you looked lonely? Or prehaps I was the lonely one. What I do know though is that the reason I reached out to you that day was purely selfishness. Every time I come to visit this place I can't help but hope every time I blink I would somehow end up back in time.
Yet as selfish as I was that day and as selfish as I am now, I would still reach out to you. Maybe it's because that due to you I met people I cherish as much as I cherished you, maybe it's because I have the unreasonable thought that I could change the outcome.
It could even be that even today I'm still lost in my own fantasy's in order to escape from this mundane world.
But you said it yourself didn't you? The world won't stop moving so we can't either. If you can call this a story then I would say it's not over yet despite how much I wish it was. Prehaps my grave will be next to this one once I finally reach my end, if so then I know I'd be joining you if hell exists.
Maybe I'll meet my end tomorrow, or even worse I'll live a long life and die old.
If you're listening to these thoughts somehow whether that be a blessing or a curse may I confess one thing?
Currently, despite everything I have no reason to live other than to live.
So allow me to selfishly ask to use your death as a reason to keep going.
***
There's a mystery going on in this country, though is it a mystery if everyone knows the culprit?
The bigger mystery would be why people continue to stand still despite that. If nobody else takes action then I will-
The bustling of the lunchroom stopped being muffled out as something or rather someone bumped into me.
"Sorry about that! You good man?"
As if I was paralyzed in place my body grew stiff, the person who bumped into me simply walked away after I gave no response. Shaking away the heat that spread in my face I began walking towards an empty table. I couldn't trust anybody, I was practically alone in this world due to the ignorance of the masses. By the time I sat down with my food my appetite was all but gone. Slowly my mind drifted back to the mystery plaguing this country the mystery of-
"Yo! Mind if I sit here?"
The person standing infront of my table had a look that even made my social anxiety- I mean defense mechanism falter for a second. I couldn't exactly tell what race he was his features looked like a mix of multiple. With soft brown skin and his curls falling to his shoulders if I was looking at him from the back I very well may have assumed he was a woman.
"I'll take that as a yes!"
Without waiting for my response he sat down, despite my slight annoyance one thing that caught up eye was that he had multiple trays of food. I suppose I was so focused on trying to analyze his appearance I didn't pay attention to anything else.
"Yo dude snap out of it."
The tension returned to my body once more, could he be a bully? Though I couldn't think of a reason anybody would bully me other than me keeping to myself of course. That tension released slightly when he smiled at me his full lips curving into something I couldn't describe other than a grin.
"Oh that's right I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Adam! What about you?"
I was honestly still in shock he was talking to me, after all these almost four years of high-school bore no fruit of social interaction thus far. Yet for some reason as I locked onto his almost amber eyes that tension in my body dissipated.
"I'm.. I'm uh.. Mallory.. my.. uh mother wanted a girl.."
As if my strange way of talking didn't bother him at all he took his fork to his food talking in-between his chews.
"Well then Mallory! Have you heard of the mystery plaguing this country?"
***
No response came from the grave, though I wasn't expecting one in the first place. A sigh escaped my lips the chilly air of winter causing it to become vapor.
You said your dream was to write a book after all of this was over with right? Unlike you I have no talent at that sort of thing. But if you would allow me to impose on that dream.. would you allow me to make that book? Even if it's not written on paper or typed into a device I'd like to keep those imaginary pages in my heart to flip over for whenever I begin to waver.
So I ask of you just this once, can I do that much Mallory?