Ch. 14: Aidyn
After reliving such physically painful data, Noelle asks to cut their walk short so she can return to their hospital room and rest. Aidyn isn't sure if she does it to get away from him or because she truly needs to sleep for a while to recover. Both options are valid, so after she disappears, he stays in The Library for a few hours to give her space.
Thankfully, the walk they go on the next day goes much better.
Still horrified by what happened, Aidyn makes sure he doesn't bring up anything painful. In fact, he lets Noelle lead the entire conversation. When she offers to take him to her favorite set of data like they intended to do the day before, he happily agrees.
As they walk, Aidyn admires the vaulted ceilings, watching streams of freshly filtered data in the form of papers, files, and books, fly across the invisible pathways determined by Noelle's Storage System. As he watches, one stream of data breaks away from the cloud above and cascades like a paper waterfall down between distant shelves. In the quiet of their companionable walk, he finds all the rustling of pages fluttering towards their final destination soothing.
After ten or so minutes of walking in silence and taking in the views, Noelle starts a conversation.
"I wish it didn't take so much magic to create new systems," she says, weaving him through more narrow rows of winding, data-filled shelves. "I have so many ideas I'd love to try."
"What kinds of ideas?"
"Well, most of them aren't for work."
"That's okay. I'd love to hear them."
She hesitates, but not for long. "It might sound silly, but I've been working on making these little moving pictures. Just for fun, with the magic set aside for my personal use. I promise I'm not dipping into work magic."
Aidyn throws his hands up in mock surrender. "Hey, we're hanging out as friends. I'm not your boss right now. Besides, like I've said before, we all need hobbies."
Honestly, it relieves and encourages him to hear Noelle actually uses her magic for things outside of work. If he's smart about it, maybe he can convince her to use more of her magic for herself. 10% is the minimum.
"What are the moving pictures like?" Aidyn asks to follow up.
"Sometimes I make them by collaging together data I already have, but I also like using my imagination to create new data too."
Noelle watches him closely after sharing this information, expecting an answer of some kind. She's testing him about something, but he has no idea about what.
"Tell me more," he replies with a smile. He doesn't know what's she looking for, but whatever it is, he needs more information.
"I like running my imagination through the Visualization and Formatting Systems to make little stories and scenes come to life. Then, when I have enough magic, I run them through the Output System so they can exist in the physical realm, not just here in my head."
Aidyn stops walking. "No way, can I see one?"
The tightness in Noelle's expression relaxes into tentative hopefulness. "Really? You want to see?"
"Yes, it sounds fascinating!"
"You don't think it's a waste of magic?"
The question draws him up short. "What? No, of course not. Since when is creativity a waste?"
Noelle's tentativeness sparks into another glowing smile. He likes seeing this type of spark much more than the anxious ones.
At the same time, a rush of warmth pours into Noelle's side of their emotional landscape. It's so strong he can feel it without having to touch it.
"I guess I passed the test?" he asks, allowing his own warmth to appear in both their bond as well as his expression.
Noelle's smile turns momentarily sheepish. "I guess I wasn't very subtle. Sorry. But yes, you pass."
He laughs. "I'm glad. And I meant it; can I see one of your moving stories?"
Noelle stretches out an open palm and uses the Recall System to pull up the data. A sheet of paper materializes in her hand, shimmering along the edges as the Visualization and Formatting Systems work together to give the data its shape. Instead of text, like most of their work reports, an image fills the entire page.
She hands him the page and steps back, giving him space and time to watch and examine it.
About a minute in length, Noelle's voice narrates a touching story, full of tenderness and courage from all the characters despite its short length. Aidyn watches the magical scene over and over, his smile deepening each time. When he tells her he thinks it's absolutely beautiful, she beams.
"It's my newest one," she says, blushing. "You can keep it if you want, but you don't have to."
"I'd love to keep it. Do you happen to have enough magic to run it through the Output System too?"
She tilts her head. "Our sad little hospital room could use some art to brighten it up… I definitely have enough left in my personal allotment to Download us one this same size to hang up! In my apartment I have entire walls covered in them. For now, one is better than none."
Noelle launches into excited explanations of other stories, moving scenes, and data she's decorated with, as well as more thoughts for images to Download for their room.
Aidyn nods along, temporarily stuck on the way she referred to the hospital room as "our" room, and then referred to them as an "us" for the first time.
She said she'd Download "us" a piece of her art to hang up.
Noelle hasn't ever referred to them as this kind of an "us" before. They've been a Team Bond "us." However, this was a Love Bond "us," and not in the uncomfortable, strained way they started out. This new "us" felt more natural. Noelle hadn't even paused to think about it. She'd just said it and moved on. As the clouds of data swooping overhead constantly remind him, Noelle is always thinking. Not pausing to consider calling them an "us" feels important. It hints at there being enough trust between them for her to not feel the need to parse, plan, and dissect every word and every move around him all the time.
This is good.
Aidyn likes being this kind of "us" with her.
Noelle leads them down another row of shelves, running her fingers along the spines of books. As she passes them, they shimmer at her touch. She stops and taps on a large leather-bound tome with a golden spine.
"We made it!" Noelle gently pulls the book off the shelf and cradles it in her arms. "This is it! This is one of my favorite data-sets." She looks down at the book and then back up at Aidyn. "Have you ever tried Memory Walking before?"
"As in, entering someone else's memory but fully experiencing it like it's your own?"
She nods excitedly. "It's a little more intense when it's Memorized data, but the concept is the same."
He raises his eyebrows and shakes his head. "I don't know any Mind-Reader Mages personally, but I've always been curious."
Noelle extends a hand, offering it out to Aidyn. "Want to try it out?"
"Absolutely!"
When he reaches out to her, Noelle's golden magic begins to swirl around them. As soon as their hands touch, Aidyn's vision dissolves into a field of gold.
Ch. 15: Aidyn + Noelle
It is dark. The warm night air wraps around Aidyn. It rustles his hair and presses against his skin.
Noelle stands beside him. She looks younger, with shorter hair cut in a different style than she keeps it now. When he moves to stand in front of her, she looks straight through him.
Right. This data is predetermined. She won't interact with him because he isn't a part of the original experience. Time separates Aidyn from Noelle in this place, but that is all. The sensations of warm air rustling through hair and pressing against skin are not his own. They are Noelle's.
Aidyn experiences everything exactly as Noelle does—every minuscule ripple of emotion, every scrap of thought, every tiny piece of data collected through every drop of magic. As the scene solidifies, the fullness of her magic overwhelms him. He starts fighting against it, trying to close himself off from it. It's too much all at once. It will swallow him whole!
Relax, Aidyn. You are safe.
Noelle's voice drifts throughout the area as a whisper that gently surrounds him.
Open yourself up to the data. Let yourself settle into it. Memory Walking doesn't work if you try to control what's happening. You have to let go of your need to be a distinct individual and allow yourself to become a part of the data as a whole.
Aidyn cringes. That sounds a lot like what his mother, father, and the army generals always tell him: "The job of a leader is to focus on the big picture, Aidyn. You'll help more people if you don't dwell in the details of pursuing each individual."
Doing his best to keep his frustration down to a simmer, Aidyn asks Noelle for clarification. "And how exactly am I supposed to not be a 'distinct individual,' Noelle?"
Based on the research I've read, as well as personal experience, Memory Walking is most successful when the walker can shift away from separate awarenesses akin to "me" vs "you" mentalities, and instead align into the singular mindset of "I."
Aidyn sighs. That isn't particularly helpful. "Can you rephrase that in a way that's more specific to us right now, with less academic jargon?"
There is a pause before he hears Noelle's voice again.
In Memory Walking, there aren't separate points of view. It's not: "Aidyn" and "Noelle" are in the memory. It's: "I" am in the memory.
Aidyn nods. That makes a bit more sense. "So practically speaking, how does one go about doing that?"
Mmmm, the easiest way for me is to think about how it feels to read a book written in 1st person: "I," as the reader, start to mentally blend into the "I" of the main character. I know I'm not actually the main character, but while I'm reading, it's like I become that character, and everything that happens to them, happens to me as well.
Now that's something Aidyn understands much more clearly. "So Memory Walking uses a form of suspended disbelief?"
Yes! Suspend your disbelief, Aidyn, Noelle's voice whispers all around him. Suspend your disbelief and experience what it's like to be me for a little while.
Aidyn takes a few deep breathes. Each time he exhales, he allows himself to settle more comfortably into the idea that he is no longer a "he," and is instead an "I."
* * *
I stroll through the forest with the confidence familiarity brings. It is dark but I am not afraid. I love this place. A warm night breeze rustles my hair and presses against my skin. My magic catalogs every soft brush of it. The giddiness of exploration bubbles up as laughter, and I feel no need to suppress it. It tumbles out when I open my mouth and call out to my friends.
"Come on!" I shout, smiling as they laugh and stumble along behind me.
"Noelle, where are we going?"
"Anywhere!" I laugh. "Nowhere!" I lift my arms high. "Wherever the wind takes us!"
I turn, using a mixture of starlight and Registration to find their hidden shapes winding through the dark trees. Boots scuffling, branches snapping, and loud but jovial swearing tells me Hollynd tripped. Tammora teases him while pulling him to his feet.
Their bantering voices warm my heart.
I whirl back around and start to call out for them to hurry again, but the words cut off in my throat.
Where there was only darkness the moment before, now there is light. Thousands of tiny, glowing shapes flicker in front of me, floating slowly along without so much as a care in the world, completely surrounding us.
I feel the steadying presence of my friends as they settle on either side of me.
Tammora gasps.
Hollynd is completely and abnormally silent.
"Fireflies," I whisper in a soft, reverent voice. An entire swarm of them. 100,643 to be exact. I've never encountered so many at once.
"Where did they all come from?" Tammora whispers next to my right ear.
"I have no idea," I say, beaming. Since my magic developed, I don't get to feel surprised very often anymore. I am now in the habit of knowing, so the surprise of not knowing adds a whole different type of magic to the moment.
Feeling as if I've stepped into the center of a silently exploding firework, I spin in a slow circle, matching the gentle cadence of the drifting creatures. I stretch out my arms and open myself up to my magic, cataloging each and every square inch of the area. Starting near the ground, I work my way up higher and higher, craning my neck and pushing the range of my magic to absorb every speck of light until the flickering pinpricks of the fireflies blend in with that of the stars.
I know, right now, as I live out each second, that this is data I will be glad to relive over and over for the rest of my life—a life I believe, now more than ever, is worth living, if only for the chance to stumble upon more surprisingly magical moments like this one.