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I narrow my eyes at her in distaste as she lifts a finger, my soul floating towards her, the turtle staring between us, its head flicking back and forth. The void washes over me as I arrive, stepping a bare foot on upon the carapace, noting the surprising warmth of the shell as I turn to her, asking, getting the most pressing question out of the way, "Why can I see?" She smiles at me, her golden eyes deep and swirling, her hair swaying, and answers,
"Because I made it so." Without any visible action from her, two halves of a torn, golden string appears in each of her hands, the ends facing each other, "You attempted to divine Apalla, the manifestation of the Earth's Sun, yes?" She asks, a knowing glint in her eyes as she sighs fondly, "Ah, I remember when I was your age, so full of stupidity and in such a rush," Her words cause me to glare at her, aware of my own personality, understanding that she's choosing her words purposefully.
She rolls her eyes at me as she bring the halves together between us, saying, "Watch." Her cracks pulse with warm light as she touches the strings to one another, their threads reaching out and fusing, winding around and healing, becoming whole. As it does, a shift occurs somewhere deep inside me, a sense of completion filling my soul, a heated impression rising behind my eyes, the feeling abstract and dull. The now complete string alights with restored power as she release it, its form slipping into hidden space.
I stare at the absence, an unknown emotion hitting me as I turn my sight to Sarah, finding her looking at me with understanding, when she prompts, a small smile on her face, "Well?" I hold her gaze, her mirror image watching, then give her a slight nod, releasing a sigh and letting out a soft chuckle, telling her,
"...Thank you."
She shrugs, then blinks, our positions suddenly changing, both of us now sitting down on the turtle, staring out into the universe. With an extended hand, she pats the shell beneath and says, her tone fond, "Onwards now, Reliance." The head of the turtle slowly bobs as its flippers start to wade, the space around them distorting in waves, an impression of motion falling over me as it does. Glancing at her, I just… absorb everything I can gather; the fact that she exists, the changes her appearance have undergone, her power, that she's still alive.
Turning my sight away from her, I lean back, bracing on my arms, and gaze out into the infinite, the entirety of material existence stretching out before me. My eyes take in the light of the distant stars with wonder, a vague warmth settling on my translucent skin; their creative, life-giving heat shining out for eternity, reaching as far-off as the edge of Mystery. I imagine patterns between them, making connections, enjoying being able to see, my short period of blindness affecting me more than I thought.
Turning my attention to the Turtle beneath me with a tilt of my head, I cast my face away from the woman beside me and gently stroke at the shell. Feeling its unexpectedly comfortable surface pressing back against my fingers, I finally gather up the courage, airing the unspoken, lingering question, "...Are you me?" A moment passes in silence, an answer not given, before she lets a small, familiar sigh,
"Yeah."
I slowly look to her, my eyes finally fixing on her, and elaborate, "...Not a Variant? Actually, truly, me? Sarah Worthington?" A momentary, quiet laugh leaves her in response, as she replies,
"I've peered into a thousand universes and divined ten thousand timelines, and have yet to find another," she glances at me briefly, before looking back out, "So what do you think; does that answer our question?" Her revelation washes over me, confirming an idea I've started to hold since falling into this reality,
"A singular existence?" I query, wanting to gleam her own understanding. She hums, a note of confirmation in her tone as she answers,
"Seems so."
I stare for a moment, then join her in gazing out, the incredible breadth of colours painted across the depths of space reflecting in my eyes. The head of the Turtle between us tilts back, its deep pupils fixating on me, before its body starts to bank, the felt motion shifting, a quickly passing sense of vertigo running over me. I close my eyes and lean with it, following its movement, embracing the sensation, the omnipresent vacuum passing through me.
I sit in the moment and release my spiritual senses, their scope unbound by the limitations of a planet, taking in the chaos; the composition of creation. With growing calm, my emotions stabilising, serenity spreading through my soul, I open my eyes, fixing them on nothing in particular, then looking to Sarah, wondering, "Why am I here?" She turns her head, her lips curling up in smile and gaze boring into me, saying, her voice unconcerned,
"I'm dying."
My eyes widen in slight surprise, my soul flickering, before I reply, my tone rushed, "What?"
Future Sarah laughs lightly at my reaction, before raising a hand and gesturing broadly to the surrounding cosmos, "Look around, won't you? We're floating through space on the back of a giant turtle, talking to each other through a gulf of great time, in a reality that was meant to be fictional," she bumps into me gently, staying and leaning against, her head resting on my shoulder, "What does simple death matter, in the end?"
I go to protest, my mouth opening in retort, when the words die in my throat. Deciding to let her air her thoughts, I listen with care as she continues on, "Before us stands an ever-expanding universe, one of an infinite number, filled with complex concepts and simple life, all guided and watched over by beings of great power. The fact that we got to experience it, to swim against its intricate machinations, to see and live amongst it; isn't that enough?" She trails off, her voice fading, an air of contentment around her, when I give my answer, a strength of objection filling it,
"No. It is not."
Sarah releases a soft snort of laughter, her body shaking against mine, "It's alright, Sarah. You'll understand one day." I glance down as her hand snakes into mine, our fingers interlocking, "I've lived longer then I should have, a greater time passing then comprehensible to the mortal mind, true understanding outside of, and beyond, grasp," her grasp tightens, her true feeling coming through, "But you know yourself better than that, no?" Her other hand raises, fingers stretched out, reaching, before clamping shut, closing into a fist,
"Who says I have to go silent into that good night?"
Her fist slowly opens, something gold appearing, hovering above her palm, its dimensions defying perception, "When have we never not fought, pushing back and charging forward? Who dares tell me that I cannot struggle, that I cannot rip and tear my way beyond, a continued future in sight, just waiting for me to break through?" She bring the thing in, holding it before us, its form vague, "Why… should I accept, should I acknowledge, an unwanted outcome?"
My eyes locked to the matter in her hand, a calling resonating deep inside me, I whisper, asking, "This is…?" The item pulses at my words, its body spinning in multiple, opposing directions as she explains, her voice full of promise and conviction,
"A chance," it comes to a slow stop, a clear image forming; a steadily spinning golden ring, its frame flowing with molten energy, "A hope." She grabs at it, digits placed around the circle, then draws it to me, my free handing rising to meet it irregardless of my will, and places it on my palm, the symbol fusing with it. A mountain of sheer potential and waiting time issues from it, flowing up my arm and running through my soul, connecting with some unseen, undiscovered aspect.
The fuzzy form of my Astral Form glows a bright gold as minuscule, unknown runes overrun it, speeding and twirling through me. A notification starts to appear, when Sarah flicks a finger at the formation, rejecting it and sending it away, "Let's not have that interrupting the moment; you can have a read once back on Earth." I observe her action with calm, a somewhat understanding of her power, of the years gone by, and ask, my question loaded,
"...Why?"
She replies instantly, my meaning easily parsed by her, "Can't tell ya," Sarah says, amusement in her voice, "As the great River Song would say, 'Spoilers'." Her head raises off my shoulder, where she turns to me, catching my eye, "In all my time, throughout the many years, I've accumulated many debts and entangled myself in much karma; now, it's time to fulfil them, to clear it all away. I've been to here and back, there and more, revisiting loved ones and saying my goodbyes… until there was only you, the Sarah of yesteryear; the one who decides, who make the choice."
I look to her confusedly, a lifetime contained within her words, and say, stuttering, "I-I don't–" Our entwined fingers release as she raises her hands, holding my face, her thumbs rubbing at my cheeks in comfort,
"It's okay," she reassures, her voice quiet, "Some day, you'll be sitting in my position, telling this to a younger you, same as me; same as the Sarah before." A flickering emotion passes over her face, too quick for me to search, before she continues, "Who knows the outcome, what happens next, hey? Perhaps… Well, I'll guess you'll just have to wait to find out, the answer found the long way round." She looks at me softly, an uncertain depth to the expression, one I fail to understand.
The constant motion, the journey, the movement of the Turtle active, passing along and through concealed means, begins to lessen, our destination nearing. The locked eyes of Sarah flash with power, the revolution of the gold quickening, as she tells me, a note of unresolved parting in words, "We've arrived." Her hands fall away from my face as she nods behind me, indicating for me to look.
Searching her face, I turn around, my form wavering in surprise at what I see; the breadth of the Earth beneath us, suspended in the darkness, sunlight visible near its curvature. The shadowed isles below shine up at me, evidence of their surface life piercing the night, passing through the limited cloud cover, the surrounding seas black and textured. It's not the first time I've seen the Earth from this view, having been thrown towards it after my encounter with the woman from the Sun, Apalla, but I was in no position to truly appreciate it then.
Now, I run my eyes over all that I can see, the layering clouds swirling and blanketing the planet, the distance making it seem as if I could just… reach out and touch it. The blue of the stratosphere is visible on the horizon, stretching over the curve of Earth, a border between it and the void, protecting the souls below from the radiance of the Sun. My mind is consumed by the world before me, the cradle of humanity across so many realities, the one, unassuming constant in the everyday struggle; always there, silent, an ever-present guardian.
A hand on my shoulder breaks my spellbound gaze, a gradual turn of my head finding the empathic eyes of future me. I open my mouth, an endless appreciation seeking to escape, before I settle, a simple sentence issued, more than enough, "…It's beautiful."
Sarah smiles, her face lit by the distant, mother star, "I know," she says, looking down upon it, "No matter how far I journey, how deep I go, I always find myself drawn back." A laugh passes her lips, "For all my power, I can still miss my home." With a tapping of her foot, Reliance starts to descend, lowering us into the atmosphere, feeling gravity take hold, the density of the air increasing as we pass through the clouds. The distant day fades to night as the horizon rises, our descent gradual, until we come to a stop atop cobbled street, the home of WandaVision in sight.
The evening still, life and time paused amid one second and the next, stretching out for eternity, we step off Reliance, touching down on the Earth below, the stone cold under my bare feet. I look to Sarah, following her lead, waiting for my purpose here to become clear, as she beckons at Reliance, who starts to shrink, becoming palm-sized. It floats over to her, landing upon her hand, where she strokes between its eyes with a finger, its head retracting slightly in pleasure. With a fond expression, she plops him on her hair, giving him the best view off all of us.
They both turn to me, two pairs of eyes staring, before she raises an arm and points down the road, starting to walk. Moving after here, in-step, I shadow her as she leads, travelling down silent streets and passing dim-lit shops, their keepers moving in reverse. The sky starts to lighten, the sun rising from the west; a headlight-beaming, white van rewinding passed me, reliving its journey. I observe the process, the power evident, as we take a familiar route, our way tracing back my day's route.
The sleepy, setting citizens run back, passing through and around us, the signs of activity increasing, as we stroll, a flash of blonde hair entering an alley ahead. With a fleeting glance as we step by, I see the back of past me, her hands roaming through the pockets of scum, her blind form dressed in a dark blue jumper with faded jeans. I slowly roll of my eyes as we continue on, the Sun hung high in the sky, when I eventually find myself standing before a pebbledashed house.
I come to a stop, Sarah noticing and turning to me, waiting in understanding as I stare, knowing which house I look on, the shape familiar. A flash of white beyond the big, street-facing window draws my eye, a naked me visible at the centre of orange fire, a pained expression on her face. Golden cracks rip across the flesh of her arms, slicing up and carving through, stopping at her shoulders, when she collapses. Looking away from her panting back, I cast my sight on Sarah, holding out a hand and wondering, "What even are these?"
She keeps her eyes on mine, not glancing away, and answers, "Scarring," she turns away, moving on, time continuing to rewind, "Apalla did the best she could, but she doesn't know of the Tao, doesn't know that any simple healing is only surface level." Following behind, my astral hand raised before me, I peer upon the cracks, the reason revealed.
When undergoing coerced enlightenment, falling into conceptual reality, I distantly recall my body fragmenting, breaking into pieces, the great light of the now-named Apalla mending me. These tracks must then be, as Sarah says, scars; remnants of an embodiment of life attempting to heal, fixing the damaged one within her domain. Despite her ignorance of the Tao, she still managed to restore me to my majority, restoring me to near-perfect condition.
Lowering my hand, a whisper of thanks in my mind, I look up, finding us standing on a shore, a stone wall behind and above. A deep frown forms on my brow as a wash of blood sticks under my feet, its source waiting in the corner of my eye, dread rising within me at the impression of mutilated flesh and ground-down bone. With a steady breath of courage, I slowly shift my sight, a pit settling in my centre as I look upon a clear corpse, a vibrating sword laying beside it.
My mind silenced, I speak out, my voice shaky, "But then…?" Sarah steps to the corpse, kneeling down and placing a hand on the blade of Purpose, a finger stroking and calming it, before she reaches out. Her steady hand pushes into the pile, a seed of gold in-grasp, its light shining over and flowing through, the flesh starting to slide and stitch, the bones regrowing and moving back into black, a pair of dull eyes forming in-skull. My mind flashes back to a half-remembered void, a shackle of my soul, a door opening and life calling; realisation shooting through me.
I flinch back, taking a step away, as the revived body gasps awake, her eyes snapping open. She rolls onto her front, getting her arms under, kneeling and reaching out to Purpose, a cry of emotion threatening to leave her, before she calms herself, golden runes appearing to her. Putting strength into her legs, she stands, taking a blind step and tripping on the sand, stumbling.
Watching my day-old self get her bearings, attempting to scan her surroundings, I turn to Sarah, her stare on me, waiting, "Why are you showing me all… this?" She says nothing, continuing to eye me, searching, a millennia of memories in their depths, when she tells me,
"You'll understand soon enough, hopefully; I did, at least."
She nods towards the rippling ocean, its slow waves lapping at the bank, then starts to walk, standing atop the water and looking back at me. I hold her gaze, an inkling of her reasoning finally hitting me, before I join her, my feet stepping above the sea, feeling it flow and shift under me. An expression of approval donning her face, Sarah looks out, her senses seeing some distant point, when she gently lift a hand, clutching at the air and pulling, the world folding and running to us.
An unseen divide is created, two walls of space touching, overlapping waves phasing and the sounds of crashing waves blending. Sarah crosses the boundary, bypassing a great length, and continues on, knowing I'll be right behind. Driving by unfelt forces, interest fuelling me, I pass through, feeling a wall of something course into me, perceiving a faint separation of front and back. With a shake of my head, pushing the sensation away, I stop beside Sarah as I reach her, tracing her gaze and staring into the sky, seeing a small black dot racing towards us.
Knowing what's to come, I think about looking away, when the hand of Sarah grasps mine. Taking a deep breath, I watch on as I approach at blazing speed, spiked shield held in guard, my skin intensely lit with green Chi. I tighten my hold on the gripping hand, my teeth clenched, as I impact the sea with a mighty crash, the water vibrating, a guiser of sprayed water ejecting up, a crater forming. As my blood starts to dye the ocean, the guiser falling and the crater collapsing, my destroyed body breaches the surface clutching Purpose.
Her ruined form; face missing and chest cavity open, the flesh of her limbs shredded, bones simply gone, greets us, revulsion growing in me. She starts to gag, a two fingered hand covering her broken throat, her other running over her visible ribs, searching, finding nothing but absence. We drift after her, keeping pace as Purpose bolts away, desperate, when she lets out sad gurgle of laughter. Her body gradually slumps over, life leaving her, her head resting on her blade, when I catch sight of a white robed woman, her face a blur, floating above the sea.
I flinch, repulsion taking me, and start to retreat, when the hand of Sarah stops me, holding me back. Spinning to her, panic in my soul, I go to shout, to argue, but I find myself captivated by the expression on her face, a lake of perfect calmness, tranquillity emanating from her. Her eyes, deep and gold, settle on me, love shining in them, as she speaks, her voice soft and aware, "What's there to fear, Sarah?" From over her shoulder, the omen looms, its arrival inevitable.
With a final smile, Sarah turns to the being, its face becoming clear; small wrinkles and black hair, the visage of our Master greeting us, a sincerely kind look up it. I frown deeply, my entire soul wanting nothing more than to escape, to hide itself away, as the being opens her mouth, asking of Sarah, "You still fighting?" My older self stares directly into the face of Death and laughs, answering,
"Always."
Death accepts her reply with grace, a smile on the lips of our Master as she says, her tone fond, "I'd expect nothing less." She turns to me, taking in my nigh-cringing soul with tolerance, with patience, and continues, "It's alright; I know," she extends the caring hand of our Master out to the sea surface, a transparent ripple under it, a spiked shield racing out of the water and catching in her grasp. With nary a gesture from her, the Savage Shield of Sobek floats over to me, transforming into its ring form and sliding onto my finger.
She glances between us; me, the young and fearful, and Sarah, the old and accepting, as she starts to fade, whispered words of comfort lingering in her wake, "I'll be there when you need me."
The lapping of waves remain, a silence shared, a breeze wrapping around us, when Sarah turns to me, "Time's up," I look to her, a torrent of unshed emotion swirling in mind, "Can't put it off for too long." She floats to me, her arms raising, and wraps them around me, holding me tight, a slight shake of her body felt. I run my hands over her, encircling her, and clutch the gather of her robe, burying my head into the crook of her neck, as she releases a shaky sigh, requesting, "Wish me luck."
I breath out slowly, feeling it roll over her skin, and answer, "Never." With a last laugh and a tightened hold, she strokes my back, tracing her fingers over it, my eyes starting to feel heavy. As a slight tug pulls at my navel, a flutter of departing words tickles over my ear, Sarah closing off, promising,
"See you soon."
My eyes close, the bracing arms sliding away as I fall, space warping around me. My soul travels at unfelt speed, crossing the ocean and reaching land, day reverting to night, rising over populace and architecture, before passing through a brick wall and gently landing back in my body. As a slotting clicks within, the twilight air chilling my skin, I slowly open my eyes, truly seeing the home for the first time. With stinging eyes and choked throat, I call upon Purpose from within, it responding to me instantly, feeling my distress.
Floating to me, I grab and pull it close, bringing my knees up to capture it, wrapping my arms around and leaning my head, as tears begin to flow. I stifle my cries, not wanting to be found, as they drip down my blade, leaking onto my legs. Purpose vibrates against me, emotions of consolation projecting, embracing my trembling body as I tighten my hold, taking it's support into my heart. My hands grip its handle, the white of my knuckles showing, when a heat burns into my palm.
Pulling the hand away, I wipe at my face, clearing the tears, and rest my forehead in the pommel. Raising the extremity to eye-level, I find the golden ring etched into my palm, my cracks carving through it, and activate Revelation, a notification rising little be little, informing,
[Revelation
Name – Something Borrowed; Something Gained
Type – Seal (Formation, Dao)
Benefits – Unknown (The Time Will Come; Until Then.)
History – Unknown (All Shall Be Revealed; The Moment Approaching.)]
Squeezing my eyes shut in frustration, I clench my hand into a fist and lower it, releasing a sigh. Tapping my head against Purpose in thanks, I lean back against the sofa and release the sword, opening my eyes and staring up at the ceiling, thoughts of my future racing in mind. As fatigue climbs across me, bone deep, the night long, resentment appearing in my spirit, I think to myself,
'...What's the point?'