Legend has it that the world is divided into three realms: the Mortal Realm, the Divine Realm, and the Ghost Realm. Wars have raged extensively across all three. The Divine Realm wields the most powerful magic yet loves peace and never provokes wars at will. The Mortal Realm is the weakest, lacking the power to interfere in the three realms, so it never starts conflicts either. As for the Ghost Realm, it is quite extraordinary—essentially the villain of the entire world. Even so, many kind monsters dwell here, willing to live in harmony with others. All three realms call the evil creatures Primordial Demons. These demons are utterly malicious, often wreaking havoc in the Mortal Realm, but they rarely dare to offend the Divine Realm out of fear of its power.
Among all warriors, none compare to Immortal Kun Kun of the Heavenly Realm. An ancient legend tells that in the eighth year of Kun Yuan, he attained supreme magic power, said to be from drinking immortal water. This water had lain underground for tens of thousands of years; refined, it could burn, and its raw form was black and viscous.
Kun Kun possessed a fearsome skill: summoning Nai Wa, an ancient divine beast born from a golden dragon and a white sea lion. Nai Wa had a yellow body, a white belly, smooth and hairless skin. When unleashing attacks, it let out loud laughter and launched coordinated strikes with its master.
Kun Kun's weapon was a magical artifact—a tattered ancient book inscribed with the most powerful incantation, The Lullaby of Xing Ba Ba Ba Lu Bi La. At first, the artifact was deeply cursed; no one who approached it survived. A millennium later, its power weakened, and a bald immortal from the Immortal Woods forged it into a weapon and gifted it to Kun Kun.
In the Mortal Realm, the mightiest figure is Pikageda. Centuries ago, before cultivating human form, he was a pig. After a hundred years of cultivation, he successfully took human shape. Known for his good deeds, commoners affectionately called him the Pig God.
As the Marshal guarding the barrier between the Mortal and Ghost Realms, he resided there long-term. He was also a close friend of Kun Kun; a thousand years prior, they swore brotherhood at Douyin Temple. Pikageda gifted Kun Kun a poem he wrote himself, full of artistic conception:
Hello Pikageda, I te ha wen de?
Puraim ai wang tu, he er pi wei pi,
Ou ke, ka mi, ka mi.
When guests visited his home, he recited the poem, earning universal praise.
The Ghost Realm is ruled by a mysterious figure named Amatesila, the realm's leader, with all Primordial Demons as his subordinates. He often leads these demons to invade other realms.
Among the Primordial Demons are terrifying breeds:
- Papa Ghosts: Short, black-and-white skinned, emitting chilling shrieks. Known as "Papa Kids" among mortals, they cry "pa-pa-pa…" when attacking. The sound causes splitting headaches, disorientation, and prolonged exposure ruptures internal organs, leading to bleeding from seven orifices and a grotesque death with the tongue lolling out. Even ordinary immortals can defeat them easily.
- Gugu Gaga: The most feared demon, named after its cry. It has a human face and a penguin body, hailing from the extreme cold, bred by the Ghost Realm's evil organization for the "Yuanshen Niubi Plan." As revealed by the Heavenly Court, the plan aims to infiltrate the Mortal Realm, brainwash humans, deify the ghost god Yuanshen, and seize control. Rebels are imprisoned and tortured; compliant citizens are caged, destined to be food for the human-faced penguins.
Amatesila dominated the Ghost Realm alone, overthrowing the Underworld to consolidate power. He tortured innocent souls, turning the realm into a hell beyond hell.
One morning, immortals were playing poker at Windrise. Suddenly, Nezha arrived with an envelope, reading it aloud before everyone:
To all immortals, cultivators, and realm leaders:
According to the Heavenly Military Department's prediction, the Ghost Realm's Primordial Demons will launch a war against the Three Realms within seven days. The prediction is uncertain; please gather at the Main Conference Room at 15:30 today to discuss countermeasures.
Sincerely,
General Military Affairs Office of the Heavenly Court
December 31, 1 BC
Document No.: Tianjun Special 277891
The immortals rushed to the airport, boarding a Boeing 787 business jet owned by Moon Palace Airlines bound for the Heavenly Court.
The conference room was packed, waiting for the Jade Emperor. The Information Department set up a video call with Jesus, far away.
The meeting began. The Jade Emperor said urgently, "Brother Ye, the situation is critical—we need your plan!" Jesus replied, "The Primordial Demons are too powerful; we have no solution yet." Panic spread until Marshal Tianpeng handed over a document. The Jade Emperor nodded approvingly, "This is the best plan we have." The meeting adjourned, and the group dispersed.
In the military command, Sha Wujing said, "Good thing we have technology. Magic or technology—either will defeat these monsters. You can call the demons stupid, but never their leaders."
By noon the next day, Primordial Demons reached the Heavenly Gate. The Jade Emperor paced anxiously in his office.
Tang Sanzang stood atop the wall, shouting, "Request backup! Request backup! Tell the Jade Emperor to ask Jesus for troops!"
Staff Officer Zeng Chengwang reported, "Jesus' forces are depleted—their airport was bombed, no troops can reach us!"
Furious, Tang Sanzang roared, "Useless cowards!"
A soldier shouted, "Report! Grenades from Lord Jesus have arrived!"
Tang Sanzang ordered soldiers to hurl grenades over the wall. Explosions erupted, dust billowed, and rows of demons fell.
But more demons swarmed. Tang Sanzang yelled to the telegraph operator, "Send a message! Technology won't work—we must use magical artifacts!"
The command replied, "Received! The Pig God is en route to support!"
The Pig God ascended the wall and chanted an incantation: "Judgment! Ha!" A firebird materialized, charging into the demon horde and burning them alive. His artifact charged rapidly; when it glowed brightly, fully charged, he shouted, "All troops retreat! Repeat—retreat! I'll handle this alone!"
Soldiers fled to safety. The Pig God hurled the orb-shaped artifact into the air, glowing bright blue, and chanted:
"Damn you, Primordial Demons! Mere ruffians! Begone, nightmares! Come forth, Xiao An and Xiao Che!"
Countless Nai Wa appeared, laughing mid-air and launching coordinated attacks. The Pig God's strikes ignited with fire magic. After a minute, his power faded—cooldown had begun. A petite, beautiful girl named Ying Mei stepped forward, raised by the Pig God and trained in his arts.
She found the Pig God collapsed from exhaustion. Ying Mei conjured a wind sphere, chanting: "For the Heavenly Court! Take this! Thousand Movements, All Phenomena!" The wind blast sent demons flying, followed by a boulder crushing the rest.
Amatesila seized the moment, kidnapping the weakened Pig God. Ying Mei tried to chase but tripped, crying desperately, "No! Father! Give my father back!" She fainted, waking in a hospital bed beside Kun Kun.
"Uncle Kun, has the Heavenly Court fallen? Where's my father?"
Kun Kun fell silent. "You repelled them with your ultimate move—we held the line. But your father… I don't know."
Ying Mei wept bitterly. Kun Kun left the ward, dejected.
Walking down the sidewalk, Kun Kun was confronted by Amatesila and two minions. He fixed his middle-parted hair and sneered, "You stole the Pig God's primordial spirit—despicable! Robbing him of his magic!"
Amatesila rumbled, "You're next."
Nezha charged, hurling a Demon Pill Bomb that exploded, blowing off Amatesila's ear. "Useless trash! Taste my Demon Pill Bomb!" Nezha unleashed his ultimate move, a massive explosion blooming in the center.
Ying Mei noticed the battle, realizing they could hold on temporarily but would be overwhelmed once cooldowns hit. She set out to find reinforcements.
Ying Mei teleported to Jinzhou City via a waypoint, unlocking flight ability—she could soar from the ground without gliding. She found the adventurer Piaopiao sleeping and explained the crisis.
Piaopiao opened a game on her phone, clicked a character icon, and said, "Relax, time is frozen. I've cast Time Stop." She handed Ying Mei a ancient book, Urgent Rites, Mommy Beibei Hong, a long-range magical artifact with heavy-hitting attacks.
With four hours left of Time Stop, Ying Mei chanted an alien incantation:
"Ah K Ku Li Hu Ya Hu Ben, Di Da Hu Gong. Urgent Rites, Mommy Beibei Hong. Come on, everyone! Shining moment, liven up the world!"
The book glowed and floated; Ying Mei stored it and departed.
She visited a Taoist temple, offering gems for guidance. The Taoist gave her glutinous rice, saying, "This rice defeats all underworld monsters. Plant it for descendants—I foresee many eerie short videos plaguing 2025, and ordinary Taoists won't stop them. Let future generations use this rice."
Returning to the battlefield, Ying Mei discovered Time Stop made all beings immune to damage. A voice announced, "Time Stop ends in 30 seconds." Chaos resumed.
She threw glutinous rice at demons, but it turned black and crumbled to ash. Her ultimate move was still charging, her attacks weak.
Amatesila mocked, "Just like the Heavenly Court lot—your primordial spirit belongs in the trash."
Enraged, Ying Mei roared, "I may be a blonde who takes insults, but you will not dishonor my primordial spirit!" She kicked Amatesila.
Amatesila sneered, "Dark primordial spirit? Interesting. Heavenly Movement, All Phenomena!"
Before he could act, a giant boulder crashed down, killing him instantly. The tyrant who ruled the Underworld for years was crushed by a rock. His minions fled in panic.
Kun Kun coldly declared, "Cleaning up the rest will be easy." He chanted:
"Laugh for me, ha! In Nai Wa's name, laughing moment, liven up the world!"
Nai Wa appeared, laughing wildly, launching coordinated attacks before turning into golden light and slamming into the demons. The Primordial Demon army was annihilated.
The Jade Emperor slammed his desk in joy, "The Underworld leader is dead! Excellent! Reward every Heavenly Court member an iPhone!"
Immortals chanted the Inspiration Mushroom Scripture, recited only after great victories. Forged by Lao Tzu in a cremation furnace for seventy-seven days and printed, the scripture brought peace and strength.
They chanted:
"Wei wei wei wei… Inspiration mushroom, li li li wa ca! Inspiration mushroom, inspiration mushroom…"
Later, immortals gathered for an awards ceremony. The Jade Emperor proclaimed:
- "Ying Mei, for your pivotal role, I name you Foreigner of the Battle Buddha."
- "Immortal Kun Kun, for your bravery and power, I name you the Chicken God."
- "The Pig God provided vital intelligence, yet remains missing."
- "All fighting immortals and soldiers shall be titled Kings of Elimination, rewarded 3,000 Joy Beans."
The Jade Emperor video-called Jesus, gifting him a Rolls-Royce Dolan electric car. The meeting ended with the grand Song of Aminos:
"Aminos, we all love Aminos, our Aminos, Aminos is our parent…"
Days later, Ying Mei begged Lao Tzu, "Aminos, help me—my father has been captured for days."
Lao Tzu handed her a Nine-Turn Resurrection Pill, "Refined from nine-turn large intestine in a flat oven for twenty-one days, retaining its original flavor."
Ying Mei searched the Underworld and found her father locked in the kitchen. Overjoyed, she carried him away. Stripped of his primordial spirit, the Pig God was powerless, no different from a mortal.
He said gently, "I'll apply to the Jade Emperor for a new primordial spirit. Demons gone are gone forever." He taught her a song:
"Da da da, I want a primordial spirit, no primordial spirit…"
Nezha played chess with Immortal Qi Ba, who teased, "Your chess skills aren't great—worse than Immortal Jiu Yi."
Nezha replied, "I've never feared life and death; play casually."
A chubby blue elf cat, Moon Half Cat, brought them Dai Pai pies—strange-smelling but delicious, granting a magical singing voice for hours. "The name and taste are awesome, just a weird stinky aftertaste," Immortal Qi Ba remarked. Nezha suggested pairing it with his Demon Pill Boiled Eggs.
On their way home, they met Lao Da, the Basketball Immortal—fond of basketball, sunbathing, and wearing a yellow No. 24 jersey.
Lao Da later encountered a giant yellow cat-like monster with fangs. He summoned a basketball, hurled it, and chanted: "Man! I te kan a sen!" The basketball glowed gold, defeating the monster. He sealed it in a Black Tea Glass Bottle, planning to tame it as a mount that fought alongside his basketball.
Three thousand meters behind the Heavenly Harem grows a forest of Inspiration Mushrooms—strange fungi with legs that run, dance, and sing. Heavenly scholars ate them to write the famous Apocalypse of Great Luck, with the verse:
"Great luck, great luck, weighs a hundred tons, extremely dangerous, flee at sight."
Taught in Heavenly textbooks, it embodies fear of the calamity. Cooked, the mushrooms are a delicacy—The Inspiration Mushroom on the Tip of the Tongue.
Though the immortals defeated Amatesila centuries ago, remnants of his army plotted to restart the war. A thousand years of peace did not erase danger.
A new storm has arrived. How will the Heavenly Court respond? How will the immortals safeguard peace across the Three Realms?