Two crystals, glowing green, hovered before my eyes. The cargo hold of the ship was used for all sorts of things. For instance, I liked to practice certain Force techniques here. Though I had to restrain myself — the missiles were too close, and combat ones at that. So pyrokinesis, or lightning — I wouldn't recommend training those here. But practicing kata of styles, telekinesis, body enhancement — anything that theoretically posed no danger to the ammunition — I practiced in the hold. Why there? What ship captain would want to practice in their own cabin... There's such wonderful order there, everything is cleaned to a shine. And I'd start using telekinesis... I'd wreck my cabin to hell. No way!
I sat in a meditation pose and infused the crystals with the Force. The process turned out not to be as easy as I had imagined. The crystals seemed unwilling to be infused, even though they partially resonated with my Force. This was troubling... The green color from the crystals and the cold, white light from the lamps were the only sources of light in the room.
"Damn it," both crystals fell back into my hands. The most interesting thing was that they were the last elements. Knowing what I was flying for, I had practiced Force Forging on all the beskar I had, and managed to make blanks for the hilts. But that wasn't enough. Without crystals, a lightsaber hilt is just a funny toy for a child. And these crystals flatly refused to work. I'd have to go and ask Kuro for advice.
"Hmm," a thoughtful voice came.
"Hutt, mentor," I blurted out, jumping up sharply.
"Don't you think that for a hutt, I'm too slim and beautiful?" the woman asked, tilting her head to the side.
"You understand what sense I meant that word in," my eye twitched.
"I understand," the woman nodded and sat down on the floor, "but the fact that you said it is entirely your fault," a smile appeared on her face. "If you had really been probing the surroundings, my appearance wouldn't have been a surprise to you."
"I..."
"Relaxed on your own ship. Nevertheless, you've already relaxed before regarding your ship, and where did that lead?" Kuro asked. "But I'm not here to drive your already low self-esteem even lower. After all — I'm your mentor and I came to help."
"And what can you help me with?" I asked.
"Your problems with the crystals," she nodded at the gems. "Are tied exclusively to you. Yes, your Force resonates with them, but you yourself aren't ready to interact with them yet. That's why they're pushing you away."
Indeed, the Force is a tricky thing. It directly depends on the emotional and mental state of each Gifted. Roughly speaking — it's different for everyone. And it reacts in its own way.
"Do you know why your old crystal is no longer so 'friendly' with you?" Kuro asked.
"Because after that incident — a lot changed in me..."
"That's partly true, but partly not," Kuro shook her head. "You are SET ON CHANGE, the Force has partly changed, but mentally and psychologically you are still who you were before. Yes, you've become much tougher, I'd say — more cynical. Before, your character, except for a couple of moments, was closer to an optimistic Jedi. Too naive, too kind, and at the same time — unstable. As soon as you lost your comfort zone in the form of losing two rather close sentients, you reacted quite sharply and set a course for change. Honestly — it makes me very sad to see someone like you, with such incredible potential and abilities for your age, but with the same personal problems."
"And what should I do?" I asked. "Don't get me wrong, I knew a lot of it myself... Why are you looking at me with such strange eyes?" I asked my mentor, whose eyes widened in surprise. "Yes, I knew, maybe I always knew, that I was too... wrong. That my view of the world is some kind of horror, not a view. But what should I do? Are you a specialist in psychology?"
"What isn't there, isn't there," the woman shrugged, "but I can only tell you what will help. Go into meditation, but stop forcing your crystals. You won't get them to work that way. Sort yourself out once and for all, understand why you are the way you are, and understand what you want to become..."
I didn't listen to the end of the phrase, simply closing my eyes and plunging into darkness. Meditation is a fairly familiar state for me, but this time I slipped not into ordinary meditation, the kind I do every morning, no... I began to systematically deepen into the Force, to the maximum. It's the most logical method. After all, I'm Gifted, which means I can, besides self-reflection, ask the Force for help. Darkness surrounded me on all sides. Sounds disappeared, smells... Everything disappeared. But at the same time, I clearly felt myself. Was I acting correctly? Or would I act correctly? No... What even is the concept of 'correct'? Does such a thing exist? No, it doesn't exist. There are no correct and no incorrect decisions. Even when I dreamed about my plan, an idiotic one at that, to get rid of the Sith — I thought I was acting correctly. But that was self-deception. I would have acted correctly only from my own point of view.
And what would others think? What would they see, how would they feel about it? Hmm... Is that really so important? Is it important to think about it? Absolutely everything I remembered flashed before my eyes... Starting from my first life... And at that moment I realized... There is nothing good in searching for the perfect answer, in trying to make everyone happy. That was my problem. From birth, I tried to please everyone, to act softer, I bent over backward so that others would value me. But that was my weakness. They saw me as a pincushion, not as someone who helped them. So what should I do? What should I build? What should I dream about? A vision seemed to appear before my eyes... A huge ship, shaped like a spearhead, easily recognizable as a classic Imperial I-class Star Destroyer. The author — an Imperial-class Star Destroyer, or Imperial Star Destroyer — the classic ship of the Empire... The ship sharply approached me in the midst of the darkness. I landed right inside it, but at the moment when I expected to be flattened against the ship's hull, my consciousness somehow penetrated the bridge...
"Does universal happiness even matter?" a voice came from a black figure, the only one standing on the bridge. "Or has life taught you nothing?"
"What are you?" I asked the figure. "The Will of the Force? Or another one of my fucking dark versions, deciding to educate me with its twisted philosophy?"
"The answer is much simpler, but it will only confuse you more," the figure's voice came. "I prefer not to answer that question."
"Then I'll figure it out myself," I wanted to approach him, but something was holding me back. Between us was something viscous, barely perceptible, but constantly pushing me away from him.
"No one is ready for that truth," a grim voice came. "Nevertheless — I will give you the answer to your original question. I see you want to know the answer... There's no need to consider the desires and views of absolutely everyone. Consider only the desire of the majority. Those are the principles you should have had from the very beginning. You, from the very beginning of your existence, tried to please everyone. That is a mistake..."
"And I should suddenly start..."
"I won't tell you what to do," the voice said. "All you need to understand: don't limit yourself with sappy ideals. Dream about what is achievable, what you are capable of feeling and creating. Now, in the future... That is your answer, which you demanded."
I was abruptly thrown out of the ship, and I found myself in the darkness again. Not think about the good of all? Not try to please everyone? Is that it? How many times have I told myself that I idealize everything too much for myself. So what should I do? Now I understood... I don't need to build happiness for everyone, I was an idiot for even thinking about it. Happiness has to be paid for... And only the one who pays a commensurate price has the right to anything at all. That's who I should be doing something for. But what is a commensurate price in my case? The 'reward' for my defeat. The death of Mila and Lorm. Their death led me precisely to this moment. To the moment of understanding how I should live and what I should live for...
What to do? Maybe I did understand. I can't live peacefully and freely apart from the Galaxy, I'm too strong — the Force itself drags such people into conflicts. And every participant in a conflict must have a goal. And now I see the goal... I won't build a society of universal well-being. That's impossible... But, as someone who knows the canon, as a person with experience, even as worthless as I am... Though, worthless? I studied history, analyzed it. I will fight for my vision of the universe, the Galaxy. What do I want to build? Actually, there are only two options for building on a Galactic scale. Empire and Republic. The history of the Galaxy is cyclical — one replaced the other and vice versa. So what do I want to build? What to change? Who do I want to help and who do I fight for? One could say: 'Empire.' Because Empire sounds proud and powerful. Control over bribe-takers and various swindlers, everyone holds up Palpatine and his Empire as an example. But the Empire has its drawbacks. The main thing — in monarchical states, everything is tied to the personality of one sentient. But what if that sentient goes mad? What happens if he starts a war without any apparent reason? Starts looking for enemies in anyone who speaks out against him? Or dies? That's it, the country can be written off.
Therefore, I see nothing good in the Empire. The Republic is much freer. Yes, many will say: the Republic, a democratic state — a place where populism and obscurantism flourish. Too many freedoms are given to various ignoramuses and worthless people. But what if I create neither a Republic nor an Empire? I saw the pros and cons of both systems. Why not try to create something in between? That's impossible... North and south are incompatible. I need to think about this. But in my head, what I would like to see is already beginning to take shape... A Republic, yes, but with an adequate system of checks and balances, with an institution for auditing the activities of officials of all ranks. Actually — it sounds incredibly difficult. At the same time, strong means of defense must be in place. I recall, after Palpatine's downfall at the Battle of Endor — some unique individuals, in order to restore trade, figured out how to convert warships into merchant ships... But that's nonsense. Without adequate defense, everyone is doomed to failure. And who will control all of this? The judiciary, including over officials, and the armed forces? The Gifted. That's the answer. Jedi, who for the most part can sense lies from the common citizen.
The Order needs to be transformed. Into a kind of controller-regulator. But the current Republic and the current Order cannot be rebuilt into what I see... How can I do this? Act on my own? Even a Sephi's lifetime wouldn't be enough... If only I could start all over again. Stop! Start over! Exactly... Order Sixty-Six, the reorganization of the Republic into the Empire! That is the price and the lesson for all inhabitants of the Galaxy. Sentients, under Palpatine's rule, will for the most part understand the value of their own lives, they will become better. You can't change without paying something... So let them pay with freedom and life. This is an incredibly cruel move, essentially, if I am now the only one who can prevent all that hell that awaits this Galaxy in the coming decades... Is it worth doing? No... What is this? Moisture gathered in my eyes. Tears? For me, the story of the Galaxy Far, Far Away was movies, comics, games, even books and fanfics. Sentients died, lived, performed feats and fled from battles like cowards. But they weren't alive, just heroes of stories. And now — they are alive.
All alive, just like me. And I'm thinking about condemning them to such trials? What am I even thinking about? Hmm... But if I try to change something now, or before the Empire — I'm doomed to failure! Right! The sentients haven't learned their lessons yet. I myself still don't understand a lot. So, yes... I shouldn't be a clean freak who's afraid to get his hands dirty.
"I won't stop anymore," I said. "It doesn't matter how many die because of me, it doesn't matter how many die by my hand. I understand — I shouldn't think about how to save them, at most I should think about how sorry I am for them, but not stop until my entire path is completed. From beginning to end."
A bright spark of light suddenly appeared right before my eyes and flooded them. A white flash consumed me...
"Ugh!" I jumped up sharply. "Are you still here?" I asked the woman sitting opposite me.
"Still?" Kuro tilted her head. "How much time do you think passed? You meditated for only about thirty minutes..."
"But it seemed to me that I was there for hours, in the Force..."
"The Force and the Galaxy change sentients far more than you think," Kuro chuckled.
"For example?"
"I used to be a brunette," the woman answered, standing up. "I think you understood something for yourself. Maybe you'll pay attention to your task?" she nodded at the crystals. "I expect that by the time we approach Coruscant, at least you'll have figured out the crystals."
"Will we stop at the Temple?" I asked my mentor.
"Right," she nodded, "for a couple of hours, I suppose. Restock supplies, refuel. Maybe Reconnaissance has found out something more about the disappearances on Sernpidal. And then we'll head to Sernpidal. We'll also pick up the materials on Jar'Kai. I expect the Grand Master himself will want to exchange a few words with you."
"Hm?" I looked at my mentor.
"Yes. The Grand Master pays special attention to those like you," she nodded. "Techniques of change already at the Padawan stage. You are too valuable for the Order."
But the current Order isn't particularly valuable to me. Yes... I'll stay in it to study more deeply all the mistakes made during the Ruusan Reformation. Or rather, if you think about it — the Ruusan Degradation. How strange... The feeling is as if a veil has fallen from my senses. I seem to see everything clearly and just as clearly understand what I need to do. It became so easy and pleasant, the way I've never felt before... The Order, the Republic... All Sentients, in time, will also look at the world the way I look at it. But first, they need to pay their own price for it.
"I'll continue my meditation in my cabin," I sighed, walking past my mentor, having first pulled both my crystals to me. "And by Coruscant, I'll definitely have my new swords ready."
"It's gratifying to hear that," my mentor's voice came as I left the hold. Closing the door, I headed for the elevator. A couple of moments and I was already standing before the door of my cabin. I carefully placed the crystals on the floor and immediately sat down on my knees before them.
Now everything felt different... The crystals rose before me. I literally felt the warmth and power emanating from them. They felt like my own, native, as if they wanted to be used. Without lowering them to the floor, I reached out with the Force to the box with my blanks. The blanks I had been making all the time before Tatooine — floated out before me. Initially, I had made only one hilt for a lightsaber, which I planned to use as the main one, and a second, spare one. But now I would use both. The hilts completely disassembled into parts, held by the Force and my will... I felt every detail I had carefully prepared for myself, infused with the Force. The hilts were made of beskar; around the opening from which the blade was supposed to emerge — I made something like a guard — four improvised blades at the very base. They were also made of beskar... Now, into the hilt itself, I also needed to incorporate inserts of krayt dragon skin. It would provide additional protection, and also — it felt quite pleasant to the touch for me.
Which I began to do, adding strips of scales to the construction, which I had carefully torn beforehand using the Force. I couldn't tear the body itself like that, but the small scales, if I concentrated, I could transform into neat strips and upholster exactly the place where I would grip with my hands. I also embedded primitive magnetic holders into the hilts themselves. For what? For my method of carrying lightsabers. I would carry the swords not on my belt, but on my arms, in my sleeves, where my bracers with grappling hooks were hidden. Now on both arms... Of course — it would be quite difficult for me to get used to the balance during combat. There's too much stuff — the bracers have some weight. Although no, nothing has weight... But am I so capable of realizing that truth that I can ignore the weight of the bracers, which contain full grappling hooks, a coil of wire for them, and special magnets for holding the lightsabers? And on my left arm there's also a portable datapad... I'm not that much of a professional yet... So there is weight. But at the same time — the benefit from all this is quite high.
Finally, my swords were ready. I examined the resulting construction once more. The hilts were neither long nor short. I made them so that I could switch to a two-handed grip, while still being comfortable fencing with a one-handed grip. Since I intend to become ambidextrous, it really seems to me that this is the right way, but I should be able to hold, comfortably, a sword in each hand. The hilts were made of Mandalorian iron, also known as beskar, with inserts of krayt dragon scale strips. It felt like I had obtained 'legendary weapons' in some RPG. Because I did a lot to create these swords... and now I felt satisfaction. And the most important thing I added to these swords — the absence of an activation button. More precisely — I had been moving towards this for a long time. I close the mechanism with the help of the Force, and the blade activates. At the very 'nozzle' from which the plasma is emitted, there was an improvised guard, consisting of two edges that seemed to rise above the place from which the plasma burst forth. This way I additionally protected my hands. I borrowed this idea from Darth Malgus. It would protect my hands... And also, these edges are made of sharpened beskar; their application is questionable, but why not? You never know what the Force might do...
The only thing I could adjust on my sword was the length. The blade length regulator categorically prevented changing this parameter. The length of the blade itself, which burst from the hilt, was one hundred centimeters. I could increase it to one hundred and twenty. However, one hundred and ten was just enough for me. I pointed both swords upward and froze. The moment of truth... I remember when I made my first sword — I was nervous. But now... Something is different, something that amplifies my excitement a hundredfold. A second of concentration on the Force... Two green blades burst from the hilts. It wasn't the familiar green color from my old sword. Now it was much more 'harsh'... I rotated the swords in my hands, struck different poses, some I had seen in the training of Jar'Kai adepts at the Temple... I can't use two swords yet at the same level as I use one sword. But what are my years! Countless battles and fights await me, where I will hone and solidify my skills... but nothing is done for nothing. For the ability to fight with two swords, I must again pay with my time. Though... I agree to pay with my time. After all, this Galaxy is incredibly cruel, and the one who doesn't pay with their time in training — dies.
"The Galaxy is cruel... And I too need to be completely different from the Sephi I was before," I deactivated the swords, and then returned them to my bracers. "A lot of work awaits me."
I won't try. I will do, I will build my world in the Galaxy the way I see it. And I won't stop until all those who stand in my way are exterminated.