Two crystals, which shone green, hovered before my eyes. The cargo hold of the ship was used for all sorts of things. For example, I liked to practice some Force techniques there. True, I had to restrain myself, the missiles, and combat ones at that, were too close. So, pyrokinesis or lightning – I wouldn't recommend training here. But practicing kata styles, telekinesis, body augmentation, anything that theoretically posed no danger to the ammunition, I practiced in the warehouse. Why there? What ship captain would want to practice in their cabin... It's so beautifully tidy there, everything polished to a shine. And I start using telekinesis... I'd wreck my cabin to hell. No way!
I sat in a meditative pose, infusing the crystals with the Force. The process turned out to be not as easy as I had imagined. The crystals seemed unwilling to be infused, although they partially resonated with my Force. This was disturbing... The green color from the crystals and the cold, white color from the lamps were the only sources of light in the room.
"Damn it," both crystals fell back into my hands. The most interesting thing was that they were the last elements. Knowing what I was flying for, I had trained in Force Forging on all the beskar I had, and managed to make hilt blanks. But that wasn't enough. Without crystals, a lightsaber hilt is just a funny toy for a child. And these crystals flatly refused to work. I'll have to go and ask Kuro for advice.
"Hmm," a thoughtful voice was heard.
"Hutt, mentor," I said, jumping up sharply.
"Don't you think that for a Hutt, I'm too slender and beautiful?" the woman asked, tilting her head to the side.
"You understand what I meant by that word," my eye twitched.
"I understand," the woman nodded and sat on the floor, "but the fact that you said it is entirely your fault," a smile appeared on her face. "If you had really been probing the situation around you, my appearance wouldn't have been a surprise to you."
"I..."
"You relaxed on your ship. Nevertheless, you had already relaxed before regarding your ship, and what did that lead to?" Kuro asked. "But I'm not here to drive your already low self-esteem even lower for no apparent reason. After all, I'm your mentor and I've come to help."
"And how can you help me?" I asked.
"Your problems with the crystals," she nodded at the pearls. "They are solely tied to you. Yes, your Force resonates with them, but you yourself are not yet ready to interact with them. That's why they are pushing you away."
Indeed, the Force is quite a tricky thing. It directly depends on the emotional and mental state of each Gifted individual. Roughly speaking, it's different for everyone. And it reacts in its own way.
"Do you know why your old crystal is no longer so 'friendly' with you?" Kuro asked.
"Because after that incident, much has changed within me..."
"Partially true, but partially not," Kuro shook her head. "You are SET FOR CHANGE, the Force has partially changed, but mentally and psychologically you are still who you were before. Yes, you've become much tougher, I'd say more cynical. Before, your character, except for a couple of moments, was closer to an optimistic Jedi. Too naive, too kind, and at the same time unstable. As soon as you lost your comfort zone by losing two rather close sentient beings, you reacted quite sharply and set a course for change. Honestly, it saddens me to see someone like you, with such incredible potential and abilities at your age, but with the same personal problems."
"And what should I do?" I asked. "Don't misunderstand, I knew a lot myself... Why are you looking at me with such strange eyes?" I asked the mentor, whose eyes widened in surprise. "Yes, I knew, maybe I always knew, that I was too... wrong. That my perception of the world is some kind of horror, not a perception. But what should I do? Are you a specialist in psychology?"
"What isn't, isn't," the woman shrugged, "but I can only tell you what will help. Go into meditation, but stop forcing your crystals. You won't get them to work that way. Figure yourself out once and for all, understand why you are like this, and understand what you want to become..."
I didn't hear the end of her sentence, simply closing my eyes and plunging into darkness. Meditation is a rather familiar state for me, but now I slipped not into ordinary meditation, the kind I do every morning, no... I began to systematically delve into the Force, to the maximum. This is the most logical method. After all, I am Gifted, which means I can, besides introspection, ask the Force for help. Darkness surrounded me from all sides. Sounds, smells disappeared... Everything disappeared. But at the same time, I clearly felt myself. Was I acting correctly? Or would I act correctly? No... What is the concept of "correct" at all? Does it exist? No, it doesn't exist. There are no right and no wrong decisions. Even when I dreamed of my plan, an idiotic one at that, to get rid of the Sith – I thought I was acting correctly. But that was self-deception. I would have acted correctly only from my point of view.
What would others think? How would they see it, how would they relate to it? Hmm... Is that so important? Is it important to think about it? Everything, everything I remembered flashed before my eyes... Starting from my first life... And at that moment, I realized... There is nothing good in seeking the perfect answer, in doing things so that everyone likes them. That was my problem. From birth, I tried to please everyone, to act softer, to bend so that others would value me. But that was my weakness. They saw me as a pincushion, not as someone who helped them. So what should I do? What should I build? What should I dream about? A vision seemed to appear before my eyes... A huge ship, in the shape of a spearhead, in which one can easily recognize a classic ISD. The author - Star Destroyer of the Imperial class, or Imperial Star Destroyer - a classic ship of the Empire... The ship rapidly approached me in the midst of darkness. I entered it precisely, but at the moment when I expected to be crushed against the ship's hull, my consciousness somehow penetrated the bridge...
"Does universal happiness matter?" a voice came from a dark figure, the only one standing on the bridge. "Or has life taught you nothing?"
"Who are you?" I asked the figure. "The Will of the Force? Or another one of my damn dark versions who decided to educate me with its perverted philosophy?"
"The answer is much simpler, but it will only confuse you more," the voice came from the figure. "I prefer not to answer this question."
"Then I'll figure it out myself," I wanted to approach him, but something wouldn't let me. Between us was something viscous, barely perceptible, but constantly pushing me away from him.
"No one is ready for this truth," a grim voice said. "Nevertheless, I will tell you the answer to your original question. I see you want to know the answer... There's no need to consider the desires and perceptions of absolutely everyone. Only consider the desires of the majority. These are the principles you should have had from the very beginning. You, from the very beginning of your existence, tried to please everyone. That's a mistake..."
"And what should I suddenly start..."
"I won't tell you what to do," the voice said. "All you need to understand is: don't limit yourself with sappy ideals. Dream of what is achievable, what you can feel and create. Now, in the future... Here is your answer, which you demanded."
I was abruptly thrown out of the ship, and found myself back in darkness. Don't think about the good for everyone? Don't try to please everyone? Like that? How many times have I told myself that I idealize everything too much for myself. So what should I do? Now I understood... I don't need to build happiness for everyone, I was an idiot thinking about it. Happiness has to be paid for... And only he who pays a commensurate price has the right to anything. That's who I should do something for. But what is a commensurate price in my case? The "reward" for my defeat. The death of Mila and Lorm. Their deaths led me to such a moment. To the moment of understanding how to live and for what to live...
What to do? Perhaps I understood. I cannot live peacefully and freely from the Galaxy, I am too strong, the Force itself draws such people into conflicts. And every participant in a conflict must have a goal. And now I see the goal... I will not build a society of universal well-being. It's impossible... But, as someone who knows the canon, as an experienced person, even as insignificant as I am... Although, insignificant? I studied history, analyzed it. I will fight for my vision of the universe, the Galaxy. What do I want to build? In reality, there are only two options for building on a galactic scale. Empire and Republic. The history of the Galaxy is cyclical - one replaced the other and vice versa. So what do I want to build? What to change? Who do I want to help and for whom to fight? One could say: "Empire." After all, the Empire sounds proud and powerful. Control over bribe-takers and all sorts of crooks, everyone sets Palpatine and his Empire as an example. But the Empire has its drawbacks. The most important thing is that everything in monarchies depends on the personality of one sentient being. But what if this sentient being goes mad? What happens if he starts a war for no apparent reason? Starts looking for enemies in anyone who speaks against him? Or dies? Then the country can be written off.
Therefore, I see nothing good in the Empire. The Republic is much freer. Yes, many will say that a republic, a democratic state, is a place where populism and obscurantism flourish. Too much freedom is given to all sorts of ignorants and good-for-nothings. But what if neither a Republic nor an Empire is created? I have seen the pros and cons of both systems. Why not try to create something in between? It's impossible... North and south are incompatible. I need to think about this. But what I would like to see is already beginning to take shape in my mind... A Republic, yes, but with an adequate system of checks and balances, with an institute for auditing the activities of officials of all ranks. In reality, it sounds incredibly difficult. At the same time, one must have strong means of defense. I remember that after Palpatine's overthrow at the Battle of Endor, some unique individuals, in order to restore trade, decided to convert warships into merchant ships... But that's nonsense. Without adequate defense, all efforts are doomed to failure. And who will control all this? The judiciary, including over officials, and the armed forces? Gifted individuals. That's the answer. Jedi, who for the most part can sense lies from ordinary citizens.
The Order needs to be transformed. Into a kind of controller-regulator. But the current Republic and the current Order cannot be rebuilt into what I envision... How can I do this? Act alone? Even Sephi's life wouldn't be enough... If only I could start all over again. Stop! All over again! Well, exactly... Order 66, the reorganization of the Republic into an Empire! This is the price and lesson for all inhabitants of the Galaxy. Sentient beings, under Palpatine's rule, will for the most part understand the value of their lives, will become better. One cannot change without paying anything... So let them pay with freedom and life. This is an incredibly cruel move, in essence, if I am now the only one who can prevent all the hell that awaits this Galaxy in the coming decades... Is it worth doing? No... What is this? Moisture gathered in my eyes. Tears? For me, the story of Star Wars was films, comics, games, even books and fanfiction. Sentient beings died, lived, performed heroic deeds, and fled from battles like cowards. But they were not alive, just characters in stories. And now - they are alive.
All are alive, just like me. And I'm thinking about subjecting them to such trials? What am I even thinking about? Hmm... But if I try to change something now, or before the Empire - I am doomed to failure! Right! Sentient beings haven't learned their lessons yet. I myself don't understand much yet. So, yes... I shouldn't be a clean freak who's afraid to get his hands dirty.
"I won't stop anymore," I said. "No matter how many die because of me, no matter how many die by my hand. I understood - I shouldn't think about how to save them, at most I should think about how sorry I am for them, but not stop until my entire path is completed. From beginning to end."
A bright spark of light suddenly appeared right before my eyes and flooded them. A white flash engulfed me...
"Whoa!" I jumped up sharply. "Are you still here?" I asked the woman sitting opposite me.
"Still?" Kuro tilted her head to the side. "How long do you think has passed? You've only been meditating for about thirty minutes..."
"And it felt like I was there for hours, in the Force..."
"The Force and the Galaxy change sentient beings much more than you think," Kuro giggled.
"For example?"
"I used to be a brunette," the woman replied, standing up. "I think you've understood something for yourself. Maybe you'll pay attention to your task?" she nodded at the crystals. "I expect that by the time we approach Coruscant, you will have at least dealt with the crystals."
"Will we stop by the Temple?" I asked the mentor.
"Correct," she nodded, "for a couple of hours, I believe. We'll restock provisions, refuel. Maybe reconnaissance has found out something else about the disappearances on Sernpidal. And then we'll head to Sernpidal. And we'll get the materials for Jar'Kai. I suppose the Grand Master himself will want to have a word with you."
"Hmm?" I looked at the mentor.
"Yes. The Grand Master pays special attention to those like you," she nodded. "Techniques of change already at the Padawan stage. You are too valuable to the Order."
However, the current Order is not particularly valuable to me. Yes... I will remain in it to study more deeply all the mistakes made during the Ruusan Reformation. More precisely, if you think about it - the Ruusan Degradation. How strange... It feels like a veil has been lifted from my senses. I see everything clearly, and I understand just as clearly what I need to do. It has become so easy and pleasant, as I have never felt before... The Order, the Republic... All sentient beings, in time, will also look at the world the way I look at it. But first, they need to pay their price for it.
"I will continue meditating in my cabin," I sighed, walking past the mentor, having previously pulled both my crystals to me. "And by Coruscant, I will definitely have prepared my new lightsabers."
"Glad to hear it," the mentor's voice echoed as I left the warehouse. Closing the door, I headed for the elevator. A few moments later, I stood before the doors of my cabin. I carefully placed the crystals on the floor and immediately knelt before them.
Now everything felt different... The crystals floated before me. I could literally feel the warmth and power emanating from them. They felt like my own, familiar, as if they wanted to be used. Without putting them down, I reached out with the Force to the box with my blanks. The blanks I had made before Tatooine floated before me. At first, I made only one hilt for a lightsaber, which I planned to use as the main one, and a second one as a spare. But now I use both. The hilts completely disassembled, held by the Force and my will... I felt every part that I had carefully prepared for myself, infused with the Force. The hilts were made of beskar, around the opening from which the beam was supposed to emit, I made something like a guard - four improvised blades at the very base. They were also made of beskar... Now, into the hilt itself, it was necessary to include inserts made of Krayt Dragon hide. It would provide additional protection, and also, it is quite pleasant to the touch for me.
Which I began to do, adding strips of scales to the construction, which I had previously carefully torn with the Force. I couldn't tear the body apart, but I could turn small scales into neat strips if I concentrated, and cover the place where I held them with them. I also mounted primitive magnetic holders in the hilts themselves. For what? For my method of carrying lightsabers. I will carry the lightsabers not on my belt, but on my arms, in my sleeves, where my bracers with grappling hooks are hidden. Now on both arms... Of course, it will be quite difficult for me to get used to the balance during battles. There's too much of everything - the bracers have some weight. Although no, nothing has weight... But for me to realize this truth to such an extent that I started ignoring the weight of bracers, which contain full grappling hooks, a coil of wire for them, and special magnets for holding lightsabers? And on my left arm, there's also a portable datapad... I'm not that professional yet... So there is weight. But at the same time, the benefit from all this is quite high.
Finally, my lightsabers were ready. I examined the resulting construction once more. The hilts were not long, but not short either. I made them so that I could switch to a two-handed grip, while it was convenient to fence with a one-handed grip. Since I intend to become ambidextrous, it really seems to me that this would be more correct, but I should hold a lightsaber in each hand with comfort. The hilts were made of Mandalorian iron, also known as beskar, with inserts of Krayt Dragon scale strips. It feels like I've obtained "legendary weapons" in some RPG. Because I did a lot to create these lightsabers... and now I felt satisfaction. And the most important thing I added to these lightsabers was the absence of an activation button. Or rather, I had been working towards this for a long time. I close the mechanism with the Force, and the blade activates. At the very "mouth" from which the plasma emanated, there was an improvised guard, consisting of two facets that seemed to rise above the place from which the plasma erupted. Thus, I additionally protected my hands. I got this idea from Darth Malgus. It will protect my hands... And these facets are also made of sharpened beskar, their use is questionable, but why not? Who knows what the Force has in store...
The only thing I could adjust in my sword was its length. The blade length regulator strictly did not allow me to change this parameter. The length of the blade itself, which sprang from the hilt, was one hundred centimeters. I could increase it to one hundred and twenty. However, one hundred and ten was just enough for me. I pointed both swords upwards and froze. The moment of truth... I remember when I made my first sword – I was nervous. But now... Something is different, something that amplifies my anxiety a hundredfold. A second of concentration on the Force... Two green blades sprang from the hilts. It wasn't the usual green color of my old sword. Now it was much "harsher"... I twirled the swords in my hands, struck different poses, some of which I had seen in the training of Jar'Kai adepts in the Temple... I cannot use two swords at the same level as I use one sword. But what are my years! Countless battles and fights await me, where I will hone and solidify my skills... but nothing is achieved just like that. For the ability to fight with two swords, I must again pay with my time. Although... I am willing to pay with my time. After all, this Galaxy is incredibly cruel, and he who does not pay with his time in training – dies.
"The Galaxy is cruel... And I also need to be completely different from the Sephi I was before," I deactivated the swords and then returned them to my bracers. "I have many more things to do."
I will not try. I will do, I will build my world in the Galaxy as I see it. And I will not stop until all those who stand in my way are exterminated.