Lin Chu felt like his life was trapped in a curse:
Whenever his bank account balance exceeded a hundred thousand, he was guaranteed to find a girlfriend.
After dating for more than half a year, his bank account would be completely wiped out, and he'd even end up deep in debt.
Half a year later, at most, they would inevitably break up.
Heh.
Lin Chu called this the "Can't Have Both Money and a Girlfriend" principle.
In his life, this principle even surpassed the "Slap-in-the-Face" principle to take the number one spot.
...
"Broke up again?"
In a craft beer pub, Lin Chu sat across from his childhood friend, Wang Zhefei, who was grinning and wiggling his eyebrows.
"Who told you?"
"Like hell I need someone to tell me! When you're dating, when are you ever willing to come to a place like this with me? Even a roadside stall is a luxury for you. You can't even afford Budweiser, you drink Tsingtao. Goddamn you! And you dine and dash, leaving me to pay the bill!"
Wang Zhefei said excitedly, grabbing the pack of cigarettes from the table. "Exhibit B: Hehua. Tsk, Boss Lin, you're living large now, huh? Smoking Hehuas. When you were dating, weren't you always smoking Zhongnanhai 0.5s? Claiming, under the guise of being health-conscious, that they had less tar and were better for your lungs."
"Exhibit C..."
Lin Chu was sweating bullets, practically drenched. He was one step away from getting on his knees and begging.
'Bro, stop talking.'
'Bro.'
'I know I was wrong.'
"Bro, stop, I'm begging you, please stop. I'm paying tonight."
Wang Zhefei gave a wicked grin and raised his hand. "Waiter, another dozen Trappist Quadrupels!"
HISS!
Lin Chu sucked in a sharp breath.
"Half a dozen!"
"I'm begging you, half a dozen!"
Wang Zhefei: "Heh... a full dozen!"
Lin Chu: ...
「Half an hour later.」
"Brother Fei, feeling good?"
Wang Zhefei was already slumped over the table, grinning like an idiot. It was a strange, blissful smile, and though it was unclear what he was thinking, his eyes were hazy.
Lin Chu said, "Bro, actually, I wanted to ask you for a favor. Can you lend me ten thousand? I can't pay off my credit card."
"Huh..."
Wang Zhefei's voice was hazy. He was clearly eighty percent drunk.
Lin Chu opened his phone's camera and started recording. "So you agree, then?"
"Huh."
"Alrighty then, I'll just help myself. Your phone password is still 970822, right?"
"Huh."
"I've got proof right here. I'll send it to you tomorrow. I'll write you an IOU in a bit and pay you back in three months."
Lin Chu recorded the whole thing, then took his friend's phone, unlocked it, opened WeChat, transferred ten thousand yuan, entered the password, and... success.
Done.
"Thanks, Brother Fei. May you live a long and peaceful life. Come on, I'll take you to a hotel to rest."
He effortlessly hoisted Wang Zhefei onto his back and got a double room at a nearby hotel.
The moment he helped him onto the bed and took off his shoes and socks, Wang Zhefei was already snoring like thunder.
...
The faucet ran, SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH.
Lin Chu's eyes were vacant and his mind was drifting. He let the hot water pour over his head. This was the most relaxing moment of his day.
'How did we end up breaking up?'
He still couldn't figure it out.
He was twenty-four this year. He'd graduated from college two years ago and now worked at a financial firm selling wealth management products.
His income wasn't low.
He made at least over ten thousand a month, with his best month being nearly fifty thousand.
He wasn't ugly, either. At 185 cm tall, while he didn't have a six-pack yet, he definitely didn't have a gut. His features were well-defined, and he had even hosted the welcome party for new students back in college.
And it wasn't like he'd never been in a relationship.
Four of them, from college to now.
But...
Somehow, they never ended well.
Usually, once the money was gone, the love faded too.
'Ugh, being love-brained is an incurable disease...'
'The moment I start dating someone, I get this crazy urge to spend money on them. Buying bags, clothes, lipstick, fruit, milk tea, lingerie...'
'I spend and spend until I'm over budget. Then my girlfriend's spending habits level up, and the bags she wants get more and more expensive...'
'At that point, I can't afford it anymore. She gets angrier and angrier, the small conflicts pile up, and then... BOOM! We break up.'
'Damn it, I'm such a huge idiot!'
This time, Lin Chu resolved to learn from his painful experience, turn over a new leaf, and become a new man.
...
As the steam in front of him grew thicker, a sci-fi-like panel quietly materialized before his eyes.
[Best Bro Tycoon System: Spend money on men and get double the amount back. When their intimacy level reaches 90 or above, you will unlock a system-certified friend slot. After they call you 'Dad', you will receive a tenfold return.]
[Current Friend Slots: 1]
[Friend: Wang Zhefei]
[Intimacy: 100]
Lin Chu: ?
'What the hell?'
'System?'
'Is that you?'
'Or am I so drunk I'm hallucinating?'
He rubbed his eyes, but some shower gel got in. Lin Chu let out a strange yelp and quickly rinsed it out. He rubbed his eyes again, and the panel was still there, clear as day.
'It's real!'
'But... System, you're really something else. So unconventional and rebellious!'
'Spending money on my bros?'
'Somehow... it feels like a loss.'
'When I go to his place for dinner, if I don't swipe a bottle of his booze, I feel like the meal wasn't even worth it.'
However, thinking of his number one principle and all his past idiotic behavior, Lin Chu took a deep breath, quickly dried himself off, wrapped a towel around his waist, and walked out of the bathroom.
Lying on his own bed with a pillow propped under his head, Lin Chu stared at the soundly sleeping Wang Zhefei and fell into deep thought.
'So, Fei Zai "loves" me this much, huh.'
'Our intimacy level is already at 100.'
'When push comes to shove, you can only count on your bros.'
...
Compared to him, Wang Zhefei was an out-and-out hick, a cheapskate, and what women would call a major turn-off.
He almost never bought new clothes. In a place like Peng City, he wore a T-shirt, baggy shorts, and flip-flops all year round. Since he was a programmer and his company didn't have a dress code, he could wear whatever he wanted.
He didn't smoke. He used to, but he quit to save money.
He didn't date. Even on the rare occasion he ate with a female colleague, he always insisted on going Dutch.
After two years of this, he had successfully saved up enough for a car, plus over three hundred thousand in savings.
But he still didn't date.
His savings continued to grow year by year.
The bastard already had a plan to retire at thirty-five and travel the world.
'A STEM guy who has completely sworn off love and romance... truly incredible!'
...
'If I spend money on him, I get a rebate?'
Lin Chu looked at the sleeping Wang Zhefei, unable to fall asleep himself. He wanted to test the system's function first.
Transfer, 1 yuan.
Then he took his friend's phone and tapped 'accept'.
Hmm?
'Why isn't it working?'
The system panel in front of him didn't appear.
Just as confusion surfaced in Lin Chu's mind, the panel appeared, and a line of text flowed out.
[Newbie Guide: You must SPEND money, not TRANSFER money.]
[Spending must be for a shared expense between both parties, or for a gift that the other party accepts.]
[Notice: Rebates have been automatically linked to the host's primary salary card, the China Construction Bank savings card ending in 233.]
[Notice: System funds are not subject to any regulatory oversight.]
Lin Chu: ...
'System, you're not very good at this.'
'Not simple and brutal enough.'
'In that case, does this mean I'm going to become... the guy who always pays for everything among my male friends?'
'As a financial salesman, this is absolutely amazing!'
Lin Chu quickly discovered this new "use case."
But for now, he still wanted to test it first.
So, he opened his phone and topped up Wang Zhefei's phone credit by one hundred yuan.
[Spent 100 yuan on Friend No. 1 Wang Zhefei. Rebate received: 200]
Seeing the amount hit his bank account, Lin Chu wriggled on the bed in excitement.
'More!'
'Top up 1,000!'
[Spent 1,000 yuan on Friend No. 1 Wang Zhefei. Rebate received: 2,000]
Lin Chu was starting to get hyped.
But topping up his phone credit again would just make him look like an idiot.
When Fei Zai woke up tomorrow, it would be hard to explain.
After a moment's thought, Lin Chu thought of his dad.
'My dad should count as a male friend, right?'
Huh?
'Holy crap!'
'My intimacy level with my own dad isn't even 90?'
'Dad... our bond has faded, it's faded.'
'Whatever, stuff like this doesn't matter between a father and son.'
Lin Chu then topped up his dad's phone credit by 1,000 yuan.
Soon, he received another rebate: 2,000.
'This business is way too profitable, isn't it?'
...
Thinking about it, Lin Chu got even more hyped. He opened his phone's contact list and quickly started filtering through all the "non-asshole male friends" he knew.
As for the "asshole bosses," "scheming colleagues," "rotten classmates," and "douchebag clients"...
Even if it meant giving up the rebate, he wouldn't let them benefit.
It was a matter of principle!
Besides, the system was here to stay. He could use it anytime. There was no rush to do it all in one night.
Next, Lin Chu topped up the phone credit of a dozen or so male friends he was on good terms with—from elementary school, middle school, college, and work—each by 1,000 yuan.
Total rebate received: 28,000.
He paid back the ten thousand to Wang Zhefei and completely cleared his credit card and Huabei debt...
Lin Chu... felt amazing.
Absolutely amazing.
This wasn't a contact list, it was a goddamn money-printing machine!
He was earning goodwill and getting a rebate at the same time.
'I'll have to expand my circle of friends in the future, get to know more good bros and big bros!'
'Sure, in this world, you might have your heart set on your bro, while your bro is just trying to play games with you, but you can still pick out a few decent ones from the pile of scumbags.'
'The main point is, it gives me rebates!'
...
His mind raced with all sorts of fantasies for a good while...
Lin Chu couldn't stay awake any longer.
'Sleep first.'
'Tomorrow, it's time for the main event!'
'I've gotta grind for money and get Dad that Audi A6, his dream car, right?'
And... Wang Zhefei...
'Buddy, you had it rough today. Get some sleep. Tomorrow, big bro will take you to a spa!'
...
...