The problem with living with two men who have known you your entire life is that they can read you like a book.
Even when you don't want them to.
Even when you think you're hiding it well.
Especially when you're standing in the kitchen pretending to drink water when you're actually trying to calm your heart down after replaying the first day crosswalk conversation for the tenth time.
I tilt the glass against my lips, even though I'm not really thirsty.
It's Saturday morning.
Which means no classes.
Which means too much time to think.
The apartment is unusually loud for a morning.
Daniel is talking loudly on the phone about something sports-related. Logan is in their room, probably doing God knows what .... sleeping, studying, or pretending I don't exist after yesterday.
My chest tightens slightly at that last thought.
I push it away.
I am not thinking about Logan.
I am not thinking about how he looked at me yesterday.
I am not thinking about how close he stood.
I am definitely not thinking about the fact that he said he didn't like the idea of some random guy touching me.
Definitely not.
The apartment door suddenly opens.
I turn slightly.
Daniel walks in first, looking slightly annoyed.
Logan follows behind him.
And then — my stomach drops slightly — because they are both looking at me like they already know something is about to happen.
"You're both staring," I say.
"We are not," Daniel says automatically.
"You are," I correct.
Logan doesn't say anything. He just leans against the wall like he's trying to decide whether to participate in whatever is about to happen.
Daniel clears his throat.
"So," he says slowly. "There's a party tonight."
I narrow my eyes. "And?"
"And you're coming."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Bubulyn," Daniel says in that older-brother tone that means he thinks he's being reasonable when he is absolutely not.
"You need to socialize."
"I have Maya."
"Maya is one person."
"She is a good person."
"She is not a party."
I cross my arms. "I don't like parties."
"You've never been to one."
"That's because I don't like them."
Logan finally speaks.
"You should go."
I turn my head slowly to look at him.
Of course he would say that.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because you're in college," he says calmly. "And because Daniel will not stop talking about it until you go."
Daniel nods aggressively.
"I hate both of you," I mutter.
"You love us," Daniel says immediately.
I roll my eyes.
But the truth is... I hate how easily Logan and Daniel still feel like my safety net.
Even when I'm trying to grow up.
The party is louder than I expected.
Music vibrating through the floor. People packed into a large off-campus house. Colored lights flashing faintly in the living room.
Maya is immediately excited.
"Oh this is better than I expected," she says.
"I want to go home," I tell her honestly.
She laughs. "You just got here."
"Yes."
"Stay ten minutes."
I sigh.
"Fine."
Ten minutes.
I can survive ten minutes.
I scan the room without meaning to.
And then I see them.
Daniel is talking to some guys near the drinks table.
Logan is standing slightly behind him not participating in the conversation, just watching the room.
Scanning.
Like he always does.
Like he's checking exits.
Or maybe checking people.
Or maybe checking me.
Because his eyes land on me within seconds.
He doesn't smile.
Not immediately.
Just studies me.
My outfit is simple short jeans, a red cowl top my braids tied neatly into ponytail with a cute red bow clip as usual just lip gloss and mascara with edges perfectly laid. He made me suddenly feel very aware of how I look under the flashing lights.
Maya grabs my arm. "Come dance."
"No..."
"Yes."
She drags me toward the dance floor.
I laugh despite myself.
I am terrible at dancing.
But after a few minutes, I start relaxing.
Music loudand people laughing.
For a moment, I forget about everything.
Until someone steps closer behind me.
Too close...
I turn slightly.
It's a guy I don't recognize.
"Hey," he says.
"Hi."
"You look like you're having fun."
"I am."
"You here with someone?"
"My friends."
He smiles. "Want to get a drink with me?"
Before I can answer, a hand suddenly grips my wrist.
Not rough just firm and protective.
Logan.
I look up at him, startled.
He is not smiling.
"Actually," he says calmly to the guy, "she's with me."
The guy looks between us. Shrugs and walks away.
My heart is pounding.
"What was that?" I whisper.
He doesn't answer immediately.
He just looks at me.
Really looks.
"You said you didn't like parties," he says.
"I don't."
"Then why were you dancing with someone you don't know?"
"I was being polite."
"That's how bad decisions start."
I stare at him.
"Are you seriously lecturing me right now?"
"No," he says. Then pauses. "I'm being protective."
The word hangs between us.
Again...
"Daniel didn't send you to watch me, did he?" I ask.
"No."
"Then why are you here?"
Silence.
Then ...
"Because I wanted to make sure you were okay."
Something inside my chest tightens.
"Oh."
He looks annoyed with himself like he said too much.
"I can handle myself," I say softly.
"I know you can."
"Then stop acting like I can't."
"I don't act like you can't," he says immediately.
"Then what do you act like?"
His eyes darken slightly.
Like he's deciding whether to say something dangerous.
"Like I don't want you getting hurt," he says finally.
The music is loud around us.
People are laughing.
But this moment feels very quiet.
Very close.
"You worry too much," I whisper.
"Maybe."
He studies me again.
Then...
"Do you want to leave?"