"…Haaah…"
Lately, all I do is sigh.
Today is Wednesday. The middle of the week, the halfway point. On Thursdays and Fridays, I can think, just a little more, and push through, but Wednesdays are when working people tend to feel the most down.
I think a lot of people can relate.
"What's wrong, Seira~? You were so full of motivation recently."
"Miki-san…"
My senior, Miki-san, who I've gotten close enough to that she calls me by my first name now.
At work, she's known as a capable senior and is trusted by all of her peers. …Well, at work, that is… I think so too…
Maybe because I've seen a side of her I didn't want to know, I see her in a strange light, but Miki-san is still a good person.
"Well, the boss is annoying, and it's hard to get motivated in the middle of the week~"
"Yeah, that's true…"
That's not the reason I'm so down, but… of course, I can't say that.
"Well, hey, this weekend, let's go to the 'banquet' again?"
"…Yes."
Stab. A pain in my chest.
I know she said that out of kindness, but that word was a bit much for me right now.
After watching Miki-san go off to talk to the other employees with a smile, I opened my phone.
After confirming that no one was around… I opened the memo pad app.
There, the last name "Katasato" and… an address.
(This is the worst… I know it's a crime…)
—That day.
The day I found Masato-kun and stalked him to his home. Since that day, something heavy has been nesting in my heart.
What did I want to do by finding his address?
In the end, I spent the following weekend in a daze… staring at the address I had written on my phone and doing nothing in particular.
I thought about deleting it, of course.
I should just immediately erase this information I obtained through a criminal act and see Masato-kun again with a bright face.
That's what I thought.
He's such a good kid. If I were to casually ask, "Hey, I think I saw someone who looked like you heading toward the park on my way home the other day, do you live over there?" he would probably answer.
But… I couldn't do it.
The ugly part of me clung to this information, refusing to let go.
The first piece of personal information I had learned about him.
Until now, we were just a staff member and a regular customer, nothing more, nothing less. Or rather, a relationship that could never be more.
I don't even know his real name, and if I were to tell anyone I like him, I'd just be pitied.
…I thought that this might change the current situation.
If I could pretend it was a coincidence. If I could meet him in his private life at some point.
The thought of it made my heart soar. What an utter scumbag.
But I had no choice but to cling to it.
To break through this current relationship, this thin, fragile connection that can't even be called a connection, and to get closer to the angelic him.
I had to touch the forbidden. That's what I thought.
"…Haaah."
Another sigh escaped me.
In the end, I haven't been able to use it for anything. Not yet. I can't even delete it, and yet I can't bring myself to do anything with it. I'm a hopeless scumbag, and on top of that, a coward.
I'm truly beyond saving.
"You're sighing again!"
"Hyaai!?"
"Wh-what's wrong, you're so flustered."
Miki-san had come back at some point. If she had seen my phone screen just now, my life would be over!
I instinctively hid the screen.
"Even I wouldn't just look at someone's phone without permission~. What is it, a guy?"
"N-No, it's not…"
"Eh, then what, did you buy a photobook of Masato-kun!?"
"What is that supposed to mean…?"
What, a photobook of a boy from a bar?
Does such a thing even exist?
…Well, at least she didn't see the contents of my memo pad, so that's a plus.
From the looks of it, Miki-san is planning to go to that bar again on Friday. Of course, I'll be invited… I think.
What kind of face am I supposed to make when I see Masato-kun?
If I make a weird face, he might get suspicious… But if you ask me if I can act normally around him right now, I don't have the confidence.
As I was feeling conflicted, Miki-san looked at me with a strange expression and was about to go back to her desk, so I decided to at least ask about what was bothering me. No, it's just a confirmation.
The basis of a working adult is contact, confirmation, and consultation.
"By the way, how much does Masato-kun's photobook sell for?"
"No, that doesn't exist."
"Seriously, why am I the only one who has to work overtime, that boss…"
In the end, for one reason or another, I was the only one in the department ordered to work overtime, and I'm on my way home.
I finished it quickly, so it wasn't that late, but it was a waste of energy.
"Today, I'll just go home early, play some games, and sleep…"
I look at my watch. It was pointing to 7 PM.
Even though summer was approaching, at 7 PM it was already quite dark.
And yet, with the streetlights and the lights from the facilities, the station front was not lacking for light sources at all.
(Oh yeah, I was thinking of buying some toner and lotion…)
As I approached the station, I remembered that I was running low on cosmetics. Luckily, there's a large drugstore in front of the station, so I'll buy them there.
With that in mind, I slightly changed my course and headed for the drugstore.
I closed my phone and looked up.
—It was then.
"…Eh."
In front of the drugstore.
In the crowd of people heading for the station.
A boy was handing a handkerchief to a girl wearing a mask.
If that were all, I would have just thought they were a couple or something.
But the boy was wearing a familiar uniform.
And though his hairstyle was different from usual, my eyes, which were filled with affection, could not be fooled.
"Masato-kun…?"
A small voice escaped me.
Of course, it was a volume that couldn't possibly reach him. A volume that was easily drowned out by the noise of the station front.
And yet, my mouth hung open. I had no recognition of the girl, of course.
The girl looked like she was crying.
I felt like I had stumbled upon a scene from a story.
The sounds and people around me disappeared from the world, and only the two of them remained clearly in my mind.
It was like, yes.
A scene where a prince and a princess meet. A scene where the princess's heart is melted by the prince's kindness.
'Eh, what about me?'
A black emotion ran wild.
Who am I, just watching this encounter from the sidelines?
A mob character, just watching the main heroine's encounter and feeling jealous?
A supporting character, who has a one-sided crush on the hero, and is just called a nuisance by the readers?
—No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Me. It's me, me, me, me!
I'm the one who should be with Masato-kun—!
"…Gag."
I felt sick and put my hands on my knees.
Lately, I've been constantly swayed by these dirty emotions.
But, but I don't want to give him up. I clutched the area around my racing heart and looked at the dazed girl.
She was wearing a mask.
Her face was a mess from tears… her hair was disheveled, and her clothes were dirty in places, as if she had been on the ground.
Honestly, she was in a state that could not be called cute.
(If it's a girl like this, then even I—!)
"…Gag, cough, cough…!"
Even I would be fine! The moment I thought that, I was disgusted by my own trashiness.
Ugly. Truly ugly.
A mob character who is jealous of the heroine.
A level of scumbagginess befitting that position.
I forced my trembling legs to move and followed Masato-kun.
Tomorrow's work, my shopping, none of it mattered to me anymore.
When I got to the bar and walked up to the reception desk, a staff member I'd never seen before greeted me.
"Welcome, milady. Is this your first time with us?"
"No…"
"Is that so! Do you have a boy you'd like to request?"
"…Masato-kun."
"…Ah! You must be the young lady who always requests Masato!"
Ah. Just like that.
Just like that, my heart is soothed. A heart that had been dried out and crumbling is now filled with a dark radiance.
Just the thought that, in this bar, I'm the only one meant for Masato-kun made my heart tremble with joy.
"Yes. That's me."
"You're in luck, milady! Masato wasn't actually supposed to be in today, but he just so happened to come in. It'll be a little while, so please have a seat. I'll show you to your table."
It wasn't just by chance, though.
But saying that would definitely freak her out, so I kept my mouth shut and followed her. I was led to a table, and a glass for my drink was placed down.
I came here on impulse, but what am I even supposed to say?
Who was that girl you were with earlier?
No, if I ask it like that, he'll know I was watching him.
Do you have a girlfriend?
…Given the nature of this place, he'd probably say no even if he did, but if by some chance he said yes, I don't know what I'd do. Best not to ask.
In the end, I was still sitting there with my thoughts in a jumble when he arrived.
His hair slicked back like that suits him, too.
The contrast between his innocent nature and the aggressive image of a slicked-back hairstyle is so stark it makes my heart skip a beat.
"Seira-san, good evening. You came again."
"…Yeah."
So it really was him. I thought there might be a one-in-a-billion chance I was mistaken, but of course not.
There's no way I could ever mistake Masato-kun for someone else.
"I'm surprised, though. You said you only ever come on Fridays, Seira-san."
"…I was outside, and I saw you walking into the bar…"
That was a half-lie. I saw him outside much earlier than that.
From the moment you were being so kind to that girl…
The dark feelings resurfaced.
"Oh, I see! I was just doing a little shopping! I wasn't scheduled to work with anyone today, so I was still in my uniform! It's actually kind of embarrassing…"
Just shopping? That's not true, is it? You were doing something with a girl, weren't you? Who is she?
Why won't you tell me?
My emotions boiled up inside me like a simmering stew.
I can't control this ugly side of myself.
"…It's alright. You don't have to hide anything here, you can say whatever you want. I don't know what happened to you, Seira-san… but listening to you talk like you always do… I actually kind of like it."
"…Hh!"
The roiling emotions were cooled by his kindness.
And at the same time—the reality of what I'd done, that I had stalked him, drove my feelings into a frenzy. I'd felt such ugly jealousy toward this kind boy, and I'd even stalked him.
It just reaffirmed what a truly horrible person I am.
"I'm… sorry…"
Was I always this emotionally unstable?
I couldn't hold back the tears.
"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…! I…!"
I stalked you.
I saw what happened today, too.
I can't say it.
If he came to hate me, I think I would die.
I can't say it.
He rubbed my back.
"It's okay. I don't know what happened… but I'm sure it wasn't your fault, Seira-san. You're a good person, after all. I know you are, Seira-san."
Fwoosh.
The emotions inside me accelerated.
The regret of having done something I shouldn't have.
And the helpless affection I feel, the fact that I love him so much, all mixed together and exploded.
I let my body fall against his.
Just for now, let me be selfish.
"It's okay, Seira-san. I know you're a kind person."
"…I'm sorry… I'm…! I'm such a horrible woman…!"
Ah. I am. I'm the worst.
Truly the worst.
Because just now.
A single answer surfaced in my mind.
An irredeemable, selfish answer.
It's your fault, Masato-kun…
You're the one who made me fall so hard for you that I've gone crazy.
Ugh, I hate this.
I'm shifting the blame to Masato-kun with the most hopelessly selfish excuse.
I wrapped my arms around his back.
Pulling him close, binding him to me.
My brain trembled with a sweet bliss.
All I feel right now is the desire to conquer him, to make Masato-kun mine and break him into pieces.
Tightly, I squeeze him in my embrace. That's right, I should probably apologize in advance.
I'm sorry, Masato-kun.
—Because I am never, ever letting you go.
Header:
[ In Maeda Yuka's Case ]
Chat Title:
< Yuka
Masato (21:15):
This video was easy to understand for the technique you said you wanted to be taught before, so check it out~!
Yuka (21:35):
Wow~! It's incredibly easy to understand! Thank you very much!
Masato (21:46):
It's a difficult technique, and I don't think there's much need to do it right now, but I think knowing it isn't a bad thing!
Yuka (21:46):
Ah, I also have a video I want Masato-san to watch.
Unsent a message
Yuka (21:46):
I made a mistake!!!!!!!
Don't look! Wait a moment!
Absolutely do not open it! ...Is this deleted? It is deleted, right??
I made a mistake!!!!!!!
[NBA Dribbling Skills Collection]
It's this one!
Yuka (21:58):
Um, the one above is deleted, right?
Masato (22:04):
It's deleted, lol.
This video is amazing...
Masato (22:04):
By the way, I felt like I saw an incredible URL just now... Was it just my imagination? lol.
Yuka (22:31):
It's just your imagination!!!!!!! I'm going to sleep too!!! Good night!!!