If I'm gonna have the worst day of my life, I would've appreciated at least a little heads-up. The universe should have the decency to warn you when bad shit is coming, you know? It wouldn't be hard. A little heads-up text from the cosmos. Maybe a fortune cookie that says, Buckle up, buttercup, because tomorrow's going to kick you right in the hoo-ha.
But no. Nothing.
Instead, I wake up at 5:45 A.M. to an alarm whose noise I hate with every fiber of my being. I swing my legs out of bed with my usual Monday morning enthusiasm (which is to say, none whatsoever) and promptly trip over my laptop charger. It sends me careening face-first into my dresser with a very unladylike grunt.
Things go downhill from there.It's a gray day, wet and bitter and unforgiving the way only Casmire in February can be. A UPS truck splashes me with a cold puddle of street juice. My coffee shop is out of caramel syrup for my latte. I stub my toe on the staircase leading into my optometrist's office, and then when I get into my appointment, Dr. Andy tells me something I never, ever wanted to hear.
In ninety days or so, you're going to be blind.
Oh, yeah.
That.
That actually happened.
It's comical, isn't it? It's ludicrous—the adjective, not the rapper. It's straight-up outrageous for someone to be able to look you in the eyes and say that.
You have ninety days left to enjoy sunsets and pretty flowers and goofy Western movies. You have ninety days left to memorize the faces of your loved ones and the happy smile of a stranger's baby on the L.
You have ninety days to gaze at everything you've ever cherished, before it
all gets taken away from you by a genetic disease that you cannot stop and everything goes black forever.
But he did say that. Dr. Andy looked me right in my eyes, in the eyes that have been failing me little by little for a very long time and are soon to be failing me a whole lot more in a very short time, and he said, I'm sorry, Erica, but there's nothing I can do.
I suggest you make the most of the time you have left.
Impossible.
Preposterous.
But real.The rest of the day goes by in a surreal daze. I'm like a robot. An emotionless, unfeeling robot. So when Sila, my least favorite coworker, sends a cryptically worded mass email implying that it's my fault that some requested documents were late, why should I care?
When the elevator is down for maintenance and I have to walk up seventeen flights of stairs after my lunch break, why should I be bothered? When Sila's industrial-political backstabbing means that I have to stay late to compile a report that he should've compiled weeks ago, why would it matter to me?
I didn't care.
I wasn't bothered.
It.
Does.
Not.
Matter.
Hell, I don't even have the energy to translate Screw you, Sila into corporate-ese. As 5 P.M. strikes, I just sigh and watch everyone else file out of the office while I stay chained to my desk.
Now, with the sun long gone beneath the surface of Lake Michigan, I sit alone in the twentieth-floor offices of Simon Hospitality, bathed in the cold glow of my computer monitor.
My eyeballs hurt. That normally wouldn't feel like a five-alarm fire—after all, I've been nostrils-deep in a spreadsheet all day—but with this morning's bombshell, every single floater and blink is a disaster in the making. I can't help but panic.
Is this it? Is this when the lights go out?
I grit my teeth and send the report to the printer at the far end of the floor. Then, while I wait for it to print, I minimize the spreadsheet and open up a new tab.
Leber congenital amaurosis—that's what Dr. Andy called it. "It's extraordinarily rare for it to manifest this late," he said. "You're actually quite the medical anomaly."
Great. Just what every twenty-seven-year-old wants to hear. Hey, at least I am special.
The office is tomb-quiet. Everyone else, all those happy normies, have gone home to their normal lives with their normal problems and their normally functioning retinas.
Twenty floors below me, downtown Casmire goes about its Thursday night
business. But up here, it is just me, the hum of the HVAC system, and the weight of my impending doom. I push back from my desk. Kyle's stupid report can wait.
Googling the gruesome particularities of my future can wait. It can all wait, can't it? In the grand scheme of things, does any of this matter?
Standing up, I close my eyes. The darkness is immediate and absolute. My heart rate kicks up a notch, but I force myself to keep them shut. If this is going to be my reality in T-minus ninety days, I might as well start practicing now.
Baby steps first. I know this office like the back of my hand—or at least, I think I do. Three steps forward ought to put me at the edge of my cubicle. I shuffle forward, hands extended like a zombie in a B-movie, and immediately bang my hip on the corner of my desk.
"Okay, correction: two steps forward, not three." The sound of my scared, nasally voice makes me cringe. I am talking to
myself in an empty office while playing blind woman's bluff.
If this isn't rock bottom, it's at least basement-adjacent. I try again. This time, I successfully navigate out of my cubicle and into the main hallway. My bruised hip is very grateful.
Ten steps to the break room. I count them out, running my fingers along the wall for guidance. The texture changes from painted drywall to the smooth surface of the glass partition—"Shit!"
I accidentally kick a waiting bench outside a VP's office, in the exact same spot I stubbed my toe at Dr. Andy this morning. The pain makes me want to quit. It'd be so nice to just assume the fetal position on the ground and cry 'til the cows come home.