~~Elena~~
We spend most of the day stretched across the couch watching old television shows I used to love as a child. Back then, I thought the acting was incredible. Now, I cannot help but cringe every few minutes due to how terrible the acting is.
One dramatic scene plays where the heroine gasps for almost a full minute before fainting.
Kat throws a pillow at the screen. "If she doesn't breathe soon, she's going to pass out for real."
I laugh.
Kat turns to me with wide eyes. "You had questionable taste as a child."
"I was eight," I defend myself. "My standards were low."
We both burst into laughter. It feels so good to have my best friend with me here.
Earlier, we had talked to my mom. She fully supports my decision. She said there is no way she would allow her daughter to marry a cheat. Nana was even more dramatic about it. She told me I deserve someone who looks at me like I hung the moon. Hearing that made something heavy inside me shift slightly. I am so lucky to have them. And to have Kat here too. She has agreed to stay the entire weekend and not let me sink into my thoughts.
But the thoughts still come.
Leaving the city still lingers in the back of my mind. Everything feels unstable. On one side, I am nursing a fresh heartbreak. On the other, there is a murderer walking free after confessing to killing a high ranking man. And he confessed it to me like it was nothing.
My focus drifts away from the show again. My thoughts spin in circles.
The sudden ring of the doorbell pulls me back. I reach into the popcorn bucket only to realize it is already empty.
"Coming," Kat calls out as she jumps to her feet.
She had ordered Indian food and has been talking about it nonstop for the last hour. This girl truly loves to eat. How she maintains her perfect shape is a mystery to me. If I overeat just once, I swear I gain ten pounds immediately.
I hear her unlock the door.
Then her tone changes.
"What are you doing here?"
Her voice is sharp and unwelcoming.
There is a muffled reply from the other side of the door that I can't hear.
Kat tries to shut the door but whoever is on the other side pushes it open and steps inside.
It is Ethan.
I stand immediately as he strides toward me. I move sideways to avoid him when he tries to reach for my arm. The scent of alcohol hits me instantly. Of course he is drunk.
His hair is messy. His eyes are red.
"Elena, please," he says, his words slightly slurred. "Just hear me out."
Kat moves between us again. "She does not want to hear you out."
"I'm not talking to you," he snaps.
"And yet I'm the one standing here," Kat replies calmly.
I keep my distance. My heart is not racing because I miss him. It is racing because I am angry.
"You need to leave," I tell him.
"I made a mistake," he says quickly. "It didn't mean anything I swear to you Elena."
"Elena, please," he says, his voice unstable and thick with alcohol. "Just listen to me."
"Did you not hear me? Leave. You shouldn't be here in the first place." My voice rises despite myself. Frustration and anger bubble inside me.
"I had to come," he says quickly. "You didn't answer my calls. You blocked me. What was I supposed to do?"
"Respect it," I reply.
He shakes his head. "I made a mistake. A stupid mistake. But it meant nothing. She meant nothing. I love you, Elena."
Kat folds her arms beside me. "That's what they all say."
Ethan ignores her completely. His eyes are locked on me like I am the only person in the room.
"I swear to you, it won't happen again," he says desperately. "Just give me one last chance. Give us a chance."
A tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it.
"You know," I say, my voice trembling, "I have never even thought of cheating on you. Not even once in our entire relationship did that thought cross my mind. Not when we fought. Not when I was angry. Not when things were hard. Never."
He looks stricken but I continue.
"But you…" My voice breaks. I turn away from him because I cannot stand looking at his face anymore. I start walking toward my room. "You didn't even hesitate."
"Elena, wait." His footsteps follow me.
I stop but I do not turn around.
"Did you feel guilty?" I ask quietly. "Even for a second?"
He is silent.
"I was drunk," he says finally.
"That's not what I asked."
I turn to face him again. My chest feels tight, like I cannot breathe properly.
"While you were with her, did you think about me? Did you think about the future we were planning? About marrying me?"
He runs a hand through his hair. "It didn't mean anything."
I'm already getting tired of him having to repeat that it didn't mean anything because if it didn't, he wouldn't have taken her to his place to fuck her.
He steps closer and I instinctively step back.
"I panicked, okay?!" he says. "Things were getting serious and I got scared. But that doesn't mean I don't love you."
"Don't say that."
His jaw tightens. "So that's it? You're throwing us away because of one mistake?"
I hysterically laugh at his words. "Just leave. You're causing more damage by talking."
Silence hangs between us.
"I can change," he says. "I'll stop drinking. I'll go to therapy. I'll do whatever you want. Just don't end this."
I wipe my face with the back of my hand. "I can't look at you without seeing it. Without imagining it. I don't have peace anymore."
"Elena," he whispers.
"I need you to leave," I say again, firmer this time.
"No," he says immediately. "Not like this."
He exhales sharply, frustration creeping into his tone. "You're overreacting."
Kat steps in front of me instantly. "She asked you to leave."
"This is between me and her," he snaps.
"And she said leave," Kat repeats.
Ethan looks at me again, searching for doubt.
"Leave," I say, my voice steady despite the tears.
Something in his expression hardens. He lets out a bitter laugh.
"Fine. Fine."
But he still does not move.
Kat walks to the door and opens it wide. "You have five seconds before I call security."
"You wouldn't," he mutters.
She pulls out her phone. "Try me."
He glares at her, then back at me.
"I still love you," he says one last time.
My chest aches, but I do not respond.
Kat steps forward and pushes him toward the hallway. He stumbles slightly before catching himself outside the door.
"If you show up here drunk again," Kat warns, "I will call security and the police."
He shakes his head in frustration and walks away.
Kat slams the door shut and locks it. She checks it twice.
The apartment falls silent.
My strength drains out of me and I sink onto the couch, covering my face as the sob I have been holding back finally escapes.
Kat sits beside me and wraps her arms around my shoulders.
"You did the right thing," she says softly.
I nod, even though my heart feels like it has been split open.
Because loving someone and letting them go are two different kinds of pain.
And tonight, I am learning both.