Kitty?!
Did he just call me... Kitty?!
The cell spins around me as Mace grabs my collar and yanks on it—pulling me out of my trance and ripping my eyes away from Ox. One look at the furious, scarred face in front of me has my bladder squeezing unhelpfully.
"Are you fucking serious?" Mace hisses between clenched teeth.
He didn't even look this angry at Trip and Roo down in Commons, which I don't think is fair. Mace's silent rage is almost unbearable to endure; I stammer over the words to apologize.
"I - I'm sorry—"
His fist flies to my face and for a half second I think he's going to punch me. But Mace grabs me by the collar and shakes me violently instead. Knowing he has the strength to break my neck, I pull at his fist tightly gripping my orange top. I can't even think of anything effective to say, I just beg him to stop in as quiet a voice as I can so that no one else can hear me.
"C-calm down!" He tosses me to his bottom bunk like I'm laundry and I pull at my now stretched neckline, trying to fix it. "You maniac!" I hiss, a small amount of courage still flaring inside me.
Mace's eyes are furious as he squats low to the ground so we are face to face. How can they turn so unhinged when just a half hour ago they were the kindest I'd ever seen them?
"You are on my last nerves, kid," he warns, voice barely above a whisper. It is honestly more terrifying than being screamed at.
In the distance, Ox whistles a low, sad tune. "Go easy on him, old man," he calls from across the mezzanine. The vein in Mace's neck starts throbbing, but he doesn't pull away or engage with Ox. He just continues to stare at me, wide eyes fuming, like this is all my fault.
My fear is palpable, but I still make a show of rubbing my collarbone.
"I told you to ignore him," Mace growls finally. "Why can't you do just one thing right?"
This asshole is unbelievable.
"You know what? You're ten times worse than Ox," I spit out bitterly. It feels good to say it, but my attitude doesn't last long; Mace immediately raises his fist and an apprehensive whine escapes me.
"Say that again," he dares, ready to actually punch me.
I want to repeat it. I really do.
But to my ego's horror, all I do is stay frozen still. Everything comes to a jarring stop around me. I hear the pounding of my heart in my own ears, but nothing else. Not my deep, erratic breathing, or the taunts Ox is still singing. It's just Mace; his dark curls, his menacing eyes, his scarred face and his fist raised.
After what feels like an eternity, he finally drops it. Then he looms over me, leaning forward, making me feel even more small and trapped than I already did. I shrink back—heart pounding so loudly I almost miss the words he breathes out next.
"I'm a monster," he admits, grey eyes no longer stormy and now unblinkingly calm, "because twenty years ago I found my wife—my kids—gutted in my living room." My brain is still malfunctioning; it's processing everything with a slight delay. I stare silently at Mace as he continues. "I have to live with that every day, kid. I have to live with the fact I wasn't there to protect them when they needed me. I have to live knowing she fought like hell 'til the end."
Empathy blooms just underneath the lingering fear deep in my stomach. I know he just man-handled me two minutes ago, but seeing the sorrow in Mace's grey eyes is almost unbearable. Hearing how his family was murdered... I can't imagine...
"She waved at the wrong guy. Happened to look in his direction one too many times." My throat tightens as it all starts to feel a bit familiar. "Killing him made me feel better. And when I got here? Killing guys just like him made me feel better. I'm able to sleep at night now, knowing the wrongs I've righted."
A small gasp escapes me as his sad story takes a dark turn. My mind is spinning with images of Mace murdering inmates in this same prison. Covered in blood... covered in scars...
"Imagine how much worse of a monster I'll be if a kid like you dies in here?" I feel my bottom lip fucking trembling. Mace seems to finally realize I'm about to piss myself on his bed because he pulls back and stands up, offering me a hand to help me to my own feet.
I take it, finding my balance despite weak knees. I'm still at a complete loss of words; I don't know what to say or even if it's right to say anything.
Thankfully, Mace finishes the conversation for the both of us.
"Don't make it any worse, kid. I don't want to threaten you into listening. I don't want to be a bad guy to you... but fucking right I will do whatever it takes if that means you walk out of here alive."