After experiencing small moments of happiness amidst his struggles, Ben was forced to face a harsh reality. The business he had built to survive and stay in school was finally exposed. Teachers at school discovered that Ben had been doing homework for others and selling game cheats to his classmates. The school administration sternly reprimanded him, warning that if he was caught doing something like this again, the consequences could be severe—even expulsion.
One day, the school, usually bustling with the voices of students, felt eerily silent. Ben was sitting on a bench, trying to calm himself, when a teacher called out to him in a serious tone.
Teacher: "Ben, come with me to the principal's office. Right away."
Ben swallowed, his face turning confused and slightly pale. He followed the teacher, his steps heavy, every second seeming to increase the tension in his chest.
When the door to the principal's office opened, Ben saw the principal sitting behind his desk, his face serious, staring straight at him.
Principal: "Ben, sit down."
Ben sat down, his hands shaking slightly.
Principal: "We've received reports about your activities. Doing homework for your friends, selling game cheats… these aren't just school violations, Ben. These are about honesty, integrity, and responsibility."
Ben: "Sir... I... I just wanted to help my friends and... and survive. I didn't mean to hurt anyone..."
Principal: (affirming) "That's an unacceptable excuse, Ben. This school is built on the principle of honesty. All students must abide by this rule, without exception. If we find you doing this again, the consequences will be very serious. You could be expelled."
Ben lowered his head, shame and guilt filling his chest. The principal's words were like a hammer, crushing every small effort he had made to survive.
Principal: "This isn't just about punishment, Ben. It's about your choices, about how you want to live. We believe you can change, but this may be your last chance."
Ben nodded slowly, his heart filled with a mixture of fear, regret, and determination to prove himself better.
Ben was forced to stop everything. Every step he took felt like he was hitting an invisible wall, blocking his dreams and hopes. His heart felt so heavy, as if the world refused to give someone like him the space to rise. Every small effort he had ever made to survive and stay in school now felt futile, like water spilling from a cracked glass.
From then on, Ben's spirit began to wane. He felt like his struggles were just a cruel game of fate, where fate always placed large obstacles in his path. His friends laughed, played, and had carefree fun, while Ben had to find a way to pay his ever-increasing school fees. He felt like a warrior who was never allowed to taste victory, trapped in a maze with no way out.
He sat slumped on an empty school bench, staring at the bleak floor, his thoughts a jumble. Visions of bills, unfinished homework, and the disappointed stares of teachers constantly filled his mind. Every thought he had for a solution was instantly crushed by the overwhelming fear and guilt. He didn't know where to start, where to get the money for school, or how to continue his education without breaking the rules he'd just been told.
Ben lowered his head, feeling the cold floor beneath him, as his heart and mind battled. There was a lurking anger—anger at the situation, at the unfairness of life, at a fate that seemed so unfair to a poor man like him. But beneath it all, there was also a gripping despair, eating away at every last drop of energy and hope. He felt like a small ship adrift on a stormy sea, without a captain, without direction, and without a harbor to call home.
Ben closed his eyes, trying to calm himself, but all the emotions were raging. He felt as if every opportunity to advance had been stripped away, and the world was demanding his surrender. Tears threatened to fall, but he held them back, for there was no one around him to rely on. School, friends, even the teachers he once respected now seemed to be obstacles to him. And in that silence, Ben realized that he had to find his own way—somehow, whether by lawful or unlawful means, he had to survive.
Losing Friends and Hope
As he entered his second year of high school, a greater blow struck him. Tragic news befell his best friend, Akhir. Akhir's father passed away, leaving his family deeply saddened. Due to their worsening financial situation, Akhir was forced to move out of town to live.
to live with relatives and continue his studies elsewhere.
Ben stared at his best friend with tears in his eyes as they sat together on a bench in the school park, the silence surrounding the farewell.
Ben: "Akhin… are you really going to leave?"
Akhin: (taking a deep breath) "Yes, Ben… I have no choice. My father… I have to help the family. I… I'll miss you all."
Ben: "But… who will I talk to now? You're the only one who understands me."
Akhin: "I'll miss you too, Ben. But you have to be strong. You always said, 'Life is about surviving.' Now it's your turn to survive, okay?"
Ben: (lowering his head, his voice hoarse) "I… I'll try… but it feels hard… it feels like… like I've lost my way."
Akhin: "Remember, Ben… even though I'm far away, I'm still your friend. Don't give up, okay?"
They stared at each other for a long moment, as if trying to capture that final moment. Then, Akhir left, leaving Ben standing rooted to the spot, feeling a deep emptiness.
Akhir's departure left Ben devastated. Now, the only friend who understood and supported him was gone. In his crushing loneliness, he found his only refuge—his grandmother's grave. There, he sat for hours, staring at the cold tombstone, and began to speak as if his grandmother could still hear.
Ben: "Grandma… I failed again… everything failed. I don't know what to do. I try to hold on, but it feels like the world is rejecting me. My best friend is gone, school feels impossible… I'm scared… I'm scared I won't be able to continue…"
He lowered his head, tears streaming down his face. His voice broke between sobs.
Ben: "I'm sorry, Grandma… I let everything you hoped for me go to waste. I want to get up, but… I'm too tired. It feels like life is too hard for me. Am I destined to fail?"
Over and over, he asked himself, "Is this the end? Am I truly destined to fail?" The question echoed in his heart, shaking every last shred of spirit he had left.
When he returned home, his daily routine felt empty. He worked in the fields, helping his parents in the rice paddies, but every step felt heavy, every smile forced. His enthusiasm for school slowly faded. In class, Ben often daydreamed, staring at the blackboard unfocused, while thoughts of school fees and his future continued to haunt him.
Finally, a bitter realization began to creep into him. He realized that he would most likely not be able to continue school.
Ben: (in his mind) "I don't have enough money… no one can help… maybe this… is the time to give up. My schooling has to end here. I don't know how to survive without money… without a way out…"
That feeling of despair haunted every second of his life, overshadowing the small hopes he once held. The world he had imagined as a field to prove himself now felt tightly closed, and Ben was at a crossroads between giving up and struggling alone.
An Unexpected Friend
One day, during recess, Ben decided to go to the school library. Not because he wanted to study, but simply to find some peace. He felt tired—tired of all the failure, loneliness, and despair that continued to weigh on his heart.
Among the tall, silent bookshelves, Ben spotted a familiar figure: Saddam, a notorious troublemaker in his class. Saddam was known for smoking, fighting, and always causing trouble. Ben sat in a corner, a few meters away from Saddam, simply staring at him from a distance.
Ben's curiosity was piqued, but he didn't dare approach. He watched Saddam adjust the cigarette in his hand, noticed the expensive designer shoes, and the gadgets he brought to school. Ben wondered, "How can he live like that? Is his father rich? Or... maybe he cheated?"
He lowered his head, hesitant, and imagined the potential beating if he dared to ask directly. His heart pounded, afraid of making the wrong move or saying the wrong thing. Several minutes passed, Ben continued to observe, gathering courage that felt as thin as torn cloth.
Finally, his curiosity overcame his fear. Ben mustered up the courage and approached Saddam with slow steps.
Ben: "Uh... Saddam... can I ask you something? I'm... curious... Is your father rich?"
Saddam stared at Ben with piercing eyes, then laughed sarcastically.
Saddam: "No... my father passed away a long time ago. My mother also died when I started high school. I have no one. Everything I have, I earned by working... myself."
Ben was surprised. He saw a side of Saddam that few people knew. Behind his tough and mischievous demeanor, Saddam's life was actually harder than he had ever experienced. While Ben lost some friends and had to deal with financial difficulties for school, Saddam had to deal with the loss of both his parents.
His parents at a young age, working alone to survive, and facing a harsh environment.
Saddam: "I have no choice, Ben. If you want to survive, you have to be able to stand on your own two feet. This world is… harsh, harsher than you imagine. I didn't choose this, but I have to live it."
Saddam's words opened Ben's eyes wide. All his previous complaints—about school fees, lost friends, and despair—suddenly felt like a small shadow compared to Saddam's struggles. Ben felt a combination of awe, anxiety, and shame at his own worries.
Ben looked down for a moment, letting the silence of the library soothe his heart. He realized that his hardships weren't unique to him, and that everyone has their own way of coping, even if their paths differ.
Ben grew curious, but his earlier fear made him hesitate. After a few seconds of silence, he dared to continue the conversation.
Ben: "So… I mean… where do you live, Saddam? And… how did you get all that money?"
Saddam smiled sarcastically, then replied in a casual but firm tone:
Saddam: "I live alone in a small house on the outskirts of town. My life is tough, Ben. I have to survive on my own. Sometimes I climb coconut trees to pick fruit, help with the harvest in the fields, and after school, I work in a car repair shop. That's enough to survive."
Ben swallowed hard, his eyes widening.
Ben: "But… it's really hard… you're still in school, right?"
Saddam: (nodding) "Yes, but I have to survive. Sometimes… honestly… I gamble. But I win because I'm good at cheating—but don't tell anyone, okay? I also often help the fishmonger at the market, carrying goods, cleaning stalls… anything that can make money."
Ben was stunned. Saddam's life was far tougher than he had imagined. Yet, beneath it all, there was a determination and courage that touched Ben. A glimmer of hope appeared in his heart. If Saddam could survive and go to school, why couldn't he?
That day, Ben returned home with a renewed sense of determination. Upon arriving home, he met his father and expressed his intention to work while attending school. He even cited Saddam as an example of how children their age could work without sacrificing their education.
Ben: "Dad… I want to work, like Saddam. He… he can go to school, but also earn his own living. I want to try that too. Please, give me a chance."
Ben's father looked at Ben with a serious gaze, then looked at Saddam behind him. Saddam just shrugged, relaxed but confident.
Father: "Ben… are you sure? You're still in school, this isn't easy. Managing work and school at the same time… it's tough."
Saddam: "Sir… I'm used to it. Ben can learn from me. As long as there's the will, anything can be arranged."
Ben looked at his father hopefully.
Ben: "Dad… I'm ready to try. I don't want to give up so easily. I want to continue going to school… but I also want to help my family, and I can learn from Saddam."
Ben's father was silent for a moment, weighing the decision. Finally, he took a deep breath and said:
Dad: "Okay... I'll give you a chance. But you have to be disciplined, Ben. School is still a priority. If you fail at school, don't blame me."
Ben: "Thank you, Dad! I promise I'll try my best!"
Saddam smiled faintly and patted Ben on the shoulder.
Saddam: "Good, Ben. You can do this. Believe me, nothing is impossible if you're willing to try."
Ben went home that day with a light heart, renewed determination, and sparkling eyes. Now, he no longer felt alone. There was a path ahead—a difficult one, but one he could take, as long as he had the courage and effort.
Working to Survive
Ben's early days at work weren't easy. The first time he climbed a coconut tree to harvest the fruit, his body trembled and his hands ached, making his bones scream. Every step in the fields made him stagger, and when he first entered the auto repair shop, the smell of oil and dust filled his lungs, causing him to cough. Ben thought, "Can I survive? My body is weak, but if I give up... it means my school is over too." The fatigue was palpable, but his determination to stay in school stifled any complaints he wanted to voice.
Every day, after school, he and Saddam went straight to work. At night, when his body was barely able to move, Ben still made time to study. Despite his heavy eyes and aching bones, he never missed a night without staring at his textbooks. However, what gave him the most strength were his visits to his grandmother's grave. There, he told her everything that had happened—about the exhausting work, his struggles and failures, about the friends who had passed away, and about his determination to persevere.
Ben: "Grandma... I'm really tired today. But I'm holding on... I'm trying. I hope your prayers can help me."
After contemplating for a moment in front of his grandmother's tombstone, Ben felt a strange sense of relief, as if his grandmother's prayers from the grave had truly strengthened him. His body was tired, but his heart was light. A faint smile appeared on his face—a small, genuine joy at the feeling of an unseen force always guiding him.
Over time, Saddam became Ben's closest friend. Despite their different backgrounds, they complemented each other. Saddam was always ready to protect Ben if anyone bothered him, while Ben helped Saddam with his schoolwork.
One day, while Ben was carrying his hard-earned money at the market, a group of school thugs tried to rob him. Saddam immediately sprang to action, glaring at the thugs.
Saddam: "What are you doing? How dare you bother my friend!"
A fight broke out. Saddam didn't hesitate to punch one of the thugs who tried to take Ben's bag, while Ben held his breath, both afraid and amazed. In an instant, the thugs fled, leaving Ben and Saddam standing in the middle of the street, gasping for breath. Ben felt a sense of security he had never felt before—Saddam wasn't just a friend, but a true protector.
________________________________________
Looking to the Future
Time passed. Now, Ben and Saddam were in their final year of junior high school. Their journey had been fraught with struggles, but Ben managed to survive thanks to his hard work and the support of his best friend. With the money he earned, he no longer relied so heavily on his family to pay for school. He learned from Saddam that nothing is impossible if one is willing to try.
Although Ben didn't have many friends, he realized that it wasn't the quantity of friends that mattered, but the quality of them. Saddam, despite his bad reputation at school, had a big heart and was always ready to help a friend in need.
However, beneath all that, Ben felt a constant temptation lurking. His life was too hard, and opportunities for "shortcuts" to easy money always presented themselves—as if his destiny could lead him down the wrong path. Every night, when he returned home, he would sometimes imagine the easy life he might have if he took the wrong path. The thought made his heart tremble, but his determination to stay true and persevere burned within him.
Now, Ben began to dream again. He began to plan a bright future, even though the road ahead was long and full of challenges. He knew that as long as he kept trying, as long as he didn't take shortcuts, there would always be light at the end of the tunnel… even if the darkness sometimes tried to pull him in the wrong direction.
The spark behind all that struggle and new hope, Ben always carried one image in his heart—the face of an old man who kept appearing in his dreams. That face appeared on dark nights, his eyes calm yet demanding, as if to awaken Ben from the mistakes and temptations of life. He vividly remembered the time he overdosed on adult medication—something that could have taken his life. Ben woke up, and by his side, it seemed like only air and silence, but he knew there was a force that had awakened him: the old man.
Ben was certain that the old man was no mere shadow. Not Mr. Simbolon or his schoolteacher. There was something real, something that saved him and signaled that the man actually existed in the real world. Each time he remembered, his heart pounded and curiosity arose, igniting a new resolve.
"If he really existed… where is he now? In which city? What made him appear to me? I have to find him."
Ben began to think about how to find the old man. He imagined a long journey, a strange city, streets full of possibilities, and secrets waiting to be discovered. The image of the old man became a small glimmer of hope in the darkness of his heart—a reminder that there was something in this world greater than his daily struggles, and that help could come from places he never expected.
With that determination, Ben felt a new drive within him. Every step he took now was not just about survival and school, but also about finding the answer to the old man's mystery—answers that could change his entire life.