Chapter 1: The Summoning (Leg Day)
The High Council of Mages gathered in the Sun-Spear Tower. Their kingdom was under threat by the Gloom-King, a shadowy entity that drained the vitality of the land.
"We need a hero of immense constitution!" Archmage Alistair cried, spilling mana-tea on his robes. "Someone with the strength to carry the weight of the world!"
The ritual circle glowed neon blue. Thunder rolled. When the smoke cleared, there stood Chad. He was wearing neon-green "Silkies" shorts and a stringer tank top that said Suns Out, Guns Out. He was mid-squat.
"98... 99... 100," Chad Grunted, standing up with perfect form. He looked at the bearded men in bathrobes. "Yo. Is this the gym? The lighting in here is cinematic, bro."
"Are you... the Chosen One?" Alistair whispered.
Chad checked his pump in the reflection of a polished shield. "I'm the Gains-fated One, Chief. Now, point me toward the nearest source of complex carbs. We've got work to do."
The Confrontation
The party reached the Gloom-King's Fortress of Despair. The King sat upon his throne of obsidian, radiating an aura of pure, unadulterated "Bad Vibes."
"Foolish mortals," the Gloom-King hissed. "Hope is a lie. Strength is fleeting. All shall wither—"
"Stop you right there, Dark Lord," Chad interrupted, stepping forward. He wasn't wearing armor. He had simply rubbed himself down with high-quality olive oil. "You're looking a little catabolic, man. High cortisol levels. You need Vitamin D and a better sleep cycle."
"I am ETERNAL NIGHT!" the King screamed, firing a bolt of necrotic energy.
Chad didn't dodge. He performed a Chest Fly. The magical bolt hit his pectoral muscle, bounced off the sheer density of his gains, and shattered a nearby pillar.
"The only thing 'eternal' here is the grind, bro," Chad said, stepping into a side-chest pose. The sheer aesthetic symmetry was so powerful it physically blinded the undead minions.
The Climax: The Final Rep
The Gloom-King transformed into a towering shadow-beast. Chad realized he couldn't just "flex" this away. He needed to use the environment.
The Setup: Chad grabbed two massive stone pillars from the collapsing throne room.
The Move: He performed the "Deadlift of Destiny."
The Result: As he locked out the weight, the sheer pressure of his heels hitting the floor cracked the ley lines of the world, flushing the dark magic out of the soil.
"It's about... drive," Chad gasped, his veins looking like a roadmap of Aetheria. "It's about... power."
With a final roar, Chad tossed the pillars aside and delivered a high-fived the Gloom-King so hard the entity turned into a motivational poster.
Epilogue: A New Age
Chad didn't want the crown. He didn't want the gold. He simply established the Kingdom of Kalisthenics.
Today, Aetheria is a peaceful land. The dragons have stopped hoarding gold and started hoarding kettlebells. The orcs have traded their war drums for upbeat EDM tracks. And every morning, at the crack of dawn, you can hear the faint sound of a protein shaker rattling in the wind.
"The mind is the muscle of the soul, but the biceps are the biceps of the arms."
C
Chapter 2: The Macro-Mansion of Mirkwood
After the defeat of the Gloom-King's vanguard, the party sought refuge in the Silverleaf Enclave, the ancestral home of the Wood Elves. Usually, the Elves spent their days singing to trees and eating a single dewdrop for breakfast.
Chad was not impressed.
"Listen, Elara," Chad said, leaning against a thousand-year-old oak that groaned under his weight. "Your people are 'aesthetic,' sure. Lean? Definitely. But you're running on fumes, bro. You're skinny-fat. We need to talk about The Trinity."
The Elven Intervention
Chad gathered the High Council of Elders in the Great Arboretum. Instead of the usual meditation session, Chad had cleared a space and set up a makeshift "Nutrition Station."
"You guys eat 'light of the moon' and 'whispers of the wind,'" Chad said, pacing the front of the grove. "That's not fuel. That's a hobby. If you want to defend these woods, you need to understand the Macro-Nutrient Breakdown."
He grabbed a piece of charcoal and began drawing on a pristine white marble slab.
The Holy Trinity of Gains
Chad explained that every meal must be a calculated strike against weakness. He broke it down into three pillars: