When Jeong Taeui thought about it, there were signs of this already a couple of months ago.
No, if he considers only the possibility of it happening, he could trace it back even further, to a few years ago. The signs were there since the time his older brother was holed up on that damn island off the east coast of Africa.
However, Jeong Taeui had been deliberately turning a blind eye, but in the end, the reality
came crashing in. In the form of his brother.
While he was neatly cutting the overgrown grass in the backyard that had grown lush over the summer and being subjected to Peter's strict checks a few times―he unexpectedly received a guest that day. The person who showed up without any notice was his older brother, who should have been in the hot desert land.
"Hyung?!"
Lifting the sickle and wiping the sweat from Jeong Taeui's forehead with his forearm, he
blinked in surprise at seeing Jeong Jaeui, who had suddenly appeared around the corner of the yard. Following Kyle, who was cheerfully commenting on how "truly beautifully aged the house is," Jeong Jaeui looked back at him and called out, "Taeui."
Throwing the sickle onto a sack of dirt, he approached him, puzzled, and felt the warmth of his embrace, realizing that he was truly here.
"What's going on? Suddenly?"
"Ah...just."
Not "just" at all.
That ambiguous "ah..." was slightly suspicious, given Jeong Jaeui's usual way of speaking.
He would usually think things through calmly and then speak, and though he might speak
slowly, he rarely hesitated in his answers.
Maybe Jeong Jaeui picked up on the odd look on his face, as a strange expression briefly crossed his otherwise expressionless face. When he looked at Kyle with confusion, Kyle raised his eyebrows with a pleasant expression.
"About two hours ago, I suddenly got a call from Jeong Jaeui. He said he had arrived at Tegel Airport and asked if he could stay for a few days. I gladly invited him. For the surprise, I didn't inform you beforehand. How about it? Surprised?"
"Yes, well..."
But if the contact was only two hours ago, it was probably a surprise for Kyle as well, he
muttered, scratching his head.
Ignoring James, who was glaring at us with a bleak gaze while hugging his briefcase at the
entrance of the backyard, he quickly turned and said, "Let's go inside for now, Hyung. I'll
show you to the guest room. Kyle, you should change your clothes or...finish up with James."
Pushing Jeong Jaeui gently, Jeong Taeui hurried into the house.
But such thoughts were forgotten while leading Jeong Jaeui to the guest room.
Jeong Jaeui, who followed calmly with his usual expression, didn't have any luggage. It
seemed that all his belongings were in the outer pocket of his coat, where only the edge of his passport peeked out.
He was someone who didn't like to carry much from the start, but it looked as if he had been chased away without even having a chance to pack. Chased away...
"Hyung, were you chased out of there?"
After gathering a few clothes from Jeong Taeui's own wardrobe for him to change into, he casually asked Jeong Jaeui, who was sitting leisurely on a den chair on the terrace attached to the room.
Jeong Jaeui shook his head, and he nodded, thinking so.
The powerful Middle Eastern figure Jeong Jaeui had contracted with had used every means over several years to bring him into his organization. There was no way they would have kicked him out so soon after finally getting him settled in Riyadh.
"So what's going on, suddenly? No notice? A vacation?"
"Hmm, probably."
"Probably? Why is there a 'probably' attached to a vacation?"
"I said I'd take a few days off, but I didn't get a confirmation."
"What...?"
"Well, probably it'll be fine. They didn't say it was impossible."
Jeong Jaeui lightly waved his hand as he spoke. Seeing his usual calm demeanor, Jeong Taeui felt uneasy.
Though he was always a bit unpredictable, suddenly showing up without any notice wasn't like him.
"Isn't there something going on?"
"Ah...not really."
Again, that ambiguous "ah..."
Jeong Taeui scratched his head and looked at him with uncertainty, but soon stopped his
thoughts with a light sigh.
If he had something to say, he would say it; if not, he wouldn't. Besides, as always, if he had something to ponder or think about, he would quietly contemplate it and reach the best conclusion.
Moreover, it would be better to enjoy the rare visit with his brother than to hold him back
with unnecessary talk. Besides, more than anything,
"Jeong Jaeui? About the hypothesis with Pablo Fibro we talked about earlier, I found that you were right. The 1879 edition proved it with different grounds than the first edition. It's clear that he must have realized the logical flaws in the first edition too late."
As Kyle entered the room with a large, cheerful voice, carefully holding a worn book, it seemed he would have to give up his brother for a while.
Well, it doesn't matter.
In this situation, Jeong Taeui knew it was wise to fully enjoy the short time with his brother and relish the moment. There's no one who is further from the word "worry" than his brother.
Worrying about that man born under a special star would be like worrying about the sky falling.
Just look at the timing of his appearance.
Ilay, who had been toying with his life half-jokingly and half-seriously, had left Berlin early that very morning, saying he would be away for a short-term job. It was a perfectly timed moment. It seemed inevitable that Ilay would return on the very day his brother left.
However, Jeong Taeui was grateful for the good fortune of not having those two in the same place and decided to enjoy the short reunion with his brother with peace of mind.
When he thought about it, when was the last time the siblings stayed together so leisurely
under one roof?
Even though Kyle often brought rare books and had discussions with Jeong Jaeui, which sometimes made James's piercing gaze fly towards me, and even though Ilay had called late at night and kept a few seconds of ominous silence upon hearing Jeong Jaeui's stay, in reality, the time we spent having cheerful conversations was much shorter than the time spent quietly
in the same space.
A few days later, on a peaceful night, sitting next to Jeong Jaeui, who was quietly lost in
thought, and enjoying the cool beer while listening to the sound of insects, Jeong Taeui was incredibly satisfied.
"Taeui."
When Jeong Jaeui, who had been silent for a while, quietly called his name, Jeong Taeui
responded drowsily with half-closed eyes,
"Hmm...?"
"Do you think a life with a lover is better than a life without one?"
However, when Jeong Taeui heard that quiet voice again, the serene and peaceful mood
vanished instantly, and his drowsiness was gone.
"Huh...? Well..."
'It would depend on the situation, but generally, I think it's better,' Jeong Taeui muttered, looking at Jeong Jaeui with a puzzled expression. It was a topic I had never heard from him before.
But Jeong Jaeui continued to ask seriously.
"If the lover is someone with feelings that are more than just liking but also ambiguous, how much of those feelings do you think you have?"
"If you're asking if having a lover who you're not completely keen on is better, well...it
would depend on the person. If it's just a temporary arrangement until a good person comes along, I wouldn't recommend it, but if we're just talking about having or not having, then it seems better to have one."
Though he had never consciously thought about this, the answer came easily.
Relationships, no matter what kind, are better if they offer opportunities for intangible desirable things.
Moreover, sometimes a relationship, even if it's considered a second-best, might not be
entirely bad. Relationships and feelings always change, even if unseen.
For instance, in his own case, even though he found himself in a relationship with a man he would never have imagined as a romantic partner, it didn't start with him coming to him as the "ideal lover."
Definitely not.
Thinking back to when Jeong Taeui first met Ilay Riegrow, first heard rumors about him, or first saw his splatter movie-like record videos, he would never have predicted that we would have ended up in such a relationship.
Who would have imagined that he would end up with such a madman, let alone that the madman would be me?
"...."
Among the thoughts that kept arising, Jeong Taeui shook his head quickly, feeling a sense of gloom. Then he refocused on Jeong Jaeui.
If his brother had a lover, it would be welcome. It would be very desirable to have a strong emotional support while living alone in a foreign place.
However,
"By the way...why are you asking about this? It's not a topic you'd bring up."
There was something bothering him. Even though he hoped it wasn't true, thinking of a
person he had encountered in the past, who had a similar demeanor, Jeong Taeui couldn't shake the shadow of worry in his mind. That person was even very close to Jeong Jaeui at the moment.
In front of Jeong Taeui's gaze, which was fixed on Jeong Jaeui with a penetrating stare, he was momentarily speechless. After seeming to ponder again, or perhaps feeling awkward, he slightly lowered his head and then quietly spoke.
"Rahman said he wants to be my lover."
Damn it. They say that "what you least expect often happens."
It seemed that the man had finally spoken. He must have discarded everything-religion,
face, common sense, and the past-and ultimately decided to speak up. Hearing such a straightforward response from someone who should be like an older brother, the vague concerns that had been lurking suddenly came right up to his face. Jeong Taeui asked after a brief pause.
"Are you joking?"
"Yes, I asked that too. But he said no."
"Then..."
"I also asked if it was for political reasons. He said no."
"...."
"Then I asked if it was for strategic reasons, but he said no to that as well."
It was highly unlikely that it was for economic reasons. It seemed that Jeong Jaeui had tried to think things through step by step. He put the simplest conclusion at the end. It would be normal to dismiss such serious questioning as a joke, but the problem was that he wasn't someone with that kind of blunt mind.
"So...?"
At the point where almost every possible assumption had been mentioned, Jeong Taeui asked Jeong Jaeui again.
"So, after thinking a bit more, I asked if he wanted my genes, like sperm, but after a while, he said not even that."
When Jeong Jaeui's calm answer came back, Jeong Taeui fell silent. Suddenly, he felt a bit sorry for the man. Clearly, the man must have been prepared for this, considering the atmosphere and situation, and chose the most appropriate moment to speak. But his intentions were being distorted in every possible way, even to a rather inhumane extent.
At the same time, Jeong Taeui could guess what countless people who had envied his older brother in the past must have wanted from him, and this brought a shiver to his heart as he imagined his older brother asking such questions with a calm face.
So, without realizing it, he blurted out something he didn't really want to say.
"Maybe it's just that he genuinely likes you."
Jeong Jaeui seemed to be lost in thought again. But he couldn't possibly be unaware. If it were just intuition, that might be one thing, but having heard it in words...
"Yeah. Maybe that's it."
Eventually, Jeong Jaeui nodded and murmured, as if he were coming to a conclusion on a matter that had been difficult to judge.
Jeong Taeui glanced regretfully at the beer can he was holding, suddenly sober. He felt like he wouldn't be able to enjoy any more of it.
He was in a complex state of mind. Although it was ridiculous to say it this way while living
entangled with another man, he wished that his brother would follow a more conventional
path. People are unpredictable, but he knew that the likelihood of experiencing "ordinary and natural happiness" was infinitely greater in that way.
But...
Jeong Taeui sighed as he stared at Jeong Jaeui, who was seriously contemplating. If there were no room for doubt, he wouldn't have been pondering in the first place. He wouldn't have brought it up.
But the fact that there was room for doubt meant...
"...."
It strangely came to him with an unexpected sense of suspicion.
"So, what do you want to do?"
".....It's strange why he likes me, but I don't feel bad about it. He's kind and a good person to me. Well, as for being a lover...I can't really imagine it, but I don't think it would be bad. In fact, rather..."
Jeong Jaeui's eyes, which had been deep in thought for a while, relaxed slightly. Perhaps
during the time when no one else knew, some form of trust or goodwill that had built up over the years surfaced in his mind. And in that, Jeong Taeui felt as if he had found an answer, scratching his head. With an unenthusiastic taste, he lightly patted Jeong Jaeui on the shoulder.
"Don't worry. If you like it, it's good, and if you don't, it's not. No matter what happens, I'm
always on your side."
Jeong Jaeui, who looked up and met his gaze, seemed to smile faintly. Seeing his brother's smile, which seemed to nod slightly, Jeong Taeui prayed that this time, his brother would be blessed with special luck. That everything would turn out favorable for him, just as it always
had.
...But still.
There's a saying, "Man proposes, God disposes." Whether it matters or not, he thought he should make a small effort at least.
"But, hyung, about the relationship...It really hurts to accept."
Even if he said it vaguely, his sharp brother would understand it clearly without any
confusion. His persistent and calm brother had an unexpected weakness for physical pain.
Perhaps because he had been sickly since childhood and often went to the hospital, or maybe because he rarely experienced pain caused by others in daily life, his brother hated pain more than Jeong Taeui, who took minor pain lightly.
Sure enough, at that very moment, a new kind of worry appeared on his brother's face.
"Does it hurt?"
"Of course. It's not being used as intended, and the direction is also reversed, plus it's not the usual thickness you see every day in the toilet."
Although he felt that the topic was becoming a bit unpleasant, Jeong Taeui finished speaking resolutely. After speaking, he realized that he had no way of knowing about the thickness, but it didn't matter, since his brother probably didn't know either...
"Ah, thickness...Right, Rahman, yes. It was a bit too much for a person. Besides, the volume increases when an adult man is aroused..."
Wait a minute, how does hyung know the size of that man?!
Feeling as if the alcohol had completely worn off and he had poured ice water over his head, Jeong Taeui widened his eyes, but his brother, who was muttering to himself without noticing, was only making a puzzled and dark face, as if recalling some past memory.
Then, without giving Jeong Taeui a chance to ask anything, his brother looked at him with slightly more furrowed brows as if he remembered something.
"Taeui, are you okay?"
"Huh?"
"When you were with Rick...It looked like it wouldn't be intact."