3,609 Words
Now that I've been unceremoniously reincarnated into another world as a Tontatta dwarf, I suppose I should take a moment to explain the bizarre, fractured geography of the world I currently live in.
First off, if you're looking for massive, sprawling landmasses like the Eurasia Continent, the Africa Continent, or the America Continent, you can forget about it. They practically don't exist here. Instead, this globe is violently divided by a single, ridiculously long wall of towering crimson rock called the Red Line, which stretches endlessly across the horizon like a bleeding scar on the planet.
Aside from that colossal anomaly, the world is basically an endless, treacherous blue ocean dotted with countless small island nations.
The Tontatta Kingdom, the hidden underground utopia where my fluffy-tailed brethren and I reside, is located deep beneath Green Bit. It's a heavily forested, wildly overgrown small island situated just a short, albeit incredibly dangerous, iron bridge-crossing away from a much larger, vibrant island nation called Dressrosa.
Dressrosa is the domain of ordinary humans, and Green Bit is the sanctuary of the Tontatta dwarves. That's the basic layout of our little corner of the world. Because of the terrifying schools of Fighting Fish that constantly tear through the waters between the two islands, humans rarely ever dare to set foot on Green Bit. However, we Tontatta actually visit Dressrosa quite frequently, utilizing a vast network of secret underground tunnels.
And the primary reason for our little mainland excursions is...
"Alright, Leo. Let's get to work today, too!" I whispered, stretching my tiny, deceptively powerful limbs as we crouched in the shadows of a sun-baked cobblestone alleyway.
"I know, Line, resu! I'm ready!" Leo whispered back, adjusting his oversized pilot goggles. His eyes were sparkling with that absolute, unwavering earnestness that only a Tontatta could muster while preparing to commit grand larceny.
Having successfully navigated the damp, moss-lit tunnels from Green Bit, Leo, a sprawling squad of our fellow dwarves, and I had infiltrated Dressrosa's bustling port city.
Making sure the giant, lumbering humans didn't spot us, we stealthily slipped through the open terrace doors of a high-end seaside restaurant. To a twenty-centimeter dwarf, the place was a massive, intimidating labyrinth of wooden table legs and towering chairs. The air inside was thick with the mouth-watering scents of roasting garlic, spiced meats, and rich seafood paella. Completely ordinary humans—towering behemoths standing over eight times our height—were carelessly enjoying their meals, their massive silverware clinking against porcelain plates like the tolling of heavy bells.
We secretly fanned out across the dining room, creeping toward the oblivious patrons, and then—
Swish, swish, swoosh!
Moving at a blinding, superhuman velocity that ordinary human eyes couldn't even begin to process, we struck. To the patrons, we were nothing more than invisible, sudden gusts of wind rustling the linen tablecloths.
"Huh!? My bag is gone!" a wealthy-looking merchant gasped, his hand grasping at empty air where his leather satchel had been seconds before.
"What!? My gold watch! It just vanished from my wrist!"
"Oh no! My wallet! It was just right here on the table!"
"Someone took my jacket right off the back of my chair!"
Shouts of 'They took this!' and 'That's gone!' erupted in a chaotic chorus, echoing throughout the panicked restaurant as waiters looked around in utter bewilderment.
That's right. The reason we frequently visit Dressrosa, risking exposure to the Big Humans, is simply to rob them blind.
"Hehehehe~! Don't mind if I do~!" I snickered to myself, zipping out the front doors with my prize bundled tightly in my arms, leaving a trail of confused humans in my wake.
Since ancient times, Dressrosa has passed down a famous, deeply ingrained legend about invisible fairies—mischievous guardian deities who playfully take human belongings. Because it's supposedly the work of these sacred spirits, the citizens are culturally obligated to turn a blind eye to their thievery... or so the convenient legend goes.
...Well, in reality, those mystical "fairies" are just us Tontatta dwarves, simply swiping things from the people of Dressrosa at speeds too fast for them to track.
Apparently, centuries ago, the Tontatta were treated horribly as slaves by the former ruling family of Dressrosa. As compensation for that dark, oppressive history, a benevolent past king established a law decreeing that the Tontatta could take whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, from the citizens.
Honestly, if I were a normal, hard-working citizen of Dressrosa, I'd be absolutely furious—"What the hell do you mean invisible fairies can just legally steal my wallet!?"—but right now, I'm a Tontatta. Taking full advantage of that ludicrous custom, I might as well steal to my heart's content. Hehehe~♪
"A massive haul today, too, resu!" Leo cheered as we regrouped on a secluded, sun-baked terracotta rooftop overlooking the sprawling, vibrant city.
"Yeah, no kidding. What did you get, Leo?" I asked, wiping a bead of sweat from my brow as the ocean breeze ruffled my hair.
Leo proudly dumped his loot onto the curved roof tiles. "Umm, let's see! A silver pocket watch, a fancy tailored jacket, a thick encyclopedia, and... some really, really pretty pebbles I found in the plaza, resu! What did you get, Line, resu?"
"Let's see..." I grinned wickedly, unfurling the massive bundle of fabric I had been carrying. Given my diminutive height, the sheer volume of silk and lace was basically a parachute. "I grabbed the black lace bra from that pretty lady dining by the window, the silk panties from that cute girl sitting at the bar... and the fishnets from that gorgeous woman walking out the front door."
Leo stared at the mountain of lingerie, his innocent face twisting in utter, uncomprehending confusion. "Why are you always only taking women's underwear, Line, resu!? We agreed before we left that we'd only take everyday necessities, didn't we!?"
How rude. Panties and bras are everyday necessities. They are way more useful to society than those completely useless pebbles he grabbed from the gutter.
Besides, I don't just steal from any woman... I operate with a strict, gentlemanly code of honor. I exclusively target women who are exactly my type. I don't steal from uglies, little girls, or old hags.
I can be a legally sanctioned, super-powered panty thief, and the entire country just smiles and blames it on fairies. Dressrosa really is the greatest country in the world!
"Hehehehe~~!" I cackled, rubbing my tiny hands together like a cartoon villain scheming his next heist.
"Sigh... honestly. Your obsession with Big Humans is really problematic, resu," Leo muttered, shaking his head side-to-side as if dealing with a deeply troubled younger sibling.
I can't help it.
Even though my soul was forcefully crammed into the body of a pint-sized dwarf, my heart is still fundamentally human-sized. My romantic and sexual desires are still strictly directed toward adult human women. A chibi-proportioned race like the Tontatta—with our giant heads, stubby limbs, and fluffy tails—might make for fantastic, fiercely loyal friends, but I could never genuinely fall in love with one. I need a tall, beautiful human woman!
"Alright! Did everyone get what they came for!? Time to pull out, resu! Everyone, withdraw before the Big Humans spot us!!"
Kabu-san, the stout, yellow-clad commander of our squad, suddenly barked the order to retreat from his commanding perch on a nearby brick chimney.
Following his command, our comrades nodded in unison and dashed across the rooftops at blinding speeds, looking like little more than a flurry of falling leaves as they headed back toward the underground tunnel to Green Bit.
"Well then, Line. Are we heading back to the Tontatta Kingdom, too, resu?" Leo asked, securing his goggles over his eyes.
"Ah... nah, hold up a sec. Let's drop by the Royal Palace real quick!"
Saying that, I pointed a tiny finger toward the massive, majestic castle sitting atop the King's Plateau, its pristine towers overlooking the entire country like a crown.
—————
As a general rule, the Tontatta must never be seen by humans. That's the absolute, unbreakable law of our tribe, strictly enforced to ensure our survival.
However, there is one major exception. We are officially allowed to show ourselves to the royal family of Dressrosa. In other words, the people living behind those heavily fortified castle walls are the only humans in the entire world we're explicitly permitted to interact with.
"Viola~! Monet~! I came to play~!" I announced boldly, kicking open the golden latch of a massive stained-glass window high up in one of the palace towers.
"Hey! Line! It's Lady Viola! I always tell you not to drop the honorifics when addressing royalty, resu!" Leo scolded, frantically waving his arms in a panic behind me.
Ignoring him, Leo and I slipped through the heavy, sun-drenched velvet curtains and landed softly on the plush, crimson carpet of a lavish private room.
Inside the opulent chamber were two absolute, world-class beauties.
"Oh, Line. Haven't seen you since yesterday. Has it been three days for you, Leo?"
This stunning, dark-haired beauty wearing a vibrant flamenco-style headband and boasting an impossibly perfect hourglass figure is Viola.
She's nineteen years old, four years older than my current physical age, and just like Leo, she's a childhood friend of mine. Man~, I remember when she used to be a flat-chested, constantly crying little girl, but she's really grown up into a proper, breathtaking knockout~. Big bro is so incredibly happy.
She might technically be the Second Princess of Dressrosa, but we go way back, so I just talk to her normally.
"...You're here again? You really have too much free time. Don't you have a forest to tend to or something?"
The other woman, currently sitting straight-backed at a polished mahogany desk and meticulously organizing a stack of documents, is Monet. She sports thick, milk-bottle glasses that somewhat obscure her sharp, calculating amber eyes, wavy light-green hair, and a figure just as incredible as the princess's.
She's a scholarly maid who came to work at this royal castle two years ago. Since she's close in age to Viola and the same gender, she essentially serves as Viola's exclusive personal attendant and confidante right now.
"As someone entrusted with protecting Princess Viola, it's quite troublesome when you two constantly barge into her room uninvited through the window..." Monet sighed, pushing her thick glasses up the bridge of her nose with a slender finger.
"Come on, don't sweat the small stuff, Monet. We're all close friends here, right? Ain't that right, Viola~?" I grinned, strutting confidently toward the center of the room.
"Right~."
When I threw my tiny hands up for a high-five, Viola actually went out of her way to step away from her ornate vanity, crouch all the way down to the floor, and gently tap her index finger against my palms. Her floral perfume smelled absolutely amazing.
She then delicately scooped me up in her warm, soft hands and set me down on the large circular table in the center of the room, bringing Leo up right beside me.
"Lady Viola, I'm so sorry, resu. Line just wouldn't take no for an answer..." Leo bowed deeply, his fluffy tail drooping behind him in genuine apology.
"Hehe, it's fine, Leo. Life as a princess involves a lot of stiff, formal events and boring politics, so I'm honestly happy when you two sneak in to play," Viola said, smiling brightly as she took a seat at the table, resting her chin in her hands and looking at us fondly.
Monet let out a long, exasperated sigh, striking a rigid, perfectly professional pose. Despite her complaints, she walked over to a silver pitcher resting on a cart and poured chilled apple juice into two custom, Tontatta-sized cups for Leo and me.
Hehehe. She acts all cool, strict, and detached, but I know a massive secret about this woman named Monet. Beneath that icy, intellectual exterior, she is actually quite shy.
As proof, just watch...
"Man~, Monet really is so attentive and thoughtful~," I said loudly, taking a deliberate sip of the sweet juice. "She's kind, highly capable, incredibly beautiful, and has a great body—she's the total package! The guy who eventually gets to marry a wonderful woman like Monet is gonna be the luckiest man in the world~."
If I pile on the romantic compliments like that, looking her dead in the eye...
"...!!"
Monet completely froze. The silver pitcher trembled slightly in her grip. In an instant, a furious, boiling blush rushed up her pale neck, and her entire face turned bright red. She quickly turned away, lifting a leather-bound clipboard to cover her mouth and the lower half of her face, getting completely, hopelessly flustered.
Man, why is a cool beauty's blushing face so damn appealing? It completely activates my protective instincts. Wanting to see more of that hilariously cute reaction, I continued showering her with relentless praise.
"You purposely poured apple juice instead of tea because you know I love apples, right? A person who can remember small details like that and be so naturally considerate is truly amazing! It just screams 'good wife material'..."
"...!! ...!!" Monet made a soft, high-pitched squeaking noise behind her clipboard, her ears burning scarlet.
"L i n e ~?"
Oops. I teased her a little too much. Seeing her stoic maid turn as red as a boiled octopus and completely short-circuit, Viola leaned over the table. She shot me a fierce, terrifying glare, her dark eyes narrowing dangerously, casting a dark, ominous shadow over her previously smiling face.
...I really wish she wouldn't do that. Because she ate the Glare-Glare Fruit, Viola's 'glares' are seriously no joke. I almost got physically crushed by one of her literal, giant tear-whales in the past when I made her cry.
Leo quickly stepped between us, waving his hands frantically like a referee. "Now, now, please calm down, Lady Viola, resu! Please don't summon the whales!" he pleaded, pacifying the protective princess. Good job, Leo. Keep it up. You're my shield.
"Sigh... whatever. You're impossible, Line," Viola huffed, leaning back in her intricately carved chair and crossing her arms. Her terrifying aura faded back into a relaxed, amused smile. "Well then, shall we pick up where we left off last time?"
"Hehehe, you're on," I smirked, cracking my tiny knuckles in anticipation.
"I won't lose this time, resu! I've been studying the strategies!" Leo declared boldly, pumping a tiny fist into the air.
"...Sigh. Only for one hour, understand? Lady Viola has a royal banquet to attend later," Monet finally managed to say, her face still slightly pink as she set the pitcher down and walked over to join us.
Viola reached under the table and pulled out a large, hand-drawn board game, spreading it out across the mahogany surface. Its name was proudly written in bold, colorful letters: "Dresspoly."
As the name suggests, it's a board game I painstakingly made from scratch by ripping off a famous, friendship-destroying property-trading game from my past life. The original game is about going around the world, collecting money, and buying properties to bankrupt your friends. Dresspoly is the localized Dressrosa version of that, featuring iconic landmarks like the Corrida Colosseum and the Sunflower Fields.
"Alright! I'll go first! Here goes nothing!!"
I grabbed a pair of wooden dice—which, to my tiny hands, were about the size of heavy medicine balls—and hurled them across the board with the full-body form of an Olympic dodgeball throw.
They clattered loudly against the table, coming to a halt. The roll was a 6! I moved my tiny carved token across the painted squares. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... let's see.
The space I landed on read: Become incredibly popular with three beautiful women. Ascend to the throne as King and receive 10 million Berries.
Alright, off to an absolutely stellar start! The economy is booming, and first place is already in the bag~!
—————
Exactly one hour later, I found myself completely, utterly bankrupt, sitting in a metaphorical puddle of my own tears, having lost absolutely everything I owned.
"...G-Guh... i-impossible...! This is rigged...! Gah..." I groaned, falling flat on my back onto the center of the board.
"Line. Are you okay, resu?" Leo asked, poking my side with genuine, innocent concern.
"Oh my, you were doing so incredibly well until halfway through, too. But it all turned around right at the very end," Viola giggled, elegantly covering her mouth to hide her amusement.
"Fufu... first place," Monet whispered, adjusting her thick glasses with a triumphant gleam in her eyes.
The final standings for this brutal, soul-crushing game of Dresspoly were as follows:
1st Place: Monet (Dresspoly Tycoon)
2nd Place: Leo (Competent Landlord)
3rd Place: Viola (Survived)
4th Place: Line (Absolute Destitution)
I had been completely dominating in first place halfway through! I owned half the board! And yet, right at the very end, I landed on the worst possible Event Square and drew a nightmare card: A charismatic villain violently takes over the country. Lose 10 billion Berries and all properties.
Who the hell designed such a stupid, unfair, unbalanced game!? Oh, right. I did! My past self is an absolute idiot!
Seeing me slump over in utter, soul-crushing defeat, Leo panicked, hovering over me worriedly. Viola chuckled in bright amusement at my misery. And Monet... Monet was looking down at me with an incredibly smug, victorious expression.
What is with that face? It's really cute, but it pisses me off so much! My gamer pride was in absolute tatters.
"H-Hmph! I just let my guard down a l~ittle bit this time!" I stammered, crossing my arms, sitting up, and looking away haughtily. "I wasn't even going all out! If I got serious, using my Tontatta speed, I could manipulate the dice rolls however I want! I was just holding back out of pity!"
"Ehh!? You can manipulate the dice rolls however you want!? Is that true, Line~!?" Leo gasped, his eyes widening in complete, gullible awe.
"It's a lie, Leo. You're being tricked. Again," Viola sighed, gently patting Leo's head.
"Fufu, the pathetic howling of a sore loser, Line," Monet mocked softly, a rare, genuine smile playing on her lips.
She reached out and squished my cheek playfully with her index finger. Grrr... she's so cheeky for a maid... But a loss is a loss. As the creator of the game, I have to be graceful in defeat. It can't be helped.
"Here, Monet. Bow your head," I commanded, standing up and dusting myself off.
"Eh?" She blinked, confused, but slowly lowered her face toward the table.
Reaching behind my back, I pulled out a perfectly woven, miniature circlet of vibrant, multicolored blossoms and placed it gently on top of Monet's wavy green hair.
"...What is this?" she asked, her eyes crossing slightly as she tried to look up at it.
"The grand prize for this game," I explained proudly, puffing out my tiny chest. "A flower crown made from the absolute best flowers I grew myself in the royal gardens. It's the Line Special!"
"..."
Honestly, I meant to pull out this prize before the game started and dangle it in front of them to hype everyone up, making them fight desperately for my affection and the prize, but I totally forgot because I was so focused on winning. So, I'm just giving it to her now.
With the delicate flower crown sitting slightly askew on her head, Monet stared at me in total silence. Her smugness completely vanished, replaced by a completely dumbfounded, wide-eyed expression.
"W-What's with that reaction? It's the grand prize, you know? Be happy. I spent hours making that," I muttered, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious under her intense stare.
Monet's shoulders began to tremble. "Pfft... fufu..."
"Eh?"
"Fufufufufu!" Monet suddenly threw her head back and laughed. It wasn't a polite chuckle or a restrained giggle; it was a loud, joyous, uncontrollable laugh that echoed brightly through the room. "Line, you... you really are amusing. A flower crown! Fufu, ahahaha!"
"M-Mmmmm..."
My face burned hot. What the heck? I feel like I'm being made a massive fool of. No, she's definitely making fun of me. We're sitting in the opulent Dressrosa Royal Palace, surrounded by literal gold and silk, and she's probably thinking, What's this dwarf doing bringing a childish toy made of weeds here as a prize? Dammit! My fragile teenage ego couldn't take it! Making a fool out of my hard work! "Damn it all!" I yelled, my face turning as red as Monet's had been earlier. "I'm gonna make something even more amazing next time! And when I do, you won't be laughing at me! We're leaving, Leo!"
"Ah, wait for me, please! Line—!"
Moving at a blinding speed that their human eyes couldn't possibly follow, I initiated my ultimate revenge. In a fraction of a second, I dashed past them, swiftly stripped both Viola and Monet of their panties, bundled the silk fabrics in my arms, and leaped toward the open window.
Kyaaa—!! Twin screams of shock and intense embarrassment erupted from inside the room as the two beauties realized what had just happened, but hehehe, think of it as a parting shot from a sore loser!
Standing on the windowsill, the ocean wind catching the stolen lingerie like a hero's cape, I looked back with a triumphant grin.
"If you've got complaints, take them up with your ancestor who made the stupid law saying dwarves can steal whatever they want! I'll definitely steal from you again, so you'd better wear something even sexier next time! Hehehehe~!"
With that, I dove out the window into the sprawling, sunlit Dressrosian sky, Leo frantically diving out right behind me.