We sat in his office. The unfamiliar walls and furniture only served to heighten my paranoia that this might be a trap. I sat across from Noah, who mirrored my position on the opposite couch as he prepared tea. I had no idea why he bothered; I didn't intend to drink. For all I knew, I could be drugged.
After his request to "save them," I had insisted he explain himself in a more appropriate environment. I had reluctantly decided to follow him, against all logic—I knew he was a killer—but a part of me felt compelled to listen to what he had to say. If the worst came to pass, I could always blow his brains out.
"You can ask what you want to know. There is no need to glare at me like that," Hanno—or Noah, or whatever he preferred—spoke softly. He barely glanced up while pouring the hot water. I felt my face scrunch in annoyance.
"I doubt that. You'll forgive me if I don't take your word at face value; I'm not in the business of being trusting of a murderer," I said sarcastically.
Noah hummed and nodded. "Wise. But I would ask that you not think this is some elaborate trap. While it's true I was responsible for their deaths, I was just a pawn in someone else's game. I mean that not as an excuse, but as the truth. I was led to believe that by ending those children's lives and completing the prototype, I would receive information I desperately needed." He placed a teacup in front of me.
"That doesn't excuse your actions. Even if you were manipulated, I bet you still chose to kill those kids." Hearing my words, Noah maintained a neutral expression, showing not even a hint of regret. "And where are Helge and Old Helge, anyway? They followed us for a while before separating."
"Helge's part in this 'game'..." he said, visibly angered. I heard a sharp crack; the teacup in his hand had splintered. "...has ended. Originally, Helge was supposed to be involved in an accident—which was, in truth, a murder attempt by Old Helge in an effort to stop his younger self from continuing to kidnap and kill children. This course of events has repeated itself countless times through different cycles."
He took a breath, the anger subsiding back into a cold monotone. "It results in Helge worsening the brain damage he received when Ulrich Nielsen tried to kill him in 1953. This leads Old Helge to travel through the passage in the caves to 1986 to attempt to stop his past self, all while Ulrich Nielsen follows him. Ulrich ends up in 1953 by mistake and attempts to kill the child version of Helge to stop him from kidnapping his brother, Mads, in 1986. Sadly, time doesn't work like that. His actions only lead to me recruiting the child Helge, who was sent into the future after he accidentally touched a space rift. It completes the cycle of Helge Doppler."
That entire explanation was the most obnoxious thing I had ever heard. I believed him, though, because I felt the truth in everything he said. Still, the whole thing gave me a killer headache. Seriously, why couldn't time travel be simple?
"So, the entire world is stuck in a time loop. Everything that has happened will happen and will forever keep happening. So what do you want me to do about it? I don't know what you meant by my 'previous iteration' sending you. I'm just a regular guy..."
Noah chuckled for the first time since I'd met him. It looked wrong; his face remained stuck in that neutral mask while the sound escaped him. "My lord, you are many things, and you have as many names as there are winds, but 'normal' is not one of them—even in your current state. But let's start from the beginning."
He took a pause to sip his tea from the cracked cup. "I was born in 1904 to Silja Tiedeman and Bartosz Tiedeman. My mother died giving birth to my sister six years after my own birth. And yes, they are related to each other—not direct relatives, but related all the same. After my mother's death, I grew up under the care of a woman called Erna. During this time, I was recruited by Adam into Sic Mundus and given the name Noah. I began the construction of the passage in the Winden caves alongside my father. I had complete belief in Adam's prophecy of paradise. Even when I was given the order to kill my father, I did so without hesitation, even if I began to doubt my decision later. I met my future self, and after that meeting, I continued following orders despite my doubts."
I remained silent. I had questions, but I felt it was better to wait.
"After that, I continued following the plan. Adam ordered me to travel to 2020. I had two tasks: give a letter to Jonas Kahnwald, and ensure that he continues the cycle."
Jonas? The kid from the cave? "After giving the letter, I went to the Doppler family bunker to take shelter from the apocalypse."
Wait, what the fuck does he mean, apocalypse? I raised my hand. "Wait a minute. What do you mean by 'apocalypse'?"
"The world as we know it will end in the year 2020, after the God particle is released in the Winden power plant. All will be explained. It was during my time in the bunker that I found the woman I would fall in love with and have a child with." He licked his lips, clenching his hands together. "For the next two decades, I acted as a pillar for Jonas, ensuring that he would fulfill his purpose. It was also during this time I met Claudia Tiedeman, who worked with me and Jonas to stabilize the God particle into a way to travel through time—until 2041, when my daughter was kidnapped."
He pulled a picture from his breast pocket, smiling sadly. "When I found my daughter was gone, I was enraged. I confronted Jonas and Claudia, believing them responsible because Adam had said Jonas would betray me. I made the decision to leave 2041 in search of my daughter with this."
He pulled out a small notebook with a triquetra on the cover. "This notebook details the time travel events in Winden. I returned to Adam hoping for answers. He told me Claudia was responsible and that the missing pages from this notebook would lead me to my daughter, Charlotte. He also tasked me with the creation of the chair prototype. Eventually, I was told by my sister that Claudia had the missing pages. I confronted and killed her, but those pages revealed the truth: the one responsible for my daughter's kidnapping was Adam. I reunited with my daughter, but by then, she knew the crimes I had committed."
He sighed heavily, tiredness radiating off him. "I was tired of the lies, the manipulation, of everything. I went to the Sic Mundus headquarters in 1921. I talked to my younger self, just as I had done before, then confronted Adam to kill him. But I failed. Fate would not allow him to die; Adam cannot die until he attempts to stop the cycle from being created. My sister shot me, and I laid there dying until a rift opened below me. I appeared before your previous iteration, and he told me everything."
A wry smile touched his face. "About the time loop. About Adam and Eva. About the origin of the loop, and how we will all be erased... no, consumed by the being truly responsible. I lost any semblance of hope. How could we, who were simply playing into this being's hand this whole time, believe we could escape? I was tempted to end it, but you told me I was still able to save us. That I had one chance. I was distrustful, but you showed me proof, and I accepted."
He grabbed the triquetra notebook and held it over a candle on the coffee table. He allowed it to catch fire, watching it for a moment before placing the burning book into a bin. "From this point forward, I no longer know what will happen. All I know is that you will be the spear that pierces through that thing. So, please. Help us."
I remained silent, trying to keep my cool. While the man in front of me was a monster, he hadn't chosen to be one; he was molded. If what he said was true, this wasn't a simple time loop. Whatever was responsible for this gave me a dread-filled sense of déjà vu. But what could I do? I was just a regular guy.
Noah placed another book on the table with a heavy thump. My heart started beating faster. Images flashed in my mind: sorrow, hope, anger, denial, acceptance.
"What is that?" I asked, my voice trembling.
"The last thing your previous iteration gave me. He said it was the match to light the bonfire. I tried to open it, but I was unable to. You told me I should give this to you only after explaining how we met, and to tell you the title."
I gulped, fighting the urge to grab it. One force told me not to touch it; another told me to seize the opportunity. "What's the title?"
Noah breathed in. "The Saga of the Lord of Frenzy."
The déjà vu intensified. My hand took hold of the book and placed it on my lap. My palms were dripping with sweat as my body fought against the decision to open it. I bit my tongue, the pain giving me a sense of ecstasy I'd never known. I grabbed the leather cover and slowly pulled it open, a wide grin spreading across my face.
Something shattered. An agonizing scream of pain and a passionate laugh of joy rang out in my head simultaneously. A piece of me that had been missing finally clicked into place.
"Ah... so that's how it is? How absolutely lovely." I chuckled, vast amounts of forgotten information flooding back. As my consciousness began to slip, I gave a final look to the exhausted Noah. "I will help you. But first, I need a nap. Until then, write down everything that is supposed to happen. We don't have much time."
I closed my eyes.