Tesse's hands shook as she reached out to touch him. She pressed her fingers to his neck.
*Thump... thump... thump.*
A pulse. Strong and steady.
She let out a sob of relief that racked her entire body. He was alive. He was breathing. The alcohol, combined with the blow to the head, had simply knocked him out cold. A faint bruise was already beginning to form near his temple, purple and angry against his pale skin.
"You idiot," Tesse whispered, tears streaming down her face now. "You absolute idiot."
She sat back on her heels, staring at him. He looked peaceful now, the torment of the night smoothed away by unconsciousness. He looked like the boy she used to dream about, before the world got complicated.
She stayed there for a long time, listening to the rhythm of his breathing, the house silent around them. She touched her lips, which still tingled from the kiss. She looked at his hand, limp on the rug—the hand that had tried to hold her.
Eventually, the adrenaline faded, leaving a hollow, aching exhaustion.
Tesse stood up. She couldn't leave him on the floor.
With a grunt of effort, she grabbed him by the arms and dragged him, inch by inch, until she could hoist his upper body onto the bed. She couldn't lift him completely, so she swung his legs up, straightening him out. She pulled off his shoes. She loosened his belt. She pulled the duvet over him, tucking him in like a child.
She went to the bathroom, wet a washcloth with cold water, and came back. She gently wiped the sweat from his forehead, careful to avoid the bruising bump.
"I hate you," she whispered to his sleeping face. It was a lie, and it was the truth.
She turned off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. She walked to the door, her hand hovering over the knob. She looked back one last time at the shape of him under the covers.
Then she walked out, closing the door on the wreckage of the night.
***
The morning sun was cruel. It sliced through the curtains of the dining room, illuminating dust motes and highlighting the dark circles under Tesse's eyes.
She sat at the long table, drinking black coffee. She was fully dressed, her hair pulled back in a severe bun. She had been awake since 5:00 AM, cleaning the house, scrubbing surfaces that were already clean, trying to erase a stain that existed only in her mind.
Footsteps on the stairs. Heavy, slow, pained.
Tesse didn't look up. She stared at the black liquid in her mug.
Valor entered the kitchen. He looked terrible. His skin was gray, his hair was a disaster, and he was squinting against the light. He held a hand to his head, wincing with every step.
"Ugh," he groaned. "I feel like I got hit by a truck."
He walked to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of water, and drained half of it in one go. He leaned against the counter, closing his eyes.
"Coffee?" Tesse asked. Her voice was steady. It was a miracle of engineering.
Valor jumped slightly. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Jesus, Tesse. You scared me. I didn't know you were there."
"I'm here," she said.
Valor rubbed his temple, his fingers grazing the bruise. He winced sharply. "Ow. What the hell..."
He walked over to the reflective surface of the microwave and peered at his reflection. "I have a bump the size of a golf ball. What happened?"
Tesse's heart stopped. She gripped the mug.
"You don't remember?" she asked softly.
Valor turned to face her. He looked genuinely confused. His eyes were clear of the darkness from the night before, filled only with the haze of a massive hangover.
"I remember the party," he said, frowning. "I remember... drinking tequila. A lot of it. I remember the bonfire."
He paused, searching his memory banks. He rubbed his neck.
"I think... did I throw up?"
"Almost," Tesse said.
"Did I drive home?" Panic flared in his eyes.
"No," Tesse said. "I drove. You couldn't stand."
Valor let out a breath. "Thank God. Thank you. I'm sorry if I was a mess."
"You were," she said.
He touched the bump again. "But how did I get this? Did I get into a fight?"
Tesse looked at him. She looked for a flicker of recognition, a hint that he remembered the desperate plea, the heavy weight of his body on hers, the taste of the kiss.
There was nothing. Just a boy with a hangover and a blank slate.
The realization washed over her. He didn't remember. The blackout had erased it all. For him, the night had ended at the bonfire. The car ride, the bedroom, the confession, the kiss—it was all gone.
It existed only in Tesse's mind now. It was a secret she would have to carry alone. A burden she would have to pack into her suitcase along with her textbooks and her clothes when she left for college.
"You fell," Tesse said.
The lie came easily. It was the only kindness she could offer him.
"You tripped over your own shoes when we got into your room," she continued, taking a sip of coffee. "You hit your head on the nightstand. I had to drag you into bed."
Valor looked embarrassed. "God. That's pathetic. I'm so sorry, Tesse. I promise, no more drinking. Not like that."
"Good," she said.
"Are we... are we okay?" he asked tentatively. "I didn't say anything stupid, did I?"
Tesse looked at him over the rim of her mug. She thought about the way he had whispered *I love you*. She thought about the heat of his hand on her waist.
"No," Tesse said. "You didn't say anything at all. You just passed out."
Valor smiled—a weak, relieved smile. "Okay. Good."
He turned back to the fridge to find some aspirin.
Tesse set her mug down. The china clicked against the table. She watched his back, watched the way he moved, oblivious and unburdened.
She felt the weight of the secret settle onto her shoulders, heavy and permanent. She had pushed him away to save them, and in doing so, she had saved him from the memory of his own heart.
"I'm going to the library," Tesse said, standing up. "I have packing to do."
"Okay," Valor said, popping two pills into his mouth. "See you later, sis."
The word didn't sting this time. It just felt numb.
"See you," Tesse whispered.
She walked out of the kitchen, leaving him to his recovery, and stepped into the blinding, white-hot silence of the rest of her life.