I opened my eyes. An unfamiliar ceiling… well, not unfamiliar. I was in Roswaal's mansion. Looks like Ram actually brought me here. I had half-expected Reinhard to take me instead. Though unfortunate, I wouldn't have minded attempting a "Felt IF" route.
It was a fifty–fifty situation. I had explained my condition to both Reinhard and Ram. Reinhard said he would help me. Ram criticized me for trying to freeload. Honestly, I realized something important—it was fun bickering with Ram.
This might be the place where Subaru got stuck in that endless hallway. Let's see if I can find her room as easily as he did.
I stepped outside and began walking. After a short distance, I felt it—that faint pull from a door. So my suspicion was correct. She was indeed doing that. I think this is what Subaru felt whenever he guessed the correct door.
I opened it and immediately began rambling about her being an NPC, just to irritate her faster. It worked. She got annoyed and started draining my mana. Unlike Subaru, however, I had far more mana due to my advanced Gate.
Even so, it took her some time to drain enough to knock me unconscious.
The last thing I heard:
"You are pretty good for a human, I suppose."
…
I opened my eyes again.
This is where Subaru first met Ram and Rem.
For me, it was only Rem.
Both twins looked completely normal. Rem wasn't hostile. Of course, that was because I had no miasma. Even if I did, I could still earn her trust. But I wanted to see how easy Arc 2 would be if Subaru didn't have to struggle for it.
As for Roswaal, I wasn't too concerned.
In Arc 2, Subaru had to do two things correctly: win Rem's trust and discover the curse while saving the village children after the barrier was broken. He not only earned her trust but her love—something even the Tome of Wisdom couldn't predict.
What I'm saying is: small deviations wouldn't matter.
The future is not predetermined.
No matter how much foresight the Echidna or the Tome of Wisdom possess, they cannot account for infinite attempts. Someone who can retry endlessly can eventually reach any possible outcome.
The Tome simply selects the most probable scenario based on available data. That's why Echidna could manipulate Subaru—but there were always possibilities of failure.
For example: Reinhard.
After news of the White Whale subjugation and the death of a Sin Archbishop, it wouldn't be unreasonable for Reinhard van Astrea and Felt to realize that Emilia's appearance would constantly attract danger. They could easily visit at least once.
(AN: I refuse to believe they're incapable of realizing something that obvious. I know they have their own issues—I've read what Felt was doing during Arc 3—but if Reinhard truly wanted to help, he could come and go whenever he pleased. Whether through sheer speed or even abusing death to reposition.)
Another possibility:
Subaru notices Roswaal is never present when it truly matters. From repeated loops, it becomes clear that everyone expected the Witch Cult to target Emilia once she revealed herself as a royal candidate. There is no way Roswaal didn't foresee that.
If Subaru grows suspicious, he might hesitate when Beatrice suggests going to Sanctuary. However, he would still go—for the villagers.
This time, he enters Sanctuary wary.
That alone wouldn't solve everything. But he might start questioning Puck. Is Puck truly sealed, or is he choosing not to appear?
If Subaru realizes Puck intentionally stayed silent while Emilia was breaking down, he would demand answers. Puck wouldn't give many, but Subaru could ask about the White Rabbit.
Yes, the trials would still happen. The rabbit would still devour him. He would still meet the Witch of Gluttony.
However, afterward, instead of panicking when Roswaal refuses to call off the assassin, Subaru would focus.
Puck would mention possible counters to the White Rabbit. One of those names would be Beatrice.
Now Subaru has direction.
After two or three loops, he would realize something painful—he is alone. He lacks manpower. Garfiel, Emilia, Beatrice, the mansion… each problem demands attention. Alone, he cannot handle them all.
And that is where he breaks.
My second goat after Natsuki Subaru would enter the stage:
Otto Suwen.
Otto, Subaru, and Ram would move similarly to canon. But this time Subaru would learn earlier that people care about him. Maybe a version of the second tea party still happens. Maybe he learns to value himself sooner. Most importantly—he learns to ask for help.
Similar to Arc 4.
Yet fundamentally different.
That's what makes it a new possibility.
Of course, there are darker routes. Subaru could give up. He could become like Greed IF—refusing to let anyone grow, solving everything alone. But how long could he continue before exhaustion sets in? Before he grows tired of Emilia's repeated failures, Beatrice's refusals, Garfiel's stubbornness?
There's even a possibility where he constantly returns to the "Who is Rem?" moment, trying alternative solutions—seeking Reinhard's help immediately.
All of these routes lead to Echidna's plan collapsing.
(AN: The second scenario is more realistic than the Reinhard one. All it requires is Subaru—or Reinhard—realizing Subaru needs help. After that, even if Subaru fails a few times, he will never fall into such despair that he accepts Echidna's contract. That alone ensures her failure.)
Anyway, I got sidetracked.
My point is simple: there are countless scenarios where Echidna fails. She cannot cover every branch.
As long as Roswaal's core objectives—Rem's trust and the village's survival—are achieved, he won't overanalyze small deviations.
Now then.
Can I clear Arc 2 smoothly?
Should I replicate everything Subaru did?
I mean… who wouldn't want a lap pillow?
No. Control yourself. Solve this properly.
"Sister, sister. Our guest has been staring at us for quite some time with that perverted smile."
"Yes, Rem. I would expect nothing less from Barusu. He stared at me the same way when we first met."
Ah. I didn't even notice.
"I believe there is some misunderstanding."
"Indeed. Our guest is delusional and incapable of perceiving obvious facts."
"Yes, sister. Our guest does look like someone of that nature."
"Hey!" I protested. My soul couldn't handle this much abuse.
"You both shouldn't tease Subaru so much."
The door opened. Emilia entered.
"Yes, Lady Emilia. My sister is sorry for what she's done."
"Yes, Lady Emilia. I'm certain Rem will reflect on this."
Exact lines. Just like canon.
Why?
After such major changes, why is everything still proceeding the same?
Perhaps Ram is intentionally hiding information and maintaining normal behavior. And Emilia, even in canon, barely knew Subaru beyond him being a strange boy who somehow knew her and helped her.
Yes. That explains it.
I asked Emilia what she planned to do.
She said it was her morning routine to talk to the spirits.
I persuaded her to let me join.
She agreed easily.
(AN: I have only watched the anime, and even of that I remember only parts. So I'm rereading sections of Arc 2 to see what happened differently. This is where I learned about this.)
We were both sitting, watching the spirits. Emilia was talking, and honestly, it was pleasant. If we were speaking purely about beauty, then she was undoubtedly the most beautiful person I had ever seen.
I looked up at the sky and thought… Emilia noticed me staring and walked over. Firstly, this should be the moment she asks why I helped her.
"Umm, Subaru, can I ask you a question?" she said.
I nodded.
"Why did you help me? You had no connection to me, nor any reason to."
"Is there any need for connections or reasons when helping someone?" I replied calmly. "I didn't have a reason. I simply noticed something would be stolen and decided to act."
However, I knew she wouldn't be convinced so easily.
"I don't see any problem with you helping someone, and I'm grateful," she continued. "But you also risked your life to save Ram and the others."
"Again, they were in danger and needed help. Besides, I was searching for Elsa for a long time anyway, so I just happened to help them. But… that's not the real reason you're asking this, right?"
"-! U-um… what I really wanted to know was why you helped someone like me."
There it was. Finally.
Emilia had never experienced unconditional kindness before Subaru. He treated her normally, without hesitation. Naturally, she didn't understand him. In Arc 3, he clarified that he viewed her as a friend, yet he never revealed his true feelings. Even so, that misunderstanding later allowed Puck to manipulate her into believing Subaru was suffering because of her. Subaru himself didn't handle that well either.
"Is there a problem with helping someone like you?" I said gently. "I mean, you're cute, beautiful, and kind. I don't think I need a reason to help someone like that."
Just one step more.
"B-but I look like…" She stopped. She couldn't finish. It was as if she thought I didn't know about Satella, just like in Arc 1. In truth, she was afraid. Afraid that if I knew, I would leave too.
"Witch of Envy?"
She looked at me in shock, then lowered her head in shame.
"So what?" I continued. "Do you know what I used to do before I came here?"
She shook her head. Normally, she would speak, but the shock silenced her.
"I used to travel for revenge."
Her attention sharpened.
"Revenge against the Witch Cult. They killed my entire village… everyone… all because a friend of mine looked like the Witch of Envy."
Now she was listening carefully.
"Even then, I could never hate her. Her appearance wasn't her choice. If I hated everyone who looked like the Witch of Envy, wouldn't that mean I hated my friend too? I could never hate her. I spoke with her. Played with her. Lived beside her."
Therefore, I decided something simple.
"I decided to judge people for who they are. If they're good, their appearance doesn't matter. When I saw you, you reminded me of her. So I wanted to know you better. And after spending even a short time with you, I learned something."
I stepped forward.
"You're a good person. So… if you're willing, I'd like to be your friend."
"If you don't mind me being your friend… then I would gladly be your friend!" she answered quickly.
She was clearly flustered.
Immediately, Puck appeared and lightly attacked me, though without real force.
With that, my objective was complete. Firstly, I needed Emilia to understand that even knowing everything, I would treat her the same. Secondly, I needed to replicate the emotional result of Arc 3 without actually confessing. And although this outcome was temporary, it was sufficient. She would eventually assume I had to leave to complete my "goal."
We talked a little longer. Meanwhile, Ram arrived.
It was time.
Everyone was introduced. Roswaal explained the kingdom's situation.
Yes, yes. Arc 2 was enough. No need to repeat everything.
I acted like Subaru from Arc 2. Honestly, being him wasn't unpleasant. In fact, I liked it.
"So, Subaru," Roswaal said with that drawn-out tone, "you saved Emilia-sama, my sponsor. As her supporter, it's my responsibility to reward you. Teeell me, what do you want?"
Firstly, I considered asking for something substantial. After all, he would grant it. And secondly, he would likely give me a secondary position regardless—guest or servant.
Therefore—
"I would like to be a servant."
Yes. That was the optimal choice.
Ram and Rem took me in. Events unfolded just like Arc 2, Loop 1.
The next day, I casually asked Beatrice about curses and magic. Firstly, it established interest. Secondly, when I later removed the curse, it wouldn't appear suspicious.
It worked.
Unlike Subaru, I had mana to support my body and enhance physical abilities. Therefore, tasks were completed smoothly. Even so, just like him, I had no experience with housework. I made mistakes. Ram criticized me. However, those small interactions were necessary to build bonds.
Rem became noticeably more open. Fifty percent because I had no miasma. Fifty percent because Ram likely shared my fabricated backstory. Therefore, Rem would see similarity between us.
If Roswaal heard it… I'm unsure how he would react. He likely knows Subaru loops and changes fate. Perhaps he would assume that ability came from trauma like mine. And since Rem trusted me, he wouldn't interfere immediately.
Sometimes I wonder—if only Subaru knew these things from the beginning. Everything would have progressed far better.
Arc 10 might've already started.
I wonder… if I entered the Great Waterfall's geyser, would Satella send me back?
From the start, I have felt as though I do not belong here. Perhaps I never did.
Now that I have free time, I began questioning something deeper.
Firstly, I believed this story was about me.
However, that was delusion.
In truth, I am nothing more than a tool to explore possibilities. Nothing more. Nothing less.
A cruel blessing indeed.
…
Tomorrow was the day.
So far, no attack occurred before schedule. Yet it would be foolish to assume canon would proceed perfectly.
What if the curse came differently?
Every day I asked Beatrice to check me. If she reported that to Roswaal, it might reveal I experienced multiple loops and died on different dates—mistaking Rem's actions for a curse.
However…
How will I achieve what I truly want?
It would require unimaginable loops to scratch the surface of possibilities. Even if I lived eighty years—or extended life using an Authority—it wouldn't be enough.
The answer was obvious.
It would never be enough.
I can loop endlessly. Yet in the end, I would remain someone eternally chasing longer life and further outcomes.
…Wait.
Something is wrong.
Why am I doubting my goal?
Even previous versions of me, who suffered immensely to obtain this Gate, never hesitated.
The moment I gained the ability to send things back through time, doubt began creeping in.
Someone—somehow—is influencing me.
I am being pushed toward satisfaction with simply being a canon Subaru. I rarely altered events drastically. I always left a path for canon to correct itself.
In the first loop, the one who restored everything to "normal" was me.
No.
It wasn't me.
It was Natsuki Subaru.
I cut myself—deep enough to survive for a few minutes. This loop was already ruined.
Natsuki Subaru still existed.
Of all possibilities, that should have been the simplest to consider.
Yet I failed.
Before dying, I teleported to Roswaal's room.
He was smiling.
"Even I did not expect you to figure it out so quickly. I assumed you would realize around Arc 3."
My final thought:
Why couldn't I see something so obvious?
I had suspected Roswaal from the start then when it chnaged?
Did I underestimate him… or was I forced to?
"So, this is the path you've chosen," he said softly. "I see. You will only understand after witnessing the harsh truth."
…
I opened my eyes.
Return by Death activated.
But—
Why did I feel my powerful Gate?
No… no.
Everything was ruined.
The checkpoint had moved forward by at least an hour. I was still standing here.
Return by Death does not allow regression beyond checkpoints.
But…
Does it allow new checkpoints from alternate timelines?
How? Why now?
And why did I regain my Gate?
Nothing was consistent.
It wasn't repeating events anymore.
Which means—
Every place I have ever been—
To confirm, I killed myself again.
When I revived, I was in Priestella.
I killed myself once more.
Another location.
Different loop.
Realization struck.
Each death now teleports me to a location I had visited in a different loop.
Not repeating time.
Rotating positions.
The time I spent traveling the world ensures I have visited nearly every major place.
Therefore—
Every death relocates me to another previously visited loop-location.
I can no longer retry a single scenario differently.
I am forced forward.
…Damn.
(AN: For those who did not understand—Subaru died and realized he had respawned in a location from one of his previous loops. When he killed himself again, he respawned somewhere else from another loop. Now, every Return by Death relocates him between places he has previously been in alternate loops. This prevents him from retrying the same situation repeatedly. Finally, this opens exploration of different Return by Death mechanics.)