Stonehaven got up early, before the sun came up.
I found out on my third morning in the castle when I heard swords hitting each other outside my window. It was loud and cold, and they were being serious. No one was laughing or showing off, they were just practicing really hard.
I wrapped my cloak tighter around myself and went closer to the window. Down there, soldiers were practicing really quietly, moving just right. Dane was standing in the middle of them.
He wasn't wearing a crown or armor at all. He had on normal practice clothes with his sleeves rolled up, and his sword was like part of him. He fixed how someone was standing, blocked a hit, all without raising his voice.
He didn't look up. That's what I noticed. Dane never came to find me.
We ate meals together only when tradition demanded of it. He walked beside me in public spaces, always respectful, always proper but never close. At night, we went to our own rooms like two rulers sharing a truce rather than a marriage.
At first, I told myself I preferred it that distance was safer but as days went by, it got really quiet and tense.
At breakfast he read reports while I ate, when I spoke, he listens but he rarely volunteered anything of his own. When the council met, he included but never relied on me.
It wasn't that he didn't like me or anything. It was like he was in charge, and I was supposed to stay in line. I felt that a lot at the third council meeting.
A dispute had arisen between two border region, food was scarce, everyone was getting mad and they were all shouting at the meeting.
One of the lord said, "we need stricter enforcement".
"And resentments breeds rebellion", I said.
The room became quiet and all eyes turned to Dane.
He stopped, then agreed. "She right, he said, send more soldiers but open negotiations.
I was relieved for some second, then he continued, "I will handle it".
Then the discussion continued.
He agreed with me, he had supported my decision and yet once again, he had taken the reins entirely.
After the meeting, I followed him into the corridor.
"You don't have to erase me after I speak", I said quietly.
He stopped walking, "I'm not erasing you", he replied.
"So why do you keep pushing me away", I asked both in the council, in private and everywhere.
He turned to face me fully, his expression was unreadable but his eyes were steady.
"Because this court is very dangerous", he said . "And until I know who I can trust, I will not place you in the line of fire".
"I am not fragile, I said.
"I know, but it's not the same thing as being safe", he said.
The word made me more angry than I imagined.
"You don't get to decide what risk I take", I said.
"I do, as your husband and king", he said.
There it was, the title and boundary.
Before I could say anything, he bowed his head and walked away slowly.
That night, the distance felt unbearable.
I sat alone in my chambers, staring at the food I could not eat. This was not what I expected, I had prepared myself for cruelty, for control through force not silence nor restraint.
Days passed by and Stonehaven continued to test me.
Servants were staring at me. Nobles were smiling fake. People were whispering behind me in the halls. I heard them say my name with words like "outsider", "temporary ", "bargain".
Through it all, Dane remained careful.
He never raised to voice at me, never dismissed me publicly, never crossed boundaries yet he never reached for me either.
It was like he put up a wall and dared me to acknowledge it.
But one evening, I finally did.
We stood on the battlements, wind blowing our coat and the land outside was big and unforgiving.
"You don't trust me", I asked.
"I trust your intention", he said, resting his hand on the stone.
"That's not an answer", I said.
"I don't know you very well", he said. Trust is built.
"We are married", I said bitterly. How much closer do you need to be?
He turned and looked at me, "marriage forced by necessity doesn't grant intimate by right".
The truth hit me deeper than I expected.
"So what am I to you?" I asked. A symbol or a shield?
He hesitated.
"You are my Queen and my responsibility not my partner but my responsibility", he said.
The word followed me back to my chambers and lingered long after the candles burned out.
That night, I couldn't sleep but when I finally slept, it was broken by a shout.
I jumped up when the bells started ringing, people were running outside my room, so I grabbed a cloak and ran out too, just as some guards were passing.
"What's happening", I asked.
"Borders unrest", one replied. The king is already there.
"Already there", I said to myself.
When I got to the big yard, Dane was issuing orders, like he was totally in charge. The soldiers moved instantly as he commanded. He did not see me at first.
When he did, his expression tightened.
"You shouldn't be here", he said.
"I am your Queen and this concerns me", I answered.
"This is not a display", he said calmly. "Go back inside".
For the first time, I saw anger in his eyes.
"You keep pushing me away", I said. "You keep deciding what I can and what I cannot do, I will not live as a guest in my own marriage.
Everywhere became quiet.
"And I will not watch another person pay for my crown", he said as he stepped closer.
His words stopped me.
I saw it in his eyes, it wasn't coldness, or fear of me but fear for me.
"I lost people," he said quietly. "Because I trusted peace too quickly. Because I believed closeness made us stronger but I won't make that same mistake again".
For the first time, I didn't know what to say.
"I don't need you to protect me from the world, I need you to let me stand in it with you", I said.
He looked at me for a bit, then we begin there. He wasn't being nice or friendly, but it was a crack in the wall and for now, that was enough.