My name is Yu Shen, a man of humble origins. Today, my life was about to end, and I would be alone—even though I had a sister, she wasn't there. Whether my death was sudden, or if I had done something wrong in my life to push her away, I didn't know. I was only 25.
I was a university student chasing after a girl who didn't care about me at all—she was the campus queen, beautiful and untouchable. I was just a poor, weak loser. That night, I had simply fallen asleep, not knowing that my own death was imminent.
Before the tragic moment, my days at the university were filled with a mix of hope and routine. I attended classes each morning, sometimes feeling overwhelmed by the coursework, other times lost in the pursuit of understanding difficult concepts. The campus was a lively place, bustling with students from all walks of life, each with their own ambitions and stories.
During breaks, I often found myself wandering through the university gardens, seeking a moment of peace amidst the chaos. It was in those quiet moments that I dreamed of a different life—one where I might find happiness, acceptance, and love. Despite my modest background, I clung to the hope that someday, things would change.
My weekends were spent working part-time jobs to support myself, balancing the demands of studies and survival. I remember the long hours at the local store, smiling through fatigue as I served customers, all with the goal of affording just a little more to give her a gift—something special to show I cared.
It was during one of these shifts that I spotted her—her elegance caught the sunlight as she breezed through the store, oblivious to my presence. My heart raced every time I saw her, yet I never dared to speak. I only watched, longing, as she picked out items with effortless grace.
One evening, after work, I borrowed money from a friend to buy her a gift. I spent days saving up, planning, and finally choosing something I hoped would make her smile. It was a small token of my affection, but to me, it was priceless. That night, I wrapped it carefully, my hands trembling with anticipation.
The campus was throbbing with life that evening as I hurried to find the perfect moment to give her the gift. I rehearsed what I would say, my cheeks burning with nervousness. But she was always busy, too distant, her attention elsewhere. I kept telling myself it was okay, that someday I would find the courage.
As I approached her during a rare break, I felt a surge of hope. I handed her the package, voice barely above a whisper, unsure if she would accept it. She looked at me briefly, expression unreadable, then took it without a word. I felt my heart drop, then flutter with a bittersweet longing.
Later that night, exhausted from the long day and the emotional rollercoaster, I returned to my dorm. I shared a small room with two roommates, and as I settled in, I couldn't help but feel a mixture of pride and despair. Little did I know that just as I drifted into sleep, my fate was sealed.
That evening, after finishing my part-time shift at the store around 10pm, I felt exhausted. I left the lively shop behind, stepping out through the sliding door. One step at a time, I made my way back to the dorm I shared with two roommates. A few minutes later, I arrived at the familiar boys' dorm building.
I reached for the door handle, but before my hand touched it—
I had collapsed
Right outside the boys' dorm, I felt the cold, hard, wet pavement beneath me.
It had been damp from the rain earlier that day. I recalled, for a fleeting moment, seeing the rain as I was working—the water pouring nonstop onto the sidewalk. I even thought to myself, "What a rainy day."
Somewhere between consciousness and darkness, I wondered about the twists of fate that brought me here, to this moment of despair.
I hadn't expected my life to end this way, in this quiet corner after a day so filled with hope.
I clung to that last shred of consciousness, thinking of everything I had tried to achieve, the love I longed for, and the life I dreamed would someday be mine.
I also remember being on my break in the store I was working at and on my phone, I saw a post pop up in the university group chat she had posted a picture of her with another guy at the university kissing in a karaoke bar near the campus.
That one Damn fucking picture had destroyed me inside I was crying in the employee break room which by the way was a small, cold uninviting room that only had a sofa and lockers to store your personal stuff my tears hit the floor repeatedly I even remembered saying.
''Sniffling why me I gave her everything I had''
But it did not matter anyway I was dying funny right first used for money then discarded and then even worse I would die on the same day leaving my older sister alone though she lost all respect for me long ago.
Mostly because I had no self-respect and she didn't support me taking out loans for a girl she knew didn't even like me back then I argued with her about it and pushed her away but now I realise that all along.
She was completely right about me about her about everything I told her she was wrong about and only now do I realise that haha how great well doesn't matter so whatever everything that happened was my fault anyway.
If I hadn't accumulated loan debt for gifts for her I wouldn't have worked until exhaustion every day and ultimately since exhaustion is what killed me I could have survived.
But just then while I was dying slowly on the cold wet hard pavement I saw something that just didn't make any sense at all I must have been hallucinating right?
Well, that's at least what I thought.