After what had happened, expecting to sleep well would have been ridiculous. Of course, the night turned into a sleepless one.
I tossed and turned in bed, still in shock.
One moment, panic crept in. The next - I caught myself grinning and giggling under the blanket, rolling around like some foolish little kid. Then the mood would drop again, sinking into a strange despair.
Mostly, I stayed stunned.
Stunned that it'd been my first kiss.
Stunned that it'd been with someone I liked. And, yes, I really did like him.
I couldn't stop thinking about how soft his lips had been. Every time the memory surfaced, my fingers drifted to my own lips, tracing them as though the sensation might still be there.
Then another memory would crash in. The moment I'd started losing my breath. The embarrassment from that alone made me bury my face in the pillow and scream into it. Again and again.
By the time the next day came, I moved through the apartment like a zombie.
I dragged myself to the kitchen, forced down some food, got dressed, and somehow made it to the bar.
Kazuo watched me with obvious suspicion, keeping asking whether I was okay. I only nodded, standing there with a stupid smile hidden under my mask.
That same night, when Ed came by again to take me home, I remember the moment perfectly.
I was a complete mess: my face burned, my hands trembled, and I continued stumbling over my words.
When I got into the car, I pulled my hood lower and adjusted the disposable mask on my face.
Ed looked at me, let out a quiet sigh, then said, "Still wearing that mask? I thought we'd moved past that point. You don't need it around me."
I didn't answer, just slid it off my face, cracked the window open, and turned toward the street. My face still burned. I hoped the cool air drifting in through the window might calm it down a little.
We never talked about the kiss.
And we never repeated it.
But something between us was shifting slowly. We were growing closer every day.
After that night, I stopped hesitating. No more standing there unsure, no more working myself up over nothing. I climbed straight into his car without a second thought. I also stopped freezing whenever the doorbell rang.
I knew he would come.
And he showed up every day. He picked me up, and every time he did, warmth spread through my chest.
It was terrifying how fast things could change. How one person could enter your life and make you feel safe. I'd had Kazuo, of course, but this was different. This was a mix of entirely different emotions. This was warm and exciting, a little frightening, yet deeply necessary.
Every minute in his car was special, and I treasured each one.
That day, as every day lately, I walked to work in a perfect mood. I was going to see Kazuo soon, and in the evening, I'd be heading home with Ed. The fact that it'd become a routine, making it even better.
I took a deep breath of the warm autumn air. The city looked like it'd been dipped in gold. Leaves were turning yellow, red, burning softly against the gray of the streets. Everything felt calm and gentle.
What a perfect day, I thought.
The bar greeted me with the familiar chime of the bell and Kazuo yelling something teasing from behind the counter. I waved him, smiling, then went to get ready for my shift.
While changing, my eyes lingered on my fox mask. I froze for a moment, just staring at it.
Because of Ed, I guess, that suffocating necessity to hide, to cover my face, to disappear behind it, had dulled. It hadn't vanished completely. I still didn't know how to exist without the mask. But the weight of it, the pressure, the fear that used to come without it… It wasn't as sharp anymore. I exhaled, put it on, and stepped back into the bar.
It'd been quiet lately, but things were finally starting to pick up again. More customers. More hybrids. The space felt alive in a way it hadn't for a while. Kazuo was in a great mood too, claiming it was my fault, that my constant smiling made it impossible for him to stay grumpy. I laughed it off.
We still hadn't talked.
We had to resolve it.
But not today.
Today we were busy. Today, the bar was full. Today, I barely had time to breathe, let alone overthink.
At some point, I was mixing a cocktail for a new customer, a fox beastman. I caught myself studying him, wondering if one of his ancestors could've been mine. Maybe we were distant relatives.
I handed him the drink. He smiled back and returned to his group.
A few hours later, the bar was still alive. Glasses clinked nonstop. Someone laughed too loudly. Someone shouted a joke from the other end of the room. The air hummed with noise and warmth.
Kazuo kept drifting past the bar, throwing teasing comments my way, nudging me about how annoyingly cheerful I'd been all evening. About how my "personal escort" would show up any minute now. I opened my mouth to shoot something back—
CRASH!