"Despite this cruel world
And all my best efforts
You surprise me with just how perfect you are
Even with all my flaws
And my bad examples
You surprise me with
Just how perfect you are"
Honeythief (original Halou)©{?}[Despite this cruel world]
June 17, 1056
20:01
Don't know how long training lasted, but worthwhile—hard to stand. Many sessions end so. To unconsciousness, burns, abrasions, broken bones. No other way.
"Better this than in battle later," I mutter, fingers barely moving on right hand.
Body aches, limbs throb. Bandages burned off, skin to elbow scorched, many bruises. Before home, wash in stream, treat hand with ointment. Reporting not favorite. Wondering friends? Trained how? Hope fine.
Left clearing three hours ago; chakra zero, time for physicals. Sorry environment damage, no choice: few training spots. But improved two of three fireballs—good.
Clone memories arrived; as expected, country suffers under Gato. Many live in fear, reasons plenty. Starvation deaths, especially elders unable work, orphans. Few years ago, prospered. Hope bridge finishes, restores normalcy.
Such thoughts through forest. Twilight over cool earth, path visible. Night forest cold, quiet, dark. Every rustle, sound, predator bird cry heard. Animals hid, slept. Perfect ambush time: beasts or men. Yet night forest enchanting. Mystery, magic; clear sky no lights, galaxy touches treetops.
Home path safe; arrived dinner. Cozy house, pleasant smells. Two-story wooden, sparse furnishings, spacious. Naruto/Sasuke eating with sensei; Tazuna's daughter clanging dishes at sink; architect talking. No Inari—Tazuna's grandson, gloomy eight-year-old with hazelnut eyes, fresh-brewed coffee hair. All mom looks.
Crossed once; clear he dislikes shinobi. Convinced we'll die. Cute kid age should enjoy life, play, fun—but not. Short life lost faith/hope...
Quietly apologized, joined meal. House head told local hero, lost courage. After heavy talk, Naruto—proving heroes remain—ran training on shaky legs. Unwise, but not my place; I lack measure in training, don't want.
Door closed behind Naruto; thanked hosts, bed for dawn training. But stairs, heard serious mentor voice:
"Ariza, show hand," he approached. "What's with it?"
"Fine, just burn," reluctantly.
"Mmm... remove bandages, please."
No disobey; unwinding under curious Kakashi gaze, suddenly Sasuke there.
"C'mon, I'll help," calmly, took elbow gently, pulled upstairs. I shrugged, no resist; bye to stunned teacher. Quick to second floor, my room.
"Thanks," or thousand questions/lectures.
He smirked, sat futon; I got burn ointment, sat opposite. Wordless, smeared hand—bit wrong, clumsy, caring. Finished, asked where.
"And yours?" dodged, healed his left. Strange burns, not fire—think I know.
"Hn... studied Kakashi's technique."
"Same," met Sasuke's squint, "don't worry, you'll see later."
"Hm... then why pretend in Academy?" switched sharp. "Why chase me years?"
Remembered... Hate lying.
"So we three in one team," he opened mouth; finger to lips, "but motive? Never say."
I finished intriguingly and began to enjoy the changes in his physiognomy. At first, his eyebrows crawled toward the bridge of his nose, and he made a thoughtful face, then tilted his head and sighed in resignation. Had he finally realized he wouldn't achieve anything? But the last reaction surprised me. He smirked slyly and left, saying at parting: "Someday I'll find out." After that amusing phrase, the corners of my lips lifted, and I headed off to tidy myself up.
For this evening, I had serious plans. I needed to visit a place I hadn't been to in about a year. To be more precise — the Inner World. There had been countless attempts to get there, and sometimes it even worked.
Realizing I wasn't able to make sense of the numbers on the screen, I decided to try opening the door. I don't know why, but after I entered the room, it was as if it locked with a key.
But I'd already been in that white corridor, which meant I could get there again. Only no matter how I pushed it, unfortunately, I couldn't open it. I also looked out the window — just darkness there, like plain glass in front of black stone.
Getting comfortable, I began to separate consciousness from subconscious. By my internal clock, I sat for an hour, the second, and having realized nothing would come of it, decided to wrap up. But as soon as I opened my eyes, I understood that it had worked.
I was sitting in the armchair in front of the computer, a bit dumbfounded. Nothing had changed during that time. Same room, same furnishings, except for one te-e-eny tiny detail…
It seemed the computer now had a manufacturer…
I sharply pressed the button, and the screen turned on.
"Oh, damn... holy crap. Exactly the same," I stared at the same symbol as on the case, my mouth opening and closing in surprise. It was the all-seeing eye symbol, even glowing a little.
"Is this computer the creation of the Masons? What nonsense."
After pacing in circles a bit and coming up with dozens of theories, I calmed down and sat back at the desk. I'll leave that for later; no one will serve up the answer on a silver platter right now — the main thing is it doesn't interfere. I rubbed the bridge of my nose and directed my gaze to the screen. But all those black numbers on a white background, which I hadn't understood last time, now had a label.
Turns out, these were my stats.
Physical health: excellent. 88%
Mental health: excellent 97%
"Whoa," I was a bit surprised. "Though it doesn't give me anything, so better go try opening the door."
I was hoping there might be other rooms with more useful computers than this one.
Stopping in front of the door, I decided to first pull the handle, but no matter what, the door wouldn't budge either way. An idea to find a key popped into my head, but I dismissed it, since this red door had no keyhole. Then I came up with a bunch of ways to open it: from the "Alohomora" spell to searching for a secret button, but all for naught.
Okay, time to piece together the situations: I got kicked out of the subconscious after kicking the door last time; appearing here again, I found some symbol. Maybe that's the key? Maybe someone wants to help me? I even have guesses who. Definitely Rikudo Sennin, since he's the one watching over me. Anyway, speculations for later; now focus on what's happening.
Closing my eyes, I placed my hand on the door and began mentally visualizing that symbol. If there were chakra, I'd pump it in too, but alas, I can't control it here.
Suddenly I felt my hand burning, and opening my eyes, I stepped back two paces. On that red door, the symbol began to burn into existence with fire, but big now, as if traced with red-hot metal. It glowed for another minute, then faded, turning into a black indentation.
And as soon as it was over, the incredible happened: the door cracked open. Had that crazy idea actually worked? Still, somehow illogical.
Slowly I approached the door and cautiously grasped the handle. Opening it toward myself, I stepped out into a fairly bright corridor a step below the room.
It was such an endless corridor that if you turned your head, you'd see nothing but white fog. Ceiling, floor, walls — all the same dazzling white as last time.
The floor was ankle-deep in crystal-clear water. It wasn't warm or cold — a very pleasant temperature, so much so you wouldn't notice if you didn't look. Under the ceiling were small white pipes leading somewhere, but forward or back — unclear.
"If this is my Inner World, then maybe this is my chakra circulation system?" — the question arose immediately.
Without much thought, I started walking. What difference did it make which way, if I didn't know the path anyway? Strangely, my path wasn't long. After about ten minutes, I stopped at a fork. Three roads, like crossroads of fate, led in different directions.
"Main thing is not to get lost," I thought. "If I go right or left, there are probably forks there too, then I'd definitely get lost. Better straight ahead. Too bad I probably won't manage to mark anything here somehow — walls are tough, like steel — checked: can't even scratch them."
If this is a labyrinth, I could try finding the exit. For that, just follow the left or right wall from the start, touching it with your hand to not get lost. Yes, long, but if there's an exit, you'll find it eventually, though I doubt there's one here, so straight ahead.
I moved another minute, then got kicked out of the subconscious. Unexpectedly. So much so I didn't immediately realize where I was.
Glancing at the clock, I realized I'd sat there a full half hour. My whole body was numb already. Heaving a heavy sigh, I grabbed a blanket and headed to the roof. No way I'd sleep now anyway. At least I'd look at the universe and think.
I close the Shoji behind me and step out into the fresh air. A cool wind immediately hits my face, tousling my loose strands. But it calms after a second. From the quiet sea comes the divine scent of iodine and seaweed — makes you want to sit for hours enjoying it.
Descending to the small railingless balcony, I noticed Sasuke: he was sitting looking into the distance, either at the sea or the stars. I approached from behind and threw the blanket over him: what if he gets sick. And how isn't he cold?
"Why aren't you sleeping?" I whispered barely audibly and sat beside him.
He looked at me and smiled a little, then returned his gaze to the sky. To the tin moon. An extraordinarily large moon, occasionally covered by drifting caravel clouds across the sapphire sky. How hadn't I noticed? It mesmerized, as if drawing you in; hard to imagine at that size it's so far from us.
I caught myself shivering from the cold, but suddenly something covered me and pulled me close. It became somehow warm and very pleasant, there… deep in the soul. What was this indescribable feeling of happiness I'd never had before? Can't compare it to anything else. Can't even find words to describe it.
"Ari, have you ever been afraid of losing yourself, straying from the path?" he asked in a whisper.
"Yes," I answered his question. I really am afraid of changing myself and my principles, or worse: bending under the weight of this world and breaking like a fragile porcelain doll. "And you?"
"Very."
"But I won't stray from the chosen path…" I looked at the brightest star in the sky, "never. I have something to hold on to, and it gives me strength."
"What is it?"
"It's you…" I said without hiding.
Silence in response.
"And you have me. Just follow me. I'll be your guiding star…"
"Hm… alright," he smiled and squeezed my hand with his hot palms. From that amusing action, I smirked and pressed against Sasuke, who oddly smelled of peaches. Where'd he get shower gel with that scent? "I agree. Now go sleep."
"Nope, you go," I argued, smile not leaving my face.
"Let's go together," we laughed a bit. Yes, flat jokes. But with him it's so easy, no need to wear all the created masks and pretend. With Sasuke I can be myself.
"See, you're better now," he added unexpectedly and incomprehensibly.
"What are you talking about?" I hadn't been sick in ages, and my immunity is good.
"About emotions."
What emotions, what's that got to do with it? Wait… What?!
"Yes, I know everything…"
His words hit like thunder from a clear sky. I quickly pull away from the comfort zone and look at those familiar outlines. Blinking rapidly, opening and closing my mouth trying to say something.
"H-how long have you known?" first thing that comes to mind. I stand and step back two paces.
"Almost from the beginning."
"Wh-what? Wh-why didn't you say?!" I look into his obsidian eyes and can't tell what he's thinking.
"I saw you trying to show them. I thought it was from trauma," he stood and approached me. The cold wind picked up and blew the blanket off his shoulders.
What is he talking about? Did he think it was mental trauma after his parents' death? That… kind of justifies it. I understand his action, but damn, what feeling is eating me from inside? Seems this stupid emotion is called offense. But… at whom?
He took a step — I two back.
"Please don't come closer," I can't sort out why or at whom I'm feeling these mixed emotions. Am I offended at Sasuke… or myself? And is it even offense? Maybe fear or surprise? "I… I need to be alone…" before leaving quietly so he wouldn't hear, I say: "Sorry."
"I didn't tell anyone. I just wanted to help!" comes Sasuke's worried voice as I quickly slip behind the door and head to my room. Need to think it all over…
And still it's offense at myself. No, Sasuke's not to blame; he showed how far I'd gone, thinking myself smarter than everyone. Now I can't say for sure who knows what. Though no doubt Sasuke told no one. Or maybe offense that he didn't tell me right away? Damn, this is hard… Emotions shift rapidly, like some glitch happened. They want to take over, but I try to keep myself in check.
Shouldn't have done that to him…
Acted like a silly girl!
Should apologize or whatever you do in these situations? Damn, confused!
I collapse onto the futon thinking I need to sleep, then think with a clear head…
June 18, 1056
05:22
I find myself on a fairly large green meadow, with a big gorge to my left. Around me some murky fog, and nothing visible beyond. I try to hear something, but it's like I'm in a vacuum. What I'm doing here — don't remember, what I need to do — don't know…
I go forward, then something clicks in my soul, and I run. It's like they're waiting for me there, something important…
Anxiety awakens in my heart.
I force myself to speed up, but contrary to that, I run even slower. As if gravity got tens of times stronger. Twenty meters ahead, two male silhouettes appear. They stand with their backs to the gorge, one shielding the other.
I can't make out who, fog in my eyes, but I feel it's Naruto and Sasuke, and that makes it scarier. Some noise and other shouts appear. For a second it seems the source is me, but…
It doesn't matter anymore…
A poisonous crimson splash of blood hung in the air. Like it stained white paper and stopped time.
Something sharp and big pierced them both. Can't see who attacked, as everything turns white, leaving them alone, like focusing the frame.
Some wild pain tears the soul. I want to rush to help, but can't move, can't say a word. Fear freezes the blood, and something cuts deep in the soul…
I don't want to see this…
A few more seconds, and I'll go mad.
Three…
Two…
One…
I surface from the dream like from ice water in an ice hole. Hands shaking, cold sweat streaming down my face. Heart pounding loudly in my chest, like it wants to jump out. I hadn't felt emotions in so long I'd forgotten the sensation. Is this fear? But not for myself, for friends. What if it's them? What if they get killed, and I lack strength to save…
I'm too weak. If I stay like this, I won't cope.
It's morning now. I tidy up, grab food, and head to training. On the way, thoughts of the dream won't leave my head, stuck like gum in hair.
But I know a great old-school way to distract from troubles. So run to the clearing, and there…
"If I can't squat a thousand times, I'll do fifteen hundred push-ups!" with enthusiasm clenching my fists, I ran forward. Yes, girls usually don't do such exercises, but I'll be the exception.
The sun just rose, no more torturous cold, and far from unpleasant heat — ideal time. Dew glistened on blooming flowers, beautiful scents wafting from the thicket.
Didn't sleep or eat properly (and I'm hungry), left long before breakfast, but I know well time to prepare for battle shrinks hourly, so I'll endure. Arriving, I started exercises.
An hour passed. The second. At the start of the third, I noticed a gaze on me.
"One thou-sand… thir-ty… one," unable to hold out, I collapsed on my stomach, breathing heavily. "Phew… Damn, not easy."
Muscles burn with fire and tremble, but I stand. Don't like being watched. With some caution, I start turning my head, then tuning into sensory abilities.
North of me, a hundred meters, small chakra source. Either a shinobi perfectly hiding chakra, or regular person. If ninja, not great, though I've already planned what to do. If civilian, whatever.
I turned my body toward the watcher and saw a small child's face peeking from behind a tree. It looked another second and hid — seems ran off. No need to guess who. Why'd Inari come? Better mind his own business.
Turning back, I wanted to start the speed-boosting exercise complex, but froze like a statue… In front of me on a log sits Kakashi, damn it!
How didn't I notice? He wasn't there just now! I'd have felt! Need to be more attentive: what if it was an enemy?!
"Mmm… You should rest, Ariza-chan," he shoved his hands in his pockets.
"No."
"Mmm… why push yourself so hard? You know it's unwise?" he didn't take his eyes off me.
"Yes… but I already lost everyone I loved once, won't let it happen again," I explained to sensei.
"Glad I got such a team," he said barely audibly and vanished.
Curious, why'd he show? Because I skipped breakfast or yesterday's incident? Whatever, why am I standing? Didn't do push-ups, so weights on legs and two hundred laps, time to think too.
Lap, another, another…
Like a stream of thoughts in my head. Closed loop. Fast. Circling the same thing.
What if I'd come here just like that, not on Rikudo's mission? Would I become a shinobi or stay ordinary? No answer, since I'm not that girl who finished school well anymore. Maybe curiosity would've drawn me to ninja, or I'd crave normal life.
Surely most transmigrators just dumped here would want to be ninja. Some for cool powers, others to protect idols. I kinda want to save Naruto and Sasuke too, but different case. I wasn't their crazy fan, didn't collect figurines, kiss posters before bed, cosplay, much less die to get here.
I know many would want my place; it's about attachment. Over years, anime watchers bond with characters like friends. Explains why a fan here would rush to save everyone. No one wants dear ones dying, even fictional.
I stop abruptly and draw a kunai.
Feeling like someone's gaze pierces you.
Staring intently, but no one nearby.
I whirl my head. Look all around. But can't find.
Neither by sight nor sensory abilities…
"Imagined it…" I mutter displeased. Don't like this. Getting old, damn, hallucinations already.
No, not overexertion; I'm just a paranoid nutcase. Have to accept it. So thoughts aside and train; still need to finish clones.
20:47
By evening dragged home: tomorrow need to look fresh as a cucumber, or won't take me to the bridge. Very tired, but positive result. Now can use improved clones calmly. If pour enough chakra, they'll fight till death. Only disperse when dead. Perfect decoy.
I walked through the forest thicket, but suddenly instead of birdsong and brook babble heard juicy thuds. Of course couldn't pass by. Curiosity won, headed that way.
On a picturesque clearing, Naruto slept flat out. Sweaty, covered in scrapes and bruises. Tree before him slashed with kunai almost to the top. Looks like his training's ending too.
"Hi," I smiled and shook his shoulder a bit.
"Mmm… ramen… you're so… mm-a… tasty…" he mumbled eyes closed and tried rolling on his side. Gonna sleep here?
"Yes-yes, agree. But get up or you'll get sick," seeing it won't work, leaned closer and yelled: "Naruto! Get up! We're under attack!"
"A-a-a-a!" he jumped up yelling and drew a kunai. Hm… good reaction, lacks foresight. "Ariza-chan, don't scare like that!" he rubbed his nape sleepily.
"Hah, don't sleep here," I ruffled his hair and laughed. "Want help?"
"Yeah!" grinned his signature grin.
I explained again, showed in practice; while doing, Sasuke arrived, looking trained too. We exchanged a couple phrases, pretending nothing happened. Couldn't start talk, though should've — didn't even try. So we just glanced occasionally. He probably thinks I'm still offended. I want him to think that. Hope next time he hides nothing — consequences could be bad.
When Dobe calmly reached the top, we headed home, but after meters Uzumaki buckled and fell. Had to carry him.
We three stumbled in the doorway like that. And since opening the door puts you straight in the kitchen, saw set table and smelled cooked dishes.
"Someone got it rough," said Tazuna at the table. There too Kakashi-sensei, Inari's mom, and oddly the boy himself.
"I did it! Climbed to the top!"
"Good, new mission: from tomorrow guard Tazuna."
"Yay!" yelled the jinchuriki and flopped on his butt, pulling us down.
"What an idiot, Naruto!" said Teme, I just smirked inwardly, though didn't share his view.
By dinner's end Naruto nearly slept on the table, Tsunami cleared dishes. Frankly, all full and content. Though probably not all.
"I wanted to ask," the architect began, "why help us, knowing I lied?"
"'He who strays from the path of justice has no courage. But with a strong leader, cowardice has no place.' First Hokage said that," Hatake replied seriously, and suddenly we heard a quiet sob.
"Why?" Inari lowered his head and clenched fists. "Why?!" he stood, tears streaming from eyes onto table. "Your stupid trainings — waste of time! Gato will kill you all! Weak never beats strong, I know!"
His words started getting to me, but I stayed silent. Hate whiners; tears achieve nothing. Yes, losing loved ones hurts, but only who strives and pushes forward despite pain deserves respect — ones like him just pitiful.
"Don't speak for everyone! Mine's different!" Naruto snapped sharply.
"Can't stand you! You sicken me! You don't understand!" he yelled, last straw.
"Enough whining!" I stood from table, definitely surprising all. "If you wanna sit in corner trembling in fear your whole life, go ahead; we'll survive and if needed kick that Gato's ass!"
"Your words — empty noise! Your friends'll die, then you! And you won't protect them!" he said, like a blow to heart. What if like in dream, I stand statue-like watching dear ones die? No! I'll protect them to last heartbeat. Not as reincarnator, as friends.
"Who can't give life for friends unworthy of it! So I swear: I won't let any of us die!" I clenched fists.
"Your oath means nothing. You don't know how it hurts when they mix you with dirt!"
"Listen to yourself! You whine and snivel all day like weakling!" Uzumaki couldn't hold and butted in. "You're just a coward!" Naruto and I didn't wanna hear more whining and left room, leaving Sasuke, adults, and crying Inari bewildered.
Though I worry about coming battle, no right to show. Tomorrow not only restore peace to this land, but show all: walking over friends' corpses — not our ninja way.
***
Read the story months ahead of the public release — early chapters are available on my Patreon: Granulan