[Hyde POV]
In the series, I had an El Camino if I wasn't mistaken. But I needed a transport right now, so I could've saved up for it.
When I have the money I need, I'll sell the car I'm buying now and upgrade to the El Camino.
Bob and Midge were in deep, heated conversation about the flyers, so I just looked around the used-car lot alone.
The lot smelled like oil, hot asphalt, and old vinyl. Rows of sedans, coupes, and beaters lined up like forgotten toys. There was a place card on each car's mirror listing the price.
I saw a Chevy Impala with a $720 price tag. I also didn't like that it looked like a pimp car with all the details.
I…was lying. I really loved it.
But I couldn't afford it right now.
So I looked around again and spotted something interesting.
A 1974 Chevy Nova—black, with chips along the edges of the doors, a few rust spots near the wheel wells, and a slightly crooked chrome bumper.
When I turned to the side, I saw a rusted gray bumper panel that had light bodywork on it. It needed paint to get it looking great again.
It was a 250 incline six engine, with around 110 horsepower. For 500 bucks, I couldn't get a 350 engine, which could compete with the Trans Am engine if I mod that right.
It wasn't flashy, but it wasn't ancient either—just the right age for a high-schooler's first car.
A salesman wearing a patterned polyester shirt sauntered over.
"Looking for something reliable, kid?"
"I am," I said, stepping closer. He grinned, expecting an easy sale, but I destroyed his expectations immediately.
"How long have the tires been on it?" I asked.
He blinked. "Uh… I don't know, a couple years, maybe?"
I ran my finger along the tread. "They're dry-rotted. That'll cost me about fifty bucks to replace all four. And the rust along the rocker panels? Probably another hundred to sand and seal."
"Uh…" he started, but I held up a hand.
"The brakes. Pads look okay. How's the master cylinder? And the battery—old? You'll probably need a new one too."
He swallowed. "Well… yeah, maybe."
I nodded, pretending to consider, pacing around the car. "With all that, plus a general tune-up, I'm looking at… let's call it $200 in repairs before I even drive it properly. That's a risk I'm taking. Original asking price?"
"F– Five hundred," he said cautiously.
I tapped the hood. "I'm offering $380. Cash in hand, and I'll take it off your lot today."
He hesitated, glanced at the dusty rows behind him, then shrugged. "Fine… $380."
I smiled in satisfaction.
Suddenly, Bob and Midge walked toward me.
"Hyde, I found a really interesting Chevy Impala right over there. It's out of your budget, but it's nice to watch," Bob said, clearly the pimp ride was calling to him.
Midge smiled. "Did you pick one already?"
Bob saw the price tag. "$550? That seems fine—"
I stopped Bob quickly. "380! He's selling it to me for $380 since there's a lot I need to fix."
Bob looked confused. Midge too.
"Why don't you start the paperwork?" I told the salesman. He sighed and went inside the office.
I explained it to Bob and Midge, and Bob was really impressed.
Midge asked, "Won't the salesman get in trouble?"
"No, not really." I shrugged. "The $550 price is upselling. They bought it for maybe half of that. If he agreed to $380 so easily, that means they probably bought it for less than $300."
"What?" Midge blinked.
Bob explained with a smile, "They bought it at $300, Midge. That's why Hyde can negotiate it down to $380."
"OH!" Midge exclaimed.
"Do you still want to borrow $300?" Bob asked. "Or just $150?"
"300." I grinned. "I need to change the tires and battery. The rest will go to my trip to Kenosha. I'll give you the receipt later."
"Oke-Dokie," Bob replied easily.
With cash in hand, the transfer process went surprisingly smoothly. A few signatures later, the keys were mine.
I climbed into the driver's seat, sliding behind the wheel of the black '74 Nova.
The interior smelled like vinyl, old leather, and a faint hint of motor oil.
The seats were cracked in places and I could feel some metal on my butt. I sank in, adjusted the rearview mirror, and gripped the thick steering wheel.
I turned the key. The engine rumbled to life—deep and throaty, vibrating through the floorboards into my feet.
"Oh, it's shaking real bad. I might need to check the carburetor too."
Metal shops have always been my favorite class, and I learned a lot about cars too over the years.
The Nova felt spacious. My elbows didn't hit the doors, and my knees didn't scrape the dash. Not as a New Yorker since I didn't drive a car there until I became a millionaire.
"It's gonna be a nice make-out car. Once I fix it." I grinned.
Midge negotiated with Bob on the flyers. Bob said he wanted his face on it too, so I did that.
I snapped a picture of him giving thumbs-up, which I'd edit into a Bargain Bob logo.
Bob's actual face… was mediocre at best. So I used an AI to make him look cartoonish before turning it into a logo.
Once the internet starts up again tonight, I'll finish the flyer edit and send it to printing.
Before going home, I saw a wooden bedframe in the classifieds. I called the owner, who said he'd leave it on the curb. I picked it up easily and stored it in the system without anyone noticing.
Luckily his house was far from the neighbors.
"Wait. Does this mean I have a car before Kelso?"
A grin grew on my face.
Suddenly, a system notification sounded.
"Cool, more stuff."
Then I read the line under the items delivered—and my smile faded.
"Damn it." I cursed underneath my breath.
I didn't go home. Instead, I drove to the mechanic to change the tires first.
"Wait… should I buy the 2025 tires instead?" I muttered, stopping in front of the shop.
Then, I reversed the car and went to a dentist instead.
As my teeth had a lot of plaque and was affected by all of the smoking, I decided to clean it a bit. I've never once gone to a dentist so it has years upon years of built-up there.
It took me half an hour as there was no one at the dentist. My gums were all bleeding as the plaque built-up was horrendous.
When I drove home, my mind kept thinking about the item that was delivered.
It was an electric heating blanket for winter use.
"I should use Eric's Vista Cruiser for this," I mumbled, my eyes flickered slightly.
…
"Alright, gimme a barrel, a bucket, nine biscuits, two pints of mashed potatoes, a big coleslaw, ten corn… yeah, no drinks. We're good," I told the KFC cashier.
"That'll be $16.70," the cashier said.
"So cheap," I whispered. "I'll add some more. Another bucket, one more mashed potato, three corn, and one coleslaw."
I bought food for the house. The gang should've been back from school by now.
Suddenly the countdown began.
[10 seconds before the next episode starts.]
It ended while I was pulling into the street.
As I entered the driveway, I saw Eric, Donna, Kelso, Fez, and Jackie getting out of the Vista Cruiser.
The earlier system message said:
[Every milestone of a '70s teenager's life is worth an episode's subplot.]
Getting a car was the milestone.
"Oh my god, is that Hyde in a new car?" Fez said first.
Everyone turned around, exclaiming as they circled the Nova—a car that looked like a muscle car, but wasn't.
[Favorability +2]
'Oh right… that thing.'
I stepped out with a permanent smile. Eric's expression faltered.
"Hyde, whose car is this?" Kelso asked excitedly.
"It's mine," I said.
[Favorability -1]
'Wait. What?'
Why did that drop?
"Hyde, you worked for a couple days and already bought a car?" Donna asked, confused.
[Favorability -2]
'Damn it, Donna!' I cursed her inside my mind. I was losing relatability as it was an overreaching writing point.
I smiled slightly and said, "No. I couldn't do that."
"Then—how?" Eric asked, clearly threatened as he was the only one with a car before. Everyone needed to depend on him and his favors to get anywhere.
"Bob gave me a loan. I need a ride to pick up flyers in Kenosha. I'll pay him back in full." I explained casually.
[Favorability +2]
'Thank god. So, it just needs to make some sense for the viewers.'
I was more and more clear about the rules of the favorability meter.
"Hey, it doesn't have a radio," Kelso said, disappointed, peeking inside.
I nodded. "It needs new tires, a radio, and a lot of work before I can pick up chicks in it."
Eric smiled in relief. "Oh thank god. The Cruiser is still number one."
"Not for long," Jackie quipped. "I heard Hyde is making a buttload of money now. It's only a matter of time before he finishes the car."
"Oh! There's KFC in the back!" Fez shouted.
"Alright! The Colonel!" Kelso pumped his fist. "Hyde's buying us chicken!"
I blinked. "Who said it's for you?"
"Hyde… you bought a barrel. That's 21 pieces. You can't finish it alone," Kelso said sadly, his words trying to convince me.
I smirked. "It's for dinner. You know, the Formans and me."
"But you have two more buckets!" Fez yelled angrily.
"That's for Bob," I chuckled. "I'm thanking him for the loan."
Eric laughed at Kelso and Fez. "Ha-ha. We get chicken and you get none. We win."
"AHH!" Kelso yelped, offended.
I laughed. "Kelso, I bought the barrel for us. The buckets are for Bob and Red."
"YEEEEESSSSS!" Kelso yelled, fist in the air.
Jackie smiled and approached me. "Hyde, you're so mature now. With the car, and buying food for everyone."
I sighed. "Don't fall in love with me now."
"What— I wouldn't!" Jackie recoiled. Donna and Eric burst out laughing.
"Good, 'cause that would be an abomination," Donna teased.
"A cataclysm on par with the Four Horsemen," Eric added.
Jackie and I grimaced.
[-1 Favorability]
'Damn it. What's wrong with that?'
Midge walked up as Kelso and Fez carried the chicken inside.
"Donna! You're back!" Midge said breathily. "I have something wonderful to tell you!"
"What is it, Mom?" Donna asked.
"Hyde took a picture of me for your dad's flyers. I'm going to be a model!"
"WHAT?!" Jackie screamed abruptly.
I heard the episode transition blip, maybe the theme song time, but the conversation kept going in real life.
Midge continued, "He used a professional-grade camera. I could see the picture instantly, but it wasn't developed yet… It was really amazing!"
I stopped her and shoved a bucket at her. "Here, Midge. This is for you and Bob. Coleslaw, corn, too."
"A professional-grade camera… For magazines?!" Jackie seethed in anger, almost shivering.
Midge continued despite holding everything, "And my face will be on 5000 flyers! Your dad's too, but he's the boss, he can do that. I'm a housewife, and now I'm a model!"
"Hyde, what did you do all day?" Donna asked weirdly.
"Marketing stuff," I shrugged. "We should go eat. I skipped lunch." I touched my gurgling stomach.
"Alright, let's go," Eric said. Donna got pulled away by Midge. Jackie followed them.
In the basement, I set the barrel in the middle of the spool table. We started eating in a circle.
The show started again—beginning with a circle scene. But instead of weed, it was chicken.
The rule for a circle scene was, the camera would turn to the person sitting next to each other. It didn't skip a person when it moved, and everyone would get a chance to say something.
It went, Me, Kelso on my left side, Eric facing right in front of me, and Fez on my right. So if Eric wants to speak after me, Kelso or Fez need to speak first or show some reaction.
"Have you ever noticed the Colonel has a really tiny body?" I said, pointing at the bucket. It would be a running gag in the future, but for these teens, it was brand new.
"Oh my god, he does," Kelso laughed, grabbing the bucket.
Eric laughed. "That's funny, Hyde. New job, new car, and now you're cracking jokes too?" He suddenly looked serious.
Fez smirked at Eric. "Giant head, skinny body. Eric, is the Colonel related to you?"
Kelso and I burst out laughing. Kelso slapped his knee, and I almost fell off my chair.
Eric glared. "Hey! My head is— my body—" He gave up and grabbed the bucket. "Give me that." He took out a drumstick and ate angrily.
"I'm onto you, Hyde," he said, pointing the chicken at me.
Kelso took the bucket and yelled, "Now that I've seen it, I can't unsee it!"
"Onto what Forman? Is me trying my best to make my life better, threatening you? Cause if it does… that's a really neat bonus." I laughed sarcastically.
Kelso said, "Yes. Now that Hyde has a cool chick magnet, Eric will be really insecure."
Eric was flabbergasted. "Threatened? I'm not threatened, or insecure… I'm just… worried if you're responsible enough to have a car. You know, they are a lot of work, and they cost a lot of money too."
Fez chuckled and said, "You can afford it because you're related to the Colonel." He laughed alone.
I looked at Fez weirdly and said, "Fez. If he's related to the Colonel, he will live in a much bigger place than this."
Kelso held a pair of chicken breasts and said, "Guys. Look, I found some juicy breasts."
Fez burst laughing, and I snickered too. Eric also let out some laughter before he turned to me with a scrutinizing, almost threatening look again.
I ate some coleslaw and the circle scene ended with Donna and Jackie entering the basement.
Eric immediately jumped to his girlfriend. "Donna, which is better? The Awesome Vista Cruiser or the Blergh Chevy Nova?"
I chuckled with amusement as I heard his questioning. Not to mention his almost animated facial expressions.
Donna laughed slightly and replied, "Eric. You know I love the cruiser."
"Oh thank god." Eric muttered with relief.
"But… I have to pick the Nova as being the better car." She smiled, which made Eric feel helpless.
"BURN!" Kelso shouted, laughing at Eric's misery.
"Donna, but–"
Before Eric could try to convince Donna, Jackie interjected. "Eric! Stop that, there's not much difference between your junk car or Steven's junk car. We need to talk about a much more important thing. ME!"
Jackie walked towards me and demanded, "Steven. You need to put me on the flyers too! I have a much better bone structure than Midge. I'm born to be a model!"
"You're born to be a midget." I said casually, which made Jackie gasp, fully offended by it.
"Make me a model Steven!" She demanded with a shrill voice.
I grimaced and said, "You can't make me do anything."
"I could too!" Jackie threatened. "I'll call Bob and tell him that I deserve to be on the flyer too!"
"Oh." Eric interjected, muttering flatly. "So you deserve to be on the flyer promoting Bob's store rather than his own wife?"
"Uh-Huh!" Jackie nodded confidently, which made Eric taken aback.
Donna rolled her eyes and said, "Jackie. There's no way you're going to replace my mother. She's finally a little happy, and you wanted to take that away from her."
"She will be happy too once she sees me on the flyer!" Jackie said with exasperation. "Micheal! Do something!" She ordered.
Kelso was taken aback, and he approached me with a dumb face. "Hyde. Come on, help her be a model."
"No!" I grimaced, looking at him offensively. "And stop asking. I already submitted it, so I can't change anything anyway."
I turned to Donna and said, "Donna, a word in private?"
"Sure." Donna replied. Eric was flabbergasted and interjected, "What? Why do you need to speak to her in private? Anything you have to say to her, you can say in front of all of us."
"No." I said abruptly, which made Eric stunned. Donna laughed and followed me outside.
I saw the scene later, as I went outside with Donna, the others were planting a lot of seeds into Eric's mind.
-The basement-
Eric asked out loud, "Why does he want to talk to her alone?"
Kelso snickered and teased, "Maybe he wants to give her a ride in his new car, and then another ride after."
Fez burst into laughter, Jackie too. Eric got pissed and punched Kelso in the arm.
"Oww! I'm just joking!" Kelso said with frustration.
Jackie said, "Eric. You should be glad. You and Donna had some nice times together. Your time is up, but the memories you made… that's forever."
"Gee Jackie, I don't know. I think we still have a lot more time on the clock." Eric said with a sarcastic tone.
Fez laughed and said, "If you're so worried, why don't you go and eavesdrop on them? They are just talking outside."
"What– No, Fez. I'm not going to eavesdrop on them. Also, I think… I can trust Hyde. Yeah, he had really changed." Eric said with a sincere expression.
"What if I eavesdrop and then tell you about it?" Fez asked.
Eric nodded instantly. "Yeah that would be great."
"Okay!" Fez skipped outside happily.
Kelso sat next to Eric on the couch and said, "Eric. I admire you for having trust in your friends, especially Hyde. Say… Didn't he say he tried to make a move on Donna?"
"Yeah, but he made that code… and apologize! I don't think he's going to do it again."
Jackie interjected, "Eric. You're so naive. He used the code to make you put your guard down, and then, snake his way into Donna's heart. He's working with her dad. He also got into Midge's good graces. Trust me Eric, he can replace you, just like that." She snapped her fingers.
Eric began to daydream about what Jackie was talking about.
-Eric's Daydream- (An exaggerated internal fear sequence)
A harp music sounded, and the basement transformed into Pinciotti's living room.
Bob and Midge sit on the couch in matching pastel tracksuits—Midge flipping through a magazine titled "Hot Young Guys Who Aren't Eric."
Bob suddenly said, "Donna, sweetie… I've been thinking," Bob says in a deep, inspirational voice. "You deserve a man who can give you everything."
Midge nods slowly, her eyes way too wide.
"Yeah! Someone older, wiser… someone who, y'know… who knows what to do. And maybe has a similar hairstyle like your dad."
Donna squints, confused. "Mom… Dad… what are you talking about?"
Bob stands and gestures toward the doorway.
"A REAL man, Donna."
Fog machine smoke begins drifting in from nowhere.
Cue sexy guitar riff.
I step through the smoke in slow motion, wearing a Bargain Bob's salesman suit.
I flirted, "Hey, Sexy Red."
A wind machine blows her hair back like she's in a music video. She swoons instantly.
Donna blushed and brushed her hair behind her back like a girly girl, "Hyde… wow… you're so… cool."
I shrugged and said dramatically. "It's nothing. I'm just… naturally awesome."
Bob slapped me on the back.
"This guy boosted my sales till I became the best appliance store in all of Wisconsin. He's practically family! Heck, I'd trust him with my daughter!"
I threw my arm casually around Donna. "Come on, baby. Let's ride off into the sunset in my superior Chevy Nova. I'll show you… how a real man will treat you."
Donna giggles, starry-eyed. "Anything for you, Hyde…"
Eric appears suddenly in the background, tiny and pathetic, wearing an oversized Vista Cruiser T-shirt and holding a broken fuel gauge.
"Donna? Babe?? What about me?" He asked pathetically.
Donna looks at him like she barely recognizes him. "Oh Eric… you're… still here?"
I leaned in and whispered loudly, "She never loved the Cruiser, Forman."
Bob nods sagely. "Mhm. Nova all the way."
Even Midge chimes in. "Yeah, Eric. Maybe it's time you moved on. Like… really far away."
"Or better yet, Cruise away." I joked, and everyone burst into laughter.
Eric reaches out weakly. "DONNNNAAAAAA—"
-Daydream ended-
Back to reality, Eric gasping in the basement, eyes huge with panic.
"I need to go kick Hyde's ass." He said and rushed outside while everyone laughed.
-Basement scene ended-