Inside the curia, senators argue about Emperor Gallienus and his so-called Agrippa, Odaenathus. The pair has just decreed that all reports must be more compact and efficient. Gallienus has promised to name the format after the chosen inventor.
The Senate debates on the format that the entire empire will use.
One senator named Quintus suggested the following format.
Province Bithynia
City Nicomedia
Petition infrastructure
Justification: water security
cost MMDC sesterces
Senator Sextus looks at his suggested format.
To Caesar
I report that harbor repairs in Nicomedia have faced financial mismanagement. The first foreman hired to repair the harbor took the money without fixing the harbor. The people request a significant deal of funds to repair the harbor. They claim that the harbor revenue will offset the stolen funds and the MMDC sesterces given from the imperial treasury.
Sextus looks to the Senate and prepares his argument. Clearing his throat, he remembers the lessons on rhetoric.
"Honored fathers, our dear emperor has entrusted us with the language of rule. Quintus has gone mad with ink scarcity. His format has left out the context that allows men to make informed decisions.
Quintus quite rudely stands up and interrupts.
Honored fathers, removing the well wishes and loyalty oaths from imperial reports is not sufficient.
Sextus, acting offended and outraged at the same time, replies.
Well, not all of us can look at your little strip of numbers and words and make competent decisions; we are but men.
Quintus says my little strips have every bit of information you need. Or can you not read basic Latin?
Sextus snaps back. Yes, I can; you just can't use basic grammar. I have already reduced ink use by two-thirds and some by three-fourths. Your format takes away the fact that Nicomedia allowed embezzlement. The fact that they need a harbor.
Quintus says no, it doesn't. I clearly stated water security.
Sextus looks at Quintus like he grew a second head. He says, "What does that even mean?" Because it could mean aqueducts, floodwalls, well digging, or even just a bad bit of rain.
Quintus, smug and arrogant, using his "I'm smarter than you" voice, proclaims to the Senate. Clearly, Sextus here is splitting hairs over his own lack of basic understanding. I had infrastructure written down.
An older senator, Marius, rises; this man saw Elegabalus, Severus, and the year of the six emperors. Both of you stop making this about personal intelligence and start arguing facts, or I will tell all my good friends to vote for neither proposal.
Both men suddenly became very interested in their sandals.
Sextus says, "Sorry, sir."
Quintus says Sextus started it.
Marius sighs deeply like a mother with two sons and says, "And you're both finished now; argue about the actual points."
Sextus says, "My format prevents further corruption; if a man writes the whole story, he can hide nothing."
Quintus says, "That is a falsehood; learned men use rhetoric to hide mistakes every day."
Another senator, Marcus, rises and says, "Well, how about yours?" If a man writes water infrastructure, he can get thousands of coins with zero justification.
The senators whisper amongst themselves, weighing the pros and cons of both petitions.
Corruption lies in both.
Well, we can't let ink lie.
Do we stop using rhetoric?
How does a man know the context without proper explanation?
One senator, Antoninus, rises and proclaims, "Honored fathers, it is clear we cannot use a single format for every form. I suggest we make different types of forms for different problems.
For instance, if a city has no problems and just needs to let Caesar know their status, I suggest we use the Quintus format.
province Syria Palaestina
City Jerusalem
revenue MM sesterces
crime low
deaths, 1831
danger low
Antoninus continues and says, "But if there is a need or a danger, we use the Sextus format." You get the necessary context, and the context remains brief.
Another senator says that might work, but how do we ensure people use our chosen format?
More worries spread through the curia.
What if they lie?
What does it mean if the emperor has to receive reports before a decision can be made?
Sextus says, "Then we must also define what is necessary for the emperor to deal with. Obviously he can't read and deal with everything, so we must have governors filter the petitions and choose which ones he can deal with.
Marius says, "Then we need petition forms for local problems and petition forms for administrators to send to the emperor."
A senator named Honorius says I have compiled all suggestions given, and I think I've got the best format.
We have low forms for local problems the governor can handle that have a Quintus heading at the top. Then in a box the pleb can have the Sextus format. That way, it keeps petitions brief. These ones work for the governor and his local authority. Meanwhile, the governor sends his own somewhat larger version, an imperial form summarizing the situation, and if he needs anything, he just sends the low-level forms to Caesar.
Another senator says, "Yes, that might work."
Honorius says, "Quite. I just haven't gotten a way to stop fraud or lying when the governor sends it to the emperor.
A senator named Vettius grins predatorily and says, "multiple stamps of authority." You have a procurator and a legatus in each province anyway; they handle finances and military. have both of them required to stamp, and that way governors have to face scrutiny.
The consul sees everyone agreeing and has his lictors signal that he is ready to speak.
The Senate hears the staff hitting the ground and looks to the man.
Senators, I believe we are ready to present our format to the emperor.
Vettius says yes, let us give him the Vettian format.
Honorius, Quintus, Sextus, and every senator who edited the format all yell, "What about us?"
8 hours of arguments later, Gallienus receives the format, the one where every single aspect has a name attached to it.
What the hell is this?
Odenathus laughs and says, "Does it work?"
Gallienus says yes, but he pinches his nose. "You know what? It's not like we attach the names to the forms. "If they want credit, they can sign their names in blood on the first one.
Thus was born the standardized form for bureaucracy. To this day historians argue why the names crediting each senator were written in blood.